• Member Since 8th Apr, 2013
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Sharp Spark


Nothing says I miss you quite like war poetry carved in your door with a stanley knife.


T
Source

Immortality isn't all it's cracked up to be. Just ask someone who would know. Like... Apple Bloom, for instance.

Written for the February Writeoff - Closing Time

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 205 )

y u do dis

I liked it. Like, really liked it.

I mean, it was surprisingly good. Where I expected junk, I was greeted with great skill used to paint a clear picture of the story. A lot of the stuff wasn't said outright, but the context clues made it obvious, in a good way.

Strange situation in the Diamond and Bloom scene, and while I was going to harp on the romance, the conclusion wrapped it up more than exceptionally.

This is definately a story I would use as an example that there are really good Fanfictions out there. I hope other people give this a shot.

Edit afterthought: I will say though, the gore tag doesn't feel necessary. If it's insisted that it be kept, may want to up the ante than just three brief mentions of possible pain

My... all my feels.

5633952
It's Presidents Day.

And Apple Bloom will never be the President. :applecry:

5634000 just give her a hypnotic apple and she will forget all about her aspirations

Wow, this short is really good. I kinda want to follow Apple Bloom's journey into the future, but the story on its own is excellent.

Bravo.

The plot twist caught me completely off guard.
Reading over the story again, I feel pretty lame for not catching the increasingly obvious clues.
I mean, even the picture and tags are a humongous sign, but your introduction was so well done that it completely negated any preconceptions.

Wow.. wasn't expecting a feels trip. anyway it was a wonderfully well written story. and It was nice to see diamond tiara in a older more mature light. This would be a series id follow but as a one shot it was wonderfully done.

Damn. If you hadn't said anything about diamond seeing apple bloom getting gear, no one reading would have known for how long they were dead.

And poor pinkie. how do you help someone cope with that?

Nice touch about Luna and pip.

A pony painting instructor named Happy Trees. That was pure brilliance.

Overall, a very good piece of work, keeping one guessing.

Dang, that's good.

I decided to do a little reading, to relax from writing a bit (and because three bottles of home-craft 51 rye beer make it difficult to keep creatively focused :facehoof:).

This wasn't a relaxing read.

When something I read brings a real lump to my throat and tears to my eyes, dammit, it's a good read. My heart hurts for Apple Bloom.

I'm not good at writing my actual emotions, which sucks when someone does an exceptional job like you have. I apologize for my lack of verbosity, But I do wish to tell you, "Well done!"

Even if this is going to bring me unsettling, sad dreams over the next few nights.

Lovely. So many feels. I've read a few stories kind of like this, but none that so effectively make me care about everyone involved.

And yes, I have a soft spot for "Diamond Tiara becomes nice later in life", so that's a neat bonus.

I really don't know what else I can say that hasn't already been said. This story is beautifully written. It leaves me wanting more, but at the same time knowing that what's there is the perfect amount – any more would feel like padding.

Still beautiful. Though I should note that carnivore nuggets are far less fibrous. After all, they have far less fiber in their diets.

In any case, thank you for getting this out so promptly while still adjusting it based on feedback. I loved it in the competition, and I love it now.

"But I’ve been twelve-and-a-half years old now for two decades.”

So... thirty two, then?

Giving up a bit early, aren't you, Apple Bloom?

Comment posted by Sailor_Pluto deleted Jan 21st, 2016

Damn. What a read. Kudos on a job well done!

Wow...thats...just...

Hungg! The feels!

Ok. I find this kinda...bittersweet. Ponyvilles getting along fine, Dimond isn't a bitch, but AB is stuck as a seven year old for the rest of her life, and scoots and Sweetie are...well hngg! Omg It feels!

This needs a sequel with Bloom talking to Celestia or Luna about immortality... maybe she doesn't have to be alone for the rest of her life if she doesn't find a way to die?

Dude... that was subtle. The fact that only Apple Bloom talked to Diamond Blitz, how Pinkie and everyone else only notices Apple Bloom, it was subtle until the end that Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were dead all along.

This explains why Apple Bloom is incredibly mopey and sad after two decades, even though she would have had at least her friends to support her in immortality. Because she actually doesn't. And why Diamond Tiara is Apple Bloom's best friend.

Whoa. :rainbowderp:

It was amazing.

Oh, what's this lovely story? I think I'll read it.

*5,728 words later*

A-Apple Bloom...Scoots...Sweetie...

:raritycry:

What an amazingly bittersweet story, Spark. You've accomplished something truly special; you've made your audience care for everpony involved. And you've done it all within the constraints of a single chapter.

Yes, even Diamond Tiara. :twilightblush: I'm glad she actually grew up from being the immature pain in the flank.

Bravo, good sir/madam. Bravo. :applecry: :twilightsmile:

AMAZING!!!!!!! This has taken me down a path I almost always go. To see, to find, to look, to question. Is it ever worth it? Is immortality, true immortality, ever worth it? After all these years thinking about it. I think this story has helped me find the answer. Than you good sir/madam. You've opened my mind, soul, and heart. A thousand moustaches for you and this awesomeness you call a story. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache: Times infinity.

I seriously think this story needs more chapters, I want to see more of Apple Blooms Journey. Heck I mean I am surprised she didn't go the the Princesses about her Immortality I mean surely after people realized she wasn't aging and such someone would have said something right?

Immortality is one thing.

Being an undead filly forever chained to your body by the impossible task of getting a cutie mark and the blood of your two best friends, that's just bitter herbs and ashes.

this needs to be continued. maybe not as a 'story,' per-say. maybe just snapshots of her life from this point forward?

This begs for a snap-shot chain of some kind. Perhaps not a story but a checking-in-now-and-then sort of thing.

5636869

Her problem isn't being immortal. It's that she's an immortal twelve year old. Who will always be twelve. Celestia and Luna are adults, and the maturity of their bodies seems based on how much magic they have over a period of time, apparently, if episode 2, and Twilight's Kingdom are anything to go by.

Twenty years being stuck as a kid. An adult in a child's body, forever? Who'd want that? Plus, she was in such a rush to grow up and now she never will. This is the ultimate anti-Bloom curse. She can't get someone to love her, she can't raise a family, she can't get a job or do anything she wanted to do in life.

It was good, well written, and all around a great concept... I didn't love it.

Now the words above should state otherwise, but it elicited a lot of emotional response from others and I guess I should have felt something too, but I didn't.

As I said it was good;

"A good story will make you say 'Aw, that's sad', a great story will make you sad."

But do read it, form your own opinion.

Now I posted this quote because I wrote under a post from Aegis Shield, who loved this story, but I am putting this up because, honestly, I feel like it. This story is good as I said, just not something that got me like a lot of others.
It's touching, it sad, but it's good.

I commend the author on the work.

Awesome story.

What bothered me about this was how rapidly they had a problem with immortality. Really, the first time it should really strike would be when Mac or Applejack couldn't perform on the farm anymore.

Yes it is harsh that they are stuck in a filly body, but that has its advantages as well. So long as you have the PAPER proving your real age, it shouldn't stop you from doing any adult activity. At 12 1/2 you have so very much energy that you do not have later on.

I do not see the crusaders as being the type who would want to "end it" before they passed the number of years approaching a full life and unlikely even then.

(note: this fic fell into the middle range where I don't upvote or downvote).

well, thanks for shooting me in the feels, i need to go look at something happy now...

all in all, this is rather sad look at the Immortality thing. and one of the reasons that i'd never ask for it actually. its one thing to live forever. Its another to live forever seeing your friends and family fade away.

Wow...this is just amazing.
Like. Fave. Follow.

5637857
uh, Silv?
You missed the part where Bloom has been dealing with the guilt of possibly being a cause for Scoots and Belles death.
Or at least thinking she was.

Only Bloom is alive.

Wow dude, that was ... something.


The thing I loved the most was how Sweetie and Scoots were dead all along, I don't know if Applebloom is dead, cursed or just feels dead inside but is completely normal in real life, and that's what I love about this.

At the same time, there's something keeping me from loving the story as a whole. It's a good story I'll give you that but, I don't know, there's just something.

Well that's just great. Now I haz a sad.

:pinkiesad2:

Thanks a lot, buddy. I hope you're proud of yourself. Enjoying sipping our tears.

This was profoundly disturbing and sad and now I don't want to think about this anymore BUT HAVE AN UPVOTE ANYWAY

This was quite good.

I wrote a review of this story.

And I really need to start making badges.

Enjoyed it in the writeoff and enjoyed it here.

I think what I like most about it, other than the concise storytelling and good dialogue, are the little hints you place about what happened.

For example, Zecora moving away from Ponyville. There's a whole 'nother story right there. Was she driven out for enabling Applebloom to curse herself? Did she leave by her own will, driven by guilt? I love stories that can do that.

Favourite part:

“The worst thing is that it really does look good,” Scootaloo said, bitterness apparent in her voice.
“That’s the worst thing?” Sweetie said.
“Yeah.” Apple Bloom felt tears of frustration collect in her eyes. “Yeah, it kinda is.”

Comment posted by Iryelb deleted Feb 18th, 2015

I had some good gifs for this but they're not working so I'll just tell you that this was exceptional and I liked the ending and the big reveal.

This needs more, like now. Also I'm crying :applecry:

This begs to be told more in full story this is a great set up you realy should think of making up a story of Bloom's life from not just this point but snipits of what happened to make her this way.

I thought it was wonderful and stirring.

Better title:

Only The Good Die.

5638821
Attaching any more than what it already has would likely lessen the emotional impact.
Not to mention it's fairly obvious what happened; there wouldn't be much to write on that we don't already know.

Haven't read it yet, but every time Billy Joel song titles are used in MLP fanfic, I get a little smile on my face. There ought to be a group for this just to see how many people use them.

That reminds me. I still need to read "The Piano Drake."

5637425

Mmhm. Apple Bloom really got the shortest straw in the draw. :ajsleepy:

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