Rarity wakes up in a hospital room with seemingly no recollection of the past ten months. Her fashion sense now seems to be out of style, everypony is wearing dreadful outfits, and she is now in a loving relationship... with Rainbow Dash. Huh.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like it.
This is a wonderful little we got here. It's interesting, classic, intertaining and well written which is most of what every story should be. You managed to make me and possibly most of you audience crack a smile, which is a major accomplishment. There's no glaring issues and I love the premise and... there's nothing bad to say. It's a cute little story full of chuckles and that's awesome. Well done. I love this and I'll be sure to reccomend it to my friehds, no doubt!
Cheap shot, but good one.
The conclusion seems a little rushed, but other than that, its a nice little story.
Coma pranks? COMA pranks? This cannot be a thing. Please tell me this isn't a thing.
Rainbow, you are a horrible, awful, despicable pony.
Nice work!
Sorry, I was liking this until the punch line. I could perhaps see Rainbow doing it because she's in love with Rarity and never got beyond pulling pigtails to show she likes someone, but this sort of violation goes too far. Everyone going along with the joke is as bad as the whole Mare-Do-Well incident.
On the positive side, I thought it was well-written and didn't notice any major spelling or grammar problems. This just pushed one of my buttons too hard. I just thought I should explain my hitting the Dislike button.
Oh my gooooodness! This is sooo hilarious!
Has everyone lost their mother-loving MINDS?!
"Hey, Twilight, we're going to prank Rarity into thinking she was in a coma! Tell everypony and give her these drugs to knock her out for a few days...this is gonna be hilarious!"
I'm sorry, this is just going too far for a prank, even for Rainbow Dash, heck, even for Pinkie Pie.
The Dashie Washie part was both adorable and hilarious
A bit disappointed it ended as it did, but at the same time I can't say no to Rarity Drama.
You had me 'til the end, you really did. The idea for it was... Eh, and the execution was sloppy. This could have been a delightful little Raridash comedy, with a different angle and perhaps a few thousand more words, but as it is, it just leaves a kinda bad after-taste, especially given the build up was quite well done.
*reads*
And I was so certain Rarity was going to wake up to find that Disco was back.
5692845
Yeah, I suppose it does a bit... I wanted it to be abrupt to make people feel a bit like I would say Rarity feels like at the end: confused and angry (well, only a little); it was probably too abrupt so it seemed rushed. Probably not my best idea, but it always seems like that in hindsight.
5692915
Fair enough... there is actually (sort of) a reason why and how they all agreed to go along with it; I was actually thinking of writing another chapter or something that would explain certain circumstances (also cause I thought up scenes that I didn't use in the story but would like to have). Thanks for least explaining why you disliked it.
5693357
It was always the plan for it to be a fake coma; however, at some point during writing, I did think about making it real and decided against it. I like that you liked the build up, though; it makes the end more shocking.
it was kinda sweet up until everyone was suddenly arbitrarily a sack of assholes at the end.
thumbs down.
I'm actually a little pissed. Not by the ending necessarily; I'll get to that in a bit. It's just... dammit. I had almost the exact same premise for an AppleShy story ready to go. Quite literally the same idea (minus the faked coma part) and someone beat me to it. I suppose the ending does make them different, as mine wouldn't have ended like that and would've taken a much more serious spin. Still I'm just a little ticked off. Not your fault or anything, it's really mine for not writing the story faster, but I can't help it.
Onto the actual story. Obviously I believe the premise is creative. There were some issues along the way, however. Your story as a whole is very dialogue heavy with not enough description for me. I mean, you tell the readers what the manecuts and fashion looks like once, but never again when they come up further in the story. We don't even get a description of what Rarity's mane looks like after she "fixes" it.
Furthermore, it's really implausible. Nevermind the fact that it is way too far to go just for a prank (I mean, Rarity could probably press legal charges against Rainbow for what she did) but literally all of the townsponies, and the doctors let Rarity believe she was in a coma? The townsponies maybe if I'm willing to suspend my disbelief that much, but the friggin' doctors? No matter how fun-loving any doctor is, there is no way they would let someone believe they were in a coma if they really weren't. It's just unprofessional, and if Rarity's really angry, she could probably sue them for malpractice and have their medical licenses revoked. I don't think any doctor would risk that for a prank, especially considering they weren't even there to see the pay off. Neither were the townsponies for that matter, so why would they willingly mess up their manes and wear horrible fashion if they got no benefit to themselves? It just doesn't make sense.
On a positive note, some parts really did make me laugh, specifically the Dashie-Washie line.
Final thoughts: Needs a better execution with more logic behind it. Preferably one where Rarity's best friends don't drug the crap out of her just to embarrass her.
Will there be a sequel?
5702025
Kinda- sorta.
5700731
Crap... sorry for ruining your story... As for me not being very descriptive, I'm actually extremely new to writing fiction and basically just writing in general. It's not something I previously did, like, ever before about 4 months ago; I appreciate your input and will try to be more descriptive in later stories. As for the implausibility, I actually intend to/ am in the process of writing another chapter that will clear some things up and maybe show what happens after this whole debacle. In fact, I should probably change it to incomplete.
5702995 Oh don't worry about my fic. I can still write it and all, I just got to make sure it's different enough in its inception. I'll look for chapter two of this fic when it comes out; who knows, I may be pushed to hit favorite if chapter two does solve all of the problems I had.
I'm glad I kept this fic tracked. The ending of the last chapter just didn't sit well with me. I rather liked how this chapter turned out. Kudos!
Eeeh.. chapter feels kind of pointless. I liked the first one cause it was cuteness in a silly scenario. This chapter is just, slice of life shrug my shoulders. With a title like 'Dash's punishment' I expected something more than just; -"go sleep on the couch"
The first chapter was great, but.. the second one was just not that good. I excepted something else, considering ,,Dash's Punishment'' to be sleeping on the couch. The ,,Sex'' tag is just useless.
I'll have to agree with the ones who didn't like the 'fake coma' bit. It just seems too elaborate, as well as involving every pony in town, and all for ... oy. Rainbow does have some standards even in pranking.
And the whole drugging part really just felt wrong too, from a practicality standpoint. What doctor would go along with it, regardless of who was asking?
More please!!!
...I'm not sure what I just read.
I'm scared and a little confused.
Well. That was interesting. Pretty funny. Though I kinda want to see Rarity pull one over on Dash 28 Pranks Later style. Maybe faking Rainbow had died after a long and happy life with Rares and getting her to believe she’s a ghost now? Would that be too cruel of a retaliation? ....................NAH!