• Member Since 17th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen January 4th

Nightroad


T

While out in the rain, Rainbow Dash is greeted by the last pony she'd expect to be out in the rain. Thankfully, this once in a lifetime opportunity may just allow the pegasus to confess her deepest feelings.

Random art inspired by the story (https://derpibooru.org/461635). To whoever made it, thank you so much ^^

Chapters (5)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 36 )

I doubt many people could possibly enjoy this, but I want to say this was simply beautiful. So subtle, serene. The way you described it, I could practically feel it happening. I really have no better words to describe this than uplifting. You have honestly made my day better.

It is an odd pairing, but many go along the line that opposites attract, and I do believe that to be the case here. You have done such an awesome job with your storytelling convincing me of this, that even had I not believed it could be possible, I would most certainly have. As much fun as other stories are, or mostly downright silly, I think we need more like this. Something just...nice. Thank you for your hard work, and please continue writing.:twilightsmile:

3286078 You stole my words, well, in a better put way than I could have. I have this habit wording something awful. 'Tis the reason I don't write myself.

As the pairing in the story, it is a personal favorite of mine second only to maybe Rarijack. And it flowed naturally and felt like it was something that would happen under such circumstances. I look forward to seeing where this goes. :rainbowkiss:

3286078>>3286746
I'm glad you've both enjoyed it so far and I'll be sure not to let you down with the chapters that'll follow :twilightsmile:

First off I'd like to say that I really enjoyed this story and the uncommon ship! Definitely a ship I will be looking out for more as I really liked the way you portrayed it.

That said it's hard to quite put my finger on it but this story is like a model walking down a runway, or a sports player running on to the field. It goes soothly and then every couple of seconds or so it's stumbles slightly, and then gets back up and goes smoothly again until the next stumble.

The story goes along, completely believable, completely realistic and I can immerse myself in it, feel like I'm right there and then one of them would say or think something that would jar me out of it. It feels a lot worse than it probably is because of how good the good parts are. Basically a lot of what they say or think is not something I've ever experienced in any of my relationships in this point of the relationship. It's like some of it sounds like it's made up from not having experienced it yourself and some from different times in a relationship and perhaps some of it from wishful thinking/hope in what a relationship is supposed to be like. I'd say it starts stumbling right after the kiss.

Now the only reason I even bring it up or make the effort of typing all of this is because of how utterly amazing the other parts of the story is and how I will never be able to get anything close to it. I just want everything to be amazing because you are able to do it and the best I can do it pointing it out :ajsleepy:.

Also, I am absolutely psyched that there will be more! Liked and faved! :pinkiehappy:

Another great chapter. I said tis before but your portrayal of their relationship just seems so natural.

One thing I noticed, and it's a tiny error.

Rainbow had decided to set the facial thing out.

I believe what you were going for was sit, but like I said, tiny thing and doesn't at all subtract from the awesomeness of the story.

I really like the atmosphere of this story. I can feel that feeling people get when they're cuddled up with a loved one while it's raining outside is there in all it's silent glory. I can almost sense the rain outside and I actually wish it had been raining when I'd read the story. So far, this is one of only two stories I know of that have successfully captured the romance of weather and I think this story could even continue beyond just the rainy days with how well you write it. If it ever starts raining hard where I live, I'll be sure to have this story ready for another read.

I love this fic!:heart:
Loved the beginning of the second chapter. So much daaaw' and the tickling game was cute.
I'm not so sure how I feel about Rarity returning Dash's love so quickly. I'd think it be more fun if she'd earn it, by slowly doing things that'd get to Rarity and eventually she'd fall for her. :rainbowkiss::raritystarry:
Can't wait to see what happens next! I have a hunch that a storm is brewing which cause all kind and sorts of romance~ :derpytongue2:

awesomeness :rainbowdetermined2: i wonder if there will be like a love triangle later on to add like a plot to the story since they're together now :trixieshiftright:

3333464
A...love triangle? Who'd be the third point in said triangle? Lotus?

3334928 interesting choice XD well i read a story similar to it and they had applejack be the third one. i would go with Twilight or Fluttershy just for the heck of it or one of the princesses cause that would be like weird but awesome. (i'm a little crazy if you haven't noticed XD) :fluttershyouch: :twilightsmile:

3335274
Ahh, got'cha. Well, I suppose I could say something, but for the sake of spoilers and jazz, I'm afraid you're just gonna have to wait for the next chapter :trollestia:

Which may be slightly delayed cuz I'm actually writing a story for my friend as a birthday present so...yea

3335551 :ajsleepy: nooooo! ca't you delay her birthday for another day? tell her i'll be her BFFFE XD lol jk i shall wait then :rainbowwild:

I want to like this, but it needs some work.
I'll just get the most serious things out in the open first.

The cyan mare

This is cyan.
2.bp.blogspot.com/_hToYoFnzkZA/TUjPgG0FaFI/AAAAAAAAEGw/0QFQSeAsRz4/s1600/Cyanblock.gif
This is Rainbow Dash.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/1/19/217261/medium.png
Rainbow Dash is not cyan


You use ellipse's a lot, and that's a very bad habit to get into:facehoof:
Try to put a space after each one too. It's not right to...have the next word start right after it. It's technically right to... have the following word start after.

Try to not use caps so much, use bold or italics. Caps is generally reserved for the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice:trollestia:

β€œWhat pony would be crazy enough to be out in this weather?” and then I thought-

No. Use an EM-Dash for when somebody is being suddenly cutoff:twilightsmile:

β€œ...”

"..." is not dialogue. Narrate that the character isn't saying something.

Even thought it was such a soft and tender kiss

though*:facehoof:

Rain. Whether it be a light drizzle, or a torrential downpour, that's all it was; rain. However, as Dash lay within the hooves of her slumbering marefriend,

Extra spaces after 'Rain'.



I strongly recommend an editor.

3363657
You bring up excellent points.

So I got her colour wrong. I've always read people describing her as cyan so naturally, I rolled with it. Of course, now after I did some checking, I've found out that she's actually a light cerulean. My bad.

Ellipse. I know it's a bad habit, and I'm aware that I need to put a space after it. I've been told so on multiple occasion by many people, but I've also been told by just as many people that it didn't matter so...:unsuresweetie:

Usage of bold and italics: I kinda have to use them to get the point across that somebloody is thinking or emphasizing a point, ya know?

As for the minor spelling errors and what not, I have an editor but we all make mistakes, yea?

All in all, I'll work on it

Comment posted by Dragon Giblets deleted Nov 4th, 2013

Apparently This was inspired by your fic, just in case you had yet to see it.

3440033
Holy fuzz that's amazing! Thank you for bringing this to my attention :yay:

Typical dragon....

Come on Spike! Be a man about this and not a child.

New chapter! Yay! :pinkiehappy:

In regards to the earlier chapters this one felt very rushed. I get you want to move things along in the story, but I liked the slow paced romance the previous chapts had to offer. The first chapter is basically 4000+ words of just ponies sitting in one spot, talking; About rain... about romance... All very calm and atmospheric stuff that really made this fic shine for me. The second chapter follows a similar pathway, but it definitely starts to trail off of that smooth/calm path it was on. And this chapter really made a run for it, sprinting through numerous events in barely 5000 words!

Great that you're moving things along, but try to slow it down a little. The romance section in this one almost ended before it got started. :fluttershysad:

Though I'll admit that in some fics it can be annoying to have a 1000 word description on how things sounds/looks/feels/smells like, those things only adds and improves on a fic like this, bringing it more to life. :twilightsmile:

Another thing I personally enjoyed in the first chapter was the sole focus on Rainbow Dash's thoughts and emotions. It really made her likable as a character going into this fic. It's nice to see those thoughts and emotions depicted in other characters as well but it makes the main character feel less important. I feel supporting characters should have more of a subtle thought pattern, not to be picked up by the narrative but rather through a character's observation (of another character).

Just venting some thoughts. :pinkiesmile:

Great work on this! Hope the wait won't be too long for chapter 4! :yay:
I need to know what the sly baby dragon is planning~

I was all, "D'aaaaaaaawwww" Up until Spike the obsessive returned, now I'm stuck on the edge of seat, curse you.

Puleeeaaassse update ASAP!!!! I need it!!!......Dear sweet Celestia, I've become one of THOSE ponies.....

Ok...

Even if you get some forewarning, the whole Spike thing is still utterly ridiculous. And this is not an ending in any way. The story basically just suddenly stops. It needs a Dark tag at the very least, if not a Gore tag. And with Spike acting so OOC, an Alternative Universe tag wouldn't hurt.

Basically, the story suddenly takes a turn that makes no sense whatsoever and is completely out of tune with the first half of the story. You go into quite a bit of detail on Rainbow's injuries, but once they have happened its suddenly "Oh, she'll be fine in a week." This needs a lot of work... It kinda needs to be two stories, really. A normal Romance one for the first half and a Dark/Gore one for the second.

Personally, I actually really like this chapter due to the epic fight scene and whatnot, but I gotta agree with Baree on the fact that this could have been better if it were two seperate stories, mainly due to the fact that the genre and theme of this story's arc isn't consistent and it kind of makes it fall on it's face.

Here's a brief summary of the story arc and how the genre/theme tumbles a little back and forth:
Chp1: (Romance) Rainbow Dash and Rarity prances in the rain. Rainbow Dash is in love with Rarity. Rarity shrugs and goes with it.
Chp2: (Slice of Life, Romance) Rarity and Rainbow Dash goes to the spa. Rarity is now super in love with Rainbow Dash and went from straight to lesbian in less than 24 hours.
Chp3: (N/A) Spike spies on his stalker victim Rarity, and eventually decides to venture out to the unknown once he finds out Rainbow Dash is doing his crush.
Chp4: (Slice of Life, Dark, Romance) Twilight and Rarity have some tea and when Twilight can't find her pet dragon and decides that killing Rarity might bring him back somehow. Rainbow Dash saves the day as usual, and decides to go out and look for Spike to calm Twilight's nerves.
Chp5:(Dark, Tragedy, Sad, Romance) Rarity can't sleep and goes on a night detective mission only to find out what the cat dragged into her house. Rarity immediately takes Rainbow Dash to the ER to avoid any further stains on her couch. Being indestructible Rainbow Dash shakes of her injuries like nothing and decides that the best way to treat her injuries is with more injuries and decides to go one-on-one with something that's 30x times bigger than her. Things don't work out so well but thankfully Celestia saves the day. The end.

There is just too little Spike time on the screen to make me empathize any of his actions and it just opens up a whole bag of plot holes. It also kind of ends abruptly and doesn't do a good job of tying things together, leaving lots of question unanswered. (I didn't even realize the fic had ended until I saw the author's description)

I hope this get an Epilogue, cause it needs one.

I was going to write a longer comment, but Dr.Fayz sums everything up perfectly.
3578081

But this part had me laughing:

"...The last five percent have AB type blood. You are one of the five percent. With blood that rare, we normally would've had to order it from a bigger hospital which wouldn't have been good for your health...."

"You see Rainbow, Type AB blood is known as the universal receptor blood type. That means that we could give you any blood, as long as the Rh type matches. Basically, you weren't in any danger at all. But you know this already, as you've been to the hospital so many times before, so me telling you this would only make sense if it were relevant to the story. Which it isn't." And with that, Nurse Useless Exposition left the room, a smile on her face.

Though actually, Wikipedia says that horses have eight blood types.

:twilightsmile:

this is definitely a weird shipping so far it's good

I'm liking this story more and more

this is not going to end well for spike and rainbow dash

i hate cliff hangers :flutterrage: but you defiantly have my attention and i love this story :heart:

that was amazing :rainbowdetermined2: and really sad near the end :fluttercry:

Unique shipping, but the pacing seems a little rushed compared to other fics. Aside from that, it's pretty well written.:pinkiehappy:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!