Finding that she cannot get a stallion to stay with her for any significant period of time, Rarity wonders if maybe she is looking in the wrong place. She finds that Rainbow Dash has many qualities that she finds desirable in a partner, which causes her to realize that she may have a crush on Rainbow. After thinking it over, Rarity decides she must make some sort of move on Rainbow; but, due to the fact that she has no experience with mares of any kind, she becomes determined to win Dash's heart through grand, cheesy, romantic gestures that may not always be realistic... or something that Rainbow Dash would appreciate.
Chapters (4)
Whelp, looks like Rarity has 'Sexy Rainbow Dash Syndrome', as well as 'Annoying, Endless Internal Dialogue Disease'. She should really get those checked out.
Now onto the writing itself, which is actually pretty decent once ypu ignore the stupid amounts of monologuing Rarity seems to be doing. I would give this a fave, If I liked RariDash anyway, but you'll have to settle for a like.
I'm tracking this, it seems pretty fresh and different to the raridash already on offer. It has promise
5437505
Thanks, a like is good... not like I would expect a favorite, I do only have one chapter. As for the long monologues, I felt that when people think (or at least when I think) they kinda tend to ramble in their head. Really, it probably won't happen as much in later chapters when there are more characters for Rarity to talk to besides herself and Sweetie Belle for a couple lines.
5437598
Thanks, glad you like it so far; I'll try to update at some point as long as my being lazy doesn't get in the way.
This can only end in disaster. Fav.
Waiting for more...
There are a few times you forget to close the italics which throws off the rhythm. For example...
Other than that, I enjoyed it! Raridash isn't my OTP but heck, shipping is shipping - and I happen to like the ocean. That was bad and I should feel bad. But I don't! Yay! tracking for now - keep it up!
I'm talking way too much about absolutely nothing. Feel free to ignore this comment or whatever because apparently I am in a rambling mood today. Eloquence is not my forte.
5441320
Yeah, fixed that; I figured I missed something like that somewhere. And rambling is great, I love to ramble; I think that's why I said I would have fun writing Twilight in the author's note at the bottom, she's gonna ramble like crazy.
Also, does anyone else see two author's notes at the bottom? and if so, how do I make that not happen?
5444045
... There's only one AN as far as I can tell. Unless my screen is playing up...
Applejack is one word.
I like where this story is going, especially with the way Rarity went through a bit of denial about her crush on Rainbow.
Hmm... Just what were you thinking about, hmm?
That, dear sir (or ma'am, I guess), was brilliant. Thank you for making my day.
Hah.
Every scene I read just further illustrates how much of a disaster this will be. I love every minute of it.
5539365 Cool, that's what I was hoping for.
Also, if anyone has anything to say the help me improve on my writing, that'd be great. You know, like "You did this well" or "This seemed awkward" or stuff like that. Also, I feel like I seem to be all over the place in terms of how I convey what ponies are feeling; like sometimes I do the italics and write them thinking something, whereas sometimes I just write what they're thinking. Anyone think that's weird?
5551706
I think it's par for the course, really.
As far as romantic comedies go, you're doing an excellent job all around.
Rarity, I think your efforts are having the opposite effect of what you want them to have.
Will Rainbow ever find out who her mystery admirer is, or will she die of shame first? Find out next week on It Would Work On Me.
Title!!
...Rarity is going to attempt wooing Rainbow Dash at a Wonderbolts derby. If this attempt is anything like the last one, Rainbow Dash is going to explode.
Perhaps this could be replaced with something a little more fitting.
I'm hoping all goes well for Rarity and Dash. I love this story.
5644244
Nonononono. It should be kept as eyebrows - that made it hilarious! Now I'm curious... What would fluttering eyebrows even look like?
This whole section is in italics - you probably want to change the "Rarity thought to herself" bit back to normal.
5644244 I don't know man, I think fluttering eyebrows would be pretty sexy.
Yeah, I meant eyelashes and changed it; it was probably like 4 am when I wrote that, so that may have something to do with it.
5645170 Yeah, that wasn't the only time I did that; someone said something about it before but I guess I missed that one, thanks.
Now, I really wanna know how will it end. Heh, an another funny story from you. I love it and can't wait for the next chapter.
Pout, I wanna see how this ends. The way it's going, Twi stands a better chance with Rainbow than Rarity does.
Oh please dont let this be dead
OMG I NEED MORE!!
Rereading this after a long time. Solid start, but I'm looking forward to the meat of the story.