• Member Since 10th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago


I love sporks. And I love soup. Those two things unfortunately don't go together very well.


Rainbow Dash finally decides to tell her friends that she is gay.

This news comes as a surprise to absolutely no one.

Rated Teen and Sex for discussions of homosexuality. A lot of homosexuality.

Written for F*** THIS PROMPT #12: "Rainbow Dash is a Lesbian."

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 205 )

Most clever use of a show screenshot as a story cover ever.

Liked and faved.

This was an amazing story and it put a smile on my face from start to finish. Keep up the good work!

I assumed FlutterPie in the middle there actually.

I loved the drunk-coming-out, and Twily, don't be shy you live in Ponyville anyway :yay:


Pretty good. Definitely liked the ending. Have an earned Like

Yeah, that stereotype is completely wrong, unless he gay man in question lives in New York. (No offense meant.)

Somehow, I can easily see Ponyville being the San Francisco of Equestria

“This is my natural mane color, you know! My dad has almost the same colors and he isn’t gay!”

Oh ... that poor, poor colt. I only hope that in-universe, that exact six-colour rainbow pattern has no connotations due to there being no need for GRSM pride in an enlightened country like Equestria, because otherwise that would make a pretty miserable foalhood.

“Eww, Starlight! That sounds like they’re messing with underaged foals! Though the male equivalent coltcuddler did use to have some poulophilic implications…”

Uh, question: what does that word mean? Google didn't help me because I don't speak French, and translating it doesn't work. It looks like it means 'chicken love', but that doesn't make any sense.

I would also like to categorically apologize to gay men everywhere for that tasteless joke about Broadway musicals. I know it's just a silly stereotype.

No offense taken, friend. I'm a coltcuddler, and I love musicals. It may annoy some gay guys who hate them, but that stereotype is very much based on truth. :ajsmug:

Imma just leave this here:


As best as my research on greek can tell, Poulophile means "lover of foals". Basically the equine equivalent of a pedophile. If any actual greek experts can chime in, I'd be most grateful.

Also, Rainbow Dash's dad (or maybe her brother) totally appears in a flashback in Games Ponies Play.

So of the three reasons they had, only one was correct in Rainbow's case.

This was funny, interesting, and even a little heartwarming. Keep up the excellent work! :raritystarry:

Could have done without the incest implications from our favorite stereotypical redneck but otherwise I thought it was great. Thumbs up!

Hysterical. And etymological! I think it leans a little too hard on the fourth wall at times, especially for the kind of contest you're submitting it to, but that's not a problem with the story itself as far as I'm concerned. (and it's not like I'm one of the judges or anything). You done good.

Just want to note two very minor errors I found while reading:

“When ran my little village I did use to discourage same-sex relationships because I wanted everypony to conform to what I thought was ‘normal’.


““Oh, and by the way," chimed Applejack,

There should be an "I" after "When" in the first one, and there's a double-quote at the start of the second.

But I liked it plenty, all told.

Can't upvote because of Starlight since she is the bane and cancer that can only lead to the eventual downfall of this fandom... But for what it is worth, I enjoyed this story :)

I feel like rainbow forgot someone :scootangel:

Adorable. This almost made me like Rainbow Dash. It gives so much more to her character than "I'M AWESOME AND RADICAL YEAAAA!!!!11" but as a diehard Fluttercord shipper, I didn't like Flutters being gay. Of course, Discord could probably become female, so I guess it's okay. :derpytongue2:

Hmm. Someone should write a fic about Fluttershy coming out to Discord and he being so upset that he turns himself into a female Draconequus or a mare for her.

Inappropriate-when-drunk, cheesy-pickup-line-spouting Rainbow Dash is the funniest kind of Rainbow Dash.

And this story is adorable, well done!

7372290 I'm so glad this exists

“I-It’s nothing. Sunset and I spent last night going through why human-world physics doesn’t work in Equestria! This is so exciting! If all goes well, Sunset says she might even teach me a little about…” she clapped her hooves gleefully, “electrodynamics!”


7372290 That song was awesome. I loved it

Don't worry Rainbow Dash. If it makes you feel any better, you know who else is gay?



Turns out he just hires that girl who appears in some of his videos because he feels embarrassed of being gay. Not that it would matter. Who cares if he is gay? I've got some friends who are gay and they're some of the nicest people I know.

Except that one who keeps asking for a 'spit roast'. Whatever that means to him.

I think they confirmed that was her dad; he's there again in A Hearth's Warming Tail, when everypony's parents make an appearance.
Also, 'lover of foals' makes much more sense than 'lover of chicken'. That's good to know. A dictionary website says 'Greek pôlos foal;', so that checks out.

My fave Dashie to write is daft Dashie—when she doesn't know she's lesbian even though everypony else does. :rainbowhuh:

“I said no, Rainbow. I like you a lot, but you are really scary when you get drunk.”

Considering she stayed sober precisely because she finally knew this and because no one actually told her till now Including you.

So much random and not-so-random shipping. Very amusing all the same.

A topic done several times before, but I still found it was an enjoyable and witty read. Thanks, Sporky! :twilightsmile:

Amusing little romp, loved Starlight teasing Twilight about her relationship with Sunset. Only thing that would have made that better is if Sunset herself was actually present just to see her reaction. :trollestia:

I really want the fandom agreed cloudy kicker to be the omni-sexual winning pony.


After all the broadway musical talk I thought for sure that was going to be

“Yes,” grinned Starlight. “Well, I’m not gay myself.

That's good to hear, considering my headcanon pairs her with a certain unicorn stallion from her fillyhood.

“When ran my little village I did use to discourage same-sex relationships because I wanted everypony to conform to what I thought was ‘normal’. I didn’t realize how much distress I was causing to ponies like Double Diamond. I’m surprised he was willing to forgive me after everything that happened.”

Double Diamond is into stallions? Who knew.

Way to throw in every popular homosexual theory on the site. I especially liked the ending. I'm hoping you'll write a sequel featuring Rainbow and Fluttershy's first date.

Congratulations. Your story just earned a place in my favorite's list.

Fantastic read, especially after a hard day at work. Thank you so much for sharing.

7372473 You know how the CMC were the cancer that was going to destroy the Fandom? Didn't happen. You know when EQG was going to ruin the Fandom? Didn't happen. You remember when Twilicorn was going to kill the Fandom? Didn't happen.

The only cancer here is you.

You can't flim flam the Glim Glam.

You can't Flim Flam the Glim Glam...
I'm going to use this one... :rainbowlaugh:

7372899 What about this one?

How would a sexy bugbear costume even—
Wait, now I'm picturing it. :rainbowhuh:

In any case, a fun look at the logical conclusion of many ships. Especially that wonderful, photovoltaic Sunlight. :twilightsmile: Thank you for this, and good luck in the FTP judging.

Flutterdash makes me happy.

This seems like a story concept that should have existed a few years earlier into MLP FiM's lifecycle than this. Regardless, I admire your tenacity for writing and posting it.

“Also, you might want to note that the disclaimer ‘no homo’ doesn’t quite count after the fifth time or so you shove your tongue down a mare’s throat.”

Could someone explain what Rarity means by this?

7372473 I'm really, really not trying be rude, but... I'm serious... That's a stupid excuse to dislike a story.

7373425 It means a drunk Dash keeps making out with mares and then going 'no homo'.


Corrected, thanks!


Not being a westerner, I admit I might have gotten the context a little incorrect, but as far as I know, young american boys (sometimes men) will often say or do some kind of ambiguously gay thing and immediately say the disclaimer "no homo" to signify that they are not intending anything gay by it.

It's something I don't really understand myself. It's as if men have to constantly reaffirm their masculinity.

I found this an interesting and entertaining read plus I had myself a few good laughs. Good job.


What do you mean 'Corrected'? Did I show you an error you had made? If I did, I was completely unaware.

“S-Sunset Shimmer and I are just friends!” sputtered Twilight.

Starlight grinned smugly. “Best friends?”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The alicorn shrank in her seat, trying her very best to look unobtrusive.

To be perfectly honest, I've always assumed Twilight and Sunset to a lesser extent are both literally turned on knowledge, and the more complicated the better.

Honestly, I flipped a coin to see if I would read this. It seems like it could be a pretty bad story, but I thought I'd give it a chance.

I'm glad I read this. It was pretty funny all around, and I think Rainbow's pickup lines were the best part, if for no other reason than the amusing scenes that came with each of them.

7373452 As a westerner, I can admit that is a bit of a thing, but it's used infrequently and I suspect by people insecure in their masculinity. However, most guys don't care, or they might make a joke about it, You can blame media for its seemingly higher presence in culture.


Whoopsie! I replied to the wrong post, haha. Changed it.


The prompt for the fic was "Rainbow Dash is a Lesbian". For a bit I thought about maybe just doing a simple Rainbow Dash shipping story, but that felt like a cop-out. The point of the F*** THIS PROMPT!s is that there are no bad ideas, only bad writing, so I felt I should make a proper go at the concept head-on. Though I wouldn't exactly call this story the height of literature.

Plus, the prompt picture was a whole bunch of drunk mares, so this came to mind. Low hanging fruit and all.

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