yellowcake
Joined 7th Sep, 2017 ·
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well we don’t exactly call ponies women here in equestria
Other than that, cool fic, got the feelings, not just like other romance fics when they just bang, it’s getting quite boring
I liked the character building, I can see that you pay attention to English class
10019324
thank you so much for reading and for the kind words!
There are a couple typos at the very beginning, (you forgot to capitalize Dash, and there's an extra 'be' mistakenly left in) but the story idea is solid, so it's easy enough to overlook the minor mistakes.
What's not so easy for me to overlook, and what took me out of the story more than anything else, was the fact that the story was told in present tense. Using present tense is not typically the way you want to go with your story. It might be good for a short action-packed story, but it's fairly uncommon to see, which makes present tense stories somewhat awkward for most people to read. Most fiction is written in past tense, and unless your story benefits from the immediacy of being told in present tense, it's probably best to stick with using past tense.
As for the story itself... I liked it. The idea of being snowed in has a simple charm that gives the whole story a nice mood. I also liked the way you described how Rainbow Dash looks at Rarity. The simple childlike wonder she has toward Rarity works really well with the very simple, down-to-earth setting and events. The romance and the plot compliment each other, which helps to tie the story together into a cohesive package.
10020763
thank you very much for pointing out the typos and for the compliments!! as for the present tense vs past tense, i understand if it is a little jarring, and i do take your feedback into consideration for future fics! for this one, however, i actually tried writing it in past tense at one point and it just didnt feel the same as it does to me in present tense. i understand that this also means that it is not for everyone, and it isnt unreasonable that it didnt work for you. thank you again for reading and commenting, it does mean a lot to me!
its not wildly know friend but sweetie live with her parents next to a small lake like body of water connected to the ponyville river aside from that looks good