• Published 20th Aug 2012
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MLP: FML - Maniac92

An insane parody of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

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1200 Years Ago: Vows of Vengeance

1200 Years Ago:

“Luna!” said Princess Celestia as she landed by her sister. Her golden armor gleamed in the sunlight as she asked, “How is the battle going?”

Princess Luna, dressed in equally shiny black armor, watched as a Pegasus soldier flew by and promptly burst into flames. “…Could be better.” she answered.

Celestia growled as she stomped her hoof, “This battle has gone on for too long. I’ve already missed Survivor: Crystal Empire! If I miss Equestrian Idol, I am so going to flip a bitc-”

An explosion rocked the two sisters and sent them flying.


“I hate that king…” said Luna, her face buried in the dirt.

“You said it.” said Celestia, pulling herself out of a tree. “I get first dibs on making him cry like a bitch.”

The two got up and looked at the battle. Their soldiers were fighting against the enemy army. The enemy poured out of the castle in droves, paying no mind to the fireballs raining down from the top of the tallest tower.

“BURN FOOLS!” came a shout from the tower.

“I think it’s time we end this.” said Celestia. She flew off towards the tower with Luna close behind her.

The unicorn on the tower smiled as he watched the two princesses fly towards him. The dark orange king threw back his head and laughed. “You can’t stop me!” he shouted. He used his magic to toss more fireballs at the two princesses.

Luna rolled her eyes and used her own magic to destroy the incoming fireballs. “Ha!” she laughed. “Do you honestly think your balls can hurt me?”

“Damn!” cursed the unicorn on the tower. “She destroyed my balls!”

“Luna!” yelled Celestia as the flew closer to the tower. “You should’ve let me handle those balls! I can deal with balls much better than you can!”

“…You’re not talking about fireballs anymore, are you?” asked Luna.

“No I am not.” answered Celestia.

“It doesn’t matter if you can counter my balls!” screamed the king. “With this,” he pointed a hoof to a chain around his neck, which had a pendant hanging from it, “I’ll be unstoppable!”

“What are you pointing at?” asked Celestia, squinting her eyes. “I can’t see it from here.”

“Right here!” said the king, rattling the chain.

“Right where?” asked Luna.


“Where?!” asked Celestia.

“HERE!” screamed the king. “Uh, hang on for one sec.” He walked to the edge of the tower and stuck his head over the side. “Can you see it now?”

“Hold on,” answered Celestia, “Let me get closer.”

Celestia flew forward and stopped when she was right in front of the orange unicorn. She touched the pendant and examined it. It had a red jewel in the middle of it that was giving off an unearthly glow. A small metal alicorn seemed to glare at Celestia as she stared at it.

“With this amulet, I will be able to rule everything! It amplifies my magic tenfold!” gloated the unicorn. He smirked at Celestia. “And guess what? Only I can remove it! There’s no way you to stop me!”

“It doesn’t come off?” asked Celestia with a raised eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.” answered the evil unicorn.

“For realsies?”

“For really realsies. Give it a tug if you don’t believe me.”

“Ok dumbass!” said Celestia as she pulled down hard on the amulet.

The king, caught off guard, flipped head over heels over the edge of the tower. He screamed as he fell to the ground below. In desperation, he rolled around in midair until he was staring up at Celestia and Luna. He shot a beam of red light at the two princesses…which missed completely.

The two princesses watched as the unicorn slammed into the ground and then looked up to see the red light shoot into the distance, where it hit a mountain.

“Huh.” said Luna. “You’d think he’d conjure up some wings or something rather than try to shoot magic at us.”

“The guy was evil, not smart.” answered Celestia. “Now I guess we should stop his army from killing our guys and grab that amulet before someone else does.”

Before the princesses could move, they saw a bright light coming from the dead king’s amulet…which promptly exploded, taking out the corpse, the amulet, and both armies.

“Well…” said Celestia, looking at the carnage below her, “That solves that problem.”

“Everyone in our army just got killed.” said Luna. “How does that solve our problem?”

“You can’t make an omelet without blowing up a few eggs.” said Celestia. “At least we don’t have to worry about that king anymore.”


On a nearby mountain, a blue unicorn watched as the two princesses flew off. She growled as she went back to a bundle of blankets behind her.

“Those princesses have killed the king,” she said as she approached the bundle, “But this is not over. That beam of light wasn’t meant to kill those fools. It was meant to transfer the king’s magic.” The unicorn used her magic to pick up the bundle. She moved away part of the blankets to reveal the face of a baby. “And it worked. The king has chosen our baby to be his successor.” She glared at the distant forms of Celestia and Luna. “I, Queen Trixis, vow that our family will have revenge on you so-called ‘princesses’! Even if it takes twelve hundred years!”

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