Talent Trouble
Apple Bloom yawned as she flopped on her bed. “School’s going to be boring compared to last night…”
“Tell me about it,” said Scootaloo, rubbing her eyes. “Adventuring through a forest, fighting a monster…”
“Don’t worry,” said Sweetie Belle, “We still have Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon at school.”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “I’d rather deal with the Cockatrice again. At least that monster didn’t talk.”
“Well, that’s tomorrow,” said Apple Bloom, shutting her eyes. “All Ah want to do today is re-”
“Girls!” called Applejack. “Ah got somethin’ to show ya!”
“-Lax…” finished Apple Bloom. She got out of bed with a groan. The three fillies left Apple Bloom’s room and headed downstairs.
“What do you think your sister wants to show us?” asked Scootaloo.
“Who knows?” said Apple Bloom. “The last time she did this, she gave me her list of chores and headed off to fight a dragon.”
“Well, I’ve had enough monsters for one weekend,” groaned Scootaloo.
“A dragon?!” said Sweetie excitedly. “Rarity didn’t tell me she fought a dragon! Maybe she knows how to tame one…”
“You could always ask Spike,” said Scootaloo with a smirk. “I’m sure you’d be happy to tame him.”
Sweetie Belle blushed. “Sh-shut up! I’m only interested in what he can do for me as a minion is all.”
“Yeah,” said Apple Bloom with a smirk as they reached the bottom of the stairs. “Those sharp claws, strong scales…”
“Powerful jaws…” continued Sweetie Belle. “Cute smile…gorgeous green eyes…” She noticed Apple Bloom and Scootaloo laughing. “Oh, screw you guys.”
The Crusaders exited the house and stopped in front of Applejack, who was waiting patiently.
“Holy shit, it’s about time ya got outside!” said Applejack. “God, you’d think your legs were made outta stone or somethin’.”
Scootaloo looked at Apple Bloom and whispered, “Should we-?”
“We’re gettin' yelled at for takin’ too long to get out of the house,” hissed Apple Bloom. “Ah don’t want to see what happens for almost gettin' killed.”
“What was that?” asked Applejack.
“Nothin’!” said Apple Bloom. “What did ya want to show us?”
Applejack turned and started walking into the orchard. “Follow me,” she ordered. The Crusaders followed her, each one curious as to what she was leading them to.
“I wonder what she’s leading us to,” said Sweetie. “I would almost say I’m curious.”
“I think I’ve heard about something like this,” said Scootaloo. “Family members lead old, tired ponies into the woods and…” She mimed pointing a gun at something and pulling the trigger.
“Nah,” said Apple Bloom. “If that were the case, she’d be leading Granny Smith off. And Applejack wouldn’t do that.”
“Because she loves your grandma?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Because Granny’s got her own gun,” answered Apple Bloom.
There was a loud gunshot.
“Damn it, Caramel!” yelled Granny Smith’s voice. “Hold still and take it like a stallion!” There was another gunshot.
“MiSseD AGAin, yOU oLd slUT! BeTTer TrY AGAin!” yelled Caramel’s voice. There was another gunshot. “OH SHIT, I DIDN’T MEAN IT!”
After a few minutes of walking, Applejack stopped. “Here we are!” she said proudly.
The three fillies stopped and stared.
“What-” said Apple Bloom.
“The-” said Sweetie Belle.
“Fuck?” finished Scootaloo.
Applejack had lead them to an old apple tree. Resting in the tree’s branches was a small, broken down treehouse. Its windows were broken, the door was hanging off its hinges, and the whole thing looked like it was a stiff breeze away from collapsing.
“This was mah clubhouse when Ah was yer age!” said Applejack. She started walking up the ramp. There was a cracking noise and Applejack suddenly broke through the ramp. She suddenly stopped mid-fall, stuck in the middle of the ramp. “Um…” she began sheepishly, “Ah was a little smaller back then…”
“Applejack, this thing is fallin’ apart!” complained Apple Bloom.
Applejack struggled to get free of the hole, but couldn’t. “All it needs is a little home improvement!”
“So let me get this straight,” said Scootaloo. “Your gift to us is a broken down house that we have to repair by ourselves?”
“You can play with Big Mac’s power tools,” said Applejack. “He’s got a band saw!”
“…Fuck it, we’re in.” said Scootaloo.
A Few Minutes Later:
Twilight sipped her coffee and sighed in contentment. “Spike, is there any better way to spend a Sunday afternoon?”
“We could be watching hoofball on TV,” said Spike, who was restocking the bookshelves.
“The hell is hoofball?” asked Twilight.
“It’s a sport,” answered Spike.
“The hell’s a sport?” asked Twilight.
“…Oh look,” said Spike monotonously, “A new book. Maybe you should read it and leave me alone.” He gave the book to Twilight and went back to his chores.
Twilight picked the book up and examined it. “Clubhouse Building for Dummies? There’s actually a book for-”
Scootaloo, riding her scooter and wearing a backpack, crashed through the window. She landed in the middle of the room and glared at Twilight. She ran forward and grabbed the book from the shocked unicorn. “Mine!” she yelled. She got back on her scooter and jumped out the window.
Twilight and Spike stared at the broken window.
“So…what just happened?” asked Spike.
“…I’m not sure,” said Twilight hesitantly, “But suddenly I don’t feel like reading anymore. Let’s go watch this hoofball thing.” She got out of her chair and smiled at Spike. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll like it!”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” said Spike.
Meanwhile, Scootaloo was headed towards Sweet Apple Acres, the book in her bag. She rushed past pony after pony and, soon enough, she found herself darting past apple trees. She ducked a low-hanging branch and jumped over another.
“Yes!” she cheered, landing back on her scooter. “I’m aweso-”
“Scootaloo, watch out!” yelled a voice.
“Huh?” asked Scootaloo. She opened her eyes in time to see Apple Bloom’s terrified face close to her own. She crashed into the other filly, sending them both sprawling to the ground.
Dazed, Scootaloo shook her head and looked down to see Apple Bloom underneath her. She smiled woozily and put her face next to Apple Bloom’s. “You have beautiful eyes…” she muttered.
“Get off me…” groaned Apple Bloom.
Scootaloo rolled off of Apple Bloom and shakily stood up. “I got the book,” she said proudly, taking her backpack off. She took out the book and handed it to Apple Bloom.
“Thanks…” said Apple Bloom. She walked over to a nearby picnic table and set the book down. “Yer pretty good on that scooter, but Ah think ya need to work on brakin’.”
“Brakes?” asked Scootaloo. “I don’t need brakes!”
“Then you won’t mind workin’ on the club house with me all day?” asked Apple Bloom, flipping through the pages of the book.
Scootaloo grimaced. “Actually, getting here was a lot of work. If I could actually have a break now, that’d be-” She glanced up at the tree house and her jaw dropped.
The formerly ruined tree house was fully repaired and looked good as new. The windows were fixed, the holes in the ceiling and walls were repaired, and the door was back on its hinges. The house was also repainted, making it a reddish-brown color.
“Holy shit, did you do all this yourself?” asked Scootaloo in awe.
“Ah did most of the repairs,” explained Apple Bloom. “Sweetie Belle repainted the house with a bucket of red paint.” She paused. “She laughed when Ah called it ‘paint’…”
“Cool,” said Scootaloo. She blinked. “Wait, then why did you have me get this book from the library?”
“Because Ah need to figure out how to get Applejack out of the walkway,” explained Apple Bloom.
Scootaloo turned around and saw Applejack fast asleep in the hole she created.
“Apples…” Applejack murmured in her sleep. She grimaced and said, “No…pears…stay away! Take Apple Bloom instead!”
“Oh, great,” said Apple Bloom, shutting the book. “She’s havin’ the pear dream again.”
“Where’s Sweetie Belle now?” asked Scootaloo, wanting to change the subject.
“Good question,” replied Apple Bloom. She closed her eyes.
“Um…” began Scootaloo. “What are you-?”
“Shh,” shushed Apple Bloom, putting a hoof to Scootaloo’s lips. “Listen…”
The two fillies stayed silent. Soon, they heard singing breaking the silence of the orchard.
“Hammer pounding in my heart, I think it’s gonna burst,
Spring unwinding in my head, I don’t know which is worse…”
“She’s this way!” said Apple Bloom. She and Scootaloo followed the sound of Sweetie Belle’s singing. They eventually found Sweetie dusting a table with her tail.
“Stay calm, don’t be alarmed,” sang Sweetie, “It’s just a holiday, back at the funny farm.”
“Hey Sweetie!” said Apple Bloom. She turned to Scootaloo and said, “Ah knew Ah could find her!”
Scootaloo raised an eyebrow at Sweetie Belle. “How did you sing like that? You sounded like you had a gravelly man voice.”
“Oh!” squeaked Sweetie Belle. “I can use my voice to sound like anyone.” She cleared her throat and started speaking in a voice that sounded uncannily like Rarity’s, “Rarity says it’s a gift, darling.”
“That’s cool!” said Scootaloo. “You could sing anything like that!”
“Yeah, but who cares about singing?” asked Sweetie Belle. “It’s just a silly hobby. I need to focus on the important things.”
“Like Spike?” suggested Apple Bloom with a smirk.
“Spike…” sighed Sweetie Belle wistfully. She blushed and shook her head. “N-No! I meant world domination!”
“Uh huh,” said Scootaloo. “Well now, thanks to Apple Bloom, we have a place to hang out. Let’s head back to the tree house!”
The three fillies walked back to their new club house. When they got there, they noticed that Applejack was awake and staring at the tree house in awe.
“Well, Ah’ll be…” she muttered. She looked at the approaching fillies. “Ah can’t believe you three repaired my old tree house! Now Ah can hang out and think about ways to get mah Cutie Mark!”
“Um…you mean we can hang out and think about ways to get our Cutie Marks?” asked Apple Bloom.
Applejack blinked. “Oh…yeah. Sorry. Got caught up in the moment. You girls go enjoy yer new tree house.”
The girls cheered and darted up the walkway, past Applejack.
“And maybe you can figure out a way to get me outta here?” called Applejack. “It’s gettin’ kind of late…Ah’m gettin' a little tired of bein’ stuck…” She waited, but all she could hear was the chatter of the three excited Crusaders. “…Mah butt has splinters in it…” she whined.
Hours Later:
Back at the library, Twilight was cheering on the couch. She was wearing a blue and white jersey and had her face painted the same colors. “Yes! Go guys!” she yelled at the TV. “Take it to the hoop!”
Spike, wearing the same color jersey rolled his eyes, but smiled. “That’s the wrong sport, but I’m glad you like this. I’m a little surprised.”
“Well, I like the science behind the sport,” explained Twilight. “The aerodynamic design of the ball, the way it’s thrown, the physics behind the force of each tackle…this thing is really intellectually stimula-” She glanced at the TV and started screaming, “YOU STUPID CHUMP! HOW DID YOU NOT SEE THAT TACKLE COMING?!” As she waved her hooves around and accidently knocked a drink to the floor. “Oh…damn it…” she muttered.
“I’ll get you a new one,” said Spike, hopping down from the couch. “I needed a refill anyway.” He looked over at the other pony on the couch. “What about you Cheerilee?”
“I’m good, Spike, thank you,” said the teacher, also dressed in a white and blue jersey. She watched Spike head into the kitchen and slouched on the couch. “There’s nothing like a day of watching hoofball after a stressful work week.”
“The kids that bad?” asked Twilight, turning her head away from the TV so she could see the earth pony.
“Nah,” said Cheerilee, scratching her belly. “I’m used to the kids. It’s just that I have to put together a talent show for the school. I still need to convince a few more kids to take part.”
“I remember the talent show I took part in when I was in school,” said Twilight, grabbing a bag of chips.
“Oh yeah?” asked Cheerilee, sipping at her soda. “What did you do?”
“I used my magic to make the competition disappear,” explained Twilight. “I got an automatic first place! And a lifetime ban from any other talent shows!”
“Wow,” said Cheerilee. “What happened to the other kids?”
“I don’t know,” said Twilight cheerfully. “But I was the only one left in my class. Automatic Valedictorian!”
“Um…Twilight?” asked Spike, poking his head out of the kitchen. “Can you come in here please? Now?”
Twilight and Cheerilee got up and headed for the kitchen.
“Ok Spike,” said Twilight as they entered the room. “What’s the prob…” She trailed off, her mouth hanging open as she gazed at the scene before her.
There was a mountain of junk food on the kitchen table. Scraps of paper with scribbled out notes and designs littered the floor. Several used cigarettes were resting in an ashtray on the table. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were sitting by each other, muttering to one another as they examined a paper. Sweetie Belle was sitting by them, but wasn’t paying attention to the paper. Instead, she was gazing at Spike with a smile and a blush on her face.
Spike turned to face Twilight. He gestured at the mess around the kitchen and said, “I’m not cleaning this.”
Twilight frowned. She cleared her throat loudly.
The three fillies jumped at the noise and looked at Twilight.
“What’s on your face?” asked Scootaloo.
“I have a better question. What are you three doing?” asked Twilight, trying to stay calm.
Apple Bloom gestured to the scattered papers around the room. “We’re tryin’ to come up with ways to find our Cutie Marks.”
“Ok, that’s fine,” replied Twilight. “But why are you doing it in my house?”
“Pinkie said you have the best candy,” said Sweetie Belle, shrugging.
Twilight sighed. “Of course she did…” She walked forward and picked up one of the rejected papers. “What have you all come up with?”
“Demolition experts, brain surgeons, Mandalorian bounty hunters,” listed Scootaloo.
“Starship captains, superheroes, princesses,” continued Apple Bloom.
“Spanish Conquistadors, Outworld Emperors, Rulers of Hell, waitresses…” said Sweetie Belle.
“Ok, stop,” said Twilight, holding up a hoof for silence. “Look girls, these ideas are great. It’s just that most of them seem a little…”
“Impossible?” supplied Spike.
“Unrealistic,” said Twilight. “Instead of focusing on things you don’t have any experience in, why don’t you focus on things you actually like and are good at?”
“Like what?” asked Apple Bloom. “And how will we know if what we’re good at is any good?”
“Yeah,” said Scootaloo, “It’s not like there’s a show specifically designed to show off ponies’ talents.”
Cheerilee’s eyes went a wide. A massive smile grew on her face as she approached the three Crusaders. “Girls, we have a talent show taking place at the school later this week! You three can combine your talents and show them off in front of the whole school. It’ll be a good experience for all of you.”
“That could work!” said Apple Bloom. “We’ll enter the talent show!”
“Yeah!” cheered Scootaloo. “We’ll be sure to get our Cutie Marks if we win!”
“You’ll come and watch, right Spike?” said Sweetie Belle, fluttering her eyelashes at the dragon.
“Hmmm?” asked Spike. “Oh. Sure, I guess. I don’t have anything better to do.”
Sweetie giggled and went back to chatting excitedly with the other fillies.
“Are you sure about this?” whispered Twilight to Cheerilee.
Cheerilee gave the unicorn a grin. “If by that you mean, ‘Are you sure you want to be done with setting up this stupid talent show that you have to put together without getting any overtime’, then yes, yes I am.” She gestured to the three fillies at the kitchen table. “Besides, what could go wrong?”
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Cheerilee you fool!
You’ve doomed us all!
Am I the only one that pretty much loves this version of Sweetie Belle?
I would kill to see the CMC earn their Cutie Marks that way. Though, granted, they'd have to go through Kotal Kahn first, which is impossible for such a small child horse like any of the CMC. Even so, there's no impossibility in this world...
Cheerilee has just doomed them all.
5970524 Well...if Kung Jin could beat up Kotal Khan...
...
This story looks sort of like my story and Letters of a Disgruntled Friendship, even though none of them knew of each other during their creations, but all seek to make everypony horny, drunk, sex crazed, swearing bitches.
I will read after finals.
For Great justice.
5970505
She just had to say it, didn't she?
Oh fuck I died laughing.
Sweetie trying smash with Spike
5971987 Cheerilee is Spike's hoofball buddy. The Twirilee ship will set sail once the two of them get over the fact that they picked different teams for the Super Bowl.
HAH!
Oh?
They do look cute together. This a serious ship or just a joke? I'm good either way, just asking.
Agreed.
Fair enough.
Or to quote TFS Vegeta: "I WAS F*CKING KIDDING!"
That, and the thing is falling apart.
MY SIDES! And cue the opening theme!
Me in a nutshell.
HAH!
Apple Scoots is my OTP.
Clever.
Impressive.
Really? Nice. And anyPONY.
Uh huh.
Ouch!
Ah.
Was that a Friendship is Witchcraft reference.
She would.
Demoman, Medic, Boba/Jango Fett, Captain Jean Luc Picard, Superman, Ariel, Many people, no idea, Satan, even more people.
And ya jinxed it.
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
goparallel.sourceforge.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Untitled.png
dc314.4shared.com/img/FYgSTKm2/s3/137670c4f28/exploding_earth.gif
Hah! Can't wait to see what THESE crusaders will do for the talent show. Open heart surgery? Disarming an atomic warhead? Or perhaps something more sedate like reading Sweetie Bell's manifesto on why making her leader of the pony nations is 'what's best for everypony'...
She condemned everyone
Evil belle, and a spike belle ship? Its Christmas come early! But with more booze and world domination.
WUT!!!
6402180 that must have been a pain to format.
I have to wonder where she got all that blood from…
6454903
Heh! Ice Age...
In the rainbow factory...
Where your fears and horrors come true...
In the rainbow factory...
Where not a single soul gets through...