“Look, I’ll be completely honest with you,” said Rainbow Dash. She paced in front of her audience. “We may have beaten an evil princess, chased off a giant dragon, falsely accused somebody of witchcraft, survived a swarm of omnivorous bugs, and wore ugly dresses, but this…this will be the most difficult thing we’ve ever done.”
She glanced up at the sky and sighed. “Look, you might be nervous. I understand that. Luckily for the both of us, I don’t get nervous. I know what it takes to deal with this sort of thing. So I need you to listen to what I say and follow my every order. I need you to pull up your big girl panties and get this done.” She looked at her audience and grinned. “Are you ready to do this? Are you ready to throw caution to the wind? Are you ready to look Equestria in the face and say, ‘Bite the pillow, pansy, I’m going in dry’?”
Fluttershy blinked. “Rainbow? You know I’m just going to cheer for you, right?”
Rainbow glared at her. “What was that?”
“Oh,” said Fluttershy. “Um…bite the pillow, pansy, I’m going in dry?”
“Stop with the foreplay, Fluttershy,” said Rainbow Dash. “Let me hear your cheer.”
Fluttershy took a deep breath. “Yay,” she cheered with a whisper.
Rainbow Dash slapped her across the face. “Louder!”
“Yay?” asked Fluttershy.
“Louder!” yelled Rainbow.
“Yay,” whispered Fluttershy.
“LOUDER!” screamed Rainbow Dash.
“SHUT UP!” screamed Colgate as she opened her front door. “Some of us are trying to get some sleep!”
“Sorry Colgate!” said Fluttershy.
“It’s Minuette!” hollered Colgate, slamming her door.
Fluttershy turned towards Rainbow Dash. “Why are we doing this in the middle of the night, anyway?”
Rainbow Dash sighed angrily and poked Fluttershy in the chest. “Because you need all the help you can get. That cheer was pathetic!” She frowned and said, “Look, I really didn’t want to do this, but maybe Twilight has a booo-” She gagged.
“A boo?” asked Fluttershy.
“A boololo…” choked Rainbow Dash.
“Um…”
“A book!” said Rainbow Dash. She shuddered. “Maybe Twilight has a...book...on cheering for you.”
“That’d be nice,” said Fluttershy gently, “But the library won’t open for a few more hours.”
“Then we’ll wait!” said Rainbow Dash. “And while we’re waiting, I’ll devote every minute…no! Every second to practicing and perfecting my skills and techniques. I’ll become the best flier ever! And then, at the ass-crack of dawn, you and I will head over to the library!”
“That sounds great, Rainbow!” said Fluttershy. “I can’t wait to see you-”
She blinked. Rainbow Dash had fallen on her back. Her eyes were shut and her mouth was wide open.
“Rainbow?” asked Fluttershy.
Rainbow Dash let out a loud snore.
Hours later:
Rainbow Dash snorted and she shot up off the ground. “Pancakes?” she asked groggily.
“Good morning, Rainbow!” said Fluttershy happily as she got up from the ground.
Rainbow groaned and rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?” she yawned.
“12:30 P.M.” answered Fluttershy.
“W-What?!” shouted Rainbow, her eyes widening. “The library opened two hours ago! Why didn’t you wake me?!”
“I thought that’d be rude,” said Fluttershy.
Rainbow Dash groaned and rolled her eyes. She spread her wings, grabbed Fluttershy, and took off for the library.
Meanwhile:
“Almost…” muttered Twilight, sweat dripping from her brow. Her horn glowed purple as she concentrated. “Almost…”
A toothpick was floating in the air in front of her. It floated down towards an impressive model of Canterlot Castle, made entirely out of toothpicks. The floating toothpick was gently placed on the model’s roof.
Twilight exhaled and backed away. “Finally!” she cheered. “I’ve been working on that all week!” She looked up and smiled. “Thanks for helping me, you guys.”
Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Spike were all standing around the model. Pinkie slowly reached out a hoof-
“PINKIE!” yelled Twilight. “No touching my model! I need to find a spell to stick all the toothpicks together so it won’t break apart. In the meantime, no one touch the model. It’s extremely fragile and-
A blue and yellow blur burst into the room and crashed into the model, causing toothpicks to fly everywhere.
“Ow…” muttered Rainbow Dash, who was laying on the table where the model formerly was.
“Ow…” murmured Fluttershy from where her head was stuck in one of the bookshelves.
“Ok, ow,” said Spike. He had toothpicks embedded in his face and body.
Rarity winced as she looked at Spike. “Are you alright darling?”
Spike idly pulled one of the toothpicks from his face. “I’m fine. Thick scales.” He sighed and pulled another one off his body. “It’s gonna take forever to get all of them out, though.”
“Guys?” asked Rainbow Dash with a wince. “I know I say this a lot, but what’s poking me in the butt?” She got off the table and turned around. Toothpicks were embedded in her rear.
Twilight sighed. A force field of purple magic was in front of her face, and had several toothpicks impaled in it. The glow in her horn faded and the force field disappeared. With nothing to hold them, the toothpicks dropped to the floor. Twilight glared at the toothpicks and said, “This is why I can’t have nice things.”
“Oh sure,” said Pinkie, “Rainbow Dash can touch the model, but God help us if I want to do it.” She huffed and stuck her nose in the air.
“Um…” began Applejack. She pulled a toothpick out of her hat and looked over at Twilight, whose glare hadn’t disappeared. “Maybe you should wait to complain about this, Pinkie.”
Twilight sighed and walked over to Rainbow Dash. Her horn glowed and a purple glow surrounded the toothpicks in Rainbow’s rump. “Why are you two here anyway?” she asked as she began pulling the toothpicks out.
Rainbow Dash winced as the pieces of wood were none-too-gently pulled out of her ass. “Me and…ow…Fluttershy were…fuck…hoping that you had a book on cheering!” She rubbed her sore rear.
Twilight blinked, her rage disappearing. “Cheering? Why?”
“The Best Young Flier competition is taking place in Cloudsdale,” said Fluttershy as she pulled her head out of the bookshelf.
“Yeah,” said Rainbow. She took off and started flying around the room. “The best fliers from all over Equestria are coming to perform in front of Cloudsdale and, more importantly, the Wonderbolts!” She flew to the center of the room and pointed at herself. “I’m going to compete and win the whole enchilada!” Her stomach growled and she put a hoof in front of it. “Speaking of which, do you have any food? I didn’t eat breakfast.”
“But why a book on cheering?” asked Twilight.
“Oh!” said Rainbow. She pointed at Fluttershy. “Silence McWhispers over there is going to be my cheering squad and, to put it gently, she’s fucking terrible.”
“That was gentle?” asked Fluttershy.
“I tell it like it is!” replied Rainbow Dash.
“It sounds cool!” said Pinkie. “We should totally go!”
“Yeah!” said Applejack. “Ah’ll bet you win the whole thing!”
“Unless you guys can stay on clouds without falling and splattering against the ground, I think you’re boned,” said Rainbow.
Everyone turned to Twilight expectantly.
“Guys,” she said in response to their looks, “Just because I’m the Element of Magic doesn’t mean that I have a spell for every single-” She gasped. “I totally have a spell for this! Hang on!” She ran off towards the bookshelves.
“Which means she’ll be too busy to use her magic to get this shit out,” said Spike, gesturing down to the toothpicks in his body. “Which means I’m going to have to stay and get them out myself.” He sighed and walked over to the stairs. “I think we have some tweezers in the bathroom…”
“Ooh!” said Pinkie excitedly. “Maybe we’ll get to see you use the Sonic Rainboom! That’d be really-”
Rainbow Dash dove at Pinkie and pressed her against the wall. She grabbed Pinkie’s throat and started squeezing. “How do you know about that?! That’s top secret!”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “What’s a Sonic-”
Rainbow Dash rushed over to Applejack and put her hoof over her mouth. “Ssh!” she shushed. She ran over to the windows and door and made sure they were shut and locked. “The Sonic Rainboom,” she whispered as she walked to the middle of the room, “Is my top secret weapon. My ultimate technique. My own Kamehameha. My Expelliarmus. My Hadoken! My-”
“We get it!” said Rarity. “Go on!”
“I’ve only ever done it once…” said Rainbow Dash. “But if I do it at the competition, there’s no way I can lose!”
“Why do ya want to win so badly?” asked Applejack.
“Well,” began Rainbow, “Besides being able to rub it in everyone’s face, the grand prize is an entire day with the Wonderbolts!” She started shaking Rarity. “Can you imagine?! Me being able to hang out with the Wonderbolts?! We could go flying! I show them my moves! They’ll be so impressed with me, they’ll ask me to join them right on the spot!”
“It sounds lovely, dear,” said Rarity. She gently pried Rainbow off of her. “Just remember that there’s no need for you to be nervous.”
“Nervous? Me?!” asked Rainbow Dash. She scoffed. “Only amateurs get nervous, Rarity. I’ll be fine. In fact,” she walked over and grabbed Fluttershy. “C’mon you! We’re going to rest up before the competition!”
“…We’re going drinking, aren’t we?” asked Fluttershy.
Rainbow Dash squeezed her and said, “You know me so well!” She spread her wings and took off, Fluttershy in her arms. They burst through one of the windows, sending broken glass everywhere.
“Found it!” said Twilight. She ran back to the group, a book levitating by her side. “I’ve got the spell!” She frowned as she eyed the broken glass. “…Rainbow?” she asked.
“Rainbow,” answered Applejack.
Twilight sighed and opened the book. “This spell will let us fly for three days. More than enough time for the competition. Now, this spell is a little difficult, but it’s nothing I can’t handle...hopefully. Who wants to volunteer?”
“I volunteer…” said Pinkie. She pushed Rarity forward. “Rarity to be the one you test the spell on.”
“Um…” said Rarity as Twilight pointed her horn at her. “Can we talk about-” Twilight’s horn glowed and Rarity felt magic around her body. “This…this won’t hurt, right?” She waited for an answer. “…Twilight?” Blue swirls surrounded her body, and she found herself lifted up off the ground. “If I die from this, Pinkie is not invited to my funeral!”
There was a zapping noise, a bright flash, and everything was silent.