“Spike!” called Twilight as she opened the front door. “Hurry up! We need to head to the race!”
“Um…just a second!” came Spike’s voice from upstairs.
“What could you possibly be doing that is so important?” asked Twilight.
“Uh…” began Spike’s voice. “It’s not so much of what I’m doing. It’s more like who I’m doing.”
“What? What do you-” Twilight thought for a moment and frowned. “Rainbow Dash, get down here!”
After a few seconds, Rainbow Dash walked down the stairs. “Hey!” she greeted. “Where’s breakfast?”
Twilight pointed out the open door. “Get out of here!”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Fine, fine. See you at the race.” She flew out the door as Spike walked down the stairs.
“Not cool, Twilight!” said Spike. “We were just getting started!”
Twilight sighed. “I really need to invest in some locks for this place. Now are you coming?”
“I didn’t get a chance to-” began Spike.
“I meant to the race!” yelled Twilight. She let Spike climb on her back. “Seriously, Spike. I thought you liked Rarity.”
“I do!” said Spike. “But I can’t help it if everyone wants a piece of me!”
“Spike, Rainbow Dash wanted you,” said Twilight. “Rainbow Dash. She’s literally tried to seduce everyone in Ponyville.”
A few days ago:
Twilight walked up to Applejack’s home and knocked on the front door. “Applejack?” she called. “Are you home?”
The front door swung open and Rainbow Dash walked out. “Thanks for the good time, Granny Smith!” she called.
Granny Smith poked her head out the window and smiled toothlessly at Rainbow Dash. “Yer gonna call me after this right?”
“Of course!” laughed Rainbow. She turned to Twilight and mouthed “No”.
Now:
“Look,” said Spike, “I don’t judge you about your creepy painting fetish.”
“It is not a ‘creepy painting fetish’!” yelled Twilight. “What I do with Star Swirl’s portrait on my Friday nights are none of your business!”
“Fine, fine,” said Spike. “It’s a perfectly normal relationship between a mare and a painting of a dead guy. Now let’s go to the race already!”
As Twilight exited the library and walked to the race, she asked, “Why are you excited about this? It’s a race for ponies only.”
“Hah!” laughed Spike. “Like I want to run around like a sweaty idiot!”
Twilight glared at Spike. “You do know I’m competing in this thing?”
“Uh…I meant a sweaty…genius?” said Spike.
Twilight smiled, her anger disappearing. “Oh, ok!”
Spike breathed a sigh of relief and continued, “What I really want to do is announce again! Watch this shit!” Spike pulled out the same stick he had been talking into yesterday.
“…Where were you keeping that?” asked Twilight.
“I don’t want to say,” began Spike, “But I should probably wash my hands after touching this thing.” He cleared his throat, opened his mouth, and-
“Welcome to the annual Running of the Leaves!” said a familiar voice.
“Wow Spike!” said Twilight, impressed. “That’s one hell of a Pinkie impression!”
“That wasn’t me!” said Spike. He pointed up in the sky. “Look!”
Twilight looked up and saw a hot air balloon in the sky. “Is that Pinkie up there?” she asked.
Sure enough, the pink pony was in the balloon’s basket, speaking into a megaphone. “This is Pinkie Pie! I’ll be your announcer for this year’s race!”
“That bitch stole my job!” yelled Spike. “I will have vengeance!”
“And here to help me…” began Pinkie. She reached behind her and pulled Spike out of nowhere. “Is Spike the Dragon!”
“What the hell?!” asked Spike, suddenly finding himself in the basket.
“What the hell?!” asked Twilight, looking at her back. Her assistant had seemingly just teleported off of her.
“What the hell…” began Pinkie. She poked Spike’s nose. “Were you thinking, Spike? Of course I wasn’t about to take your job! I want you to be an announcer with me!”
Spike blinked, then smiled. “Wow Pinkie, thanks!”
“No problem!” said Pinkie. She spoke into the megaphone. “As everyone knows, the Running of the Leaves is a very important tradition! I mean, how else would the autumn leaves fall off the trees?” She waited for a moment. “Spike! I’m asking you a question!”
“Oh!” said Spike, surprised. “Um, they would fall off on their own?”
Pinkie, Twilight, and every other pony on the ground burst out laughing.
“No,” laughed Pinkie, wiping the tears out of her eyes, “Come on. Let’s get serious.” Still chuckling, she turned back to the megaphone. “Everyone get ready! The Run begins in five minutes!”
Several ponies walked towards the starting line, numbers on their sides. Every pony in Ponyville gathered around to watch the competitors get ready.
Applejack, with a number 8 on her side, began stretching. She gazed at the orange, red, and yellow leaves on the trees and breathed in the crisp autumn air. She could win this. She just had to concen-
“APPLEJACK!” yelled a voice.
Startled, Applejack jumped. She turned to see Rainbow Dash flying towards her. “Ready to lose?” She landed, and Applejack saw a number 11 on her side.
“Ah’m ready to win a good, clean race,” said Applejack. “Speakin’ of…” She grabbed a nearby rope and tied Rainbow Dash’s wings to her sides. “There!”
Rainbow Dash stared at the rope around her, and then smirked. “Why Applejack, I didn’t know you were into this sort of thing.”
“W-what?” asked Applejack.
“I mean,” began Rainbow, “I’d certainly enjoy being tied up by you, but we can do that tonight if you really want to.”
Applejack blushed a deep red. “Sh-shut up! Ah did that to stop ya from cheatin’ during the race!”
“Whatever you say,” said Rainbow. “Just remember there are kids watching this.”
Applejack put her hat over her red face. “Goddammit, Dash.”
“Racers!” came Pinkie’s voice over her megaphone. “Please take your positions.”
Rainbow grinned at Applejack. “She doesn’t mean those kind of positions, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Applejack threw her hat at Rainbow. “Shut up!”
“Hey girls!” said Twilight, walking over to them. She had the number 42 on her sides. “Ready to race?”
“You?” asked Applejack.
“You’re going to race?” said Rainbow incredulously.
“Yeah!” said Twilight. She pointed to her side. “See? 42! It’s the answer to-”
“If you make a Hitchhiker’s Guide quote, I’m quitting!” yelled Spike over the megaphone.
“Fine!” huffed Twilight.
“But you’re not an athlete!” said Rainbow Dash. “You’re an egghead!”
“…You know I’m going to win this thing, right?” asked Twilight.
“How do you reckon?” asked Applejack, putting her hat back on her head.
“Uh, hello?” asked Twilight. “Main character? There’s no way I can lose!”
“Oh yeah?” asked Rainbow. “I’m just as much of a main character as you!”
“Me too!” said Applejack.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, ok AJ?” said Rainbow Dash. She turned back to Twilight, ignoring Applejack’s glare. “Look, you’re not a racer, you’re not a runner, you don’t even walk half the time! You just teleport everywhere!”
“Name one time!” challenged Twilight.
Two Days Ago:
Twilight was reading in the library. “God, I could go for some cider,” she said. Her horn flashed and she vanished.
At Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was surprised to see Twilight suddenly appear in the kitchen and grab a mug of apple cider. “Hi Applejack!” said Twilight. Her horn flashed and she disappeared.
She reappeared in the library, flipped a page from her book, and took a sip of cider.
Four Days Ago:
“Hey look!” said Rainbow Dash, looking away from the other girls and down the path, where a familiar purple Unicorn was standing. “Hey Twilight!”
There was a flash and Twilight was standing in front of them. “Hey girls!”
A Week Ago:
Twilight paused as she was stocking the bookshelves in her library. “I’ve got to use the bathroom,” she said, holding her stomach. There was a flash and she disappeared.
From inside the bathroom, Spike shrieked and yelled, “A little privacy, please?!”
Now:
“I said one time!” yelled Twilight. “Look, I promise I won’t teleport during the race, ok?”
“Well…ok,” said Rainbow.
Applejack smiled. “So you won’t teleport, Rainbow won’t fly, so we’ll all just run a nice friendly race! Good luck to both of ya!”
“Yeah, good luck!” said Twilight, smiling.
“Good luck!” repeated Rainbow. She smirked. “You bitches are gonna need it!”
“Ok, everyone! Are you ready to RUMBLE!” asked Pinkie.
“What?” asked a small Pegasus colt from the crowd.
“Not you, Rumble,” explained Spike. He turned to the megaphone. “Get set!”
The racers all got ready to run and the crowd went silent with anticipation.
“GO!” yelled both Pinkie and Spike.
The runners took off, leaving a trail of dust in their wake…aside from Rainbow Dash, who was sweating nervously.
“Ok…I can’t fly…no big deal!” she said to herself. “Now…” She looked down at her legs. “How do I use these things again?”