• Published 20th Aug 2012
  • 13,536 Views, 1,710 Comments

MLP: FML - Maniac92



An insane parody of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

  • ...
64
 1,710
 13,536

PreviousChapters Next
Fluttershy Falls, Rarity Rocks

“Do we really have to talk to Rarity?” whined Scootaloo as the three Crusaders rolled down the road. “I don’t think she’s forgiven me for taking that picture of her.”

“She hasn’t,” said Sweetie. “Don’t worry, though. She’ll forget all about it when we ask her to talk about how she got her Cutie Mark.”

“Yay…” droned Scootaloo. “We get to listen to Rarity go on and on about herself.”

“Yeah,” said Apple Bloom as she rolled her eyes. “Ah’m sure listenin’ to Rainbow Dash go on and on about herself will be really exciting.”

Scootaloo turned her head and glared at Apple Bloom. “I know you’re only saying that to piss me off.”

“Is it workin’?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Yes,” answered Scootaloo. “Knock it off.”

“Scootaloo!” yelled Sweetie Belle suddenly. “Fluttershy!”

Scootaloo quickly looked at the road and saw Fluttershy walking in front of them. Scootaloo quickly braked, stopping centimeters in front of Fluttershy.

“Whew!” said Scootaloo, wiping her brow. “That was a close-” She was cut off when two yellow hooves wrapped around her throat.

Fluttershy lifted Scootaloo by her neck and held her at eye-level. “Are you after my ducks?” she growled.

“What ducks?” asked Apple Bloom. She suddenly found herself choking as Fluttershy took a hoof off of Scootaloo and grabbed her.

“These ducks!” shouted Fluttershy, moving the two fillies so they could see a line of yellow ducks crossing the road.

A black-feathered duck was at the end of the line. It looked up at Apple Bloom and Scootaloo and said, “You’re despicable.”

“Wow, Fluttershy!” said Sweetie Belle, hopping out of the wagon. “You’re really strong! Would you like to be my muscle when I conquer Equestria?”

Fluttershy laughed, “Oh, Sweetie. That flies in the face of my peaceful nature.” She suddenly frowned. “You three should be more careful. Someone could get hurt!”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo gagged, their faces turning blue.

“Where were you three headed off to, anyway?” asked Fluttershy, putting the two fillies down.

“We’re trying…to find…Rarity or Rainbow Dash,” coughed Scootaloo. She took a deep breath and continued, “We wanted to know how they got their Cutie Marks.”

“Really?” asked Fluttershy. “I’m sure that’d be interesting. I know I wouldn’t have gotten my Cutie Mark without Rainbow.”

“Really?!” asked Scootaloo excitedly.

“Yeah,” said Fluttershy, “It was at Summer Flight Camp in Cloudsdale…”

Years ago:

A small, skinny, yellow-furred pegasus screamed as she crashed into a cloud. Groaning, she pulled her head out of the cloud, with pieces of the white fluff sticking to her pink mane.

“Fluttershy!” yelled the coach as the other pegasus kids laughed. “What part of flying do you not understand?!”

“Um…” said Fluttershy. “The actual flying part?”

“Are you sassin’ me?!” yelled the coach.

“N-no!” replied Fluttershy quickly. “I just-”

“You damn kids…” muttered the coach. She shook her head and said, “You watch how the other kids fly, alright? I’ll be in my office with a bottle of booze. I mean, scotch! I mean whiskey! I mean juice! Juice!” She quickly took off, flying towards her office and leaving Fluttershy alone.

For a second, at least.

“Good going Klutzershy!” laughed Dumbbell as he and Hoops walked up. “That was your best crash yet!”

“Yeah,” said Hoops. “My baby sister flies better than you!”

“Hoops…” said Dumbbell. “You don’t have a baby sister.”

“Then who was that baby I threw off the clouds yesterday?” asked Hoops. “It was orange and had purple hair.”

“Beats me,” said Dumbbell. “Probably nobody important.”

A rainbow-colored blur shot through the clouds and stopped in front of the three ponies. A small, blue-furred, messy-haired pegasus glared at the two colts. “Leave her alone!”

“Ooh,” said Hoops. “I didn’t realize we were messing with your girlfriend, Rainbow Crash.”

“Keep making fun of her and I’ll mess with yours,” said Rainbow, pointing at Dumbbell.

“Hey…” said the brown-furred colt.

“He’s not my girlfriend,” denied Hoops. “We haven’t reached that level of commitment yet!”

“Hey!” shouted Dumbbell. He pointed at Rainbow Dash. “You think you’re tough? Let’s see how tough you are!”

“What do you have in mind?” asked Rainbow.

Minutes later, the three ponies were on top of a cloud and getting into positions to take off. Fluttershy stood on a small cloud in front of them, holding a checkered flag in her mouth. Fluttershy waved the flag and Rainbow, Hoops, and Dumbbell raced off.

As the three sped past Fluttershy, Rainbow accidently nudged her. Fluttershy screamed as she fell off her cloud and plummeted to the ground.

Back in the present:

“Whoa!” said Scootaloo.

“Did you die?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Yes,” nodded Fluttershy.

The three fillies gasped.

“Oh wait,” said Fluttershy. “I meant, no. No, I didn’t die.”

Years ago:

A cloud of butterflies appeared just as Fluttershy was about to splatter all over the ground. They caught her and lifted her into the air.

“Is it over?” sobbed Fluttershy, her arms in front of her face.

“Child,” said a butterfly, “Why do you cry?”

“Huh?” asked Fluttershy. She looked down and saw the cloud of butterflies beneath her. “O-oh my…you’re so pretty.”

“Thank you,” said the lead butterfly, “But why do you cry?”

“W-well…” sniffled Fluttershy. She pointed up to the clouds. “I sort of just fell to my death and nobody seemed to give a shit about it.”

“What about your parents?” asked the lead butterfly.

Meanwhile:

A yellow-furred stallion with a grey mane looked at his wife over the top of his newspaper. “Honey?” he asked. “Didn’t we have a daughter at some point?”

His wife, a pink-furred mare with a yellow mane, looked at him. “Hmmm…I don’t think so…but we have a son, apparently.”

“We do?!” asked her husband. “Since when?”

“You’re using him as a footstool right now,” said his wife, pointing down at the ground.

“I’m down here, Dad!” said a voice.

“…Footstools are supposed to be quiet,” said the stallion, kicking the colt underneath the table.

“Sorry Dad!” said the voice.

Back with Fluttershy:

“…I don’t think they’d care too much,” said Fluttershy.

“Disgraceful,” said the lead butterfly.

“It’s ok,” said Fluttershy quickly. “They have a lot to do, what with training the new footstool and all-”

“I was talking about you,” said the butterfly.

“W-what do you mean?” asked Fluttershy.

The lead butterfly flew up until he was looking Fluttershy square in the eyes. “My dear, you are the most spineless creature I have ever seen.”

“I am?” asked Fluttershy. She hung her head. “If you say so…”

“No!” said the butterfly. “You’re supposed to argue with me! Get angry with me!”

“I couldn’t do that!” said Fluttershy. “That’d be rude.”

“No,” said the butterfly, “It’d be standing up for yourself.”

“It would?” asked Fluttershy.

“Of course!” said the butterfly. “There’s nothing wrong with that! You’ve got to look after yourself, right?”

“I guess so…” said Fluttershy.

“Good!” said the butterfly. “You can’t let those ponies push you around forever, right?”

“Right!” said Fluttershy.

“That’s the spirit!” cheered the butterfly. “Now, try it with me!” He glared at Fluttershy and said, “You are the most worthless pony imaginable.”

“O-oh…” said Fluttershy sadly, her ears drooping. “I…I guess…”

“No, child!” said the butterfly. “You’re supposed to stand up for yourself, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” said Fluttershy. She took a deep breath and said, “I’m not worthless.”

“Yes, you are,” argued the butterfly. “You can’t even fly! If it wasn’t for us, you’d be a stain on the ground.”

“I would have saved myself!” argued Fluttershy.

“Yeah right,” said the butterfly. “That baby we saved a few weeks ago could fly better than you.”

“Fuck you!” screamed Fluttershy. She clapped her hooves together, squashing the butterfly.

“…Oh my god…” muttered one of the butterflies in the cloud. “She killed Jerry…”

“Ah!” screamed Fluttershy. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t-”

“Hooray!” cheered the cloud of butterflies.

“The tyrant is now dead!” yelled one.

“We’re free at last!” cheered another.

“My dear child,” said another butterfly, flying in front of Fluttershy’s face. “You have freed us from a lifetime of servitude from that madman!”

“You mean…I helped you guys?” asked Fluttershy.

“Of course!” said the butterfly. “Don’t you see? You standing up for yourself can cause great things to happen?”

“It can?” questioned Fluttershy.

“It can!” agreed the butterfly. “Now, flap your wings! Fly back home! Show them all that you won’t be pushed around anymore!”

“You’re right!” said Fluttershy happily. “I’ll make them respect the name ‘Fluttershy’!”

“Eh…” said the butterfly. “…Have you got anything that sounds tougher?”

“…How about Cuttershy?” asked Fluttershy.

“Sounds good to me!” said the butterfly. “Now go! Show them all that Cuttershy is done with their bullshit!”

“I will!” said Fluttershy. She spread her wings and took off towards the flight camp. “I won’t forget this!” she yelled back to the butterflies. As she flew, a bright light appeared on her side. When it faded, the image of three pink butterflies was on her flank.

Back in the present:

“I flew back to Feather’s Flight Camp with my new attitude and everything turned out fine,” finished Fluttershy.

“Wait,” said Scootaloo. “Feather’s Flight Camp? But that mysteriously burned to the ground ten years ago in a fire that killed dozens of ponies.”

“Weird!” said Fluttershy, her eyes darting around. “I have no idea who could have done that!”

Scootaloo shrugged and turned to the others. “See? Rainbow Dash helped Fluttershy get her Cutie Mark!”

“By knockin’ her off her cloud and almost killin’ her?” asked Apple Bloom. “Yeah, she’s a great pony.”

“I’ll prove it!” said Scootaloo. “All we have to do is find her!”

“Sure,” said Sweetie Belle, “After we see Rarity.”

“But-” began Scootaloo.

“No buts!” yelled Sweetie. “You got to hear a little about Rainbow Dash, so you can wait.”

Scootaloo grumbled, but started pulling the wagon anyway. “Stupid little…Rarity and…suck a big fat…”

“Don’t make me turn this wagon around, Missy!” yelled Sweetie Belle.

Later, at Carousel Boutique:

Scootaloo glared at Sweetie Belle as Rarity took her measurements.

“…Alright, we might have been better off finding Rainbow Dash first,” admitted Sweetie Belle as she watched Rarity gather fabric. Rarity's horn was glowing blue and she hummed happily.

“What are you talkin’ about?” giggled Apple Bloom. She grinned at the motionless Scootaloo, who was surrounded by a blue glow. “This is goin’ great!”

Scootaloo, unable to move her lips, mumbled an obscenity at Apple Bloom.

“Now, Scootaloo,” grinned Rarity as she began putting fabric on the frozen filly, “There’s no need to grumble. You owe me for that picture after all…and my ice cream.” She smirked at Scootaloo’s glare and then turned to Sweetie Belle. “Why are you looking for Rainbow Dash anyway?”

“We want to hear about how she got her Cutie Mark,” explained Sweetie. “So we could get ideas, you know? Most of the ponies in our class have theirs.”

“Trust me, I know how you three must feel,” said Rarity, stitching the fabric draped over Scootaloo. “I’ll tell you how I got mine while I make Scootaloo look pretty.”

“Yay!” cheered Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

“MMMMPH!” mumbled Scootaloo.

Years ago:

A stage had been set up outside of Ponyville’s school house and a group of small ponies were dancing to music and wearing strange costumes.

“If I was running this place,” said a younger Cheerilee, wearing a bunch of bananas, “I wouldn’t make my students do this crap.”

“Detention, Cheerilee,” said the teacher. She turned to the small, white-furred unicorn next to her. “Well done on these costumes, Rarity.”

“Bullshit!” said Rarity. “These costumes are awful!” She sighed and walked off stage. “I’m going home to gorge myself on ice cream.”

Back in the present:

“Ah ice cream,” said Rarity. “It’s so nice…when you actually have some!” She glared at Scootaloo, who rolled her eyes.

“Rarity?” asked Sweetie Belle. “The story?”

“Hmm?” asked Rarity. “Oh right…the story.”

Years ago:

Rarity gagged as she held up an orange piece of fabric. “God, what was I thinking with this one? It’ll make whoever’s wearing it look like a giant orange.” She glanced at the list of costumes the teacher had given her. “Oh. They’re supposed to look like an orange.” She sighed and tossed the list behind her. “Maybe I’m not meant to be a fashionista after all…” She glanced down at the fabric and gagged again. “Not with this garbage anyway.”

As she threw the fabric to the ground, her horn suddenly glowed. “What the-?” she asked. Rarity raised a hoof and poked her horn. Suddenly, her head turned and she was pulled across the room. “What is this?!” she shrieked.

She was dragged out of her room and pulled in front of the stairs. Rarity looked down and then back up at her horn. “Don’t you fucking dare!” she yelled.

Her horn wasn’t in the mood to listen and pulled her forward. Rarity screamed as she fell head-over-heels down the stairs. When she landed at the bottom, her horn started tugging her to the front door. “Mother! Father! Help me!” she screamed.

“Rarity,” scolded her mother, who was holding a small white foal in her arms, “Your baby sister is sleeping!” She turned and glared at her husband. “And do you really have to watch The Omen while she’s napping?”

“What?” asked Rarity’s father. “I taped this movie and I plan on watching it! Besides,” he nodded at the sleeping Sweetie Belle, “It’s not like it’s gonna make her evil or anything.”

Back in the present:

“That explains so much…” said Apple Bloom, gazing at Sweetie Belle.

“Does it?” asked Sweetie. “I only have more questions. Like what the hell does he mean he ‘taped it’?”

“He means he put it on a VHS tape, dear,” explained Rarity.

“What the hell is a VHS tape?” asked Sweetie.

“It’s like a DVD,” said Rarity.

“What the hell is a DVD?” asked Sweetie. “Why didn’t he just stream it?”

Rarity sighed. “Anyway,” she continued, “I was dragged along for quite some time. I thought I’d never stop until…”

Years ago:

Rarity grunted as her face smacked into a giant boulder. She looked up at it. “A rock?” she asked. She reached her hoof up and poked her horn. “You dragged me all the way out here for a rock?!” She growled and kicked the rock. “Take that, you dumb rock!” she shouted.

Someone cleared their throat.

Rarity turned around and saw a grey-furred filly with a purple mane. “Did you just hit a rock?” she asked quietly.

“Yes!” said Rarity. “My stupid horn dragged me out here for-”

The other filly leaned closer to Rarity, her expression still neutral. “We don’t take kindly to ponies abusing our rocks,” she said.

Although the filly’s voice hadn’t changed, Rarity got the feeling she was treading on thin ice.

“I’m sorry,” said Rarity. “It just-”

“Oh,” said the other filly. She examined the rock behind Rarity. “I see what you were trying to do.”

“Y-you do?” asked Rarity nervously.

“Mm-hmm,” said the grey filly. She walked forward and stood in front of the rock. She raised a hoof and tapped on it gently.

The rock split in half, revealing a mountain of gems that was inside of it.

The other filly turned back and regarded Rarity’s shocked expression. “Yeah,” she said quietly, “You have to know just where to hit it in order to get it to crack.”

“Wow!” said Rarity. “There’s enough gems here for all of my costumes! I can make them look great!”

“Good luck with that,” said the other filly, walking away.

Rarity looked at the other filly and then back at the gems. She bit her lip. “Wait!” she called out.

The other filly turned and stared at her. “What?”

“Take some of these,” said Rarity. “It’s only fair.”

The other filly looked at the gems and then back at Rarity. “Can I have what’s left of the rock?”

“Huh?” asked Rarity. “Sure, I guess?”

“That’s pretty generous of you,” said the other filly. “Maybe that’s why your Cutie Mark showed up.”

“Say what now?” asked Rarity. She gazed down at her flank, where three blue gems had appeared. “My Cutie Mark!” Rarity squealed excitedly.

While she was celebrating, the other filly looked at the two large pieces of rock. “Maybe I can make these into sleds for me and Pinkie…” She looked down and saw a small pebble that had broken off from the larger piece of rock. “…I want to keep you,” she said, picking it up. “I think I’ll call you Boulder.” There was a flash of light and the image of a diamond-shaped rock appeared on her flank. “Huh. My Cutie Mark.”

Back in the present:

“And so, with that filly’s help, I was able to find the gems I needed for my costumes,” said Rarity, putting makeup on the frozen Scootaloo. “Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough time to make new costumes, so I just glued the gems on the old ones.”

“What happened to that filly?” asked Apple Bloom.

“I’m not sure,” said Rarity. “The last I saw of her, she was dragging the rocks somewhere and saying something about sleds. I’d like to see her again and thank her for her help.” She grabbed a curly blonde wig and put it on Scootaloo. “Done!” she said, the glow disappearing from her horn.

Scootaloo was wearing a hot pink dress, heels, and heavy makeup. She pushed the blonde wig out of her eyes and glared at Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, who were laughing loudly. “Shut up,” she growled. “Let’s just go find Rainbow Dash.”

“One more thing, Scootaloo,” said Rarity.

Scootaloo turned and Rarity quickly grabbed a camera and took a picture of her.

Rarity smirked and said, “Consider us even.”

PreviousChapters Next