• Published 20th Aug 2012
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MLP: FML - Maniac92



An insane parody of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

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Things Get Worse

Inside of Town Hall, Twilight and Spike waited with the rest of Ponyville for Princess Celestia to raise the sun.

"Spike?" asked Twilight.

"Yeah?" responded Spike.

"We are all going to die." stated Twilight matter-of-factly.

"...Oh. Ok then." said Spike.

"Spike! Aren't you even a little concerned that Nightmare Moon will return?" asked Twilight. "What if she returns and Equestria is plunged into eternal darkness?"

"...Will there still be gems when Equestria is plunged into eternal darkness?" asked Spike.

Twilight glared at him and asked, "Why am I even talking to you?"

"HEY!" Screamed Pinkie Pie right in Twilight's ear. "Are you SUPER excited for this?! I'm SUPER DUPER EXCITED! I've never been this excited! Not since I saw you come into town and I was like 'GASP EYE BULGE HEAD SPIN', but this is even more exciting than that!"

Twilight rubbed her ear and mumbled, "What is with these ponies and their volume issues?"

"Oh, you silly!" said Pinkie. "We hold just as much water as you do!"

"What the fu-"

The bird choir that Fluttershy had trained started to sing, cutting Twilight off. The spotlight turned on and shone on a pony with glasses and a gray mane.

"Fillies and Gentlecolts," she said to the crowd, "As your Mayor for Life..."

"Life?" repeated several ponies in confusion.

"You've gotta read those ballots, people!" said Mayor Mare. "Anyway, it's my great pleasure to announce the start of the Summer Sun Celebration!"

Most of the ponies in the room cheered.

"Bitchin'!" screamed Rainbow Dash.

"Yes, it is indeed bitchin'." agreed Mayor Mare. "Our town will witness Princess Celestia use her magic to raise the sun!"

"I love witnessing things!" yelled a pony from the crowd.

"Let's cheer again!" yelled another pony.

And so, the ponies started to cheer again.

"It is my great honor to introduce a pony who needs no introduction, but for some reason we decided to give her one anyway: Princess Celestia!"

The spotlight swung upwards, onto a balcony where Rarity was standing.

"HEY! THAT'S NOT THE PRINCESS!" screamed a teal-colored pony with a harp as a Cutie Mark.

"Let's get her!" yelled a cream colored pony with navy blue mane with a pink stripe in it.

"I'm just here to pull the curtains back, you slack-jawed idiots!" yelled Rarity. She pulled on a rope, which opened the curtains to reveal...nothing. The Princess was nowhere to be seen.

As the ponies around them began to panic, Spike looked to Twilight and asked, "Uh, Twilight?"

"Hmm?" asked Twilight calmly. "What is it, Spike?"

"Aren't you going to...you know...freak out?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Spike, you know as well as I do that the Princess loves to be 'fashionably late'."

One year and some change earlier

The nobles of Canterlot were panicking inside the Princess's throne room.

"WHERE IS THE PRINCESS!?" yelled one.

The door opened to reveal Princess Celestia. She walked in and said, "Yo! Your Princess is in the house! Get ready for some sun-raising action!"

"But...but Princess!" said a younger Twilight. "You were supposed to raise the sun four hours ago!"

Now

"I'm sure that this is just a stupid publicity stunt that the Princess is pulling." said Twilight with certainty.

A dark blue mist started to form on the balcony. It vanished to reveal a black colored pony with a unicorn's horn, pegasus wings, and a blue, magically flowing mane. She spread her wings and glared at everypony.

"Hey, Twilight." said Spike. "Do you want me to get you a fork?"

"A fork?" asked Twilight. "For what?"

"So you can eat your words."

"LYRA! BON BON!" screamed Rarity from the balcony. "NOW YOU CAN YELL!"

"Oh yeah." said Lyra in realization. She cleared her throat and yelled, "HEY! THAT'S NOT THE PRINCESS!"

"LET'S GET HER!" yelled Bon Bon.

"That's where you are wrong, my little simpletons." said the evil-looking Alicorn. "I am a Princess." she smirked and said, "And I have returned to seize my rightful place as Ruler of Equestria!"

"What did you do with the Princess?!" yelled/asked Rainbow Dash.

"Nothing fatal." said Nightmare Moon. "I just sent her on a little 'vacation'."

Meanwhile, on the moon

Princess Celestia looked around at the barren landscape and shouted, "GODDAMNIT LUNA!"

Back in Ponyville

"IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!" screamed Rainbow Dash. She attempted to attack Nightmare Moon, but was held back by Applejack.

"Oh please." said Nightmare Moon. "Don't you know who I am?"

"Well, duh!" said Pinkie Pie. "The narration already mentioned your name like six lines ago."

"..." Nightmare Moon was silent for a moment as she stared at Pinkie in confusion. She shook her head and decided to ignore her. "I suppose it is understandable that you don't recognize me." She said as she walked over to Fluttershy, who cringed in fear. "After all it has been a thousand years since I was unjustly imprisoned." She walked over to Rarity and grabbed her by the chin with her mane.

"I need an adult..." whimpered Rarity.

"But you know," continued Nightmare Moon, "There was a legend that detailed my return. Does nopony remember it?"

"I did!" yelled Twilight. "And I know who you are! You're Nightmare Moon!"

The ponies around the room gasped.

"AW SNAP SON!" Yelled Pinkie.

"Well, aren't you the studious one? I should give you an A+." said Nightmare Moon mockingly.

"Am...am I getting graded on this?" asked Twilight.

"Since you know who I am, you must know what I am here to do." continued Nightmare Moon. "But let me fill in everypony else." Nightmare Moon flashed a smirk and addressed the room, "Did all of you enjoy your day today? Did you enjoy the warm sunlight?"

"Sure did!" said Pinkie Pie.

"Well good." responded Nightmare Moon. "Because you will never see the sun again! Starting tonight, night will reign eternal and I will rule forever!" She started laughing maniacally.

"Spike!" said Twilight as she turned to her dragon companion. "We need to-"

"NAPTIME!" yelled Spike as he keeled over backwards.

"For the love of Celestia..." murmured Twilight.

"Get her!" yelled the Mayor. "She's the only one who knows where the Princess is!"

"CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!" Yelled one of the Royal Guards. He flew at Nightmare Moon.

"This can't end well..." said the other Royal Guard pessimistically. He flew after his comrade.

Nightmare Moon noticed the guards flying at her and asked, "You're kidding, right?" She used her magic to strike the two guards with lightning.

"I was right...that didn't end well..." mumbled the depressed Guard.

"THAT WAS SHOCKING!" yelled the gung-ho Guard.

"Somepony please kill me..." replied the depressed Guard.

"Well that was boring." said Nightmare Moon. "I'm outta here." She transformed into smoke and left the building.

"OH NO, BITCH!" Screamed Rainbow Dash. She rocketed out of the building and gave chase to Nightmare Moon. She paused and watched as the smoke flew towards the Everfree Forest. "Aw, crap." Rainbow Dash looked down at the ground to see Twilight run back to the library with Spike on her back. "What the-?"

A quick run to the library later

Twilight threw Spike into his basket/bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "Just like that, girl" in his sleep.

"Sorry, Spike." said Twilight. "But you need your sleep. You are a baby dragon after all."

"I'm only a few years younger than you, you purple bitch..." mumbled Spike in his sleep.

Twilight walked downstairs and started throwing books off the shelves. "Come on, come on!" She looked at several books, "Age of Discord? No. Celestia's Greatest Trolling Moments? No. Spike: Greatest Lover in Canterlot? Dear God, no!" yelled Twilight as she threw the book in the trash. "How am I supposed to stop Nightmare Moon without the Elements of Harmony!?"

"RAINBOW DASH, ALL UP IN YO' FACE!" Yelled Rainbow Dash, who appeared out of nowhere and was all up in Twilight's face. "Elements of Harmony, huh? That sounds like some sort of weapon!"

"With the word 'Harmony' in the name?" asked Twilight.

"Don't try to confuse me with your logic!" yelled Rainbow Dash. "Are you some sort of spy?"

"Calm down, spaz." said Applejack as she, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie walked into the room. "Ah don't think she's a spy. But she does know what's goin' on. Don't ya, Twilight?"

"Duh!" yelled Twilight. "I read all about Nightmare Moon and how she was coming back. I wanted to find out more about her, but somepony," she glared at Pinkie Pie, "Threw a party in my library, so I couldn't!"

"That pony sounds like an idiot!" said an oblivious Pinkie.

"I know, right?" replied Twilight. "Anyway," she continued, "The only way to stop Nightmare Moon is to find these artifacts called the 'Elements of Harmony'. The only problem is that I have no idea what the hell they actually are, what they do, or what they even look like!"

"The Elements of Harmony: What The Hell They Are, What They Do, And What They Look Like." read Pinkie Pie, who was looking at a book on a shelf.

"WHAT?!" screamed Twilight. "How did you find that?"

"It was in the 'Important to the Story' section!" said Pinkie.

Twilight blinked and said, "Oh..." She used her magic to grab the book and flip through the pages. "Let's see...'Out of the six Elements, only five are known: Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty, and Loyalty. The six Element is a mystery, so good luck trying to find it suckers! It says that the last known location of the Elements was in the ancient castle of the Royal Pony Sisters."

"Well, that doesn't sound so bad..." said Fluttershy quietly.

"What was that, darling?" asked Rarity.

"Well...now we know where to start looking." Fluttershy explained. "And since it's in a castle used by the Princesses, it can't be anywhere that's too scary..."

"It says that the Ancient Castle is located in what is now known as the Everfree Forest." read Twilight.

"THE EVERFREE FOREST?!" repeated the others.

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!" Screamed Fluttershy.

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