Twilight and her friends want to go caroling on Hearth's Warming Eve. Anon really has to use the bathroom. Who will win in this war of wills?

No one, really.

I used to be an adult. Then everything went wrong. I don't know how, or why, but now I'm in the body of a five year old. That's not even the worst part. There's a murderer in my head and a psychopathic flower that travels with me. I don't know if I'll make it outta this situation alive, but you better believe I'm DETERMINED.

EDIT: also shout out to my main man rezas who helps me write all of my stories

Anon 69 News a reliable, trusted news network to get all your daily news from around Equestria.

A/N: I'll try to update everyday. No actual sex is in here. Just mentions of it.

Also thank you artanisjerin89 for proof reading.

Anon 69 Hall of Fame

Featured
Featured April 13th, 2020! Woohoo! I want to thank my dog, the voice in my head, and the demon that lives in the basement.

Milestone 69
69th like milestone reached on on March 31st by BlankJRM.

Drinking Contest
Stella finally won the beer drinking contest against Anonymous on April 3rd. The score is now 1-56.

Most Dedicated
Cracker Jack has reported the most stories to Anon 69 Public Radio.

Participation
Twig-Chick Twigs has come to work today. . . that is all.

Twos
Likes and dislikes formed the number 22222 on August 2nd 2020

Anon 69 side story

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/464728/anon-69-side-story-castle-shenanigans

Max works in a bar, hidden away from the views of the highly sophisticated and posh citizens of Canterlot City. Being human doesn't help improve his bar's reputation. But one day he'll learn that, if you stay in a certain place long enough, there will be ponies curious enough to trot through the door.

The bar's motto is "To mix drinks and change lives!"

Heavily inspired by the game VA-11 HALL-A
Rated Teen because reasons
Character Tags or "Regulars" will be added as story progresses
Featured on 16/05/2017 (Wow!)

While practicing a new trick for the Wonderbolts, Rainbow Dash crashes into the Everfree. After a desperate search fails to find her, Rainbow's friends wonder if they will ever see the Wonderbolt again. After sixteen days, a tired, worn and wounded Dash exits the forest.

What happened to her during those fifteen days?
How did she survive while lost in the wilderness?
And why did she rush back into the Everfree the day after escaping it?

His name is Mister Green Hill. He’s an Earthpony stallion recently released from prison.

But Nopony knows where.

He has admitted to breaking the law in the past.

But Nopony knows what.

He wears thick Iron horseshoes all the time.

But Nopony knows why.

He lives with his sister and seems to have a job that takes him out of town for a few days at a time.

But Nopony knows what.

That’s really all anypony knows.

He is rather...anonymous?

Special thanks to Aprion and Irrespective for helping get this off the ground.

Cover Art by the incredible Mix Up

Featured 1/25, 4/4, 5/17, 6/29 10/08, 10/22, 11/4/19 12/16/20 Thanks everyone!

Jack came to Equestria.

Unfortunately for Jack he came to Equestria tens of thousands of feet above the ground.

Jack very promptly died in Equestria.

This is how falling works.

You love to cuddle mares. Mares love to cuddle you. One batpony mare named Stella REALLY wants to cuddle with you. This is in no way negotiable and your night may or may not be ruined.

Base artwork by Ligerstorm, sourced to his DA.

FANTASTIC reading done by StraightToThePointStudio (Thanks again!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ojuquk9Md0

"It's not easy to be the bad guy. Sometimes you've got to raise towers of iron and magic in a testament to your power. Sometimes you've got to blanket the land in black flame just to uphold idle threats. And sometimes you've got to remind a filly that she is grounded - that's right, I mean you, missy. Don't give me that look, you've got homework to do."
- Excerpt from An Interview With Lord Ironblood.

Forgath Ironblood is a man who values power and might. He spent untold years developing his dark magics, and years more using ice and iron and balefire to claim and rule his domain. But it didn't last; a group of bold and plucky rebels broke into his inner sanctum and unleashed a magic he was unprepared for, a magic that cast him into the void between worlds. At that point, he was no longer their problem and the peasants rejoiced.

The world he fell into, however, was another story. It was a world rich in magic. A world full of innocents. A world he could bend to his will and carve a new domain out of.

He never knew what hit him.

Idea adopted from Whiskylullaby, as seen here, written entirely for the fun of it.

Chapters are dated for the reader's convenience; BNM for "Before Nightmare Moon", and AB for "After Banishment".

There exists in any given location either an inn or bar where the locals meet at the end of a long work day and trade drinks and stories. By the ancient laws of happenstance, the same must be true for areas where the permanent population is exactly one. Now, most would assume it would default to those creatures preferred drinking area in their own house. These people have never been to the only truly lonely place in Equestria. On the border of the unending sea and the badlands there sits an Inn, with a strange bartender. If one comes seeking riches or fame, he will gladly kick you out, stating the only riches here are booze and misery. But if you come for a strong drink and an ear to listen to your problems, then you have found your home.

Rocking the featured box again. Can I get a hoorah? 2/12/19 for those curious.