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// Fleur De Lis Unveils New Color Shine Shampoo That Makes Hair So Radiant It Shall Blind Anyone Who Gazes Upon It 
// Story: Anon 69 News 
// by Amilition 
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Learn how Fleur De Lis blinded thousands of people across the world with their astonishing new color shine shampoo.

And while Celestia was on a diplomatic trip in Griffonstone, apparently her ass was so huge, it broke the very chair she was sitting on.

From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm your hostage Anonymous, and this is Anon 69 News.

Claiming to have harnessed the brilliance of a thousand suns within each bottle, fashion model and makeup designer, Fleur De Lis announced Monday that she had developed a new Color Shine shampoo that bestows such radiance upon one’s silken strands that it shall blind any mortal who gazes upon them.

When asked about the case about the countless suicides due to her lipstick, she replied saying,

"It should be a easy win in the courts as we had explained on the bottle of it's effects and we shall take no responsibility if anypony gets hurt." She said as she pulled out a comically large magnifier and positioned it on the lipstick which revealed the text, 'Our lipstick will only protect your beauty. It won't protect you from any life threating situations. Stay stylish as they try to identify your corpse. Fleur De Lis and associates does not take any responsibility of any deaths or injuries due to miscommunication.'

But back on the topic of her shampoo, at a public meeting today, public spokesman Fancy Pants said;

“Our newly reformulated Color Shine shampoo makes hair so smooth and lustrous that all who encounter its penetrating luminosity shall immediately and permanently be rendered sightless!” who added that cataract sunglasses must be worn by consumers who wished to avoid searing their corneas as they styled their blindingly shiny hair in the mirror and noted that any temporary loss of vision just meant the shampoo was working as intended.

“This color-protecting, nourishing shampoo gently cleanses as you lather, leaving hair looking healthy and vibrant enough to boil the retinas of any onlookers inside their heads, all while keeping frizz and fly-aways at bay. A proprietary blend of aloes locks in hair’s natural moisture, making each strand touchably soft as it glows white-hot with the intensity of a giant spell blast. A pea-sized amount is all it takes for head-turning highlights that leave behind a sea of innocents clutching their faces and shouting, ‘My eyes, my eyes!’ as they fall to their knees, the sight of your enviable sheen forever scorched into their minds as they are consumed by all-encompassing blackness.” At press time, a sprawling brush fire had erupted and burned 500,000 acres after Fancy Pants attempted to photograph one of the Color Shine models while using the camera’s flash. . . that poor, poor model.

Now the question becomes, what happens if the soap gets into your eyes?

From Anon 69 News, I'm Anon, and I'll see you at your funeral.

Click.