Anon 69 News

by Amilition

BREAKING: Snakes Invade Equestria

Breaking news. A small army of snakes invade Canterlot. Will we soon have to learn snake lango?

And can dogs and cats actually rain from the sky? Hear about how the element of loyalty, Rainbow Dash, is developing a new type of cloud to rain cats and dogs.

From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm Anonymous and this is Anon 69 News. If there's an apocalypse happening, we promise you will hear it from us.

Don't forget to go to go to your local news paper business and turn on notifications to know our when our next episode airs. And if you pay premium, we can go to your house and read you the news while you go to sleep.

Breaking news in Equestria today as a small nation of snakes attack Canterlot. Should we be worried? Here joins us now is Anon 69 correspondent, Cracker Jack. Hello Cracker.

"Hello, Anonymous."

Do we know why the snakes where provoked to attack us?

"Statements from the now known Snake Republic state that they are tired of being treated as, 'harmless pets.' We managed to get some audio on the speech."

Aggressive hissing.

Uh, can we get a translation on that?

"Yep."

"It'sss outrageousss what the poniesss have done to usss! They mock usss! But we shall of our revenge! We will ssstrike them at the heart!"

Wow, sounds like they're pissed.

"You can say that again."

Did either of the princesses respond?

"In fact they did. Princess Luna issued a statement saying, "if you try to attack us, we will crush your reptilian bones." The Snake Republic responded in aggressive hissing and launched todays attack in Canterlot."

And how are authorities defending the city?

"With a simple non-aggressive tactics, Anon. The tactics include sleeping spells, trapping them under a box, or even picking them up. But if things get too out of hoof, they will spray them with water using a spray bottle and say, 'bad snake. Bad. No. Stop invading Equestria."

How are the snakes fighting back?

"Obviously by biting. But don't worry if your bit because the venom in the snake will only give you hallucinations of a blond stallion calling you a donkey, kinda like a drug. So don't worry if you get bit, but also try and stay away from getting bit."

Well, we can only hope we're victorious. Thank you Cracker for coming on.

"Your welcome Anonymous."

This has been Anonymous From Anon 69 News. I'll be seeing you.

Click.

Author's Note:

I had a dream of this and it was beautiful. Cracker Jack was trying to board up the door to try and keep the snakes at bay. Stella was trying to fight a few snakes with her sword. Twigs was running from snakes that are chasing him. And in the middle of it all was Anonymous. Annoyed as fuck, with a single snake on him, hissing. It was like a renaissance painting.

Comments

[Theprophetice]

snake now huh? and the guard are useful as always

[vortex123]

I can honestly see this happening in the show, in a Fluttershy episode that is.

[spikls]

There's a snake in my boot! - Toy cowboy from stories of the toy

[Amilition]

10180039
It looks like Woody, but due to international copyright laws, it's not.

[LordMentat]

But don't worry if your bit because the venom in the snake will only give you hallucinations of a blond stallion calling you a donkey, kinda like a drug.

Does he also yell about things being raw.

[JustAnotherHistoryBuff]

Titanic's 108th anniversary tomorrow. Don't forget!

[PonyDragon]

And can dogs and cats actually rain from the sky? Hear about how the element of loyalty, Rainbow Dash, is developing a new type of cloud to rain cats and dogs.

Not sure if Fluttershy would approve...

Don't forget to go to go to your local news paper business and turn on notifications to know our when our next episode airs.

Newspapers have an notification service?
Sounds cool!

But if things get too out of hoof, they will spray them with water using a spray bottle and say, 'bad snake. Bad. No. Stop invading Equestria.

Looks like the Equestrians are getting *real* serious this time...

10180889
*Looking at your avatar and your bio text"
You had been waiting all year to say this line, didn't you?

[JustAnotherHistoryBuff]

10181109
Yes

[Malabazoo]

These are fun lil guys, keep em coming

[Coretz]

I'm slightly concerned for your mental health.

[ANW]

Wow, sounds like they're pissed.

"You can say that again."

Wow, sounds like they're pissed.

[Amilition]

10545314
Yeah, may have to go back and review the whole story once I'm done and fix any misspells. But thank you for pointing them out!