Anon 69 News

by Amilition

Green Monkey Is Hospitalized

Not so shocking news, the green monkey of Equestria, AKA: Anonymous, was hospitalized yesterday. Will he learn from this? Or will he find another way to annoy Princess Luna?

And scientist are finding ways to reenact the futa incest sex that was described in an old text with visual magic. . . what the fuck? D-does he actual read out reports like this? Anypony? Ugh.

From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm Twigs and this is Anon 69 News. Unfortunately, I'm the only free to do this. Anonymous is in the hospital, which you will hear about in a moment, Stella is sleeping, being a bat and all. And Cracker is out with family. So yay, you got me. I didn't want to be here but I'd be fired if I didn't do this.

Shuffling of paper.

Damn, forgot about that. Ahem. Listeners, don't forget to put in a request for notifications in your local newspaper press, to know when the next episode of Anon 69 airs. And if you don't, the dark lord will have to eat your first new born. Now back to the news!

Yesterday, the green monkey, also known as Anonymous, was rushed to the emergency room. Hearing from the reports that have been trickling out, apparently he was injured by the very princess Luna. No surprise. Here he joins us now from the hospital in his hospital bed, Mr. Anonymous. How are you feeling, Anon?

"I feel like total shit."

I bet.

"The crazy bitch hit me with a war hammer!"

Whoa, whoa! Anonymous! Don't talk about the princess like that. Especially since the public can hear you.

"Sorry, sorry. Forgot we were live."

Now. Can you tell us why you were struck by the princess?

"Ga dur ga dur. I don't know Twig-fucker. Maybe it it was because I was in her room."

Oh, is somepony mad?

"Shut it you. And its someone, not somepony."

Anyways, can you tell us, where she hit you?

"Yup. She hit me on the side of the head, chest, and even tried to go for a crotch shot. But with my quick thinking, I moved my knee in the way just in the right time. So I'm sitting here with a crack on my skull, broken ribs, and a fractured kneecap. Oh, and don't forget about bruises internal bleeding."

Sounds like your living the life.

"Twig-fuckles, I will boil your teeth."

Disturbing Anon.

Luna herself joins us now for more on the matter. Greetings your highness.

"Greetings fellow pony of Equestria."

So tell us princess, do we know how he got into your room? I heard it was supposed to have the highest security in Equestria, on par with princess Celestia.

"Well, when asked him nicely-"

"Bullshit! You were stomping on my hand, demanding how I got in there!"

"Shut it you worthless ape! I'll have you skinned and turned into a green welcome mat."

"Oh bite me, will ya? Our kind makes cloths out of you for fashion."

Hey guys, calm down a little. Were live.

"Ahem. I sincerely apologize. Now, when we asked him, he said, and I quote, "Walked in here like a boss." Then I proceeded to beat him a bit more. He then finally admitted that magic had no affect on. Witch explains why none of my magic traps activated. Apparently he and my sister, Celestia, were the only ones that knew. Then I proceeded to beat him more."

"Yeah, like a fucking bitch."

"I will teleport over there and beat your defenceless flank."

"Square up hoe!"

Sound of a magical teleportation spell used.

. . . guys. . .?

"Ahhhhh! Shes beating a defenseless monkey on the verge of extinction! Help! Life Alert, 911, somepony! Help!"

"Aha! So you do admit to being a mindless ape. Now stop struggling and let me smother you!"

Sounds of fighting start.

I'm sure that will be handled. Now, doctors say he should recover in the next couple of days or so. So don't fret on your favorite human dying.

"Damn right! If I'm going to pass, I wont do it without a fight!"

Crash!

"My nose! Why you little-"

"Ahhh! Shes got a sword!"

Sounds of fighting continue.

Well, the whole staff wish you a speedy recovery Mr. Anonymous.

This has been Twigs From Anon 69 News. I and other staff will be seeing you.

Click.

Comments

[PonyDragon]

Will he learn from this? Or will he find another way to annoy Princess Luna?

That's an rhetorical question, right?

Stella is sleeping, being a bat and all.

Is Stella the batpony inspired by this story?

[Adult story embed hidden]

Or just random chance?

[Amilition]

10144037
What, no, never! I wouldn't use someone elses oc.

Points gun.

Delete that shit now.

[JOEBLACK]

Is Anon Diablo in disguise?

[Munro]

is it realy worth it to piss of a demigod with with war tendensies anon xD

the answer is apperently yes -.-