Anon 69 News

by Amilition

BREAKING: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere

Author's Note:

And here's some regular stuff if you don't like the "7 Day Apocalypse" stuff. If you do, then its a win, win.

A desperate attempt to to fill the time of our programming, listen about this bullshit that happened somewhere today.

And researchers have found a incomplete spell by Starswirl the Bearded. Apparently you were to cast it onto your enemy and they will turn into a sex crazed addict and would have intimate love with the nearest inanimate object.

From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm Anonymous and this is Anon 69 News. Each hour our doom draws nearer, so listen while you can.

We are at a point where we don't know how to fill the rest of our time, so here is some bullshit we're going to feed you today.

Here we got bullshit footage, in which our viewers can't see, which began just after three o'clock this afternoon when residents in this neighborhood were shocked to see this fairly common thing happening. An attractive witness described the event in breathless terms.

"I went to my window and I was like, "whoa, there's some bullshit happening."

Here's another witness.

"The bullshit happened over there, you know, near the trash n' shit. But I'm an older stallion, so you can trust what I say."

And finally we found this dog who also has some opinions on this bullshit.

Aggressive barking.

Authorities in special uniforms rushed to the scene to stand around and look important.

Anon 69 Correspondent, Cracker Jack joins us now live from the scene of the bullshit. Fuck you Cracker.

"Fuck you too Anonymous."

Our listeners can't see what we have here so there going to have to take our word for it but we have a colorful graph here that shows instances of bullshit like this on the rise, is that right?

"Yes, although why is unclear. Some say it's because of one fucking reason, others say it's because of some other fucking reason. I talked to a random hobo who claims to be a expert on this particular bullshit subject who told me this thing you're about to hear him say, right after he's done shitting on the sidewalk."

" I spent my entire life doing shit here and shit there to talk about bullshit like this. I'm really just happy to be on a podcast."

Now let's see if drag this shit out a little longer by showing some of our letters written by our listeners.

"Better hope Celestia's approach doesn't let the blizzard cold. Otherwise the blizzard will let her cold...
(Bad pun, I know... Not that I would be sorry for that.)"
-PonyDragon

Another pony says,

"Hey monkey man, we know where you are hiding... "
-Mist_Chaser

Rather creepy. And finally this pony says,

"I only trust the finest intrepid flagship reporting by the finest in equestrian news: ANON 69 — "If Walter Cronkite did two grams of crack and a little bit of Valium this is the result!""
-spikls

So obviously a lot of statements there to make this seem like a ligament story.

"Oh absolutely Anonymous, this bullshit has some broader implications. Here are some tips to avoid bullshit happening to you. Fortunately we have them all on a big piece of paper, and we're just lazy shits that don't feel like reading them out to you."

Thank you Cracker. Let us know if you get any updates on this bullshit.

"I probably won't Anon because after this I'm going to go to a bar and get shit faced drunk."

Well good luck with that. I'll be seeing you.

"Bye, Anonymous"

This should be long enough now to be considered an episode. And if not, you can go fu~ck your self you piece of shit. Now this has been Anonymous From Anon 69 News. I'll be seeing you.

Click.

Comments

[vortex123]

That’s some bullshit.

[Amilition]

10151537
The most bullshit of the bullshit.

[3DTV]

I cant believe they got random hobo on there show, hes so busy nowadays

[Amilition]

10151559
Believe it or not, we cought him just in time between his schedules of shitting on the sidewalk and yelling relentlessly for no reason.

[3DTV]

10151563
Lucky

[Devela]

10151941
Well it was my question so it was rather funny how it expanded from the simple asking.

[WorldWalker128]

again, alcohol sounds like a great idea. Too bad I'm at work right now. Oh well, at least I'm got almost as much booze as I do bottles of juice in my disaster stash.
Almost, because liquor dehydrates, and if the amount was equal my legit thirst would never be quenched.

[spikls]

I'M FEEEEEELIN' BULLISH ON DIS BULLSHIT! HA!