• Published 21st Mar 2020
  • 5,875 Views, 465 Comments

Anon 69 News - Amilition



Equestria's only human, Anon, starts his own news podcast.

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Flowers Left Over From Foal's Funeral Under Tremendous Pressure To Thrive

Flowers left over from a funeral under serious pressure today.

And is Starlight Glimmer secretly spreading communist propaganda after being reformed?

From Anon 69 Public Radio, I am Anonymous, and this is Anon 69 News. I wish I can turn invisible so I don't have to deal with my social anxiety.

Speculating that even the slightest trace of withering or discoloration would devastate the family, a pot of lilies left over from 12-year-old Chex Bait's funeral confirmed Monday, that it was under tremendous pressure to thrive. For more on this, Tank joins us. Hello, Tank.

"Not my name but, hi Anonymous."

Again, not a single fiber of my body can't find any fucks to give. Now, any statements?

Sigh

“The plant came out and stated, 'Obviously, I don’t want to make this moment all about me, but I’m feeling an immense amount of pressure to not let a single petal wilt right now. And I don’t know if I’m up to the challenge,' said the flowering plant, stressing that it was sure to face an incredible amount of scrutiny based on its position amidst keepsakes and photographs.

Poor thing.

"He followed by up saying, 'They’re going to be hovering over me, tapping my pistils, looking for any little imperfection that’ll make them think of their dead kid and start breaking down again. Honestly? It sucks. I know that’s callous, but I can’t help but wish I had just grown up along a river bed, or been picked for a wedding. Goddammit, is that a brown spot on one of my leaves?! Not sure why I thought these folks could possibly keep me alive.'"

At press time, the lilies added that although the family was clearly going through a lot, the least they could do was move it's pot into direct sunlight, and water it daily if it meant that much to them."

Can't imagine what that plant is going through. Well thank you Tree, for coming on.

"At least that's close."

Well, this has been Anonymous from Anon 69 News. I'll be seeing you.

Author's Note:

Everyone say thank you to artanisjerin89 for proof reading this for my lazy ass.

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