Vicious Harpy
I was a simple man when all is said and done. All I needed to be happy was a full drink, a happy tune, and cheerful friends. Today I had none of those things. My next supply caravan was held up by a rogue storm on the pass, and the pegasus who delivered that message was sleeping upstairs until they arrived. While I still had enough food not to be worried, my alcohol reserves were low-enough that drinking my own reserve was bad. So I got to sit, bored out of my gourd behind the bar as everyone slept in because they were lazy bitches. And because nothing was going on. But facts couldn't stop my annoyance at the fact I was all alone and not in the mood to play.
I began stacking mugs. There's an art to it that I was unsure had ever been discovered or mastered by any other than bored barmen. Using handles and loose change as supports as I began to construct a tower to rival that of Babel. Or Babble, intentional misspellings for the sake of humor were always fun. I giggled at my private joke, which caused a tremor in my hands. My castle fell, struck down for my hubris of comparing it to the building made to counter gods radiance. Or maybe because I was a clumsy bitch. The world may never know. I sighed at the fallen monument to my sin, knowing deep in my soul that I would be the one to clean it up. "Damn, try to entertain yourself..."
I sighed as my head met the counter. Today just wasn't my day. The cruel mistress of idleness had made my simple inn her home, and I was stuck in her cruel clutches until I found both the means and the will to escape. Cleaning up spilled mugs was going to provide neither. An unholy crash splintered through my bar, the door crashing open as I looked up. On bird-like talons, a strange being sprinted in, doubled over as it sprinted up to the bar. It jumped up, a flap of its wings propelling its tiny body onto the bar as a pony face rose from the bird body. It shouted in a feminine voice as it struck a pose. "BEHOLD, YOUR DOOM! I AM APATHY, SPIRIT OF BOREDOM!"
I stared before a smirk found its way to my face. I jumped the bar, sprinting from the building with a smile. I heard the clack of talons on wood following me as I bolted out the door. I felt like Usain Bolt on cocaine as sand shifted under my feet. I couldn't tell you why I ran. Perhaps some part of me decided that seeing something that could be called a predator thought that running was the best idea. Perhaps I was simply so bored running from a so-called spirit sounded entertaining. Or, perhaps, I was simply insane. As I tore through the sand and ducked into my cellar I heard the shifting snap of talons on desert ground. Without closing the door behind me, I slid into my private getaway. Behind the casks of alcohol, there was a table, a pair of chairs, and a few counters. I slid into a chair, as my momentum forced it to lean back I grabbed at the bottle of ale on the counter. It slid back onto all fours as I popped the cap. As soon as I took the first step the spirit crawled into my private room. I raised the bottle as I smiled. "My demons were chasing me, shame they were doing a naruto run."
The spirit stared at me as I reclined in my chair. My bottle rose up in a mocking salute as I gestured to the opposite chair. The spirit raised an eyebrow, it's scratchy voice coming free from its twisted beak. "Just to be clear, you are offering the spirit of boredom a seat at your table, yes?"
I shrugged, downing a gulp with a smile. "Sure, why not? I've got an empty bar, plenty of time, and some booze to share." I looked it up and down, marking it's dull feathers and slow walking stance as it lazed its way to the chair. I grabbed another bottle and slid it over. "So, introductions first, right?" My arms spread wide over my head. "I am the Wiseman of the brown bottle, the spirit of spirits. But to the ill-informed wanderers, I am Charles Russo, owner of the most remote inn in the world."
The spirit gawked at me for a moment, before shrugging itself. "Then as I said, I am Apathy, the spirit of boredom. I will admit, when I felt a source of power here I didn't expect to meet another spirit. What cause is so important here to attract you?"
I leaned back, an eyebrow raising as I swished my bottle back and forth. "Cause? Mate, I just serve booze and beds. Food if one of the cooks is having an off-day. I'm not rallied here like some hero of old, just enjoying a peaceful life as best I can." I put my bottle down and reached back for a hand-bound book. I have hobbies after all. I began flipping through it for a moment. "I believe I remember a fitting quotation for it. Ah, yes, here it is. Manny Pacquiao. I'm just a regular person who believes life is simple, and I like a simple life."
Apathy rubbed her dull beak, nodding once. "I can see the wisdom in that, though I have never heard of the speaker."
With a shrug, I downed another drink. "Well it's a good quote, and I have a thing for quotes." With a sweeping gesture, I brought the entire room to the spirits attention. Hand-bound books littering bookshelves, tables, and floor with reckless abandon and a subtle hatred of order only a human can truly enjoy. "I have found that the musings of others prompt the musings of the self, and in all that one can reach tranquility."
Apathy looked around the room with interest, before her gaze returned to me. "And what tranquility have you found? What secrets does the Wiseman of the brown bottle hold."
My teeth flashed with my smile, and I put the bottle down. "As the world turns, and mortals die, I've found that three things are eternal." To prove my point I held up three fingers, lowering one with each point. "The sun also rises, the moon always sets, and if the barman doesn't steal a few drinks check the register, cause he's definitely stealing some money."
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9511932
Tried to address that in the latest update. I'm not gonna say first-person is my bread and butter, so I'm learning as long as people are willing to teach.
Where did Apathy come, and why did she just burst through the door? This one didn't make a whole lot of sense.
9513793
We've had a.party with Discord, a chalice that possibly grants immortality, and a.channeling with a crush. This story is a crackfic with acceptable writing. Sorry not, Apathy will be explained later, but she's similar to old Tom. She's a door for later events, not the.main piece of the pie. If you want a bit if an answer check why Discord came at all, and the.dots should connect. If they don't Ill need to do some work.
Shit, ain't that the truth.
Honestly, I just love this story, great way to get a laugh and a nice thing to read to relax. Keep up the amazing work my friend.
I dont have a Hoorah as Im not a marine, But I have a nice Hooah from an army guy if that suits your fancy.
Apathy makes strange bar bedfellows?
Gives a whole new meaning to Cocktail Shaker?
Better stock up on Orange and Vodka.
Great story as always. And i like the quotes hobby he has. May he reach tranquility eventually... unless he already has??
Rex tremendae majestatis Qui Salvandos salvas gratis salve me, Fons Pietatis
You know if you mixed the two "spirits" there you would end up with Ronson -- The Gods of Arr-Kelaan of apathy and beer.
Well the three eternal things sound accurate to me!
Lol. I wonder if Apathy will explain to Charlie there, what qualifies as a spirit, and if he meets them.
Or maybe Charles counts as one of those "asian" spirits, like some dead monks are supposed to be.
9514266 There is a 4th: fanfics shall always be written with red and black characters.
Thank you for updating both stories!
One question:
here it is described as equestian version of classical harpy: "as a pony face rose from the bird body"
but here: "Apathy rubbed her dull beak, nodding once" it is portrayed having a beak
so is it something like one of those:
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/929/065/1c8.png
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/2/28/1376130.jpeg
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/7/18/377303.png
or does it have a beak?
Update has come. I enjoy.
9514964
It's a more human harpy. I know I didn't describe it well, but basically imagine a falcon that stands upright and has human-like anatomy and you're there
9514566
With belts, spikes, tragic backstories, a sword, and they will be irresistible to others.
Bacon.
9515504 And they have to have a tear-drop birthmark beneath their left eye.
9515614
And eggs. Mmmmm
9516197
And they are all chosen ones , And Once every Era will come A red and black Donkey Called Bad
Joke:Bad ASS GET IT? GET IT?!?!?!?!
HELL NO
9527713 Alondro cannot find humor at this time as he is busy hacking up his lungs.
9527929
Like was that a Joke?
If not, My sincere condolences.
9527987 No joke. I've been coughing like mad since Friday. The lovely weekend weather in my area I could only observe sadly from inside between bouts of snot fountains pouring from both nostrils.
9530633
Is it not ‘princess' ’, since the word ends with an s?
9523326
You can't find it back? I can't even find mine front.
YAY!!!!
Just the perfect amount of craziness for me
I always imagine the inn like the tavern from Hearthstone. Not really set in one place, but if you want to find it, you will.
9542277
KEKKITTY KEK KEK
all according to kekiku
Loving this story so far and can’t wait to see more mate! Keep up the grate work!
This story is one of the best things I've ever read on this site, henceforth it will be going into my bookshelf of Legendary quality stories!
This has got to be one of the most entertaining stories I’ve ever read
I thought I had lost any and all interest in mlp fanfictions. Then I found this story. I'm having a wonderful time reading this.
9615865
Glad to spark it.
Hey, Dream Theater taught me that three different things were eternal.
Death, sorrow, and love!
Who’s right?
I love that simple life quote