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// Celestia To Open Diplomatic Talks With Raging Blizzard 
// Story: Anon 69 News 
// by Amilition 
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Door slams open.

Guess who's back, back again? Anon is back, tell a friend. Welcome to Anon 69 news deer listeners. If you haven't heard, I finally got released from the hospital today. That means I can go back to work. . . you know, now thinking about it, this fucking sucks.

Anyways, making a bold move today, princess Celestia announced she will try to negotiate with a raging blizzard that has been plaguing around Crystal Empire.

And magic and the justice system. Could a magical orb be used to to charge someone with planning a big time bank heist? A heist so big, they wont have to work at the public radio another day?

From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm Anonymous and this is Anon 69 News. We'll spoon feed you the news faster than any other news.

Today, princess Celestia is to open diplomatic talks with the raging blizzard around the Crystal Empire, an ally of Equestria. Stella has more on the topic. Hello, Stella.

"Hey Anon. Glad your back."

I'm happy you are because I'm not. So, why has Celestia opted to talk with the blizzard?

"Well, as you know, Equestria and the Crystal Empire has been trying to get rid of this nasty blizzard for over centuries. But last week, Celestia announced she will try a different path. This morning, Celestia's secretary, Raven, stated the princess is confident she can convince the icy snow to stop freezing everything in their path."

"The princess plans to make the blizzard understand that our difficulties are shared difficulties. Not ponies against snow but ponies and snow working out their differences."

"Princess Celestia is already en route to the Frozen North where she will be shuttled into the maw of the raging blizzard."

Stella, this snow never relented for hundreds of years. What is Celestia's strategy here?

"Well, look. Previous ideas have immediately resorted to try and melt the blizzard. But this is a new and better plan. She just didn't think that a combative approach with the sun and fire would work this time."

But so far the blizzard has refused to acknowledge any of the overtures the princess has made. Celestia sent a letter requesting it cease its destruction. Apparently it froze it up before even reading it.

"That's true. But look, politically this is a stroke of genius, I think. The most powerful being is offering a olive branch to this blizzard and the blizzard looked pretty bad here. Childish even, just freezing it up like that."

And Celestia is presenting the blizzard with a gift? A charred table leg from the old Castle of the Two Sisters that was torched by Nightmare Moon?

"That's exactly right. As the princess said in a statement, "Snow has a complex, beautiful and at times, a destructive history. But we would remiss if we did not recognize its unique ability to create as well."

And that must of been the idea behind all those photo ops with the various blizzards over the past few days. But Stella, co-ruler princess Luna's meeting with the blizzard two days ago was considered a total failure. There also seems to be a lot of nobles who aren't convinced we should even approach the blizzard.

"That's for sure Anonymous. Even prince Blueblood had something to say."

"Celestia, my dear auntie, puts snow first. Someponies say, "Blueblood, you're crazy. Its not like she gets up in the morning and thinks, "What can I do to help the blizzard?" Well you know what? I'm not sure she doesn't" 

What do you make of this Stella?

"As Celestia said numerous times, if he wanted to, she could go back to fighting it, but she doesn't want that. I believe its going to require all of the princess'  diplomacy skills to make the blizzard see that putting itself out is what's best for both parties."

Alright, thank you Stella for coming on.

"Its my pleasure."

This has been Anonymous From Anon 69 News. I'll be seeing you.

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