"So. . . damn. . . hungry!"
Quiet. You'll attract more more.
"I wish this chicken costume was actually chicken."
You really that hungry?
"I'll eat anything at this point. Dirt, meat, I don't care."
Look, we'll check around the area, ok? See if any of the places have food.
"Awesome. I'm craving a flower sandwich so bad."
Lets look in that big mansion. They have to got something worth eating in there.
So now your on the run, low on supplies. Only got 3 cans of food, one water bottle, and only half a roll of toilet paper. Sounds like you need to do something called scavenge.
And is our water polluted? Well lets see how long I can stay awake.
From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm Anonymous and this is Anon 69 News.
Now yes, the beautiful word, scavenge. To search for and collect anything usable and useful from discarded waste. What? Pffft! Its not stealing. . . as long as your not cought.
So, where would one start, one may ask. Well most will say by searching the garbage, but we're not that desperate yet. Only search garbage when your truly desperate.
Now, where might you start? Great question. Now first assess your situation. What do you need. You need food and water? Search small convenience stores. Yes, small. If you go to a big one, well might as well put your hand on a mouse trap. Smart mares would usually set up big traps at big grocery stores. Once enough males are in the building, they will lock the place up and go at it like a fox in a chicken pen.
So now that you 'borrowed' food and water, now you look at your next situation. Your cloths are ripped and torn because? Well simply break into a house. . . well its not that simple I guess. There are many factors to choosing the right house.
Number one, make sure its not too rich looking. If the pony is rich enough, they might of installed a magical security system. You might tick off an alarm then boom, you just let every mare in your radius know where you are.
Two, make sure its not a hideout for other mares. How can you tell this? Simple. Go near a window and hear for any lewd sounds. That being of, moaning, whipping, and even sounds of pleas. If you hear any of that, run. Run as far as you can.
Three, make sure there aren't any pets. Dogs, cats, even birds. Why? Well pets in this world are designed to fuck up your day. That being of making loud noises, knocking shit over, you name it. All to annoy you. I'd say the only pure pet would be a pet gator. They're just kinda. . . there. . . unblinkingly. You can check for signs for pets such as, dog houses, bird nests, and shedded hair all over the place. That should about do it, other signs are more obvious.
Now that every sign is clear, go in there and grab what you need! Or it might be too late. And now that you got everything you need, I got some good news for you champ, you just found yourself a little hideout of your own! Well that's untill the next group of mares come around and wreck your shit again.
This has been Anonymous From Anon 69 News. Good luck fellow male.
Click.
"Ahh, that was a good sandwich."
Glad to hear it, now help me gather supplies. We're gonna be heading out soon.
"Alright."
We're going to need cloths,food, water-
"Hey uh. . . Cracker?"
What now.
"I'm no expert but uh. . . I believe there's a horde of mares approaching the house."
What. Let me see- oh no. Twigs, start getting any desks, shelves, anything big and bring them here.
"Uh, why?"
We're gonna set up defenses.
"NGHGHAAAAHHH!~"
Heavy panting.
"We can take a break now."
Wait you serious?
"Yeah. We got some letters to read."
Oh thank the heavens!
"Shut it you. Its only a small break. Here open this one."
Damnit.
"Twix?... does this mean there is a left and right one?"
-Mist_Chaser
I doubt it but you just gave me two new nicknames for him.
"Will you ever say his real name?"
Not till the day I die.
"Whatever. Here, another one."
"When you sneak into Luna's room, do you use her socks to masturbate?"
-bronyoftherevolution
What kind of animal do you take me for. No, I don't masturbate with her socks.
"Yeah, my stallion on needs one-"
I find her stash of panties and I use those.
"You what!"
Yeah, she has a stash of panties I just use. They're right under-
Smack.
Hey, ow! What was that for!
"We'll talk about it later. Here, take another before I flip."
"Did you ever attempt to gain the ability to use magic, and if so, how badly did it backfire?"
-vortex123
Uh, well there was this time I requested for the ability to talk to animals. Well the ones that couldn't already talk. I regretted it an hour later because I figured out all they do is talk shit.
"It was funny because every ten minutes or so, he'd start arguing with a small animal."
Those bastards. Hand me another one will you?
"I got you."
"Do you folk over at Anon 69 accept donations and or gifts?"
-Omegaxxx
Oh hell yeah. We take donations such as small amount of bits to even a custom made book cover. But please don't send us a turd in a box.
"Yeah, please don't do that."
We beg you not to do that. We got sent seven boxes of turds.
"Don't remind me."
Please hand me another. I want to forget.
"No need to tell me twice."
"How much water can you fit in a watermelon"
-3DTV
I found out the hard way. If you put too much a portal will open up and the dark lord of watermelons will appear and demand for a sacrifice.
"What did you sacrifice?"
My virginity.
". . ."
I'm kidding. I just gave him my watermelon.
"And that worked?"
Yeah. I was surprised.
"O. . . k? Next one I guess."
"Did you ever had sex with Luna?"
-Theprophetice
Yup. That's why she hates my guts. Turns out I was her first.
"I'll never forgive you for that."
What? We were drunk ok. What were you expecting?
"Not to lay with my princess."
True, true. Hand me another.
"And thine wish shalt be granted."
"Um, I was wondering umm, what is the weccomended amount of Dedotated wam Ize should have to server?"
-CharacterRoulette
That seems. . . oddly familiar.
"What do you mean."
I don't know. All I can recall is it's about a game with a bunch of cubes and stuff.
"Weird. Here's the final one."
"What does Celestia think about your "involvement" with Luna? And does she pick sides in the "battle" between Cadance and Chrysalis?"
-PonyDragon
Well Celestia has actually been trying to get me and Luna to hook up. I asked her why and she talked about how Luna has been lonely and has been talking about me a lot. Positive things at that. She went so far to say that Luna even has a body pillow of me. I doubt all of this of course. No way is me and Luna hooking up.
"Yeah! He's mine and mine only."
And as for the battle thing, turns out Celestia is against both of them. Calling them armatures and saying how she will show them the true power of molestation.
"Ok, that's the last of them. You know what that means Anon."
Wait, no please, lets relax a bit longer-Ack!
"Nope!"