Max coughed loudly as he brushed off pieces of obliterated door scattered all around him. He fished out a particularly long piece of door that got caught in his hair. Looking up, he spotted a trembling Salt Shaker with her head lowered and snout almost kissing the dust-covered floor. Just ahead of his trembling friend stood the pony that caused all of the destruction surrounding them.
Princess Luna. The raving lunatic that blasted her way through Max's bar with an ear-splitting shockwave of door-destroying proportions. He knew that slamming a door in a Princess's face was an absolutely bad idea and totally understandable if said Princess was angered. But a bloody shockwave?
Max pushed himself up, dusting his butt and with half a mind to tell this Princess off for destroying his door. He heard a dull clink from below as his leg stepped onto something metallic.
It was their shopkeepers bell. No longer the image of its former self, the small silver bell was battered and bent, with its clapper missing --- lost, perhaps, somewhere inside the bar, buried underneath the wreckage of door and dust.
"That costed me a fortune." he muttered, picking up the shopkeepers bell and cradling it in his hand. "I hope they still have these on sale on E-bay. . ."
Someone cleared their throat. Loudly, and authoritatively. Max gave one last glance at his fallen bell with saddened eyes before looking up at the throat-clearer.
It was Princess Luna. "What manner of service is this?" she demanded instead of asking, stomping her hoof on the ground with an annoyed huff. "Is this anyway to treat your Princess?"
Max's temper was boiling. Not only was the front door blasted off its hinges, his shopkeepers bell was destroyed too. Their guest may be a Princess, but that doesn't mean she can just go ahead and start blasting things as she pleases. Max had put in a lot of coin for getting everything set up.
"Now you listen hear, Your Highness." he said, stepping forward and glaring at the Princess with angry eyes. "You can't just go destroying other people's stuff just because---"
Salt Shaker suddenly grabbed Max by the sleeve of his shirt and pulled him down before he could even finish speaking.
"ARE YOU MAD?" she whispered furiously into his ear, splashing the side of Max's face with spit. "You can't talk to Princess Luna like that!"
"Our door has been wrecked, Salty!" said Max, not bothering to lower his voice. "Even our bell's been wrecked! Look!" he showed Salt Shaker the carnage that was in his hand. "Look at it, Salty!"
"Who cares about a freaking bell you idiot!" said Salt Shaker, sending swift apologetic glances at Princess Luna and throwing hot, molten glares at Max. "You absolutely, do not speak to the Princess like that! Show some respect!"
"She's your Princess, Salty. Not mine." said Max stubbornly. "Back where I'm from, respect isn't given willingly. It is earned."
"Well back where I'm from, things work way differently, Max!" Salt Shaker almost yelled in a hushed voice. "Don't you humans have that saying "When in Rome do as the Romans do?" Can't you see you're digging us into a deeper hole?"
Max bit his lip. Maybe he had stepped a little way out of line. He was standing in the presence of royalty.
"Just. . . just do as I say, Max. Please?" said Salt Shaker, gently turning Max's face to face hers. "For me?"
Max stared into his partner's misty-blue eyes, his reflection staring clearly right back at him. "Fine." he said with a defeated sigh. "Fine."
Salt Shaker smiled softly at him. "Good boy." she said, before delivering a well-placed hoof-smack onto his head. "NOW APOLOGIZE YOU MORON!" she hissed into his ear.
Max quickly stood back up.
"P-please pardon my rudeness, Your Highness." he said sincerely with a deep bow. "A thousand apologies for our terrible, unforgivable behaviour, and a thousand more for being such horrible hosts."
Glancing up at Princess Luna, Max was expecting her Highness's expression to be that of a understanding nature, perhaps even a calm or forgiving one. He was wrong.
Princess Luna's face was contorted with unmistakable fury. In hindsight, Max thought, as he whispered a silent prayer, perhaps it might had been a terrible idea to whisper and talk right under her Highness's snout. Especially after their already ruined attempt at giving a good first impression.
Right behind him, a loud, terrified gulp came from his partner. She too, must have sensed their impending erasure from existence.
"Uh-oh."
A hundred thousand apologies later --- most of which, Max noted, came from Salt Shaker --- Princess Luna finally calmed down. Which was a good thing. For she nearly exploded once more thanks to Max's insolence. Two of her personal guard came bursting into the bar and struggled to restrain the Princess from unleashing what might have been a shockwave of total annihilation. A third came flying in after them and started shouting at Max and Salt Shaker to leave the situation to them and to quickly run as far away as possible.
"Oh man, I am so glad to still be alive." Max said loudly, seated on a stool. "You weren't kidding when you said Princess Luna's a scary pony."
Salt Shaker glared at him, with a broom in her hoof and a dustpan in the other. Princess Luna has left and was standing somewhere outside their bar and --- according to the guard that yelled at them --- taking a much needed breather.
"If only a certain someone didn't speak so rudely to the Princess." said Salt Shaker through gritted teeth. "All of this could have been avoided."
The bar was still in a horrid mess, but at least the counter was spared. Except for the dust and door fragments, all of Max's tools, spirits and glasses were fully intact and safe. He tutted at Salt Shaker, displeased at what she had said.
"Hey now, don't you put all the blame on me, Salty." argued Max, standing up and walking towards her. "You're the one who slammed the door in her face, remember?"
"A-anyway," said Salt Shaker quickly, her cheeks reddening. "We should consider ourselves really lucky to be alive. I've heard rumours where some had it worse. Way worse."
"No kidding. For a moment there I thought I was gonna be a goner." Max grabbed the broom and dustpan from Salt Shaker's hooves. "Never though I'll see the day where my very existence would be threatened by some pony."
"Princess, Max. Not some pony." said Salt Shaker, rolling her eyes. "And give those back."
"Let me take care of the sweeping. My hands are better suited than those hooves of yours."
"Oh, now you're offering to help?"
"Take it or leave it, Salty."
Salt Shaker shook her head. "Always the hero, Max."
Max smiled at her. "I only do it cause I care about you, Salty."
Rolling her eyes, Salt Shaker turned around and trotted off in the direction of their office. "I'll leave you to it then. Let me know when the Princess comes back. I'll be in the back writing a letter telling our contractors that we're going to need a replacement door."
"Make sure to specify that we need a blast-proof door."
"Oh, shut up."
Max watched as Salt Shaker entered their office. Looking around him, he wondered how was he going to manage to get every thing cleared. The whole place needed a good sweep, perhaps even a hearty scrubbing. Sighing loudly, Max tightened his grip on the broom in his hand and started to sweep. Mumbling something about getting vacuum cleaners.
He'd barely swept for ten minutes when all of a sudden---
"Excuse me." said a voice which sounded oddly familiar.
Max spun around. It was the Princess.
"Y-Your, Highness!" he said, dropping the broom and quickly bowing down. "W-welcome back."
"Please, there is no need for you to bow." said Princess Luna, stepping into the bar and looking around.
Max stood back up. "Your, Highness?"
"What you said earlier was true: I am most certainly not your Princess."
Max gulped nervously. "I. . . I didn't meant any offence by it, your, Highness."
"And none was taken." said Princess Luna, carefully stepping over a small pile of debris. "In the words of my beloved sister, "I'm only a Princess of ponies." You are a human. I am not royalty to you."
Max was taken aback by that statement. Just moments ago this Princess was just about ready to blast him and Salt Shaker into smithereens. Now, it felt like he was meeting an entirely different pony. It was as though the tiger had magically turned into a kitten.
"I. . . I-uh. . ." Max struggled, unable to find the words. "E-even so, your, Highness, I must apologize again. I was rude, and way out of line."
"As was I." said Princess Luna, coming to a stop beside him. She was nearly as tall as Max was, only shorter by a head or two. She gave the bar a once over and glanced at the broom and dustpan in Max's hands. "A-Allow me to help with you that." she said, looking meaningfully at the mess in front of them with a little blush.
Before Max could even protest, Princess Luna used her magic to gather every bit of door, dust and debris off the floor. The entire bar illuminated with a bright glow of brilliant blue, emanating from both the Princess's horn and everything that she's gathered. Max watched as the collected wreckage formed into a shape of a large ball. Then, with a swish of her magical horn, the ball slowly shrank smaller and smaller, until it was just enough to fit on the palm of Max's hand.
"Well that's certainly useful." said Max softly, watching in awe as Princess Luna levitated the ball straight onto the dustpan. "Definitely way better than vacuum cleaners."
"Vacuum cleaners?" asked Princess Luna curiously, as the glow from her horn faded away.
"It's a mechanical device." Max slowly explained, grabbing the broom and sliding the brush back and forth on the now spotless floor. "It is used to suck up dirt and dust or anything that goes underneath its nozzle."
"How intriguing." said Princess Luna. "And it sucks up everything you say?"
"As long as whatever it is you're sucking ain't too big or heavy, sure." said Max, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly; He still found the entire situation to be surreal. Was he really talking to the same Princess that blasted his door down moments ago? He was expecting a scolding, maybe even receiving a punishment of sorts. But certainly not giving a Princess an explanation on what vacuum cleaners are.
"Your, Highness---" he started.
"Please. There is no need for formalities. You may address me as Luna."
After what he had seen and went through tonight, no one could blame Max for being at least a little skeptical; The change in Princess Luna's character was too sudden, almost as though one of the switches controlling her different emotions been switched off. Almost as though she was a completely different pony. Perhaps the Princess has bipolar disorder? Or was this Princess an impostor?
Still, Max decided to go with it, curious to see where this might lead him. "Prin--- I mean --- Luna." he said cautiously, as if worried that the Princess might suddenly explode into a ball of flames. "Since you said there's no need for formalities--- I just have to ask--- and forgive me for being so blunt but --- are you feeling all right? You seem a little. . . different."
Luna tilted her head slightly with a puzzled look on her face. "Am I feeling. . . all right?" she said slowly.
Max nodded. "I mean are you feeling. . . okay?"
For a second, Max could've swore he saw Luna's face twitch a bit. It was so quick, and so sudden, yet long enough to tell Max that the Princess was indeed not feeling all right. Something seemed--- something was bothering her --- and she's doing a rather good job at hiding it.
"I do not understand." said Luna, gazing at Max with her expression stiff as stone. "Do I seem indisposed to you?"
"Something like that." said Max with a nod. "Just moments ago you seemed ready to kil--- I mean you seemed er--- stressed."
Luna dropped her gaze from Max and stared at the floor and said nothing. The silence that followed made Max wonder if he'd said something wrong. His eyes drifted to the office at the end of the bar, where Salt Shaker was. Should he call for her? He could use the support.
Finally, Luna spoke. "I confess --- when I arrived at this establishment earlier this evening there were already feelings of. . . of anger boiling inside of me."
Max said nothing, waiting for her to continue.
"I think. . . I believe frustration was the word I wanted." said Luna, still staring at the floor. "Yes. I was overwhelmed with feelings of frustration."
"Rough night?" Max asked, almost automatically.
Luna looked up at Max and smiled. "You could say that." she said, nodding softly.
A huge grin slowly spread across Max's face and his eyes sparkled. It was moments like this where his expertise came into play. It was moments like this where it was his time to shine. Picking up the broom and dustpan, he left them leaning against the wall behind the bar counter.
"Well then." he said, stepping behind his counter and pulling out a white hand towel. "Have a seat."
As if on cue, Salt Shaker came stepping out from the office, scratching her butt and with a sealed envelope in her mouth.
"Is Princess Luna b-b-b-back yet?" she tried to ask while stifling a huge yawn, dropping the envelop in the process.
Max chuckled. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"
Salt Shaker's eyes widened when she spotted Luna, who has taken a seat and staring curiously at the counter. "P-P-Princess Luna!" she squeaked, dropping on all fours. "W-W-W-Welcome back!"
Luna, who was busy looking at everything, ignored her. "What is that?" she asked Max, pointing at a small, metallic device resting on the counter top. "Is it an urn?" she gave it a little poke with her hoof.
"That, Luna, is not an urn." replied Max, motioning at Salt Shaker to come over and stand next to him. "That, is a cocktail-shaker."
"A what?"
"Cocktail-shaker, Princess." said Max, picking the device up and twisting it open, separating it into three smaller pieces. "As the name implies, it is used to mix beverages. I would say this is an essential tool for any aspiring bartender; I find that it helps me blend the ingredients together way better than stirring --- but that's just my opinion."
Luna watched as Max picked up the first piece of the cocktail-shaker, which was the smallest among the three.
"This," Max started, holding it in the palm of his hand. "Is what we call the---"
He stopped suddenly. Someone was nervously poking him right around the gut. It wasn't painful or anything, but it was rather distracting. Looking down, he saw that it was Salt Shaker that was the one responsible for the poking attack. He raised an eyebrow. Salt Shaker was hiding underneath the counter instead of standing next to him.
"What is it, Salty?" he asked, staring quizzically at his friend, who was still sending soft jabs to his abdomen. "And why are you hiding?" he added, bending down.
She beckoned at him with her hoof, inviting him to squat down. "We need to talk, Max." she said quietly, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "Now."
"Er. . ." Max quickly glanced at Luna, who also has her eyebrow raised questioningly, before looking back at Salt Shaker. "You do realize that the Princess is right---"
Salt Shaker suddenly stood up from her hiding spot, her head hitting Max squarely in the jaw. "P-Princess Luna!" she squeaked, grabbing a groaning Max by the arm. "I am so sorry but, is it all right if I borrowed Max for a moment?"
Before Luna could even say anything, Salt Shaker had pulled Max down along with her, back to her rather impractical hiding spot.
"Just what is going on here, Max?" she whispered as Max rubbed his chin, which was still sore and red from the impact from Salt Shaker's hard head.
"Whaddaya mean?"
"What happened to the Princess? Why is she acting like that?"
"Acting like what? She seems fine to me."
"No, she is not!" said Salt Shaker, smacking her forehead, getting impatient with her friend. "That wasn't how she was acting before! Have you already forgotten what had happened almost an hour ago?"
"Of course not." said Max. "I remember it quite vividly; I could still taste the wood from our blasted down door."
"Don't get cheeky with me." Salt Shaker warned. "Why is the Princess acting so differently?"
"You mean why she isn't yelling and blasting down things?"
"No! I-I mean. . . well, yes."
"Beats me, Salty." Max shrugged. "She's your Princess, remember?"
"Yes, but the Princess I remembered was ready to murder us, Max!" she pointed out, waving her hooves in the air. "This Princess is more. . . calm."
"Do you want Luna to murder us?"
"Of course not, you idiot!" said Salt Shaker. "And don't you dare say the Princess's name so casually!"
"Why not? She was the one who asked me to."
"She what?"
"I know, right?" said Max, grinning. "From potential murder victim to first-name basis buddies! Almost feels like a twisted sitcom!"
"Urgh. . ." Salt Shaker groaned. "Are you telling me---" she started, massaging her temples. "---that the Princess just magically had a change of heart?"
"Well, I am in a land full of magically talking ponies, so. . ."
Salt Shaker stared at Max with narrowed eyes. "Did you give her weed?" she asked in a serious tone.
"W-What?" the question caught Max by surprise. "No!"
"Did you give Princess Luna weed?" Salt Shaker repeated, her eyes getting even more narrower than Max thought possible.
"I said no! Why would you even ask me something like that?"
"Because the Princess is just acting way too different than how she was before!" Salt Shaker exclaimed, raising her voice a little.
"And you think it has something to do with Luna being high?"
"How else would you explain the Princess's sudden change in personality?" asked Salt Shaker, staring at Max with accusing eyes. "You know what that stuff does to us ponies!"
"Just because you went out of control at that bar in Mane---"
"Enough!" Salt Shaker stopped him, covering Max's mouth with her hoof. "We swore never to speak of it again!"
Max rolled his eyes at her. "Look, Salty." he said, pushing her hoof away. "I did not give the Princess any weed! Even if I wanted to --- even if I dared, the customs over at the Everfree Forest would have swiped it away anyway."
Salt Shaker scratched her head with an annoyed tut. "All of this is just so confusing." she said. "If this were a novel or one of those creepy fan-fictions you humans so love to write --- some might call this an "Out of Character" or a completely illogical moment."
"Right, as if Equestria doesn't have its fair share of weirdos writing about their deepest, most perverted desires about us humans." said Max with a disapproving huff. "Besides," he continued, grinning. "I see this as more of a "Deus ex machina" moment; don't you see how this puts us in an advantageous position?"
Salt Shaker gave Max an apprehensive look.
"I dunno, Max. This just seems way off to me."
"The only thing off here is you." said Max, shaking his head. "Just roll with it. Let's see where this might take us. Take my grandmother's advice for example: "Never question the hows and whys. But instead focus on the now and here."
"That's some solid advice."
"My grandmother is a woman of profound wisdom, Salty. Maybe I'll bring you to meet her one day."
Salt Shaker said nothing. She seemed to be deep in thought. She had her hoof under her chin and her brow was furrowed.
"I still find this whole situation very confusing, Max." she said, finally, after a moment's pause. "I just. . . It's just way too convenient. Why is Princess Luna acting so differently from before?"
"Urgh --- enough with the questions, Salty!" Max groaned, rolling his eyes. "Tell you what: if the need to be sated is so desperately yearned by that curiosity of yours --- why not just ask Luna directly?"
"Yes, why don't you ask me directly?" agreed a voice that belonged to neither Max or Salt Shaker.
It was Luna. She was peeking from above the counter, staring at the two hiding underneath it with an annoyed look on her face. Max had almost forgotten that the Princess was still seated in their bar, waiting to be served.
"Your, Highness!" Salt Shaker half-shouted, jumping into the air and banging her head with a loud BANG against the counter-top. She let out a pained groan and tightly hugged her head as Max stood back up, chuckling quietly to himself.
"Sorry about that, Luna." said Max as he watched the Princess sat back down on her stool. "Salty can be rather. . . weird."
"You're weird." Salt Shaker whimpered from below, still hugging her head.
"I. . . I see." said Luna, slowly.
"I'm so s-sorry, your, Highness!" Salt Shaker squeaked, popping up with a hoof rubbing the top of her head. "We did not mean to keep you waiting again!"
"We?" said Max. "But you're the one who---"
Salt Shaker delivered a swift punch to Max's gut, knocking the wind out of him.
Several minutes later, once Max had prepared an ice-pack for Salt Shaker's head, he and Salt Shaker took their places behind the counter, while Luna sat up straight in her stool.
"As I previously mentioned to you earlier," Luna said to Max. "When I arrived here I was already feeling rather frustrated."
Max nodded. "That you did."
"As Princess of Equestria, I strongly believe that my actions were truly uncouth and shameful." said Luna with her head hanging low. "It was a display that I truly regret; a Princess must never show such uncivilized manners not only to her subjects, but to whomever she may meet in her life."
"I confess, I did a terrible job in controlling my emotions --- as my beloved sister have mentioned to me time and time again --- I should've held my composure more delicately. For that, I, Princess Luna of Equestria and the Night, deeply apologize for the damage and terror that I have inflicted upon the both of you."
She hopped off from her stool and bowed. Max and Salt Shaker stared at Luna with their mouths wide open. It was one thing to get an apology. But from a member of royalty? It was something totally new for Max. Not everyday you find a Princess bowing down before you.
Salt Shaker had found her voice. "Holy shi---"
"It's cool, Luna." Max quickly interrupted with a loud voice. "We all have those days, you know?" he added, glancing at Salt Shaker, who had covered her mouth with her hooves. "Even Princesses."
Luna looked up at the two of them. There was a light tinge of red in her cheeks. She stood back up and blinked.
"I. . ." she paused, trying to figure out what to say next. "Well. . . thank you."
"Ain't nothing but a thing, Luna."
"Yes!" exclaimed Salt Shaker, nodding her head in agreement. "Don't worry about it, Princess Luna!" she gave Luna an awkward smile and laughed nervously. "Nothing but a thing!"
Luna smiled at them. "Thank you."
The three of them traded smiled at each other --- Salt Shaker couldn't stop giggling nervously --- and a sudden idea popped up in Max's head. It was another one of those moments where he could shine. He clapped his hands with a loud SMACK! making the two mares jump.
"You know," said Max, stretching his arms. "I think this calls for a drink."
"A drink?" said Luna and Salt Shaker in unison.
"A drink!" said Max, grinning. "To wash down the past and to start over again. What do you say?"
"I like that idea very much." said Luna, nodding. "A drink indeed! I dare say we all could use a drink. Please, give me your best one!"
"Only the best for you, your, Highness." said Max, bowing. "Why don't you have a seat too, Salty? Let me show you more of my magic."
"Yes, join me, dearest Salt Shaker!" said Luna, her mood clearly improving by the second at the mention of drinks. "Come, sit next to me!" she added, patting the empty stool beside her.
Salt Shaker nodded, but cautiously made her way to Luna. She was still feeling apprehensive, as if expecting the Princess to suddenly morph into a blood-sucking monster. Nevertheless, she hopped onto the empty stool next to Luna and stared at Max with eager looking eyes.
"Now then." said Max, grabbing the cocktail-shaker in his hand and twisting it open with a huge grin on his face. "Time to mix drinks and change lives!"