//------------------------------//
// Apocalypse Day 1 of 7: Tips and Tricks 
// Story: Anon 69 News 
// by Amilition 
//------------------------------//

I want everything barricaded! Nopony in or out! Cracker, help me move the couch against the door.

"You got it, Anon!"

Twigler, check for supplies behind the refrigerator. I should have enough leftover supplies from last time.

"Yes sir!"

Sound of a couch scraping against the floor.

Ok, that should hold them. Twiglet, what's our food situation looking like?

"We have 4 packs of 10 water bottles but we only have about 12 cans of food!"

Damn it!

"That means one can of food a day for about 4 days."

Shit. That means were gonna have to go on a supply run soon.

"P-please don't let me be taken Mr. Anonymous! I-I don't like it rough! I was always a v-vanilla type of stallion! If they take me-"

Smack!

Get a hold of yourself! We won't let them take you, ok? We must work as a team if were going to survive this week. Now, lets get the radio set up.





Its that time of year again fellow males. Mares are in heat and they want your pickle. Here are some tips to keep you tool alive

And does Celestia really have the largest porn collection in Equestria as these rumours say.

From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm Anonymous and this is Anon 69 News. 

You know the procedure. Stay in isolation for seven days and do not trust any mare. All they want is your little man machine. Now if your new, you must think, "your crazy. Having mares lust after you is great!" Yes that's true but not during this time. They will do brutal things to you on days on end. Trust me, I've seen a friend of mine go horribly. So, here are some tips to stay alive.

Tip number one: stock up on supplies. No, don't go out and buy whatever your little grubby hooves can grab. Buy only what you need. There is a number three rule to this. It goes, food, water, and a full body costume. Now you may ask, "why would I need a full body costume?" That is to conceal your scent my friend. Mares during heat can smell a males scent from a mile away like a shark smelling blood. 

Tip two: isolate yourself. Either be it by yourself or with other males. Of course don't do it with a mare. You will sign a death warrant if you isolate your self with a fellow mare. I don't care if they're your sister or ya mama. They will fuck the shit out of you like its Alabama.

Tip three: when a mare asks you to have sex, remember S.E.X. When a mare asks you to do the dirty with her, say, "yeah I love sex. Showing Everypony my Xylophone." This should confuse her long enough for you to get the hell out of there.

Tip four: get yourself pornography. Your about to go into isolation for a week. You have needs too, just not as strong. So grab your self some masturbating material to keep your self busy.

And finally five: stay calm. This will be over before you know it. No need to go into mass hysteria. So sit back, and just let the problems blow over.

Listeners, that should help you onto your hooves to prepare your self for the next week. Now let the mare apocalypse begin. 

This has been Anonymous From Anon 69 News. Good luck.

Click.





"Uh, Anon? Somepony is knocking on the door."

Well see who it is! It might be a stallion seeking shelter.

"Anon! We got a problem!"

What now?

"Its-"

"Anon, you fucking cunt bag! Why'd you leave me like that? Let me in! I want to talk with ya."

Shit.