Cleaning dishes was something close to my religion at this point. The sink was my altar, the water my communion. I paused. "Wait, no. I don't drink the dirty dishwater..." I tried to think of another job for the dirty water, but baptism was out for obvious reasons. "Incense? It does have a bit of an odor." I nodded. Yes, the water my incense. With that in mind, I could continue my monologue.
Only I couldn't, my thoughts had been derailed. I tossed the last plate into the sink, groaning in annoyance. I moved to the front, clear of all customers with Pupa and Jeffrey playing a game of cards. I sat at their table, tapping it twice as I scooted onto a chair. "Deal me in next hand."
Jeffry nodded as he looked at his two cards. "Fair enough sir. We're playing five card draw, do you know the game?"
I smiled. "Yeah, I may be familiar with it." I decided not to mention I had introduced the game to Equestria forever and a half ago. I watched the round unfold as Pupa focused on her cards. It appeared neither of them practiced my normal strategy for friendly games, which just meant more fool them. I watched Pupa fold with a grumble, and the small stack of bits in the center of the table were shuffled to Jeffreys loving arms. "Now sir, should we go easy on you? Or would you prefer to be thrown to the sharks as it were?"
I paused, an evil plan forming in my mind. "Yeah, take it a bit easy, I have to shake the rust off." Cards flew across the table, with my hand neatly in front of me. I picked up the hand, barely paying attention to the cards. "So, how's the day been up here?"
Pupa looked over her cards, before answering with a slight hint of annoyance. "Quiet, there was a small storm outside, but that was probably just some rogue weather."
I nodded, looking to Jeffry. "Anything happen with you today old bean?"
He scoffed, throwing a small bet into the pot. "Of course dear sir. I completed my latest project, as well as wrote another portion of my memoirs."
I listened to his voice, which was just as calm as normal. I matched his bet, sparing a glance at my cards. Pair of aces, useful but not an assured win. Pupa matched the bet, but I had already seen her tell. She was annoyed when she spoke, but from the split of bits on the table she wasn't losing enough to get that frustrated. She had a bad hand. She looked over the table. "I didn't expect you to talk Mr. Charles, most creatures focus when playing poker."
I shrugged as Jeffry threw each of us another card, then started the next round of betting with a check. "That's boring. I'd prefer to lose money talking over being bored the whole game." I looked to Jeffry, who was shooting an occasional glance at his cards. I hedged my bet, throwing a few bits onto the table.
Jeffry nodded. "Understandable chap, though I much prefer leaving with heavier pockets than not." Pupa tossed a few extra bits on the table, and I grinned at Jeffry as he folded. I was ready to milk Pupa for as many bits as possible, grabbing a small measure of bits in my hand.
A crack of lightning ruined my play, singing the wooden floor as it seemed to crash through the building. I dropped my hand as I watched the only physical proof of a magical lightning strike rose in the center of my inn. A pony, wearing a fancy vest glowing a soft gold. Shapes stitched into his clothing that hurt my eyes, and I would swear they somehow measured up to something more than three-hundred-and-sixty degrees. I blinked it off, shaking my head to confirm it was really there.
Opening my eyes showed that he was, in fact, there. I stood up roughly, sighing and walking behind the bar. "Come on in, booze and food if you want it."
The pony stood up, staring about in a confused manner. "Ah, yes! Food is necessary. I require seventeen pounds of bananas and a glass of tea!" I stared as he trotted to a table in the corner before he paused. "Wait, I want the tea first. Seventeen pounds of bananas would be hard to eat without tea."
I pointed to Jeffry and he disappeared in the kitchen to brew tea. I meanwhile flipped open my inventory book. I opened it to the plant section and looked over it. "Sorry sir, we only have fourteen pounds of bananas. Would you like the lot?"
He nodded. "Yes, of course. I'm tracking prey that I hypothesize will be highly attracted to bananas. I need as many as possible."
I shrugged. "Alright, it'll be thirty bits. Would you like to pay now or after?"
He reached into his vest, pulling out a book and a pouch. With a flick of his hoof, he tossed the pouch towards me. I caught it and counted out thirty coins. I placed the pouch beside him and began moving to the back, packing up my entire stock of bananas in a small sack. Pupa walked in after me. "Are we really just serving him?"
I nodded. "Yep, no point in kicking him out."
Pupa looked at me as banana after banana disappeared into the sack. "And the fact he's buying our entire stock of bananas?"
I shrugged again. "Once sold three barstools to a dude since a caravan was due the next day. We're getting a fresh shipment in a little while so we won't be out long." I grabbed another banana and tossed it in the sack, reaching in again to find the pantry bereft of potassium. "So, we serve him and let him chase whatever insanity he's after."
Jeffry made a scoff. "Indeed, you are still new here Pupa. The strange and bizarre is another day at the office for us."
I held my hand out to Jeffry. "See! If I refused to serve the weird things that wandered into my bar I would go bankrupt within a month." I gestured to Jeffry with a finger, following him as he brought a pitcher of tea and a teacup to the eating area. I moved the bananas besides the pony. "Well sir, here's all our bananas, and some tea. Just ask if you need anything."
He nodded slightly, finally turning to look at me. He froze as he saw me before a hoof dived into the bag and pulled out a banana. "Want a banana? I have plenty here," He began softly clicking his teeth as I stared. I looked to Jeffry and Pupa, who were hiding laughs behind their hooves. Unfortunately, with the holes, it didn't really work. Then he said the one phrase that cinched the deal. "I have plenty more at my lab, and trees to play on too!"
I lowered my eyelids, slapping my head. "Hell no, I'm not dealing with this." I ran my hand down my face, letting it fall loosely to my side. "I'm not going to your lab you strange, strange little pony." I turned back to my bar. "Just, eat your food dude."
I moved to the bar, and the pony stood up to follow me. "But... but... you're a strange creature! I have to study you! You have a temporal lock around your inn and this is the only time I can secure you for study!"
I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Look, guy, I own this inn. You're a guest right now, but I can kick you out. So either eat your food or in the holy language of my people GTFO."
He opened his mouth, before bringing his journal out again, writing down a variety of notes before snapping it shut. "What if I said I could offer you an adventure through space and time?"
I snorted. "What, gonna fit me in your coat pockets? No thanks, I'll run my inn thank you very much."
He stepped back as if I slapped him with the pimp hand of justice. "This is no coat, sir!" This is the Variable Embarkation of Space and Time vest!"
I paused, trying to figure out if what I just heard was as stupid as I thought. He began jabbering on with gestures and pointing hooves, but my question was much simpler. "Is it a vest vest?"
He paused. "Well, I suppose if you must use such a simple acronym then yes. But see it's really much more of a-"
I reached over the bar, holding his mouth shut with my hand. "no, just leave. I have no time for a time-traveler wearing his vest vest. Just get your pony pony butt out of here and don't come come back." I turned to the stairs. "Jeffry, man the front. I'm going to go drink until I forget today happened."
Pupa giggled. "Would you like me to bring you a banana?"