God sakes! How unoriginal do you got to be to play 'A Hearths Warming Carol' over and over. I swear to Jesus, that green and red mare can't act for shit. Next time, I'm bringing tomatoes to throw at her if I see her again.
And a mare furious at her Hearths Warming tree for not bringing enough "Hearths Warming Cheer."
From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm your angry host Anonymous, and this is Anon 69-fucking-News.
A crowd of ponies collectively sigh today as the next play after 'Pony Express' was 'A Hearth's Warming Carol'. . . again. Not wanting to be total jerks, they sat through the play sighing and grunting. Some even drew eyeballs on their eyelids so they can sleep while seemingly watching the play.
It was only when the last ghost was done visiting did a pony exclaim he was going to, "rewrite the script" and make it so the "four ghost all show up at once and beat the shit out of the mare."
At press time, the pony put out the statement that his script was, "extremely short."
Moving on, in a desperate effort to get into the spirit of the season, local mare Strawberry Shake was reportedly demanding that a Hearths Warming tree bring her some holiday cheer Friday while slamming it against a wall.
“Come on, I know you’re holding out on me—you’ve got to have some holiday warmth in there somewhere, Celestia dammit,” said a furious Strawberry, grabbing the decorated conifer by the trunk with her magic and shaking it violently in an effort to force the tree to dislodge a few crumbs of goodwill towards all.
“I swear to Celestia if I’m not consumed by feelings of joy to the world and kinship of ponykind in the next 15 minutes, I’ll strangle you with your own string of lights, you sick fuck.” At press time, Strawberry was warning the tree what happened to those who got in the way of her Christmas cheer by tearing apart a wreath.
And uh, huh. That's it. Seems relativity quite out there. . . for now.
Well, I am Anon, and this is Anon 69 News. See ya.
And don't forget mail us some questions!
Watermelon Juice! That was her name! God, I gotta see if they can replace her. Maybe with me? Show them a good Scrooge from Earth.