//------------------------------//
// Hitching Post's Guide To Equestria 
// Story: The Inn At The End Of Equestria 
// by Nobodyslament 
//------------------------------//

I could count the number of books I had enjoyed since my arrival on my fingers. Ponies liked action and adventure far more than my innate love of drama and thrills. Of course, that meant a large portion of my time was spent working on other hobbies. That would change today. With the latest trade caravan, I had found a book I was hoping to enjoy. A travelers guide to Equestria that had all the best out of the way places mentioned and covered in full. Including my own little slice of heaven. I leaned up on the bar with a pencil held in my grip as I tapped the page with a photo of my home plastered on it. It was taken sometime after the pirates decided to attack. I knew this because a cannon was resting beside the front door.

I took in a deep breath, ready to weather whatever words that the author had decided to write about us. Pupa was seated at the bar, and some random minotaur was decimating hash browns like they had offended his mother. Pupa raised one of her eyebrows. "So, are we just gonna sit here staring at the book, or actually read it?"

Moving the pencil slowly, I turned the page with its eraser. With a quick clearing of my throat, I began to read. "If one finds themselves in the desert between San Ponymo and Malibuck, there lies a small inn on one of the ancient trade routes. The aptly titled Inn At The End of Equestria is a traders inn, merchants and wanderers from across all the world meeting to share a drink and sell to each other. The owner is one Charles Russo, who was quietly made an official Lord of Equestria some hundred odd years ago." 

Pupa coughed and doubled over. "Wait a second! You're a legit Lord of Equestria? Like, noble title and all?"

I coughed slightly, hiding my face behind my hand. "Er, well y'see. I may have introduced myself to the princess as a Lord. A little while ago she decided to make it official." I think the official saber of my office was somewhere in the attic, collecting dust like the title itself.

Jeffery sounded off from his post in the kitchen. "So we've technically been noble vassals this whole time? Quite the surprise sir."

My hands waved as if to dispel the awful thought. "Ew, no. Stop. I am not some petty noble lord, I am Charles. Just Charles, the bartender of the most remote inn in the world." I tapped the page. "But back to the important stuff. The service at the inn is exemplary, as long as you expect no special treatment. The owner treats every guest like an age-old friend. Complete with mild antagonism, occasional free food, and in this authors experience a single count of drunk and disorderly adventure." I looked down at the book in confusion. "Pupa, did I go on a drunk adventure with someone?"

Pupa shrugged, but Jeffry quickly rose from the window. "Well sir, you do tend to go on a bit of a bender every now and again, so I would assume this gentleman simply had the poor luck to be caught in your wake."

My eyes blinked a few times. "Wait, did you just call me sir?"

Jeffry nodded, lighting his pipe with a flash from his horn. "Well if you are indeed a lord I must give some measure of respect. Loathe as I am to admit it."

I smirked, leaning back into the book. "Well then, I'll be sure to remember that then. Anyways, let's see what else he says." I coughed a few times before continuing. "If you are exceptionally lucky, he may even allow you to peruse some of his more private works. After we had retired from a brief trip to a small set of ruined buildings under the waves of the ocean behind his inn he invited me to see some of his musings he has made over the years. I was given a book filled with quotations most strange and wise which I have taken to keeping beside my bed.

Pupa grabbed a glass, filling it with tea from a pitcher beside her. "So you gave him one of those books you write in while drink? And he could read it?"

She ducked as a rag soared towards her, making my attempt to hit her useless. "I write in them while sober, and they have important quotes and philosophies in them. I doubt Equestria has ever heard of half the things written in those. Or that Equestria should have them. From all I've seen I doubt the works of Machiavelli or Che Guevera have much of a place here. Anyways. The food and drink is excellent, staffed by a strange species that in all honesty I was having to much fun to investigate. While I doubt a trip simply to the inn would be worth it, one should consider visiting if ever within a days trot."

Jeffery nodded while puffing on his pipe. "Well sir, it seems we've gotten rave reviews."

I smiled, taking the open book to rest above the bar. "Course we do Jeff, we're awesome. Though I'll need to send him a letter. I have a few complaints."

Pupa smirked. "What? Mad he didn't mention your the best human drink mixer in Equestria?"

I reached over, poking her nose with my finger. "No..." I stepped back. "Well, yes. But he failed to mention our unflappable cook. Or our cute waitress."

Pupa's black shell adopted a minorly green tint, but she stepped forward. "Oh, cute am I?"

I nodded, leaning on the bar. "Course, cutest changeling I've ever had in the bar. Bar none." I giggled a bit. "Ha, bar none. I made a funny. But with that done I have to look through my books. Need to make sure I didn't accidently give a pony a copy of Mein Kampf. That'd probably be bad."

Pupa squeaked something from behind me as I pulled open the small trapdoor behind the bar, ducking into my hidey-hole. I grabbed the mostly blank book beside the door and began scribbling in it. "If you do not expect the unexpected you will not find it, for it is not to be reached by search or trail." With my scribbling done, I began poking at the shelves. All while trying to remember who exactly I got drunk with and invited down here.