//------------------------------//
// Old Tom's House 
// Story: The Inn At The End Of Equestria 
// by Nobodyslament 
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I was stuck staring at my bar. God had abandoned me and took my best drinks with him. Namely my favorite mead, which I refused to serve to any customers. Mostly because the only way to get more was the most time-consuming process known to man, and ninety percent of it was just travel time. I looked up, watching Pupa clean a table. I debated whether or not to leave before a lone speck of dust flew out of my cabinet. Nope, I was not going to put off my all important booze run for no reason. I began walking to the stairwell. "Pupa, hold the bar. I'm running to my room real quick."

I went up the steps two at a time, heading to my room to ready myself for my trip. I had a bag packed, everything but food and water I would need for a long trek through the desert. Hoisting it up I grabbed a small necklace and tapped it a few times, triggering a small song to play from deep inside the metal jewelry while it glowed softly. I bobbed my head to it for a moment until a solid click sounded. A voice came from the necklace. "Hello hello hello, this is Tom! Purveyor of the strange, magical, strange, rare, and weird!"

I smiled. "Hello, Tom, Charles here. Was wondering if you had any of my special mead in stock."

There was silence for a moment. "Yes yes yes! I have a few casks and a wagon you can have! Just come on over whenever you want. But the magic pixies are here, so bring a guest, or else they'll kidnap you for a few years and make you play silly games."

I paused, trying to figure out what in the hell he meant. "A-are you serious Tom?"

There was mad laughter from the other end of the line. "Ohohoh, come here alone and you'll find out! But I must go, there's a bear wandering around my foyer and I doubt he'll leave without a fine bribe of honey and a pixie stick."

There was a click from the other end of the line, and the necklace ceased its glowing. I threw it over my neck, putting my bag on my back. With my only preparations done, I made my way back downstairs. Pupa was behind the bar, wiping down the counter despite the fact it was fully cleaned. I looked to her before deciding she won the vaunted position as my first traveling companion by being the one who was readily visible when I walked downstairs. "Hey Pupa I gotta go on a long-ass trip, I need a bosom companion. Wanna join in?"

Her face went slightly green, and I worried for a moment whatever sickness got ahold of her while she had gone on a trip was rearing its ugly head. Much to my relief, it died down quickly. "Er, where would we be going?"

I began packing my fiddle in its case, taking more care with it than I normally give my belongings. "Oh y'know. Gotta head to the enchanted forest grove in the middle of the desert in order to get my best booze. Need somebody with me to make sure I don't get kidnapped by magic pixies."

Pupa stared at me. "A-are you serious?"

I closed the latch on the fiddle-case, picking it up. "Maybe. Whenever Old Tom says anything you have to take it with a grain of salt. On the other hand, I totally believe he has magical pixies there, so better safe than sorry."

I heard a voice call from the kitchen. "Forgive me sir, but did you say magical pixies?"

I saw Jeffery's head poke out from the service window, a cloth n his telekinetic grasp. "Yep, going to Tom's house is always an ordeal. Anyways you wanna tag along Pupa?" 

She slowly nodded, speaking as I threw on a pair of gloves. "Sure? How long is this gonna take?"

I shrugged, grabbing a walking stick from beside the door. "Well, normally getting their takes about a week. So assuming Tom doesn't chase us out as soon as we get there, then we should stay a couple days. Give some extra time for travel and we'll call it three weeks."

Pupa nodded, walking out from behind the counter. "Alright, I'm game. Who's gonna watch the bar."

I gave her a deadpan stare. "Jeffry, you dead?" He shook his head and I let out an affirmative grunt. "Cool, you watch the bar. Don't die." His head was still hanging out the window, and he gave me a curt nod. I turned to the door, shuffling my shoulders so the bag would fit comfortably. "Alright, let's go, Pupa. I got booze to get." I put a simple wrap around my head as I walked out, ready for the desert heat.


***
 

I'm not going to write about desert travel in depth. I can summarize it much easily with two words. Hot misery. I baked under the sun that Pupa seemed immune to because she has an exoskeleton made of cheating. Also, I got to become even more intimately familiar with sand. It wormed its way into several areas where chafing was not supposed to happen, and I'm pretty certain I was sterilized by the grains that decided my pants were a good place to roost. However, it was worth it if only for Pupa's reaction to the magic glade. 

Woods sprouting in the middle of the desert, trees, and grass running against sand with floating lights creating a path to follow. Pupa let out a small gasp, her eyes going wide as her mouth hung open. I smiled, remembering my first stint in the desert where I wandered here. I couldn't blame her when my reaction was so similar. I patted her head, rubbing the hair-like membrane on her neck. "Come on, Tom's waiting on us. Stay by me."

I began walking into the woods and smiled at the hurried hoofsteps behind me as Pupa fought to keep up. The forest itself was beautiful, as always. Trees in vibrant health, with spirits and creatures of magical origin flitting about the floor. Will 'o wisps floating off the path, hoping to confuse passing travelers. I saw a snake with legs wander about, whispering dark deeds as it moved. Such creatures that in a past life I had been sure were fantasy all crossing my vision. I remembered a small quote that I found fitting. "There are more things on heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in my philosophy."

Pupa paused, looking me over with a questioning stare. "That sounds... deeper than your normal trite."

The statement poorly hid a question, and one I was more than happy to answer as we made our way through the enchanted realm of Tom's little realm. "I know lots of things, and this place reminds me of that." I pointed to a disgusting creature lounging in a pool of water. It looked almost like a pony, only without skin. A hunched semi-human figure sprouting from its back. "Like that. Where I come it's called a Nuckalavee and is a terrifying creature said to be made-up." I watched as it softly nuzzled a bird resting on a twig. "I never would have dreamed of seeing one, and yet..."

Pupa remained silent as we walked up to a large cottage seated in a clearing. I saw a familiar sight. I poked Pupa in the side. "And there, that's the Pixiu." I enjoyed watching the Pixiu. At a glance, you could mistake it for a male lion, but a closer look betrayed its magical nature. The mane was not simply gold-colored, but flowing gold surrounding its neck that let out the soft sound of clinking metal as it walked. And then there were its wings. Made of fire and hugging its body it looked like a sculpture of the highest quality and were it not happily chasing a hanging bell I might think it was one.

I clicked my tongue and walked up to it, letting Pupa hide behind me as the Pixiu turned to look at me. He let out a happy purr, charging at me with his tongue out like a dog. With a frightened yell Pupa ran to the side as I was tackled into the dirt. I began laughing as I felt soft gold rub against my chest as my whole body vibrated with the beasts purrs. I began rubbing his snout. "Hey, boy? It's been a little while, huh?"

He gave me a lick, with his sandpaper tongue leaving a red mark on my face before he rolled off of me, revealing his belly before giving me a mournful look. I shook my head. "Well Pupa, if you're scared of the fuzzball here than give him a belly rub. It's guaranteed to make him like you." I squatted low running a gloved hand over his stomach. It only took a few seconds before a chitinous hoof joined me. I let the soft vibrations of a happy kitty shake my hand for a moment before the hoof paused over my hand. I raised an eyebrow at it before patting Pupa's hoof a couple times.

She made a few frantic breaths as I rose, and I patted her head again. "Calm down girl, he probably won't eat you. C'mon, we gotta go visit Tom." Hoping that put Pupa's fear to the side, I walked through the wooden door into Tom's house.

Tom's house looked about how you would imagine if you thought of Tom as a schizophrenic hallucination of madnees, which I'm pretty sure he was. There was a small lake in the exact middle of the foyer, with a stairwell leading up and two rooms branching off to the sides. There was a mix of different styles winding through the house. Corinthian columns, Egyptian Hieroglyphs, and Norse runes decorating the room. Tom himself was ducking his head into the water, his black fur rustling softly as he shuffled in place. I walked up. "Tom, you got your head on?"

Tom bolted up, jumping out of the water. He looked between me and Pupa for a moment, before smiling wide. "Oh, Hello hello hello! It's so nice to see you, Charles! Did the pixies give you any trouble?"

I shook my head, walking up and sticking a fist out. "Nah, didn't even see them. Ran into the Nuckalavee though. She seems to be doing well."

Tom reached out with his hoof, tapping my fist lightly. "Of course course course. She froze the exit to my little lake though, so the Ogopogo is stuck under my house. I was trying to bring it up for a chat. But it was to busy sulking."

With pleasantries done, I grabbed my fiddle case from my back. "Well then, I assume the price is the same as normal?"

Tom sat down on the ground. "Yes yes yes, one song I can sing to. Let me just get ready." He reached over to a nearby chair before pulling it towards him. The noise attracted Pupa's attention, where she was previously inspecting an old Aztec-looking engraving on the wall. Which meant it was no surprise when she screamed as Tom pulled off his head and placed it on the chair facing me. He stamped his hoof. "Hey hey hey, calm down strange bug-pony! Me and Charles are about to play!"

Pupa's scream strangled off as she stared in horror at the dismembered head talking to her as the hole in his neck emitted a smokeless flame. "Charles?" Pupa's voice was very quiet, almost a whisper. "Is this normal?"

I began opening my fiddle case, getting ready for my show. "Just about, normally he has a special stand, but I guess he didn't bring it out."

Tom's head bounced up and down in place. "NO! The mean little pixies stole it because I wouldn't let them trim Pixiu. His mane is far too beautiful to take something as bland as scissors to."

I nodded in agreement as I raised my bow. "Yeah, Pixies sound like bitches. So, sad or happy today Tom?"

Tom paused for a moment. "Let's do sad, maybe that will get grumpy-pants down there to come back up."

I nodded, plucking a few strings. "Alright then, I'll lead us in. I'll give you the first few words, but I expect you to sing most of it." I ran the bow across the strings, letting a mournful wail sound from my fiddle. "O' Death."


***


I smiled as I approached the end. With my song rousing the Ogopogo, we had been forced to make a hasty retreat. Pupa apparently was less pleased with meeting a giant predator when it was easily within biting distance. Since then she had decided I was apparently the only safe haven in both the glade and the desert, not leaving my side. At this point, I think her ribs might have fused to my hips. 

I walked through the inn doors and Jeffry looked over the bar. The soft dark of night backlit me and Pupa beautifully I thought, though this was ruined by the soft chuckle from Jeffry that prompted Pupa to sprint her way upstairs. I watched as she sprinted upstairs. Jeffry looked after her before turning to me. "So sir did anything happen out of the ordinary."

I scratched my chin, thinking over my trip as I looked at the wagon parked beside the inn. "Nah," I said, grabbing a bottle and moving inside. "Pretty normal for a trip to Tom's."