//------------------------------//
// You Can't Keep A Good Sun Down Pt. 2 
// Story: The Inn At The End Of Equestria 
// by Nobodyslament 
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I woke up with a killer headache, betraying the fact I made a fair few mistakes last night. I looked around, and let out a breath of relief. I was in my room, with the shitty painting I got from Jeffery the first hanging above the door, and the chalice shoved on top of my wardrobe. I let out a groan and patted my bedside table. I felt the cool skin of my water pouch, squishing under my fingers. I pulled it towards me, letting the cool liquid hit my parched throat. Properly hydrated, I moved off my bed. I looked myself over. I was thankfully in actual pajamas, meaning I had some control over myself last night. This was good because it meant the chances of finding something ridiculous and embarrassing was fairly low. Then I stepped off my bed and heard a shout of pain.

The floor rolled from under me, sending me back onto my bed with a thump of impact. I looked up, my head loudly having a full-scale coup at its mistreatment, and seeming to successfully kill me. I groaned and heard it repeated by whatever I had stepped on. I peeked forward, noticing a blue-winged unicorn laying on my floor, a bottle of whiskey held in the crook of her hoof. I stared for a minute, before flopping back onto my bed. "Hey, you hungover too?"

There was a growl, which I assumed was a yes, or a threat of murder. Either way, it was long past time for my standard cure, only this time with tea thrown in. "Okay, look I have no clue who you are. I also have no clue what happened last night. So I propose that I go downstairs and we grab some greasy food while we fight off this bullshit. Sound good?"

Another growl, this time with a question mark following it. Luckily years in a bar made me fluent in the language of pain and regrets. "Yeah, I can help you down. Just leave the bottle, I can clean up in here later." There was a grumble as glass rolled across my wooden floor, and the mystery guest rolled to her hooves. A small crown rested on her head, and she had that weird metal necklace that Celestia wore whenever she visited. I shrugged it off, using a hand to guide her as we stumbled our way downstairs. With her being a trotting hand-support, and me fulfilling my role as a mobile wall, we managed to stumble to the bar. I left her by a table, letting her figure out the minutia of sitting while I made my shaky way to the kitchen.

I pulled the various utensils I would require from their homes as carefully as possible, each noise sending mister headache into a very painful tantrum. After negotiating the depths of hell to ready my kitchen and ingredients, I began cracking eggs cutting spuds. I was thing eggs, hash browns, and some bananas would be what the doctor ordered. I threw the kettle on too, hoping tea would help as my drink. As everything warmed up I filled a few glasses with water, making unsure steps as I delivered one to the stranger at the table. Some might say I should have charged, as such cutthroat business would ensure a profit. I would say that the day a hungover man denies aid to his fellow hangover family os the day hell has truly descended upon earth.

I fell into the familiar beat of cooking, letting my muscle memory handle the details while I focused on ignoring my suicide-inspiring headache. Without missing a beat, I plated the first round of food. I could guess I should feed me and my guest, and my little 'lings didn't need food so tea would be good for them, but I laid out three plates. I shrugged, deciding to trust my instincts and readied all three. With robotic efficiency I grabbed all the plates, placing two drinks on each before heading outside. 

I saw Pupa holding her head behind the bar, and I whispered as I passed. "Grab a tea kid, welcome to the shitshow." She did so with a nod, one of my cups floating away softly. I made my way to the table, placing each plate at a chair and falling into a chair. The guest grabbed a fork, shoving a banana slice into her mouth as I took a sip of tea. It did the trick, pushing part of the headache away.

Until a cheery voice crashed through my inn with all the subtlety of a flaming jet fighter with a drunk Russian pilot. "GOOD MORNING MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS!"

I hit my head on the table in pain, shouting back from my hunched over stance. "SHUT UP YOU OVERSIZED PIGEON!"

There was a stumbled step, followed by several crashes that made me wish for the sweet embrace of death. Once the toll of the death bell finally finished I raised my head, taking another sip of tea before spearing my own banana slice. There was a blessed silence until someone ruined it with a whisper. "Oh dear, you two are pretty bad off, aren't you?"

My guest hissed at the voice, getting a familiar giggle as I turned to see Celestia, happily sitting beside the third plate. I took a small amount of pride in fixing her a plate and then flicked a banana at her. "Shush, let the miserable fight off their hangover in peace."

My guest nodded. "Verily, the humble innkeeper speaks the truth."

I let silence fall again, shoving some egg in my mouth and trying to ignore the fact everything tasted like ash. But with some of my meal gulped down, I felt up to a mild conversation. "Hangovers are the worst type of hell. Everything tastes like ash and vomit, and the only way to get better is to eat. Biology is stupid, and so is everyone here."

Celestia let out another damned giggle while my guest simply nodded. Pupa surprised me by speaking up. "I agree, why I drank something on fire last night will forever confuse me." 

I coughed. "Shit! I thought I banned Wing Burn half a century ago."

Pupa groaned but managed a response. "Celestia asked for all of us to have one to celebrate her sister's return."

I blinked, before turning to my guest and looking between her and Celestia. "Celly, is that your sister?" She let out a happy nod, holding her tea like an excited kid. I nodded back, barely able to form a coherent thought. "Right, then I guess it all worked out." She nodded again, still sipping her tea through a silly straw which I didn't remember putting in her glass. 

I heard the proper tones of Lord Jeffery the Fourth from the stairwell. "Right then folks, I assume we're all nursing a proper hangover?"

I nodded, pointing to Celly. "All of us except little miss sunshine over here. I formally invite everyone here to curse her out once I figure out more words."

There were various grunts of agreement as we all moved towards our food. I held out a tea for Jeff, which he took with a muffled thank you. I felt my headache lessen more as the morning dragged on, and before long the food was gone. My headache had retreated to the rear of my thoughts, allowing me the faculties to actually function. I looked around, finding Pupa leaned against the bar with an empty glass. She was shaking her head but didn't look worse for wear. Jeff was sitting in the corner smoking a pipe, a book held in his grasp as he happily sipped his tea. As weird as he is, he does seem to match the style of nobles and kings easily. I sat up, looking over my still pajama'd body. "Okay, I can now walk, probably." I turned to Celestia. "Did I give you my pipe last night?"

She shook her head. "No, I believe you told Jeff he should put it under the bar so it doesn't fly away after the second round of drinks." 

I got up, the headrush letting part of my headache push past my defenses. I pushed it aside, I was a man on a mission. With a goal firmly in mind, I fought my way to the bar before gesturing at Pupa. "Hey, Pupa. Check the lockbox for my pipe." God bless that little bug, she did it quickly, passing me my walnut pipe before going back to her post while staring at her empty glass. I gestured behind me. "If you can make it, there's a spare tea on the table."

She began shuffling like a zombie, making her way to the life-giving liquid. I stumbled to Jeff. "I don't have on pants Jeff, got some stuff for my pipe?"

He made a harrumphing noise before a pouch floated from beside him. I grabbed it and began packing my pipe. "Thanks, big guy. You're good people." He made a positive hum as I stumbled to the door. "If anyone wants to join me outside for a smoke and the distant hope of fresh air helping out with the pain they are free." I pointed to Celestia. "Celly, fuck you, you cheery piece of shit."

She smiled wide, waving a wing at me before taking a dainty bite of eggs. Like I didn't see her destroy a massive meal yesterday like it was a freaking cookie. I heard a chair scoot back, but I focused on my next challenge. The door was locked and made a particularly loud noise when it was pulled. I gritted my teeth, praying to whatever absent god that somebody had fixed it since I hadn't opened in months. Thankfully it opened softly, allowing me my freedom without taking a toll from my own sanity.

With an appreciative nod to the nice door, I walked out into the hot desert air, letting the gentle sounds of wasteland soothe my aching body. A set of hooves followed me out, and in line the ancient rules of humanity I offered my pipe. There was a crack of flame, and a small ring of smoke rose from my side. I glanced down as I stuck the pipe in my mouth. It was Celly's sister, which meant it was time to get awkward. "Hey, what's your name lady?"

She sneered out at the desert. "We have forgotten that our name us lost to history. We thank you for the reminder."

I nodded. "Good that, but I still don't know what to call you." I took a heavy hit of my pipe. "I mean, it's not the first time I've woken up beside a chick I don't remember meeting, but it is the first time it been a pony. I'd hate for the future generations to hear it as that time Charles slept with a random princess."

A collection of coughs to the side brought a smile to my face before a much more energetic voice came from the mystery princess. "We did not do that! We simply retired to your room to 'turn up' as you called it."

I nodded a few times, watching dark clouds form overhead. "Sounds like me. After my first couple of drinks, life's a party. But seriously, if your half as long-lived as Celly in there I really want your name." I looked down the road, half-expecting a supply carriage. "Also, I think you get free drinks too. Don't quote me on that, but if you're in a similar position to Celestia then you get free drinks and room from here."

SHe was silent for a moment, before tapping my side. I lowered my pipe, letting her take her own hit before she spoke again. "Not that we didn't enjoy our evening last night, but why would sister-dearest choose to stay here?"

I rubbed my chin, letting my unshaved glory scratch my palm. "Hmm, no clue. She just kinda drops by every now and again. I'm sure she'll tell you some stories about it later."

There were a few plops as the rain began to fall, giving me forewarning that I would probably have an empty inn and asshole workers as my only company today. The princess cleared her throat. "We are Luna, princess of the night and mistress of the moon."

I paused, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. "So does that mean you're in charge of government prostitutes or...?" Her cheeks puffed out in annoyance and I smiled. It had been a good day, even if I would probably hate whatever surprises drunk me left last night. For now, I could just enjoy a pipe outside the inn, letting the rain talk to my new friend for me.