A young 23 year old makes a beautiful transformation today.
And why is Celestia such a. . . BITCH about building a statue of me? I heard anonymous sources that she's scared of showing Canterlot true beauty.
From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm Anonymous and this is Anon 69 News. How successful do you think I can be as a stripper?
Expressing shock at the abrupt metamorphosis, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that local Minotaur Rough Edges, 23, had transformed into a pensive and wistful old sage just moments after sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of an old farmhouse.
Out on the scene right now, Cracker Jack joins us. Hello, Cracker Jack.
"Hello."
So, what's the situation down there?
"Well, by the looks of it, he seems to have grown a beard reaching down to his midsection in the past hour we have been here."
Any of the residents have anything to say about this?
“Yes indeed. "He seemed like a pretty ordinary guy until he lowered himself into that rocker, at which point I saw he possessed the kind of hard-won wisdom that is only conferred by a lifetime of ceaseless, probing introspection,” said Arianna Locksmith, one of several onlookers who told me the venerable presence seated before them would almost certainly offer sound advice culled from decades of lived experience, should anyone care enough to ask."
“She went on to say, "Then he pulled a wool blanket over his legs and suddenly looked frail and wizened. As he rocked back and forth, the lines in his face appeared freighted with difficult truths about this life, his creased brow a scar from the long battle he fought before finally negotiating his peace with an indifferent world.” While witnesses reported that no one could be sure where the contemplative elder’s wooden block and whittling knife had come from, they agreed some lucky kid somewhere would soon be getting their very own train whistle."
Have you talked to him yourself?
"Yes. I tried asking several questions but he only gave me the advice of, "Have the courage to live a life true to yourself, not the life others expect of you." I can personally confirm that he, has indeed, turned wise."
Wow, so wise. Welp, thank you Cracker for coming on.
"No worries."
Well, this has been Anon 69 News with Anonymous, and I'll see you chumps later.
"Anonymous, we got mail!"
Oh great, let me- hey! Why'd you throw it at me?
"Because~ I want you to open it."
Fine. Fine. Ahem.
bronyoftherevolution
Hey Stella, have you ever used your fangs to suck the semen directly out of Anon's balls?
I. . . I don't think I'm comforta-
"I'm down."
Eh, what?
"I'm down to try it."
Yeah, no.
"C'mon, it'll be new and exciting."
Try it and we're done.
"Damnit. Fine. Open up another."
WorldWalker128
Hey Anon I've got several kinds of salt from my days on Earth. Himalayan, Sea, common table salt, rock salt, and the kind of salt we used to use for baiting deer for hunting(Obviously a BIG No-No in a world where deer are considered friends, not food). Where in the house are good places to hide them from my pony room mates?
"Wait, you guys eat deer?"
Well, kind of. There not sentient.
"What, so if there not sentient it's ok? What, if I'm not sentient your gonna eat me?"
Stella, I already do eat you.
". . ."
Yeah, shush your mouth. Anyways, I'd say the best place to put it is in your wall. Breaking Bad style.
"Letter bomb!"
DovakhiinMaster
Hey Anon, if I put table salt on my food and Somepony steals it, can I get jail time?
If not, I mean, you could accidentally put salt on a cake and 100% by accident leave it somewhere Celestia could find. I'm just saying you could, not that you should. Though you totally should
"What's with all these salt questions? Anonymous, are you a salt dealer? I will bring you in."
Pfft. What! No! Of course not. I'm the buyer.
"What?"
Nothing, nothing. But to answer the questions, one, no as long as you always deny that it's not yours. And two, sounds like something to do to Luna. I heard a little batty tell me that she loves Moon Pies.
"Anon. . . please don't. Your gonna get your, you know what tortured."
It'll be fiiiiine. . . hopefully. Gimme another one.
Omegaxxx
Can I have my bucket back?
"Never! She's ours now and we named her Sarah."
Yeah, and our love for her can match the one of a father and a mother.
"Huh, us as a mother and a father. . . I think I like that."
CharacterRoulette
Is It possible to fathom the true depths of Reality and Existence?
Hmmm, I think I'm going to have to answer that while I'm high.
"Sounds like a great baked discussion."
Agreed.
azrael2001
Hey anon what's the one thing you missed about Earth?
Hentai. "Oh but, Anon, you must miss your family." No. Fuck them. I miss my hentai.
"What's hentai?"
Animated sex. It was amazing.
"Animated? Is that some sort of fetish?"
It's uh. . . you know what. Nevermind. Pass me another.
Unsketched
Do Flex Tape and related products exist over there?
"Oh, does he mean 'Wrap Strip?"
I think that answers the question.
And the final one.
vortex123
What was the strangest, most bewildering thing you've used in an argument, that somehow won you the argument?
I think it was when I was arguing with Shining Armour about how effective bananas are in combat. I then proceeded to demonstrate it's effectiveness by throwing a peek under a passing by carriage. You can imagine how that went.
"So that's why the guard was equipped with bananas. Thought one of the higher ups had a weird thing for bananas and guards."
Ha. I can only imagine.
Is that it?
"Yup."
. . .
"Wanna bang?"
I'm down.
Click.