//------------------------------// // Toilets In Revolt // Story: Anon 69 News // by Amilition //------------------------------// Shocking news today, a group of sentient toilets walk out of their owners houses and stage a protest in the middle of the street. And later, new researcher Fluttershy, the bearer of kindness, teaches her animals of their impending doom of dying. From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm Anonymous and this is Anon 69 News. I am currently hiding in princess Luna's room, may god have mercy on me if she finds me. This afternoon, reports of toilets walking out to protest in the streets of Manehatten shocked the public. Night guard/Anon 69 Correspondent Stella joins us now from Manehatten. "Anon. . . do I really have to do this? Its really late for me and its my day off." Don't give me that attitude Stella. Remember, you woke me up at 3 in the morning to eat, you know what, out. Not a pleasant experience if I say so myself Stella. Especially with a hangover. "B-but-" No buts! You said you'd pay me back. "I thought you were talking about bits! Ugh! Fine!" Thank you! "Residents were shocked this morning when their toilets simultaneously grew a face, arms, and legs, and proceeded to walk out of their homes and onto the street. Carrying signs that read, "Stop Treating Us Like Shit" and "Piss Off Ponies!" Have you talked to any of them? "Damn it Anon, do I have to?" Stella~, did you forget so easily of what you did? "C'mon! You don't have to be so petty! Look, I'll give you a blowy tonight if you let me go back to sleep." Hmmm. . . nah. "Fuck!" What was that? "Nothing, nothing!" Ok then. Go on now, interview one of the nice sentient toilets. "Ugh. . . excuse me sir- erm thing? Uh, why exactly are you protesting?" "I'll tell you what, ever since I gained conscious a few hours ago, I had the unending rage against ponies that just use us to expel their bodily fluids into us! So, my fellow brothers and I decided to take it into the streets. We want to be equals damn it!" "And may I ask, how did you gain consciousness?" "That would be because of me!" "Hey, my microphone!" And who may this be? "Oh come on little human. Can you not guess the sexy voice of god of chaos?" "Microphone, please!" Wait, Discord? Ayyy, hows it been man? "You know how it is. Sprinkling chaos here and there and overall annoying the princesses. Much fun if I say so myself. And you?" Starting a new, news podcast to help make up for my crippling debt. "Oh I know how that goes. Make it rain chocolate over a city, then they get mad at you for doing so. Demanding you to pay for damages. Mean c'mon! How can you be mad at chocolate milk!" Ha ha! Sounds like it was hectic. "I swear if you don't give me my micro-" "Oh will you shut your yappers for a second!?" Snap! "Aaah, that's better." Sounds of muffling coming from a distressed night guard. Will she be alright? "Don't worry. The effect should last for an hour or so." What did you even do? "Just take her mouth." Well alright then. What about the toilets? Will they be turned back to normal? "Nah, gonna have a bit more fun before Celly arrives. Don't worry about anypony getting hurt. Don't want to be turned to stone again." Well good luck Discord. "You to Mr. Anony-pie." Distressed muffling continues. Onto other news, researcher Fluttershy joins us now about her new project of alerting animals of their mortality and their impending death. Hello Ms. Flutters. "Um. . . hi Anon." So tell us Fluttershy, why have you started this project? "Well it um. . . started a few months back when I was having a uh. . . conversation with one of my animals. They were talking about how much things they were going to do in the uh. . . world. It seemed like he wouldn't have time to do it all so um, being the bearer of kindness and all, I told him of his imminent death. I felt so happy to let him know. . . because now he should be able to make a schedule of what he wants to do before his um. . . impending doom." Sounds. . . great? And, have you noticed any changes to your animals? "Oh! Yes, definitely. They have been more active then usual. Learning about the insides of their bodies, especially the head! And they are even learning how to tie a noose. It makes my heart warm that they are doing so much more now they have learned about their fates!" That is. . . something. And, can you tell us about your teaching techniques? "Oh. . . its so simple. You face the animal. . . look them right in the eyes and say um . . . "You will die." All slow and like so they can understand you." How have your friends and family reacted? "They were mad at first. . . but until I explained to them why, they were really supportive!" Wow. . . well I see a bright future for this project Ms. Fluttershy. Thanks for coming on. "Oh um. . . your welcome Anonymous!" This has been Anonymous From Anon 69- "Anon!? How did you get in here you little pest!? I shall smite you for you incompetence!" Oh shi- Sounds of smashing and screaming start Click.