//------------------------------// // Intro: Why You Never Let Strange Humans Into Ruins // Story: The Inn At The End Of Equestria // by Nobodyslament //------------------------------// In the darkness of a cave there sat a lone chalice resting upon a shrine of stone and bone. Signs in every language the creatures of Equestria called their own were scattered about filled with warnings of doom and curses. They had kept the chalice safe and undisturbed for the better part of a century. The curse of King Solaris long sitting undisturbed and unused. At least, according to the signs. They also did absolutely nothing as a flash of light lit the cave, a massive burst of wind wiping each sign clean and knocking the bones from their pedestal. From the light, a figure fell. A loud crash echoed through the cave as darkness descended back into its native land, making the cave impossible to see in. A voice called out from where the light was just a moment ago. "JESUS FUCK I'M UP! WHO WAKES SOMEONE UP LIKE THIS?!" Grumbles flew through the cave as shuffling was heard until a beam of light cut through the darkness. It was the first creature to go into the cave since the signs were posted, and it had not a single thought about this. "Damnit, what type of bender did I go on last night? I'd kill for a glass of water." The beam paused at the chalice, with the bones knocked off it seemed to sit on a natural table. "Well, that's convenient." He walked up, heavy boots echoing off the cave walls as he walked to the chalice. Placing his light on the floor he grabbed the drink, peering inside suspiciously. "My brain says I should not drink this under any circumstances whatsoever." There was a pause before he shrugged. "But this headache makes it so I don't care if I live or die. So bottoms up." He threw the chalice back, chugging the clear liquid with reckless abandon. With a sigh, he lifted the chalice. It was a beautiful thing, molded from a single chunk of gold with four gems set an equal distance apart. He ran a finger over it's intricate engraving, painstakingly carve by the hoof of the greatest master is all of Equestria. He rolled his eyes before bouncing it up and down in his hands. "Well, that's a rather tacky cup, ain't it?" He smiled and grabbed his light, making his way out of the cave. "Well, assuming I don't die this will be the most profitable drinking trip I've ever been on." With a tune in his heart, he began to merrily make his way to the distant light of freedom. The mouth of the cave was a fair hike away, and it took him several minutes to make his way there, with the rocky terrain slowing him down. "Damnit, I'm a bartender, not some damnable spelunker. I never even went camping." He clambered over a small wall of rocks and took in the sight of the nearby area. An ocean to his left, a desert to his right. He stared in utter confusion. "What the hell? This isn't anywhere near Chicago!" He continued his staring until a building caught his sight nearby. A large two-story building peeking up from the sand with a road coming to an end beside it. He shrugged. "Well mate, you have two options, hope the owners of the building are friendly and will help you out with a right awful hangover, or wander the desert like an ancient nomad." He looked down at his polo shirt and blue jeans with flip-flops. "Yeah, I'm just gonna head to the building and hope for the best. I'll at least die in some weird place with a roof over my head. Just hope I'm not going to interrupt Bubba during chainsaw cleaning day." He began walking as a random thought entered his head. "Wait, does that joke only work when you're on a farm?" The trip to the building was uneventful, consisting of complaints about the heat and many wishes for central heating and air. Upon reaching the door he found a note nailed to the door. He looked it over, happy it was at least in English. Due to the lack of customers or any reason to actually stay open The Inn At The End Of Equestria will be closing from this day forth. I guess if you're crazy enough to live here then go for it, but I have no clue where the key is. The man looked at the note before shrugging. "I'll take a free Inn, at least until I have to move on." He pulled at the door, only to find it locked. He grumbled and patted down his pockets. "Come on Charles, you just locked yourself out. You have the fix for this." He paused at a jungle from his back pocket, pulling out a ring of blank keys. He began sizing up the lock, flicking through the keys before selecting one. He put it in the small slot, giving it a solid bump up as he turned it. The lock turned, opening the door without so much as a groan. Charles looked over the interior of the bar, taking note of the thin layer of dust that seemed to coat everything. He ran a finger over a table, grimacing as it came up soaked in almost a months worth of dust. "Shit, guess you get what you pay for." He decided to search the back room as his number one order, followed by order number two, drinking himself under the table.