Equestrian Human admitted to the hospital today for trying to fly from a four story building.
And are banana peels watching us? Waiting. Planning. Waiting for the opportunity to strike us?
From Anon 69 Public Radio, I'm Cracker Jack and this is Anon 69 News. If you could, doesn't mean you should.
Around 2:45 pm yesterday, a well known human, Anonymous, jumped from a four story building, and broke his legs. The reason given, "I wanted to fly." For more on this, Twigs joins us now. Hello, Twigs.
"Hi, Cracker."
So, can you tell us where exactly this took place?
"Reports from, Stella, apartment residents, and I, say that the human was hanging from his apartment window, wich was four stories up on the ten story, saying, "I believe I can fly." Shortly afterwards, he fell down, breaking his legs. Judging from his screams and cries, we can only guess he was in immense pain. Medical ponies soon arrived and carried him to the hospital."
Wow, got to feel bad for the poor bugger. Did he ever say why he jumped off?
"Yes he did. After removing Stella off his chest, we got to ask why he did it. This is what he said."
"I. . . was drunk at the time, I admit. And I guess that plus the want and need for the ability to fly. . . led me here. Hey, can I ask you a question?"
"Absolutely."
"Was I close to flying at all?"
". . . no, Anon."
"Damn."
Do we know when he will be released?
"He is to be discharged in about two weeks. After that, he will be recommended to a therapist."
Well, everything sounds like it will be ok and dandy. Thank you, Twigs for joining us.
"Your welcome."
And now, are banana peels waiting to strike us? Joining us now is, Sunday Split. Hello Mr. Split.
"Hello."
So your saying that banana peels are plotting against us, is that correct?
"Yez. They are the evil of thiz world!"
And how do you know this?
"Zimple. I waz minding my own buzinezz one day while walking to my kitchen, I zlipped on a banana peel."
Sounds like something everpony does these days. How is this any different?
"Becauze I zlipped on eight different banan peelz. Coinzidenze? I think not!"
How do you even plan to combat them?
"Well at firzt I tried to convinze prinzezz Celeztia to ban all bananaz. Unfortunately, that didn't pazz. Zo I went with plan B, exterminate banana peelz in large quantitiez in Banana Campz!"
How do you plan to even fund this?
"Well we take generouz donations from poniez all over Equeztria to help fund the Final Zplit Decision. An act to eliminate all peelz from all over Equeztria."
Wow. Sounds like it's going to be an ambitious journey. Well thank you for coming on. I wish you luck.
"No problem. I hope thiz will help gather more poniez to my cauze."
This has been Cracker Jack From Anon 69 News. I'll be seeing you.
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