• Member Since 26th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Friday


I am a brony. I like warhammer. I play vidya games. I read frequently. Guess what? I also hate talking about myself.


There exists in any given location either an inn or bar where the locals meet at the end of a long work day and trade drinks and stories. By the ancient laws of happenstance, the same must be true for areas where the permanent population is exactly one. Now, most would assume it would default to those creatures preferred drinking area in their own house. These people have never been to the only truly lonely place in Equestria. On the border of the unending sea and the badlands there sits an Inn, with a strange bartender. If one comes seeking riches or fame, he will gladly kick you out, stating the only riches here are booze and misery. But if you come for a strong drink and an ear to listen to your problems, then you have found your home.

Rocking the featured box again. Can I get a hoorah? 2/12/19 for those curious.

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 530 )

Not one to leave a lot of comments, but this looks an interesting twist on the HiE slice of life. You got my favorite and like. Looking forward to more

Already working on the next chapter. I hope you aren't expecting a ton of high adventure, just a man and his bar.

Okay, you're one of the writers who inspired this. Sooo, Imma take this compliment and act like a prepubescent fangirl for a bit. The fact I lack the proper biological equipment to be a fangirl notwithstanding.

A while back, I seemed to have fallen in love with the idea with a human as a barkeep. I've never seen a really good story, so here's hopes for this one!

On another note, I figure Charles is ageless now. That's pretty damn obvious. But what will happen to the changeli- ahem, sorry, I-3247?

Well, he leaves after a while with Charles christening him Sam I Am.

Huh, didn't expect some straight up spoilers(?), but alright. That answers that.

Well, I'm kinda following Ragar rules of slowly building up to the timeline. So it's mentioned in the first paragraph of the next chapter. Until we hit the show I'll be playing fast and loose with the Timeline.

Well, it's better than a timeskip/Tartarus imprisonment/petrification. Can't really be annoyed at all, really.

I always hate it when stories provide hints of backstories but never show any of it, this is my compromise. Of course I'm guilty as hell of it when I write about normal folk, but I try to limit it.

I want to go ahead and say, your story has major potential. Keep writing fam.

Can do, I'm writing this whenever my wonderful editors do their thing on my other stories. Is it bad to feel like an evil overlord for that?

No. Spread. Conquer. Slay the heretics. Become the unifier of nations.

PURGE THE HERETICS IN HOLY HELLFIRE!! Oh wait, that's an idea for later. At least an excellent little side story. THANK YOU : )

Nice chapter, although

, you are definately working for me,

should be be spelled definitely.

So I was still screwed. I had maybe another couple weeks worth of food, no maps, and if the menu's word for money was right, which by the way was bits. Of all the stupid names for your money, I think bits ranks right up there with marks. Just a meaningless word in my opinion. Sorry, I got distracted. Either way, I had staved off the reaper with free food and drink and busied myself by hoping someone would come by to lead me to the promised land of possible jobs and safety. So, of course, a smile broke my lips as my front door opened, the rusted bell above the door letting out a sad ring.

Then what? If it's correct, then what?
While I understand that it's your story, I'd personally change it to say "and if the menu's word for money was right, no bits." This is because, one, it completes an unfinished thought, and two, it's conveys not just the same information, but even more information than "which by the way was bits" in the same amount of space.

With that, she left, and I stayed behind smiling like an idiot. "I'm never gonna see that money, am I?" I shrugged and locked the door behind her. With a whistled tune I made it to my room upstairs and chuckled as I opened the door. "THough that's the first time someone pretended to be a princess for a free drink. I don't even mind to much, that combined with her being a magical talking horse meant she probably would have gotten free drinks either way. The novelty alone was worth a few sips of my ambrosia.

Accidental double capitalization.

I looked at the ponies before leaning outside, looking at the wagon filled with booze, food, and a few random odds and ends. I paused a moment before saying the only thing that came to mind. "WAIT! SHE WAS AN ACTUAL PRINCESS!?!"

Please, don't put "!?!" especially after caps lock. Just "?!" or "!?" is enough, and given that it's caps locked, just the "?" would be enough, because the caps lock clearly demonstrates that he's shouting. I'd prefer it if you didn't use caps lock and instead just let the exclamation marks show that the character is shouting, but I do understand that the use of caps lock is somewhat of a stylistic thing.

Cherngelerngs… (Alondro sinks into the shadows to observe the pony bug monster for signs of EEEEEEVIL!!)


Who knows, I may be conducting this train but the mad gods of whimsy are my guides in such pursuit, and these tracks are unknown.

I turned about, cradling my new meal with a loving embrace. I sat at the chair across from the guard, using a knife to cut the eat into thin strips. "New cooks better than me, so he'll start your breakfast right now."


I walked across the room, patting I on the head and grabbing the plate. I placed it in front of the guard with the utmost professionalism. "So quit being an asshat and eat your food. I'm still comping the cost, so enjoy and then you can complain about whatever imagined crime he did to your buddies."


I let out a breath. "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, and I watched late night television before. SO the bar was pretty fucking low." I ran my hand through my dark black hair. "Well, will it kill me if you eat mt emotion?" The changeling shook his head. I let out a low whistle. "Okay, okay. Then whatever, just snatch what you need from me or the patrons, just don't hurt anyone and I don't care."

Should be "So" and if you wanted to make it flow better it should be "before, so"

I suspect that chalice may have granted Charles the power of... Not Dying A Lot!! :pinkiegasp:

The I is intentional since he's I - 3247, besides that, fixed.

... why do I get the feeling that he drank a chalice that will make him live forever?

Because the immortal fool is one of my favorite tropes and is easily found in most of my writings.

I can see it going all-out on being literal with him being immortal.
Immortal, not invincible. Someone comes in and kills him, only for him to wake up in one of the rooms the next day and kick out the one that killed him.

Of course, I still was hardly a hotspot of customers, their slow funneling rate showing just how little my area was traveled. This was the main reason I was so confused when early on a winter morning a knock sounded at my door. I put down my fiddle and walked up, opening the door without fanfare. I didn't bother looking at who was behind me, instead going back to what Sam-I-am, my first employee had dubbed the king's corner. A small plaque proclaiming it proudly hanging above my stool and fiddle. I picked it up and watched the door. A head poked through. "Er, are you going to announce the princesses' arrival?"

employee, had
"princesses" is plural. I do believe you meant "princess's"

She stopped at a small painting of the desert, strange shapes and ptherworldly figures haunting the way. She looked it over. "My, what a unique piece!"


I nodded, grabbing a glass before peering around my first customer. "7, 6, 8. Eight guards. I don't have enough rooms unless some of them are fine doubling up, but I should be able to host you guys pretty easy. Food's free too, I have a cook now, so I'm not scared you'll throw up or something."

I think you meant "6, 7, 8."

I nodded. "Yep, best way to win a title. Then let me give you my under the table special. I call it Wing Burn." I spun a bottle in my hand. "Fair warning, don't go flying for twenty four hours aftrer drinking this, and please remember the vomit bucket is conviently located in each corner and under the bed of the private rooms." There were a few laughs, and many more gasps as I began splashing various drinks in the glass. Celestia watched as I spilled more and more liquid courage into the cup. Whiskey, Rum, beer, ale, cider. They all mixed and swirled inside as grabbed the final ingrediant. With the holy care it deserved, I grabbed a small golden phial. I popped the the top and spilled liquid rainbow into the top. A small pillar of smoke rose from the drink, and I smiled.

Celestia reached forward, and I slapped her hand aside like she was a toddler. "No, not yet your majesty. This drink hasn't earned it's wings yet." The guards glared hile I poked my head through the window behind me. "Hey Butter, you got a few seconds?"

as I grabbed
Also, the "I grabbed a small golden phial" almost feels redundant. I feel like it may work better as "as I grabbed the final ingredient, a contained within a small golden phial, with the holy care it deserved." Though, my main gripe with it is how you say that he grabbed it, and then, he grabbed it again.
I do believe that Celestia has hooves, not hands.

Despite he complaints she lowered her horn to the tall glass, and a thin spark of magic arced into it. THe drink erupted into flames, the topmost layer softly burning. I gave a bow."Princess, your drink is ready."


I nodded happily. "Yep. Couldn't call it Wing Burn if it didn't burn could I. I am many things my dearest princess, but liar is only kind of on the list." She still appeared hesitant, so with a roll of my eyes I grabbed another glass. "C'mon Celly, I'll drink one to." I paused, before pointing to a rnadom guard. "You, go upstairs to room 9 and wake up Billiam." The guard looked to Celestia who nodded. As I began mixing my own drink I shouted after him. "Tell him I need his help, because I'm about to get wasted."

could I?
him, "Tell

I did my work quickly, letting my hands move like blurs as I focused on the task at hand. I knew I only had a few more vials of liquid rainbow left, but I was so fine with using it like this. Turning up with a princess was quite the achievement even without it being my own special drink. I cracked the top, and added a flourish to its dump for my own ego, spining the bottle as I emptied it into my mixture. I held the drink through the window. "One more Butter, light up my world." I heard a sigh, but felt the fwoosh of lame and pulled the drink to my chest. "Alright princess, lets go." Without any lead in I flipped the drink into my mouth, chugging down flaming alcohal like a white girl with daddy issues.


I will say, you've never been to a college party if there weren't a bunch of lost students with no clue what they were doing in it. I may have earned a degree, but it was useless and I knew as much. So I hid my own lack of plan under a mad amount of alcohal, and my chug game was on point. Within ten seconds my attack run on my liver was complete, and I was pretty sure I nailed the exhaust port if you catch my meaning. Mostly because the world probably wasn't wobbling and I don't remember when I doubled the signs hanging around the eating area. Celestia let out a breath as her own drink hit the bar. "Oh my, that was much stronger than the last drink I had here."


I raised a hand, pointing to the sky while trying to spin to his direction. "Hey!" I vershot, scrambling to find my balance as I stumbled backwards. I caught myself before impacting a chair, steadying myself with the bar. "Celly's no guest. She's a friend. Like- Like..." I snapped my fingers as a thought coalesced. "Like Bob Ross, or Mr. Rogers. A true Hero of her time!" That was as far as my speech went, as the floor decided to reintroduce itsself to my face. With another loud thump I hit the floor.


It took another thirty minutes before proof of life came from on high. Heavy hoofsteps sounded from the stairs as I threw together the second plate of hash browns. A thump sounded from somewhere outrside, and I grabbed the plate with east grace. Bussing tables was always my best skill, being loaded up with tons of food and delivering it with style was a hobby I rarely got to enjoy anymore. Walking out of the kitchen I found Celestia, apparently none the worse for wear as she happily sat at the bar. "Oh, hello Charles! I must say you do know how to throw a party, I think that was the first Nightmare Night I've enjoyed in ages."

I don't know if there's such a thing as "east grace," but I think you mean "ease and grace"

Uh, I'm writing it now, so probably a couple hours? Unless I manage to hurt myself or pass out.

Damn, I'm getting really into this already!

Uh, I may also be working on the next chapter. I'm using the power of insomnia for good! Probably.

I will support that unwise decision. The next chapter is all about the next day. And the self-hatred of binge drinking. It's a magical journey.

Really looking forward to where this one goes; many grins and chuckles have been had thusfar.

Coolio, I'm likin' the story so far. Just started reading, and I haven't checked the chapter dates.

Hey, lets not. I am working my way to drunk and don't want people to realize my super secret technique.

Have always really liked the dumb, lighthearted stories like these, but this is the best I've read yet. Good job:pinkiehappy:

I can imagine Celestia has a special manor reserved for his personal use RIGHT beside the castle, and have some noble come to his inn complaining about how she won't allow anypony onto the grounds outside of maintenance purposes.

YOu gonna finish those hash browns?

Oh yes CAn I Have a POtato

Comment posted by Nobodyslament deleted Feb 13th, 2019
Comment posted by Something annoying deleted Feb 13th, 2019

*clicks in impressed* double noice.

I don't know why, but I really enjoy this story.

Maybe it's because I drink way to much.

Well, that's one way to make Luna flustered. Nice job

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