• Member Since 25th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Nobodyslament


I am a brony. I like warhammer. I play vidya games. I read frequently. Guess what? I also hate talking about myself.

T

Ragar the Ageless has seen many things in his non-life. He has seen fields of cotton candy, the wails of the soon-to-be-dead chanting in chorus. Once he even saw a unicorn. Well, there are a lot of those in Equestria, so maybe that one was less noteworthy. But still, he's seen a lot. Now he wants others to see him in all his glorious evil. The only issue is he's not so good at it.

** EDIT **

Well crap, featured with every chapter. I feel all special and stuff. So let me give you all some love. You're all wonderful people, trees or whatever internet capable folks have been reading. Also if anyone has any ideas for cover art feel free to slide it to me. I would love to have a nice picture instead of its current bare cover. It almost brings tears to my eyes. Unfortunately, I have all the artistic ability of a dying walrus.

Chapters (12)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 692 )

Soo, somewhere between Doofenshmirtz and Papyrus? With necromancy? What an odd fellow.

huzzah! Such a helpful fellow!

Two chapters and this is already one of my favourite fanfics keep it up.

This is hilarious, and I love it.:rainbowlaugh:

Seriously, how can this have so little views?
RAGAR THE AGELESS, UNDYING MASTER OF THE UNKNOWN DEMANDS ATTENTION!

Necromancers who are bad at being bad are always fun. Looking forward to seeing how this develops.

The success of the story overall will probably hinge on successful delivery of the mismatch. The "heroes" have to be completely convinced that he's evil, all while he's very obviously not.

Hmm, so chapter two takes a different direction than I expected. I was expecting for Ragar and Celestia to have a grand game of mock chess, while a band of heroes told only about the "evil" necromancer set off, and received story focus amidst much hilarity and failed evil.

Here though, you've made it all about just the two of them. Which is fine. And it's probably easier to write with fewer characters. But if she perceives him as an actual threat, doesn't that disrupt the premise of the story? If she'd taken his story at face value, but perceived him as simply a fellow bored immortal, then the two of them could play their game together. Here, you have Celestia not believing him...and then suddenly being shown that no, maybe this is a problem after all.

That substantially changes what this story is about. Celestia has to take him seriously now, because she's just realized that she's completely misjudged the situation. The setup you have here tends to lead to Celestia herself becoming his adversary, and Celestia herself being the "hero" who is foiled and annoyed by his antics.

That might be more difficult to write convincingly.

Also, I advise some proofreading. You have a tendency to randomly omit words from sentences.

It’s nice to find a silly book that actually has a good story. I can’t wait to see what happens next!

This is beyond entertaining! A completely non evil necromancer who has convinced himself that he is the most evil in the land has spent the last thirty years messing with her in a completely harmless fashion. I assumed it would take her longer to figure out that he is who he claims he is, and is not only a necromancer, but a very old one at that. This is easily one of the most enjoyable and humorous fics that I have read in a long time, and im greatly anticipating future chapters! Thank you so much for this beautiful work of art!:pinkiehappy:

This necromancer does seem fun! I wanna go to Ragarland! I wanna go to Ragarland! I wanna go to Ragarland!

Oh no wait, I just realized, Ragar finished Starswirl's unfinished Ascension didn't he? Dangit Ragar! That wasn't helpful at all!

True evils know that knowledge is power. And, since power corrupts, the smarter you are, the eviler you are.

I can't tell if that's profound or profoundly stupid. Halfway between both I suspect.

Chapter one had me interested... but chapter two basically had me rolling on the floor laughing so hard it somehow pushed the like and favorite buttons at the same time.....

i NEED more of this hilarious story xD at the moment it's just such a perfect blend of over the top silliness and seriousness XD

8984860
I'm sorry for the errors, I'll reread and edit this before I head to th in laws. I wrote this in an excited frenzy between 3 and 6 am, I don't know why I didn't wait to post until I was awake.

8984749
I imagined him more as a mix between Skeletor and Santa Claus. And yes, that will mean he is going to shout the phrase I am not nice later in the story.

I am thoroughly hooked. Ragar is my favorite villain to date and I can't wait to see how he annoys/amuses Celestia next.

I eagerly await the next chapters.

Oh my God, I love Ragar to bits already. :heart:

8984894
Me too! :pinkiehappy:
8984749
Huh, now I can't unsee. I was imagining a silly skeltor...though that kinda just sounds like papyrus anyway. :rainbowlaugh:

How on EARTH, have you made me love something this fast, with only 2 chapters so far? its simply inconceivable.

Please do not abandon this. I am loving it. LOVING IT

8984894
8984749
8985089
I can't help but think of him as this guy:

Ragar is too dumb and relatively innocent to be evil. He could have conquered Equestria by now and from there pretty much the world.

I like this guy.

8984913
No wonder people hate millenials, we're the most educated and knowledgable generation in history. Truly, we must an abomination. :trollestia:

I bet he was going to just kill a tree, then a parasprite came out, distracting him for a few seconds. Then, it multiplied into two, prompting him to freak out and kill both. Afterwards, he finished killing the tree for the spell. That would probably be why he mentioned the tree before the creature with eyes and mouth

i love this already..instant fav on two chapeters lol please dont stop writing this

8985089
... well, that’s just great. Now, I want him to have an incompetent assistant. Maybe an old G1 antagonist.

“Buzz, you bungling, busybody of a honeybee!”



Maybe that’s a bit too on point....

whelp...... I'm sold. where can I get a season pass to Ragarland?

You got a like, fave, and follow.

I can't wait to see if the main six end up meeting ragar if it even goes that far

8984851
Reminds me a bit of Sparkle from Split Second. That is to say, Sparkle was excellent at killing and all that, but she was never really more than an antihero. I'd certainly not describe her as evil

8985228
The main six will probably be the heroes that Celestia send to ''defeat'' Ragar

8985169 Pop culture is not knowledge.

You're actually among the LEAST knowledgeable groups in history. You tend not to know the basic structure of government... or even basic arithmetic and grammar. And don't get me started on the absolute absence of scientific information.

You believe yourselves brilliant solely because you are outrageously ignorant of the plethora of topics you aren't even aware exist. Also, simply because you get a degree in liberal arts, you are not brilliant. Today's liberal arts degrees would be worth the equivalent of toilet paper a century ago.

Forget Camelot, for it seems Ragarland is truly “a silly place”!

I really do enjoy silly stories that are about just being fun for the heck of it. I shall be keeping an eye on this.

Though I suggest you get an editor/proofreader or two, for I have seen instances of missing words, wrong punctuation, and other grammatical errors here and there.

If you desire an editor, let me know. I’ve helped with a few stories—and still do—her on FiMfiction. :twilightsmile:

8985315
Already got somebody on it. I'll edit it when I get home.

8985329
Alrighty then. If you ever do want another editor, my offer stands.

Anyways, looking forward to future chapters!:trollestia:

This is like all those stories about how the villain is so all powerful he toys with heroes to entertain himself, except this time the "villain" is a total bro who wants to play what is basically a life size Dungeons and Dragons game where none of the PCs can die.

The other guard stayed facing forward. "I didn't see nothing." Both guards returned to their silent vigil. Then they heard something that was almost only heard on the battlefield alone. Princess Celestia's Royal Canterlot Voice. It spouted several curse words that made every ponies ears within a four-point-six-two mile radius turn red by proximity alone. The second guard stayed facing forward. "Didn't hear nothing either."

Somepony give that guard a promotion.

This sounds like the necromancer I would be. :)

This story is pure gold. I'm loving every sentence of it, and I hope to read more from you.

Faved, trackin', and thumbed-up for its premise and execution.

8985390
I'm working on the next chapter now. However, I give fair warning. Don't expect new characters to stay a long time. Most characters besides Celestia, Ragar, and a few characters that will show up later will be recurring for more than two or three chapters.

This is not the villain Evil needed, but what it deserved.

I for one, welcome our new necromancer overlord.

Centuries? Wouldn't it have to have been closer to millennia (or at least one) if he witnessed anything before Luna's banishment?

....thumbs up. You’ll be on the featured with this work alone.

Ragar does believe you wouldn't arrest him on a social visit, but a necromancer must have standards. A princess tea party is much too frilly for RAGAR THE AGELESS, UNDYING MASTER OF THE UNKNOWN.

I have a feeling Celestia and Ragar will become an unlikely acquaintance. And I suspect Pinkie and Rainbow will become his Park's regular visitors.

8985677
The first chapter takes place 100 years after Luna's banishment.
This chapter takes place 30 years after the first chapter, so 130 years after Luna's banishment.
He has to be at least 150 then, but it's definitely possible for him to be close to a millennia old, since we don't really know the amount of time passed from Grogar up to Nightmare Moon.

"Also, princess, Ragar forgot. One of the books in the archives had incomplete spells in it; as a master of the unknown, Ragar just had to finish them. Unfortunately, Ragar finished them in the margins, so Ragar made a new copy with the corrected spells. It should still be in the forbidden section; it is under 'R' for RAGAR."

Alicorn Princess Ragnar, anyone?

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!