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Ninjadeadbeard


Don't ask about the name. It is a silly story.

T
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Celestia has held off telling Twilight Sparkle about her immortal biology for years.

And now that she's told her successor about it... she'll wish she hadn't.


Special thanks to Toriandthehorse, for being a wonderful proofreader, editor, and friend.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 130 )

Very happy to see a more light hearted story featuring immortality!

ruthim345 #2 · 1 week ago · · 7 ·

Me: *Smacks Twilight with shovel* The fuck is wrong with you?
Luna: Dead ponies! Dead ponies in the thumbnail!"
Me: *Lifts shovel again*


(Side note, this is a very obscure, but fitting, reference)

I wonder if it’s too late to make Starlight an alicorn...

I shudder at the thought.

Luna, after taking in her sister’s horrified, frozen face, looked up to the ceiling. “Thank you. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but thank you.”

This is me right now.

“Fluttershy… actually I’m not worried about Fluttershy. Whether she lives or dies is entirely up to Discord’s mood anyway.”

Thank you for realizing this.

“And beside that,” Twilight quietly confirmed as she watched the Princesses think, “I’m magic. I got at least a couple of decades to swing some immortality for all my friends. I’m thinking… golems.”

I'd also just look into reincarnation with guaranteeing memories are kept.

Always love a fic that has immortality as a good thing instead of a depressive mess.

Comment posted by AkumaKami64 deleted November 8th

Oh this was so worth it. I kind of got something was up with Twilight's reaction when I saw the comedy tag. I was right.

And I love it even more.

Those tags really subverted my expectations

Nice. A break from the norm as it were. Plus I got a few laughs out of it too.

I'm not sorry.

There's no need for you to say you're sorry. I quite enjoyed the change of pace!
:)

Oh man, I needed that, Thank you for that lovely piece of work. :rainbowlaugh: I needed to laugh a little

This is basically how I pictured Sunset Shimmer behaving had she been the chosen one.

It was Twilight’s turn to tilt her head and give her teacher a quizzical look. “I mean… sure, I’m the Princess of Friendship. But I’m basically friends with everycreature."...“Besides, while I’ll feel terrible about losing my friends,” Twilight said thoughtfully, “It will be me feeling terrible. Just like it will be me remembering them."

Oh, just you wait Twilight. Just you wait. Because what happens when there's nobody left....to remember? Thus is your paradox, because your immortal, your gonna have a lot of memories, methinks eventually it's going to put too much strain on your mental state and your mind will delete the memories it deems superficial to your identity, so eventually you're going to forget somebody entirely, and another, and another until you don't even remember who you're original friends are, and you don't even know who your great great great grandchildren are. Thus comes the blessing of life/Alzheimer's, gets rid of the mental strain by either killing you or getting rid of the memories entirely.

Who lives
(Twilight)
Who dies
(Not Twilight)
Who tells their stories
(Twilight & books)

Thank you. For this, just, thank you.

Wonderful Twilight overthinking in a way most don't take her.

Its never too late to make Glim Glam an alicorn.

I’d love to see the hijinks at sweet Apple acres that ensue when three alicorns get drunk...
Wait...Can alicorns even GET drunk?
Questions...Questions...

9930600
If they can't, Starlight could always whip one up for them. :rainbowlaugh:

I was wheezing so hard from this, I died and am now stuck in the Happy Hotel in hell.
Ah well, it was worth it. This was fabulous darling! Just fabulous!

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That could be interesting to see.
Also good call out on discord and fluttershy, she’s got a chaotic guardian death might not like dealing with.., too many unheard of instrumental challenges..ever heard of the valdezinator? Death sure hasn’t.

Genjen #20 · 1 week ago · · 1 ·

“Additionally,” Twilight continued, highlighting something in her notes, “I’ve already budgeted the funeral around it. We’d save a lot on digging since all we’d have to do is throw some dirt over the hole.”

I’ve raised a monster, Celestia thought.

Best line, just, the best.

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You're talking as if she needs help.

(Bet she, Trixie, and Sunburst are getting up to some unnatural experiments in the school basement. Oh, and working on magic, too. :pinkiecrazy: )

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It just takes a little more kick than usual.

Or a little Zap, in the case of this orchard's produce.

9930652
Right? I practically started sobbing with laughter at that line

As both sisters-in-law laughed, Luna came up and set a sympathetic hoof on each of their shoulders. “That’ll do, Candy,” she said warmly, “That’ll do.”

Was that a Babe reference

9930717
When isn't it a Babe reference? :ajsmug:

“Twilight Sparkle!” Celestia bristled, “That is heinous ! How could you- “
Luna produced a small, clinking bag and tossed it over to Twilight using her magic. “Put me down for ‘Fire’.”


Oh, i'm crying.

All three alicorn Princesses

Should that just be "Three", seeing as how it's not "all" due to Celestia staying behind?

Magnificent. And surprisingly in character too, though if this weren’t crack Twilight would express a more subdued kind of happiness, I think.

“I wonder if it’s too late to make Starlight an alicorn…”

Sunset: "I EXIST TOO Y'KNOW!!"

So basically Twilight proves again she's an over achiever and has jump right to them inevitable insanity of immortality already!

"To die -- to be really dead -- that must be glorious... There are far worse things awaiting man than death." -Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula

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But is it too late to make Shining an alicorn?

... your jobs a joke, youre broke, your love lifes DOA?

This is pretty much how I would react if I got immortality.

*Shining Armor approaches his sister Twilight from behind as she fills out some paper work.*

Shiny: "Hey Twili! What'cha doing there?"

*Twilight turns around with a dead-pan stare.*

Twilight: "Waiting for you to die of old age so I can start romancing Cadence."

golems? what is that weak ass choice? what about linked lifeforce?

Dude, seriously start working on the sequel right now. This was freaking great!

9930766

If Equestria Girls has exactly one human version for every pony, it is very likely that Celestia has been principal of Canterlot High for over 1000 years.

Hahaha absolutely brilliant! Now this is my type of absurdist comedy!!

9930835
Necromantic golems.
You bind the soul in a soul jar, and use a skeleton (Preferably theirs, but that's optional) as the armature for a likeness of a living thing.
From there you can dress it up as you like, and while most simply fleshcraft meat onto it you can also use less perishable organic materials.
Finally you animate the golem, transfer the soul over to it, and slave the golem to the will of the trapped soul.

Twilight never does anything in half measures, though, so she'd definitely set it up so the souls remained in a secure location and merely puppeted the bodies remotely. You know, the fancy way of doing it.

On one hand I like this take on Twilights immortal life.

On the other hand I'm kinda with Celly lol

9930843

Then it turns out that the EQG world has been in a year-long time loop for reasons that only Starswirl could explain. Everyone's that old, they've just kind of sunk into a fugue of immortal boredom as they sleepwalk through the same year ad nauseum. If Sunset ever properly wakes up anyone other than principal Celestia (who has stayed aware to keep the metaphorical lights on), it's going to be quite the discussion.
.
.
.
I don't know where any of that came from.

Outstanding. Also, while a number of the 'sad immortal Twilight' fics are decent enough, I don't actually think she'd fall into a depression over it. In fact, if it wasn't one of the first things she put together from ascending, I'd be wholly surprised.

I'm betting Celly will put Shining up for a quest that will make him immortal as well

I looked at the description, saw the Narcotics tag, and heard Twiggy say, "I'm immortal?! Fuck, I'm gonna do all the blow in the kingdom! WOO!"

if we're doing the math, and assuming they don't have the OP"Litterally will outlive the heat death of the universe" kind of immortality and just not dying from sickness or age then the chances of Twilight dying from a harpoon are 100%

Rokas #49 · 1 week ago · · 2 ·

Thank you. THANK YOU.

The whole "boo hoo immortality is so sad" thing always bugged me; struck me as more of a sour grapes situation than anything else. Sure, it's sad to see people die, but people die anyway. You live any significant length of time past puberty and you will certainly have to bury someone. It's sh*t, it's sad, it hurts like a kick to the bait and tackle, but you learn that life does go on. And I love the whole transhumanism (transponyism?) angle Twilight's going for for her friends. (Yes, that is grammatically correct if awkward). Why spend decades being all emo about it when you could be DOING something about it?

Besides, there's no real immortality; the universe will eventually rip itself apart down to the subatomic level eventually. Never be afraid to pull as much time from it as you can.

Shilic #50 · 1 week ago · · 1 ·

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I'm glad there's at least one other person who shares my view on immortality. Everyone was gonna die anyway, and now you get to live on and make sure they aren't forgotten. If you subscribe to the whole "two deaths" thing (when they actually die and the last time someone says their name) then everyone you've ever loved is also technically immortal. (At least until your brain starts running out of memory space and starts compressing that shit, but since that doesn't seem to have happened to Celestia, Twilight should be fine)

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