• Published 14th Jun 2018
  • 12,904 Views, 1,254 Comments

The Worst Equestrian Necromancer - Nobodyslament



Some necromancers want to rule the world. Some want to reign terror across their own demented plane of existence. One just really wants to annoy heroes. These are his stories.

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An Odd Trip Home

The ruins of the Lost City of Flames were beautiful. The way the sunlight reflected of the orange walls made the city resemble a simmering fire, while magical lights softly illuminated anywhere the sunlight didn’t reach. Black Sun, long since used to the sight, was ignoring this as he sensed the few skeletal workers responsible for keeping the place livable. He’d still been maintaining his old residence, even though he’d been spending most of his time in Ponyville recently. He turned to look at the reason for his new favorite town in Equestria. Twilight was staring wide-eyed at what was once the city square. Sending a quick mental order for his minions to hide, he adjusted his hat, smiled, and began talking to Twilight. "So, Ms. Sparkle, shall we retreat to my living room? I'm sure we can look at some of my older texts and find the potential hiding places of an evil necromancer."

She turned to Black Sun with an annoyed frown. "I’ve told you to stop calling me that, Sun. Just call me Twilight." She paused, looking over the city. "But yes, that would be nice." They began slowly moving through the city, stopping frequently for Twilight to marvel at the architecture. Black Sun was overjoyed at this; it was always a delight to find ponies that shared his love of ancient ruins, even if she loved it more for the history than the challenge.

Twilight continued staring at the buildings in awe as they continued through the streets, but flinched back when she saw a massive pony skull embossed on a building. "Uh, Sun? Didn't you say these were necromantic ruins?"

Black Sun paused his quiet trot. "Well, yeah." Twilight visibly paled, but he waved his hoof. "This is a pretty calm area, though, which is why I set up a safehouse here. If you see a skeleton near here, just leave it alone; these ones aren't exactly dangerous."

That didn’t seem to reassure Twilight much, but she nodded her assent as they continued to move towards the city center. When they reached it, Twilight shook off her fear in order to properly stare in awe; the large tower dominating the central plaza was plated with brilliantly polished bronze and surrounded by magical lights positioned to give it the illusion of a raging inferno. "Is that your house?"

Black Sun let out a laugh and pointed to a two-story building positioned near the tower. "Ha, Nah. Living in the big towers was always Dad's thing. I live in there."

Twilight tilted her head quizzically at Black Sun as he began to move to his house. "Your dad lives in giant towers?"

Black Sun paused briefly, then nodded. "Yeah, Dad likes to research old ruins, and he sets up shop in the biggest tower he can find. Personally, I think he does it as a sort of long-running joke. Just don't mention that to anyone; he gets defensive about his image."

Twilight continued to stare in confusion for a few moments before Black Sun shrugged it off. "But enough about him; let's get in my nice cozy house." He walked up and opened the door while turning to look at Twilight. "It's easier to avoid stairs or a long flight whenever I want to check my private stuff. I've always disagreed with Dad on his choices of homes." He walked through the wide door with Twilight following quickly behind him. However, they both paused at the sight of a periwinkle unicorn browsing through his bookcase.

Trixie Lulamoon didn't even notice their entrance as she lazily grabbed the next book from the shelf with her magic. As she scanned through the first few pages, she began muttering to herself. "Trixie really needs to talk to Black Sun about his sorting system. While his father may like this strange number system, it vexes poor Trixie. Surely he must have that old book on the Flutterponies, or this Dream Valley nonsense."

Black Sun managed to recover his voice. "TRIXIE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN CANTERLOT!!"

Twilight recovered right after that. "TRIXIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!"

Trixie wasn’t particularly startled by the sudden appearance of Twilight and Black Sun; she calmly returned the book to the shelf and climbed onto a slightly ratty couch with a skeleton design on it. "Yes, the concert was wonderful. Your father bemoaned the fact he was no longer capable of crying the entire trip home. But Trixie is here because he sent her on another job. Apparently, Trixie needs to find the former home of the Flutterponies in Dream Valley. He gave Trixie the necessary survival tools, but mentioned you currently had all the Dream Valley books. We didn't think you'd be here since we had heard you were taking a..." Here she paused and glanced at Twilight for a moment. "Friend somewhere."

Black Sun stared at her for a moment before sighing. "Yeah, yeah. Twilight and I were gonna look through some spots I had mapped out to try and guess where whoever summoned that old pirate ship in Ponyville came from. We were gonna use my old charts and books to narrow it down."

Trixie glanced at Twilight, who appeared to have categorized everything that had just been said and found it wanting. "Wait a second." Twilight pointed at Trixie "Are you saying that Trixie, the showmare that tried to upstage everypony in Ponyville, works for your mysterious father who you’re always super cagey about?"

Black Sun flinched at that. "Not exactly works for... She's kinda his apprentice." He turned to face Trixie. "And the Flutterpony stuff is on the second floor, in my study. It should be near the sketch of what I think Dream Valley looks like now. You have that Windigo charm, right?"

Trixie nodded. "Yes, and your father granted Trixie access to his personal store of shielding cloaks. Trixie should return in a few months, hopefully with some news."

Twilight jumped back into the conversation. "I need some answers, here. How is Trixie, the mare who was a one trick pony, the apprentice of an extremely accomplished explorer who somehow remains hidden?" She turned on Black Sun. "And how come she can just barge into your home whenever the hay she feels like?"

Black Sun paused at that. He had never thought it weird when someone just wandered into his home. Granted, that might just be due to his upbringing; you tended not to worry about the occasional friend showing up unannounced when you lived with someone that routinely had heroes invade his residence. Regardless, he did shrink under her glare. "Well, we're kinda friends, a-and in our line of work if you need a book we normally just grab it from whoever has it and leave a note. W-we can get ahold of each other easily enough if it's an issue."

Twilight stared at the flinching pony before her before huffing at him in annoyance. "Well, that still doesn't explain how Trixie got an apprenticeship to your father."

Trixie giggled at this. "Why, Trixie summoned him, of course. How else could one hope to catch the attention of such an accomplished mage?"

Twilight froze as she heard the soft clop of hoof on face from Black Sun. "Why'd you say that Trix? Now I'm gonna have to deal with it."

Trixie smiled as her horn began to softly glow. "And that doesn't sound like Trixie's problem!" with a soft pop she teleported away, leaving Black Sun to deal with the mess she had made.

He sighed and used a wing to massage his head. "Sorry about that, Twi. Trixie's calmed down since we first met her, but she still gets all great and power-"

He was cut off by Twilight, who had started thinking out loud as she paced back and forth. "How could she summon a mage? Summon spells don't work on ponies. I mean, she could have used a thaumaturgy detector, maybe a message spell?" She was so caught up in her thoughts she didn’t notice the skeletal velociraptor poke its head around the corner from the kitchen. Upon seeing Black Sun it tilted its head. Black Sun raised a hoof to his muzzle, trying to silence its inevitable greeting. It didn't work; his bird let out a chirp at its master. Black Sun dived into the kitchen, tackling his pet out of sight. He heard Twilight from outside his room. "Wait, what was that?"

Black Sun began rubbing the velociraptor on its bony spine. "Nothing, just grabbing some drinks. Soda sound good? I have some water, too, if that's more your speed."

There was a pause before a small sigh came from the other room. Then the soft clops of Twilight walking towards him. He began to panic as he pushed the velociraptor towards the pantry. It looked at him, confused, as he shoved it inside and closed the door. "Sorry, Tooth, gotta keep you hidden. I'll play with you in a bit."

With that done, he rushed to the fridge and opened it. With a relieved sigh, he saw he actually had some soda, and as a bonus there was also some leftover cider from Sweet Apple Acres. He really should thank Applejack for that. He turned to see an approaching Twilight. "Hey, I have some cider, if you’d like that instead."

Twilight nodded. "Yeah, that sounds great. So, was Trixie serious when she said she summoned your dad?"

Black Sun thought furiously as he began passing a bottle of cider over to Twilight. Easy answer; say no, and then come up with a convincing lie. Say literally anything but the truth, and things would be fine. "Yeah, Dad was impressed for days by the circle she used." With that, Black Sun's plans evaporated like dust in the wind. "Ah, crap." Black Sun collapsed in a chair while Twilight stared at him. At least today couldn't get any worse. That was true for the few seconds before Tooth broke down the pantry door and jumped on Black Sun with a happy chirp, nuzzling his face as Twilight stared at it in abject horror. After struggling to push Tooth off himself, Black Sun let out a sheepish chuckle. "Eheh, I can explain?"

*Meanwhile, In Ragar's Lair*

Ragar had just finished talking with Celestia and was happily playing in his alchemy lab. The fact he had accidentally dissolved his arm was just proof that he still had much more forbidden knowledge to obtain. He continued humming as he mixed ingredients into a beaker until a scream broke his concentration, causing him to splatter acid all over his skull. As it began melting he let out a chuckle. "So, the plan did not work. Ragar told him so."

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