Ponies, Pirates, and Pies
Princess Celestia always had time for her faithful students, whether they be the arrogant yet brilliant Sunset Shimmer or the humble and bookish Twilight Sparkle. Of course, there were days where she wanted to put some sleeping potion in Twilight’s tea, but days like today made up for it. Days where she walked into her study to find Twilight hyperventilating, Black Sun singing while tied to a chair, and Tooth happily wagging his massive tail while warbling along. Tooth was also tied up, but he didn't seem to mind. She paused to listen in to the ditty. "MAMAAAAA, OHhhHHH. Didn't mean to make you cry. Someti-." He paused as he noticed Celestia. "Uhhh, this isn't what it looks like?"
Celestia giggled. Causing Twilight to jerk up and face her. Celestia paid her little mind as she looked over both Black Sun and Tooth. "Honestly, I don't even know what it looks like. Might I inquire as to why you are tied up in my study with Tooth?"
Twilight stared in abject horror as Celestia calmly trotted up to Tooth and undid the bindings, happily laughing as he chirped and warbled while rubbing his face against her fetlocks. "Down, Tooth, down. I believe I still have work to do." She turned to Twilight. "Hello, my faithful student. How are you today?"
Twilight's eye twitched. "Black Sun had a necromantic lizard in his home, and, and Trixie summoned his dad, and I don't even know what's going on anymore!!" She stamped a hoof on the ground as Celestia embraced with her wings. Snuggling between Celestia’s wings, Twilight continued, "and I tied up Black Sun because he might be a necromancer, but he's a good friend and I feel bad. I just wanna figure all this out and go home..."
Celestia smiled, but as she opened her mouth to give her student a new lesson in friendship she was interrupted by the voice of Black Sun. "Uh, this is cute and all, but can I get a hand here? I'm kinda stuck."
Celestia tittered as her magic cut through his bindings, allowing him to flex his wings with a happy groan. "Gods, that feels so much better." He hastily righted his cap, which was only barely covering his horn, and stood tall. "Well, that was fun. Buuutttt, I got stuff to do, so I'm gonna..." The golden glow of Celestia's magic cut him off from the door, causing him to lower his eyes. "Double-crap."
Celestia looked between Tooth and Black Sun. "So, you two, what happened?"
Black Sun rubbed the back of his head with a hoof. "Uh, Tooth? Wanna take point here?" The velociraptor looked between him and Celestia once. Twice. Then ran behind her desk, tail still visible from around the corner. Black Sun sighed. "Course not, traitor." He ran a hoof through his short mane before sitting down. "So, mayyybee I asked if Twi wanted to look through some of my old maps to help find whoever summoned that pirate ship in Ponyville." Celestia raised a single eyebrow, forcing more out of Black Sun. "And it is possible that Tooth scared her a bit by jumping on me for a greeting after I got Trixie out of my house."
Celestia lowered her eyebrow as she shuffled Twilight out of her hug and back onto the floor. "You did well given the circumstances, Twilight, but Black Sun and his father have a certain deal with me in regards to black magic; one he should have known to mention to you."
Black Sun rubbed his fetlocks together, embarrassed. Twilight, however, stared at her mentor. "You mean they're allowed to do this?" Celestia nodded, causing Twilight to begin another Sparkle-brand meltdown. "But, but, black magic corrupts your very soul! It can turn you into a thrall of the very magic you're trying to use! All the experiments were halted because it had such a high risk and-" She cut off as a white hoof was carefully placed over her lips.
"Twilight, both Black Sun and his father have taken certain precautions in order to counter these effects, though they haven’t shared their methods."
Black Sun perked up. "Well, I wouldn't call them precautions. They're more like fundamental differences in magical theory that have been a real trick to work around since I'm a pony; it’s not something we can share, as we have to tailor each black magic spell for me personally. Dad's always gonna have one up on me because of that." There was a pregnant pause as Black Sun realized what he just said. Then another one as Celestia watched Twilight work it out. Black Sun spoke first. "Crap, I just said dad wasn't a pony, didn't I?"
Celestia nodded. "Indeed you did, my little pony. Perhaps we should just go ahead and clear the air on the matter?"
Twilight looked between Celestia and Black Sun, trying to come to terms with the massive amount of information she was getting. Black Sun nodded. "Yeah, hopefully Dad isn't busy. If he is, this might be a bit more interesting."
Celestia rolled her eyes as she sent the call to Ragar. "I’m sure this can't possibly have anything to do with the fact that you invited Twilight home when he definitely requested that you wait?"
Black Sun gave a sheepish smile. "Yeah, well, she needed my help."
Celestia smiled. "Oh, little one, your constant assistance is admirable." She gave him a wink as Twilight hid behind her wing. "Though I can sense a bit of your father’s scheming in you." Black Sun might have had a response, but apparently Tooth had decided it was safe to come out; the skeletal bird decided to celebrate his newfound safety with a happy pounce onto Black Sun, nuzzling the pony while chirping happily. Celestia smiled as she sent a sliver of energy into the floating orb in the corner. It had barely rung once before a most chaotic scene came into view.
Ragar appeared in the center of the room, dressed like a pirate from a bygone era. He was sporting a tricorn hat that sat cockeyed on his half-melted head and a captain’s coat that had a number of candy canes holstered instead of pistols. The pies and candies swarming through the air around him only added to the miasma of weird that emanated from the image. Ragar snapped them all out of it with a frantic yell. "Celestia, Ragar needs assistance! Send the Royal Guard! Send the Wonderbolts! Send the Elements!"
All three ponies and one velociraptor stared as Ragar ducked so quickly his hat remained airborne. A pie flew cleanly between the melted remains of his head and the hat before he popped back up, the hat landing softly in its original position. "Ragar's ship is overrun. Foals! Foals have invaded Ragar's realm. The prow is already lost, and our supply of pies is almost exhausted!"
The princess stared in utter confusion. This was the strangest scenario she had ever seen when calling Ragar, narrowly beating the instance where he had ascended Black Sun; she had thought that was the limit. Then she realized something. "Ragar, are you in Ponyville?"
Ragar’s image began running in place, a cupcake grazing his brown vest. "Indeed, Ragar was visiting his pirate ship for a spare skull." He rolled forward and dived just under an oncoming pie, then quickly recovered his balance and slammed a door shut behind him.
Twilight jumped out from behind Celestia's wing. "Hey, you're the necromancer who raised that pirate ship!"
Ragar paused to look at Twilight. "Ah, the young librarian from Ponyville. Wielder of the Element of Magic, and a mare after Ragar's own heart. Ragar has seen your progress down the path of evil and approves of your knowledge hoarding ways."
Twilight stared in a mix of horror and confusion as Ragar grabbed a board of wood and began nailing it over the door. Celestia stepped in. "So, Ragar, correct me if I'm wrong, but you are currently sitting in the hold of a pirate ship easily within my teleportation range."
Ragar froze. He turned to look at Celestia, which was unnerving given the fact his skull ended just north of his nose. He then began spewing black smoke. "Teleportation relay, GO!!!" And with that, the link ended. Silence swallowed the room as all the ponies stared at the blank spot in the room. It was a while before any of them spoke. Finally, Celestia broke the silence. "So, did he just fail to notice that his son was in the corner being viciously nuzzled by Tooth?"
Twilight and Celestia shifted their view to Tooth and Black Sun, still sprawled on the floor where they had been playing. Tooth noticed the attention had shifted to him, and slowly turned to face the alicorns. There was a silent pause, and then a loud scream from Twilight as she remembered that the skeleton eyeing her was no longer bound.
The door guards to the royal study had already had an interesting day. They had assisted Twilight in moving in one bound pegasus and a strangely moving tablecloth. That wasn’t particularly notable, as Twilight’s experiments went; after all, they had both been on cleanup duty for the day she accidentally changed exactly one-third of the castle silverware into jello.
However, interesting skipped several steps straight to legendary when a skeletal creature crashed through the door. Twilight was still screaming, nearly drowning out Celestia's laughter. This would still have been within protocol 14c* of guarding Celestia's chamber if not for the pegasus wrapped around the skeleton’s tail as it fled; his expression had reached the perfect balance of unrestrained joy and terror normally found on a young foal's first dive bomb. Both guards looked at the scene and nodded to each other. They then smartly turned and left, but not before the older guard brought out a piece of paper and stuck it to the wall.
The paper was a standard guard form and calmly stated that the door guards had decided the situation was out of their pay grade and were utilizing a code 517 to go home for the day.**
*(Protocol 14c - Celestia has communicated with the 'secret' necromancer. Do not file on the official report.)
**(Code 517 - Princess is on site to control the situation and the guards have determined their presence is more likely to make the situation worse than improve it.)
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I actually got to sing that as part of a choir. It is NOT an easy song by any stretch of the imagination, it's constantly shifting keys, stories, tempos, it's a goddamn NIGHTMARE. But it is one HELL of a fun challenge.
Glad to see them doing a smart.
And it's official, Twilight is, once again, the very last one to know.
The protocols made me laugh.
Love Ragar’s reaction to Tia asking about his whereabouts.
I can only imagine how much more ridiculous the situation would have gotten if Twilight assumed Black Sun was singing a heartsong and took the “Mama, just killed a man / Put a gun against his head / Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead” portion literally.
This is what I imagine Ragar's thought process to sum up as: "Celestia I need help! The Foals are invading, I repeat the foals are invading!" 10 Seconds Later. "Wait Celestia can Teleport to me now after teasing her by not meeting her face to face for almost a thousand years!? ...ABORT, ABORT, RUN AWAY!!!"
Just me, or Canterlot Guard seems to be a quite good choice career?
They have something like that on hand (hoof?) as a Every day carry? Wonder how much crazy goes on where that's expected!
oh poor twilight's mind
Damn, Celestia stole from those foals the satisfaction of conquering the evil pirate squeleton. She so must make up for them
Does the annoying begin yet?
Black Sun is living proof that Wisdom is a poor choice for a dump stat. Though I am somewhat impressed that he's managed to keep his Clark Kent level pegasus disguise intact for as long as he has.
DARN it this chapter cut off too soon.. Black Sun Twilight isn't likely to forget soon
Even the Thousand-year-old Necromancer is no match for the CMCs (and probably Pinkie Pie).
there is a severe lack of skelly jokes, I would have figured ragar to be a total memelord.
if this story ends without a trumpet scene I will be disappointed XD
Have a like.
Yessss. Run, Ragar! Run! The snusnu will get you if you don't!
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
9141633 CODE VIOLET! CODE VIOLET! CODE VIOLET! As tia runs through trying to get to Twilight before whatever she's working on gets any farther
9141750
Meh... I personally see Ragar as Papyrus whole-cloth.
Now you never unsee Ragar in the Pafriscus form.
Aw, so close to an early reveal!
It's not over yet, there could still be a Black Sun race reveal and now Twilight knows where RAGAR THE EVIL lives...
Although I will say I expected Trixie to have been in Black Sun's house setting up a trap.
9141869
I cant tell whether to laugh so hard I choke or throw a boot at your fce for inflicting that upon me XD
I’m still hung up on this. Is Ragar a human skeleton? He knows thingsss
9141628
I think so as well. The Canterlot Royal Guard likely has a protocol for "not my problem days."
9142065
As far we have seen, those days are from Monday to Sunday. Just standing around and looking stoic.
What a life!
9141702
What do you mean disguise? He’s just a regular Pegasus with a Necromancer for a dad.
9142087
Just more proof his disguise works. (He's an alicorn.)
So Twilight didn't develope a kinky side ?
These guys are clearly veterans
Lol
9141869
Personally, I've always read Ragar's lines in Skeletor's voice.
I THOUGHT TWILIGHT WAS STILL A UNICORN IN THIS STORY
9142227
Which is funny, because Papyrus' voice is commonly fan-dubbed as a Skeletor gone silly.
9142309
I mean, Skeletor is pretty much the original "campy-skeleton-guy", so it makes sense when you think about it. And I do believe that you meant to say "gone sillier".
9142140
*gasp!!!*
No! Wai!
9142087
Also an Alicorn, or did you forget about that chapter?
Is tooth a velociraptor or a bird?
You refer to him has both.
9142232
She is. She's hiding in Celestia's wings.
9142470
Velocirapt or. But they became birds so they're kinda both. (There's no short word for dinosaur)
9142448
You do realize I’m being facetious right?
9142525
oh okay
CMC, what have you done now? Please tell me they don't try to get their marks in necromancy...
9142637
Sorry, I actually couldn't tell what tone you were going for just from text cues.
Man you ALWAYS make me crack up laughing. XD "FOALS! SEND THE WONDERBOLTS!!!" Only Ragar would find foals to be the truly most terrifying adversary he has ever faced.
Doggonit, I STILL want to imagine Black Sun as being black!!! Can someone please remind me what colors he actually is?
9142951
Extremely light blue
9142957
But doesn't he also have a red mane streak or something? What color IS his mane? And his eyes? What's his cutie mark? I know at least the colors were said at some point but I don't remember his cutie mark at all.
9142963
I haven't mentioned it because its gonna have a reveal later. He normally just had a low tier illusion to make it a historic urn his name is black with a dark red streak. Eyes are a deep blue. Imma be honest, I just decided the eyes because I never thought about it. Also his name is normally cropped short die to dungeon traps. He's Indiana Jones.
9142974
Oh now I feel dumb, I forgot you were the author. XD Sorry if I sounded snarky. Okay, I shall be patient, then! And thanks for reminding me of the details! Aha, so at least he DOES have black in his color scheme; that helps me. XD Looking forward to the reveal! And envisioning him as Indiana Jones is delightful.
(Hope this isn't impertinent, just wanted to point out, you had a few mixed-up words in there so it was a little hard for me to interpret. Mane was "name" twice, and due was "die". Only thought I'd point it out in case others were reading it wanting the same reminders I did. =) )
9142987
Thanks, and no worries. I'm a bit of a snarky hitch so if I coudn't take it Is commit sudoku or something.
Ah, I just read through the comments and saw this was adressed, but I'm still a bit confused on it. Is "alicorns" referring to tia and black sun or tia and twilight? His attention was on black before. So was the bird just confused from twi's position on top of tia? Or did twilight turn into an alicorn already and I forgot? It has been a while.
9141733
The CMC, Dinky, Rumble, Twist, Pipsqueak ... I'm not sure Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon would be willing to indulge in such "common" behavior, and Featherweight is probably taking pictures of everything.
A boat full of the undead, and Ponyville's children invade it, Twilight was right, all those ponies are crazy.
(But we love 'em anyway.)