//------------------------------// // One Century After Nightfall // Story: The Worst Equestrian Necromancer // by Nobodyslament //------------------------------// Princess Celestia sighed deeply while locked in her room. One hundred years had passed. One hundred years since she was forced to betray her sister. She wanted to do something, anything, to distract herself. Alas, all her work was done. She had cleaned her room eight times, finished the final tower in the castle herself, and redone the tax code. She knew she could do it again, but she wasn't THAT desperate. Yet. However, after an hour alone in her room, she began to shuffle herself up. Maybe she could look at that tax code again. She wasn't sure if it would do any good, but at least it would distract her. Then, something unexpected happened. An orb of ghastly white light appeared in her room. She stared at it, trying to unravel its mysteries by sight alone. Then, text appeared from it. "ACCEPT CALL Y/N?" Celestia's curiosity was piqued. So, despite her innate desire to be left alone, she called out to the orb. "Yes, I accept the call." The orb rose slightly and flashed once. As the light faded from sight, she noticed it was replaced with a most curious image of a creature. Its face was naught but bone, and unfamiliar even to her. It stood as tall as a diamond dog, but straighter. More cultured. It also was covered in a long purple cloak. It spoke to her, in a humorously high voice. "Celestia, greetings from I, RAGAR, THE AGELESS! DARK LORD OF ALL EVIL!!" Celestia pondered the creature before her. She had never seen it before, but its spell had managed to worm its way past all her wards. Leaving her here, talking to it. She stared at it in utter confusion. To get through her wards you would either have to be a caster of nigh-unapproachable skill. Or have something of hers already. It was how her sister used to... Now she was even sadder. Then Ragar spoke again. "Uhm, hello? Is this thing working? Ragar knows you can hear me, princess. You must acknowledge your fellow ruler." That perked up Celestia. A ruler who snuck a spell through her wards? One she had never heard of? Now, this was a mystery. "I apologize, Lord Ragar, I was simply lost in thought. What can I help you with on this fine day?" Ragar shook his head as if she had committed an unspeakable offense. "NO! You do not call me lord. You are a fellow ruler. We are equals and shall speak as such." That managed to win a smile out of Celestia. Most of the kings and queens of the realm lived off of pomp and circumstance. Even if he was evil, at least he didn't force her to use some stupid title. To meet one who didn't - that was nice. "Of course Ragar. Now, what can I do to help?" She thought she could guess; some formal meeting or trade deal. Which is why she had to sit down after Ragar's next sentence. "Why have you not sent troops to destroy Ragar's KINGDOM OF THE DAMNED?" Celestia sat for a moment. Then two. What, exactly, was a kingdom of the damned? Where in the world was it? She had never heard of this Ragar, and to hear he had some sort of evil kingdom that was literally awaiting destruction was strange. "Excuse me, Ragar? Why would I send troops to destroy your kingdom exactly? I have not heard about any horrible treatment from your subjects, nor have I seen an invasion force marching on the horizon. Why would I commit my army to attack what seems to be a humble and peaceful kingdom?" This gave Ragar pause. He raised a bony digit from his sleeve, stroking his chin bone. Celestia could hear the soft taps as bone hit bone, each one disturbing the small glass of water on her desk. Then Ragar snapped his damned digits. "Of course. Because Ragar... because Ragar, is a necromancer. By the natural laws, the princess must send heroes to destroy him. It is the way of the world." Celestia let out a light titter of laughter. "Of course. Which heroes should I assemble to assault your keep?" Ragar paused again, as if unsure of what the proper composition of a hero team should be. He nodded slowly as if he had channeled a sage. A particularly dull one at that. "You must send five. One to heal, one to fight, one to fly, one to see, and one who is a wildcard." He said wildcard like a song. Ending it with a small flourish of his hands. Celestia thought on his list. She had some guards that fit the bill, but then she realized her situation. A necromancer was asking her to send her ponies to his keep. Despite his fun-loving demeanor he probably just wanted their corpses to conduct his vile experiments. Then once again Ragar shattered those thoughts. "They should only take about a week. If they fail, they shall have to try again next year. But if they win, then Ragar shall grant them full citizenship. Assuming you are fine with a dual citizenship." And now Celestia was back to confused. Why would she allow her guards to have a dual citizenship? "What if our nations were to go to war? The guards would have to pick a side. That cannot be allowed." Ragar moved back as if she had just said she was going to kick a pack of fluffy puppies as soon as the call ended. "Why would Ragar go to war? So much violence. True evil abhors violence. True evil knows that knowledge is power. And since power corrupts, the smarter you are, the eviler you are. To this end, Ragar has banned violence from Ragarland. Ragar has also many forbidden tomes - most are extremely boring, however. Sombra's Book on immortal theory was deeply flawed. What spell requires pony sacrifice. I was able to do it killing a tree and two parasprites. It's in the movement of the wrists, not the quantity of souls." Celestia paused again. This creature, who just asked her to destroy him, is now saying that violence is hated by true evil. Not only that, he also claimed that all knowledge was inherently evil. Celestia had, admittedly, never thought on this. And despite the logic his argument had, it faded in the face of the real world. But now this was interesting. He had read the lost tome of Sombra and had found a much more peaceful solution to his massive civilian sacrifice with wrist movements. She had to know more. Though, perhaps delving into a necromancers spellwork was not in her best interest. With the kingdom down one princess, another falling would be a worst-case scenario. "So Ragar. If you hate violence, how do you intend to fight off these heroes?" Ragar began to rub his hands together. "Ragarland is filled with dangerous monsters, fiendish traps, and my own damned undead tour guides. NYEHEHEHEHEHE!!" Celestia let out another titter of laughter. "Truly, the tour guides must be awful." Ragar nodded emphatically. "Indeed, they sell their services at cost and labor. No profits to Ragar, they are the worst tour guides. However, they give excellent tours of the pit of eternal screaming." Celestia found herself wondering about the pit, and asked before she could stop herself. "What is the pit of eternal screaming?" Ragar stopped rubbing his hands together and tapped his chin again. "You know, Ragar honestly doesn't know. The pit was there when Ragar moved in. In fact, it is why Ragar lives here. Ragar finds the screaming matches necromancy perfectly. The guides give different, exciting stories every time." Celestia nodded. "May I tour your land?" Ragar let out another laugh. "NYEHAHAHAHA!!! Only if you find my hidden kingdom princess! Or if one of your heroes manages to make it to my sanctum sanctorum. Once they have their citizenship, they may, of course, speak about Ragar's lands freely. They also receive a discount on tours and all of Ragar's wondrous restaurants." Celestia quirked an eyebrow. "So how would the heroes get to you?" Ragar began shaking his lower jawbone, clacking it with alarming speed. It took a moment for Celestia to realize it was a chuckle. "Ragar will tell them, princess. Then ask them not to share. Honesty is a very important part of Ragarland culture. Why, if you're lying how will you learn the truth? Honesty helps evil spread through the land. NYEHEHEHEHE!!" Celestia let out another smile. This necromancer appeared fun. She began compiling a list. "Must these heroes be pure of heart and body?" Ragar shook his head. "No, they must only be willing to attempt the dangers of Ragarland Also, they must be willing to be healed by Ragar. Ragar will not allow an early death. All deaths must be natural in Ragarland." So, sending her guards to a foreign land with little danger and the possibility of finding a new land? This all sounded like a wonderful time. Celestia finished writing the short list of guards that might wish to attempt the challenges. "Well, Ragar, I shall attempt to send a group of guards to you at some time in the next week. When can you call again to tell them of their quest?" Ragar looked as pleased as a skull could - which was surprisingly pleased. "Ragar will call in one week's time. Probably around one-ish so Ragar may enjoy his lunch. If you wish to call Ragar, simply tap the orb Ragar will leave in your room." He paused, then spoke quickly, as if he forgot something. "Also, Ragar ask you not to call after nine o' clock. Ragar needs his beauty sleep and time for evil plotting. Ragar wakes around sunrise, so feel free to call then. I bid you adieu, Celestia." Celestia smiled at the skeleton. "Of course. I shall talk to you soon, Ragar." With that, the call ended and the orb floated to the corner of the room. Celestia walked to her door, leaving the tax code behind. She could redo it later. She had some guards to find.