The magnificent tomb city of Innsmare was an excellent place for Ragar's newest lair. He wandered it happily, taking in the dark etchings, ruinous words, and shrines to dark gods that no mortal should lay eyes on. All in all, it was an excellent home for an evil necromancer. Ragar walked down one of the well-lit hallways with a hardhat and yellow vest on over his deep purple robe. He waved at passing skeletons in similar attire, most carrying heavy rebar or stone from place to place, while a few looked at blueprints all around them. Ragar smiled as he took note of it, before cheerfully speaking to himself. "Ragar loves his job."
A skeletal pony walked up, hardhat askance on his head and a sheaf of blueprints hooked into his saddlebags. "Lord Ragar, we have most of the park ready for our first batch of guests, but we have several issues we need your help with." Eagar tilted his skull, prompting the skeleton to float out a clipboard whit unhealthy green magic. "For one the portal to Nyalthotep the ancient one still randomly opens whenever he wants a player for the arcade machines you threw at him to keep him contained. The basin of fire randomly spurts and sets fire to the entire haunted house, and finally, the tower of unnatural shapes keeps folding in on itself. I think it happens whenever it makes an angle over about 700 degrees."
Ragar reached for the clipboard, glancing through it while scratching his skull underneath the hard hat. "Well, we can just make the elder god an attraction, perhaps a prize of chips if they manage to defeat him." He hmmed and hawed as he looked at the other two though. Ragar believes he will need to contact a subject matter expert on the other two cases though. Begin making the greatest arcade challenge you can! RAGAR THE MAGNIFICENT COMMANDS IT!!"
The worker nodded, grabbing the clipboard as he turned. "Whatever you say, boss."
***
Celestia sat down and calmly buried her face in a pillow before screaming. OF course her wandering student would return to Canterlot in person to deliver an artifact of Ragar's, and of course, it was infuriating. It swapped between Equestrian and another accent with astounding frequency. It also filled the entire Mages Tower with smoke whenever a researcher got close. Which was just... wonderful. It stated Ragar was going to come and borrow Celestia's tea, but that was easily proven false. The stone was roughly four thousand years old, so it obviously was lying. The fact it also changed the text to have a four-paragraph rant on the outrageous flight of bumblebees was further proof. Sunset herself had instantly retreated to her barely used room in the castle. If the flashes of light coming from it were any hint, she was less than pleased. Celestia looked at the orb in the corner, it was bobbing around happily, something on Ragar's end making the orb move slightly in a dance. She knew asking him would be tantamount to admitting defeat, but at this point, she was too curious just to let it lie.
With a light from her horn, the orb began to glow brightly. Soft piano music came out for a moment before a large portion of her room was overtaken by an image of Ragar held in a tentacle as an arcade machine floated beside him. His arms were removed from his body manipulating the controls on one side as a swarm of smaller tentacles manipulated the other side. "NYARLA YOU CHEATING FOOL< TRYING TO REMOVE RAGAR'S GLORIOUS FORM FROM THE MACHINE!" There was a sound that gave Celestia an image of a million voices each speaking a contradictory lie and Ragar laughed. "WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT! SOON YOUR SECRETS WILL BELONG TO RAGAR!" His fingers moved deftly for a moment before the screen flashed, and the word Draw appeared in large block letters. "Darn, we tied again. One moment, I have to take this call."
The tentacles peeled back in a way Celestia was sure would be in her dreams tonight as Ragar stood tall in his greatest clothes. Namely, a safety vest thrown over a white shirt and jeans. A helmet rested on his back, bobbing as he began to sit down as a chair of black smoke appeared beneath him. "Good evening Celestia, what can Ragar, the unmatched lord of death and darkness do to help you today?"
Celestia giggled as Ragar crossed his legs. "Well Ragar, I seem to have come into ownership of such an interesting artifact I wanted your take on it." Ragar tilted his head, but remained silent. Mostly because a large tentacle was slowly wrapping itself around his head. Celestia raised an eyebrow, but continued on regardless. "We found a tablet which speaks to us. It says you are its master, and is very unwilling to help us identify anything about it..."
Ragar paused, tapping his skull for a moment. "Ragar could be convinced to help. He would require tribute though."
Celestia let out a groan. "Of course you would. I can have a shipment of books fresh from our researcher is the topic of arcane knick-knackery sent to you by the end of the week."
Ragar nodded slowly before the tentacles moved again. they made no noise, but Celestia was suddenly aware that they would offer up their services to Ragar if he added some chips and salsa to the deal. Ragar's mouth opened in a large smile. "And the chips and salsa requested by my fine compatriot here."
Celestia let out a smirk at this. That thing was oficially Ragar's problem and she was going to solve it. That should give her some power in negotiation. "That is acceptable. Though in exchange I would request you volume of knowledge on gravity magic. How the teacups work in your older attractions still confuse my researchers, and we have so many ideas for it after all."
Ragar jumped slightly as a tentacle tapped him, but looked back to Celestia. "Sure thig Tia. Ragar can send that back with your team. Ragar will also ask if we are still on for movie night this Saturday?"
Celestia nodded. "Of course, I have selected a fine play from a local tour group. We shall have a wonderful evening."
Ragar had another tentacle tap his shoulder. "Oh fine you oversized octopus of madness." Ragar bowed, causing the hard hat on his head to fall off. The thump echoed from the orb and slid across the floor. "Forgive Ragar, but I have been told that though Ragar now has the aid needed, he still must finish the game. RAGAR IS ABOUT TO KICK YOUR TENTACLE-Y BUTT!"
Celestia cut in. "Yes, but before you do, what is the tablet?"
Ragar froze for a moment. "Yes, Ragar had heard a particularly clever pony was tracking down his lost toys. What you have found is Ragar's tablet of conspiracy. It helps Ragar plan great heists with ease as he is a master criminal, and that tablet is an equally master partner. Of course, it is designed to betray you at the most oppurtune moment. After all, Every Heist needs good drama." Ragar snapped his finger. "But I must go Princess, the game must continue to be afoot. Or something. See you Saturday!" A tentacle waved at Celestia, and she would swear a ghostly figure appeared out of the tentacle and waved back at her at the same time. The call disconnected as Celestia sat down, thinking about the useless tablet currently vexing her top researchers.
It only took her a few minutes before she reached the tablet and looked to it. "I hear you're pretty good at planning heists?"
The tablet sat silently for a moment. "Now you are of speaking my language, what are we stealing?" Celestia smiled, thinking of the cake her sister had stolen last night.