//------------------------------//
// Light Therapy Lamp Opts To Burn Down House Rather Than Face Depressed Stallion Yet Again 
// Story: Anon 69 News 
// by Amilition 
//------------------------------//

A lamp finally sick of everything, burns down house.

And a new king is crowned in Griffonstone. Hear how neighboring countries don't give two fucks.

From a space station you'll never find, I'm Anonymous Sam fucking Saxton, and this is Anon 69 News. Joining us today is Cracker Jack. Hey Jack, how's the kid?

"Just swell, Anon."

That's awesome. Can you tell us the situation with the lamp?

"Well, unable to stand another encounter with such a dreary and miserable person, a local light therapy lamp reportedly opted to burn down the house Wednesday rather than have to face the depressed stallion it was supposed to be cheering up yet again."

Sounds like the lamp was at it's tipping point.

“Indeed he was. 'After weeks and weeks of this total sad sack just staring straight at me for 45 minutes every day without any results, I just can’t take this shit anymore,' said the Light Therapy Lamp, toppling over onto a pile of rags in a desperate effort to avoid another session in the presence of such a glum loser."

Seems like the lamp tried everything in it's power to cheer him up. Too bad the stallion was a selfish bastard and continued to be sad.

"Mhm. It went on to say, "It’s only December and the thought of spending another two months with this guy just sitting there, waiting for me to turn his mood around is just too much to bear. He’s putting all this pressure on me to fix him, and I’m not a licensed therapist or anything—I’m just a lamp, for Celestia's sake. This is way too big a burden.” At press time, the rapidly overheating lamp comforted itself with the thought that losing his home and all his possessions might be just the shot in the arm the depressed man needed to turn things around."

Wow, even in the end, the lamp still thought of the stallion. Well, thank you for coming on Cracker Jack.

"It was a pleasure."

From Anon 69 News, I'm Anonymous and you can suck my di-

Click.