• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 97 - Your Partner, Diamond Tiara

Once again, you find yourself spiraling through the air, across Equestria at breakneck speeds. However, this time, you were prepared. You slap your horn on your head and teleport yourself back to Ponyville. Your target this time, the Rich manor. You had to make sure Diamond was actually ready and prepared for tomorrow, as in you had to talk to her about what you planned to do and hope she’d come along no problem, not like you needed to hope.

However, there was something you didn’t account on, and that was your velocity still being kept upon your warp. You find yourself slamming onto the balcony and crashing through the doors that went directly into Diamond’s room. Your face was just sliding across the ground, your body was still smoking, and man did this hurt like hell.

Finally, you come to a dead stop when you crash into a pile of plushies. Ugh, your body, it ached like fuck and it felt like your face was ran over by a truck. Your head was otherwise fine though.

“Diamond! What was that?!” Shrieked the undeniable voice of Silver Spoon.

“Oh, that just looked like Anon.” Diamond said calmly, before she started to sigh in adoration. “In fact, I bet it was him. Ooooh, only he’d come through those doors in such an amazing way just to greet me.”

“I don’t know…” Silver Spoon said as she went to investigate the pile of plushies “It totally looked like he crashed.”

“He totally wouldn’t!” Diamond barked “He’s way too amazing to crash. And even if he did, it’d be with such amazing style that nopony would even think he crashed anyway.”

“I guess…” Silver Spoon poked at the plushies, then began to slowly move them away. “Anon is pretty awesome, but I still think that was a ASFSDJFSAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Silver Spoon lets out a horrific scream, falling instantly unconscious when she catches a glimpse of your face. It seems, after removing the plushie covering your upper body, that she had caught sight of something gruesome. Your face was terribly scarred and burned, with shrapnel sticking out of spots of your face.

“Silver Spoon?! What’s wro-ANON! ANON!?” Diamond nearly fell back, screeching in fright when she too caught a glimpse of your face.

“Uggghhhh. Ohhhhh.” You groaned as you crawled out of the plush pile. Amazingly, you didn’t feel much pain, as many of the nerves on your face were burned away from the explosive flight.

“You’re not Anon! You must be some kind of evil monster that looks like him! Grrrrr, YOU’LL PAY FOR TRYING TO LOOK LIKE MY ANON AND THEN MAKING HIM LOOK UGLY! EVEN MORE FOR SCARING MY BEST FRIEND!” Diamond went from scared to frightening as she dashed backwards, grabbed a heavy looking baton with rainbow ribbons coming from the back, and rushed up to you and slammed you in the face. While not really hurting you, it did make you realize what was going on.

“Guh, wuh? Diamond? Wait! Diamond! It’s m-OOF!” However, you did feel it when she slammed the baton on your knees, knocking you down.

“You can’t fool me! What did you do with the real Anon?! Tell me or else I’ll really bring the hurt!” Diamond threatened, ready to bash you again.

“Mnngh” You moaned. That really smarts, geez! “Diamond! It is me! Stop! Please!”

“Oh yeah? Hmm?” Diamond said, narrowing her eyes at you in suspicion. “Well, if you were really Anon, then try putting on that horn! If it doesn’t work, then it means it’s as fake as you. Go ahead, because then I’ll really make you pay for pretending to be my Anon”

What was she even… Oh god, when you put your hooves to your face, you could feel it was horribly scarred and unshapely. How were you not dead?! Ugh, whatever, not hard to fix. “Hold on, I’ll do you one better.” You slap your horn on your head, and immediately spawn gloved hands with hammers and chisels. Immediately they begin to chisel at your face like rocks until you were completely healed and back to looking like your adorable self. “See? It’s me. Ugh, sorry if I scared you though. Dad was being a jerk.” No seriously, if it wasn’t for the fact that he was planning on a family meeting tonight, you’d plan a way to obliterate his ass.

“Anon?! Oh no! No no no! Don’t be sorry! I should be sorry! I hit you for no reason! Hmph!” Diamond was clearly upset, but she still looked to the fallen Silver Spoon with a snooty look and said “Silver Spoon! Why did you scare me like that? You should have known that was the real Anon.”

But Silver just laid there, unconscious. She seems to be doing that a lot lately.

You just chuckle, and look to Diamond with a smirk. “I don’t think she can hear you.”

“...Maybe… Erm…” Diamond looked back at you, still feeling shameful for what she did. “I really am sorry though. But… Well… I’ve never seen you crash-er, swoop in like that. Did your dad blow you up or something?”

“He literally blew me up. But it’s fine, see?” You give her a great big smile. “I’m pretty invincible. A silly explosion isn’t gonna get me.”

“Wow… You’re just sooooo amazing!” Diamond rushed over to you and nuzzled her head under yours. “You’re the best, Anon. Everypony else wishes they had a coltfriend like you! But um… Why would your Dad blow you up?”

“Eh, it’s just how he is sometimes. Oh!” Actually, since Silver Spoon was knocked out, now was the perfect time to tell Diamond about your plan tomorrow. “Diamond, actually, it’s super good I actually landed in your room. I got something I gotta tell you.”

“Oh? What is it? Another romantic date? Oh, are we going to play another session of Ogres and Oubliettes?” Diamond asked, curious as to what it could be, while also excited for it to be something she could never imagine.

“No… It’s actually super important. Ok? I mean, this is like a mission for the both of us, a friendship mission. Which is why I gotta ask, how do you REALLY feel about Chrysalis? Everything you said about her before, that’s how you really feel, right?” You ask, making absolutely sure that she actually liked Chrysalis before inviting her into your plan.

“Anon, are you asking me to come with you to help her? Because I’m totally ok with that…” Diamond looks left, right, then at Silver Spoon. She then moves in closer and whispers in your ear. “Because if it is that, we can’t tell my parents. They’d freak out for sure.”

Well… That was easy. “Huh, and here I thought you’d be worried about it.”

“Why would I be worried? Not only will I be with you, but Chrysalis would never hurt me. She never did before, even when she had the chance. She needs our help, Anon! And you can bet I’m not gonna back down… Erm.” She shifts her eyes back at Silver, then back at you. “But we totally gotta make sure my parents don’t find out, Silver Spoon too. I’m serious, it could be bad for both of us. They still think Chrysalis is reeeeaaallllyyy bad.”

That shouldn’t be any trouble at all. “I understand. Though, we’re kind of doing this tomorrow morning. I want to make sure we have plenty of time to talk to her without anypony getting anxious and worried that we’re out a little later than we should be. Can you do that? Be ready in the morning, I mean.”

“That’s no problem. I can just eat breakfast, work on my mane some, and pack some snacks for the trip.” Diamond said before looking to you with a confident and determined look. “You’ll see, we’re gonna be a real couple and help our sister together! Then everypony will see she isn’t a bad changeling at all! Anypony who would help us become closer as a couple is totally not a bad guy.”

Man, she really did like Chrysalis after all. Last thing you had to check is if she was willing to make the trip into the Everfree to find Chrysalis. “And you’re ok with stepping into the Everfree forest with me to find her?”

Diamond looks directly into your eyes, and nods. “Yes, because I know you’ll protect me from anything that tries to hurt us. I have no reason to be scared when I’m with-” But before she could finish her sentence, the door to her room burst open as Filthy Rich rushed into the room, his eyes near red with fury.

“Alright! Who came in here lookin’ to hurt my little little darlin’?! I swear, if you hurt e-What now? Anon? Hrn?” Filthy immediately calmed down and composed himself, straightening his tie and adjusting his suit as he let out a small cough. “Pardon me, didn’t know you were let in, son.” He then let out a gentle chuckle of embarrassment as he took a step back “Now I feel like a right fool thinkin’ somethin’ was wrong and- Wait, what’s wrong with Silver Spoon there? She’s lookin’ whiter than a sheet.”

“Oh um!” Diamond suddenly became nervous, but quickly came up with an answer for her father. “We were playing and telling scary stories. Anon told a really scary one that scared Silver Spoon… But not me, because I’m way too brave to be scared by a silly story, right, Anon?”

“Oh, um, yeah! Ha! Sorry if I caused you any trouble, Mr. Rich.” You say, feeling rather sheepish about the whole thing.

“Oh, aha, no trouble, son, just got me worried with all that yellin’ an’ all, thought ah heard my darlin' shoutin'. I would like to ask ya to cut down on them stories though, got some important big time ponies from Canterlot lookin’ to invest into Barnyard Bargains and I don’t want them thinkin’ anything is wrong.” Mr. Rich informed you before letting out another chuckle, more nervous than before

Man, he seemed kind of nervous about whatever meeting he was talking about. Maybe you could help? “What’s wrong, Mr. Rich? Is everything ok?”

“Nothing too wrong, Anon. It’s just that these Canterlot types are easier to handle with the wife. But she ain’t here and I ain’t got nothing too fancy to really wow them. Seems having your hooves dipped in all kinds of businesses just ain’t enough for em’.” Filthy explained.

“What?! How can they not be impressed?! You’re the greatest daddy ever for one, for two, you’re the owner of Barnyard Bargains, the longest running shop in Equestria! You’re also the future father of Anon, the greatest hero and most handsome colt alive! So how?! Mnnnggrrr! I should give them a piece of my mind!” Diamond growled with a stomp, angered that things were going bad for her father.

“Woah now, little darlin’, ah don’t think givin’ them any of that kind of mind is gonna help us. But don’t worry, I’m sure I can think of somethin’ to get them on board.” Filthy said as he calmed his daughter, trying to think fast on what he was going to do about his meeting.

“Mnnngh… I guess.” Diamond pouted, calm, but still not really willing to accept things as they are.

“Hmmm… Well, Mr. Rich, what exactly are they looking for?” You ask, hoping his answer could give you something to work with.

“Honestly, son, ah don’t know. Even the cider from Sweet Apple Acres ain’t doing much in swaying them.” Filthy said, hanging his head low in defeat. “Ah dunno what I’m gonna do.”

Hmm… “I mean, I could spike the cider to help sway things. I mean, that works, right?”

“Anon! That’s an amazing pl-” Diamond cheered, until she noticed her father’s scowl. “-dumb plan! You can’t just spike drinks like that. It’s erm… Not ethical!”

“H-hey! I was joking!” You lied, laughing sheepishly “What I meant to say was, uh, I could… Erm, ah!” You got it! “What is one of the rarest and most immaculate gems there is? Does anypony know?”

“Anon, I hope you ain’t talkin’ about something like radiant gems. They’re hard to handle and...” But as Filthy Rich prattled on about what he thought was a time consuming and bad idea, you suddenly remembered the whole radiant gem debacle from a long time past. Gems that shine or darken based on the one who touches it first. Very rare and extremely hard to manage. Perrrfffeeecct.

“BAM!” You slap on your horn and summon up a small bag of radiant gems “Problem solved!”

“Problem what now? Anon, what did you just summon there?” Filthy asked.

“Five radiant gems, untouched, safe in a bag. I’m sure the fact that you have some, untouched and unused, will really wow them, ahrm, ‘Canterlot Types’.” Hopefully anyway.

“Well now, that’s a game changer if ah ever saw one! Haha! Anon, son, is there anything you can’t do?” Filthy laughed hard as he picked up the bag and gave it a poke.

“Windows?” An antique joke, but hopefully it’s hilarious to old fashioned ponies like him.

“HAHA! Windows! That’s the greatest joke ah heard in awhile! Though, probably a good thing if it’s true. Don’t wanna go drivin’ window washing ponies outta business.” Filthy Rich walked up to you and gave you a gentle pat on the head. “Thank you, son, really. Ahm sure this will really help things along. Now, I gotta go. But Anon, don’t think you’ll go unrewarded for this. I’ll find something to make up for this, ah swear it.”

“Oh, you don’t need to repay me, Mr. Rich.” Heh, now it’s time to be smooth. “The love of your daughter is all I need as payment.”

“Anon…” Diamond walks up next to you and begins to nuzzle along your neck. “You’re so romantic.”

“Truly a heart of gold. Welp, you three have fun then, and thanks again, Anon.” Filthy begins to turn around, then stops to look at the fallen Silver for a second and shakes his head before leaving the room.

Diamond falls on her back, sighing in relief “That was close!”

“Yeah, geez. Almost got caught right there” You commented.

“I know, right?! Geez, Silver, you gotta be less of a pussycat.” Diamond said to her friend, who was still out like a light. “Anyway, what are you up to right now, Anon? Because if you’re not up to anything.” Diamond blushes a little as she snuggles up to your side “We can practice kissing.”

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Steam nearly comes out of your nose the moment she said that. “W-what?”

“You know, kissing like a couple. Mother and Daddy do it, and so do the Cakes, and every other couple. I think we should perfect our kissing so it’ll be even more magical when we really get married. That’s a good idea, isn’t it?” Diamond asked, looking at you with doting eyes.

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH! That’s too much! ANON! DON’T DO IT! YOU’LL DO BAD THINGS! UGH, BUT YOU SOOOO WANNA DO BAD THINGS! GODDAMMIT! YOU HAVE TO DECLINE! WHYYYYY! “U-um, actually no. Because if we, erm, perfect it now… Then you know, we’ll already know what the perfect kiss is before we’re married. W-we wouldn’t want that, right? R-right?”

“OH GOSH! SOOOO TRUE! UGH!” Diamond slapped her face with her hoof, feeling stupid for her suggestion. “I don’t even know why I’d even suggest that! Soooo dumb! Thank you, Anon, we almost screwed up a very important future moment.”

“Yeah! We almost did.” AGHHH! WHYYYYYY?! “Erm, Diamond, I really should go though. Dad wants me to be ready for this thing later and I don’t wanna be late. But, uh, see you tomorrow morning?” You had to get out of here, before your libido decides to overpower your rationality.

“Of course you will! We have to help Chrysalis!” Diamond said with a nod as she looked over to Silver Spoon. “Probably good you leave now anyway, I don’t want Silver Spoon freaking out just because you're in my room. Sheesh, she can be such a baby sometimes.”

“R-right… But uh, before I go” You do sneak in a quick kiss on the cheek before you go, which causes the usual reaction of her practically melting on the spot.

You then make your leave, teleporting straight back to your room. You still had half a day before you had to go, but what else could you really do? Today was just not too good a day to waggle your unlimited power around.

Hmmm, and tomorrow you had a big day. Chrysalis, don’t you worry, you’ll see how great it is to be good soon enough.

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