• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 87 - The Hyrule Campaign Part 7

And so the final room awaited the party. And while everyone was seemingly pretty optimistic to take on the challenge, you and Discord hung back behind the group as you both muttered angrily to yourselves, both of you wanting the glory of a win. You decided however, that whatever is behind that door is getting a berserk’d deathblow to the face. A skill combination that does so much damage that it should obliterate whatever enemy you’re about to face in a single blow.

When you all enter the room however, you all noticed a good sized arena before you, square in shape, with the sides of the arena ending in a pit of certain death. However, you also all noticed there weren’t any monsters in the room. And just like both rooms before this one, the door locked behind all of you. No surprise.

“Huh… It looks like we’re supposed to fight something, but I don’t see anything, is it invisible?” Garbuncle asked as he took a look around the arena, spotting nothing.

Moonlight looks up, and notices that the ceiling had a huge hole in the middle. She points up to it, and correctly figures out what its purpose is. “Look, there’s a hole up there, maybe it's going to come down through that.”

“Interesting…” Wuz said as he pulled at his beard, not truly intrigued, but ready to murder whatever pops out of it. “Not a very good way to enter combat, now is it? Considering there is five of us, a coordinated strategy should be able to bring it down quickly. Or…” He readies his bow, and holds it at an angle that suggests a headshot “I can amaze you all with the most skillful shot you’ve ever seen.”

“Cut the hogwash, Discord. We’re a team, meanin’ we gotta use all our skills to take down whatever poor varmint is comin’ down that thing. It’s just like workin’ on the orchard with your family. If everypony does their part then there ain’t nothin’ we can’t do.” Jackapple comments, determined to take down whatever monster comes down through the hole.

“Woah… Appleja- Er, Jackapple. Sounds like you’re really getting into the game. That’s a pretty good strategy too.” Garbuncle was rather amazed, he didn’t expect Jackapple to actually invest herself into the current, or any, campaign.

“Er… Um… Don’t look too into it, ah just want to get this done already” Jackapple states as she shyly looks away. She was unable to admit that she was enjoying herself in any capacity, and so used her want to defeat Ganon and end the campaign to hide her growing admiration for the game.

But suddenly, there is a wooshing noise from the hole that catches everyone’s attention. Garbuncle is the first to enter a battle position as he raises his staff. “Get ready everypony, something is coming! Don’t worry, I got buffs coming out the wazoo for this fight, just don’t waste em, ok?”

“Ah don’t need no ‘buff’ or whatever that means, just give me two seconds with it and I’ll send it through the wall.” Jackapple states as she prepared herself, her nose snorting out steam as she mentally steeled herself for combat.

Wuz kept his bow at the ready, he didn’t even comment on how her just ‘bucking’ and not using her weapons would be a bad idea. He didn’t care, he just wanted the shot.

You? You were probably the most ready out of all of them. You knew you could gain first attack by bursting into a berserk rage on the word go. And with one well placed deathblow? Oh yeah, victory would be yours! All that precious glory to be had after the embarrassing moment in the courage chamber.

Finally, out of the hole, came a large piggish figure in red glowing armor with spiked shoulders. His skin was brown and his smile crooked. While his movements seemed rather boarish and heavy in nature, the large steel spear he was wielding showed he meant business. Jackapple, noticing his figure, comments in a rather confused fashion “Is that Ganon? Why is he all papery and junk?” Indeed, she was caught off guard that this hulking beast was just a living papercraft.

“Oh, that’s just how things are. All the enemies we face in O&O are typically just paper or papercraft p-ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Garbuncle said in surprise, so taken aback as you suddenly rushed past him that he didn’t even bother to use your game name.

“ASFDSFSASDSA” You garbled out incoherently, drool spilling from your mouth, as you rush towards the papercraft moblin with your battle axe in your mouth. You went full rage mode as you jumped up in mid air, and aimed your weapon right at it’s head, coming down upon him. With a successful sl- WOAH WHAT?! YOU WERE SUCCESSFUL?! Well damn, the papercraft moblin is sliced in two, its red glowing armor sputtering out of control and then falling apart, thus causing the door behind you all to unlock.

“What… Just happened?” Garbuncle asked more confused than bewildered, he just slowly points over to you and looks to the rest of the party. “Did Anon just beat that thing in one hit?”

“I’ll be gosh darned, never seen so much anger in mah life, just sliced that thing right in two without even a care.” Jackapple was impressed. Sure, it was just papercraft, but seeing you rush in like a bullet and slicing the thing with such grandeur was amazing, even to her.

Moonlight just looked on in awe, with her expression becoming ever so dreamy as she suddenly began to fantasize about her hunk of a barbarian whisking her off into the sunset. She turned to Wuz, who was preparing his arrow, and sighed lovingly towards him. “Isn’t Anon the best?” She asked, as she looked upon you. You were now standing on your hind legs, screaming like an idiot, claiming your victory with primitive yells.

“A crown jewel…” Wuz said, aiming his arrow towards you. He was jealous, angered by the fact that you came in and took the already dwindling glory he’d be able to obtain by clearing the large monster moblin in a single hit. He was going to do it, he was going to shoot an arrow right in your head. He had been critted, out done in riddles, and fearful of his life all due to an illusion. And now? Outdone in battle? Nope, he wasn't having it.

“Why are you aiming an arrow towards Anon?” Moonlight asked, curious and confused as to why Wuz suddenly seemed so poised for another fight.

“There’s a mad dog that needs to be taken down…” Wuz said under his breath, lost in his own envy as he prepared to let loose his arrow.

“Oh… Um, can I ask you a question?” Moonlight asked, with a sugary sweet innocent tone in her voice. She just sat there, like a puppy, looking up curiously at Wuz.

“And what’s that?” Wuz said, barely paying attention. He hadn’t let go yet, he was hesitating for some reason, a reason that somehow didn’t click within his mind as the need for glory just kept his judgement clouded.

“Well, I just wanted you to be straight with me. I… Really haven’t ruined the game at all, right? Because I really mean it when I say it, I’m having a load of fun. It’s totally awesome! I can see why Anon loves the game so much. Just look at him, he’s so happy that he finally got a super good roll, it makes me feel happy for him. And this whole campaign thing you made? Well, I think it’s great! And it makes it even better that Anon doesn’t mind it being so easy. It’s weird though, right? He’s been excited and having a lot of fun since we started… And It’s all thanks to you, Daddy Discord.” Moonlight hovers upwards with her wings, and dives into Wuz for a tight yet gentle hug.

Wuz slowly stopped his aiming, gently releasing the tension of his bow as his arrow falls to the ground. “Y-you’re thanking me for all this? Despite the bad rolls? Despite nearly being defeated time after time? Despite Jackapple? You’re truly having fun?” He was stuttering in his voice, as he slowly but reluctantly began to realize why he did all this in the first place.

“Mhmm!” Moonlight said to him as she looked up to him with a smile “I mean, the times we messed up was pretty scary, but that’s all part of the game, right? This is seriously the coolest way to play any game ever! I love it! And I’m super glad Anon invited me despite it being a ‘guy’s’ thing. I-if you don’t mind, I wouldn’t mind being invited for another game… Oh, just never EVER let mother know about all this, ok? I mean, how the game actually works.”

“Why is that?” Wuz asked, genuinely curious as to why he shouldn’t tell her mother.

“Mother… Sorta really has a strong dislike for the ‘competition’ and ‘trash’ she deals with, even though they are all super important rich ponies too. I dunno, I just think she’d try to use you to set this up as some thing she ‘likes to do’. Then she’d invite them for a game… And the campaign she might wanna do might be super scary and hard, especially for them.” Moonlight explained to the best of her ability as to why she feared her mother, Spoiled, learning how the game works under Discord’s magic.

“Ahhh, as in trapping them in a fantastical realm so believable, that it’d scare them silly… Just for the funsies.” Wuz elaborates, which gets a nod from Moonlight as to that being exactly what it was. “Hmmm… Alright then. Against my chaotic nature, I will refrain from letting her know.” Wuz gently puts the little bat filly down, and gives her a gentle pat on the head. “Thank you, little Diamond… For just having… Fun.” Indeed, Discord is now reminded as to why he went through the painstaking trouble of creating this campaign. It was his jealousy, his jealousy that a clone was able to make you so happy with such a small gesture as giving you a treasure chest and electric hook. Despite the fact Four was gone, Discord wanted to one up him anyway, with a crafted Campaign that’d even get you invested to play O&O. Yes, part of him wanted the praise from you, and by extension, Diamond, for such efforts. And yes, he selfishly wanted a game night… But deep down, he did just want to provide you a bit of fun that would make you appreciate him more. But Discord knew, upon his head clearing, that you do appreciate him. Maybe not as much as he’d like, but you do… He just somehow forgot at the moment, that’s all.

“Thank you, Daddy Discord, for inviting me!” She cheers with a little happy hop.

“Yo, Wuz, Did you see that?! HAHA! I actually managed to slice the guy in two! Me! In one shot! Dannnnngggg, it feels good to be me!” You call out to Wuz as you approach him and Moonlight, wiping the frothing drool from your mouth as you strut around victoriously.

And Discord could see it. You looked genuinely pleased with yourself, genuinely having fun… Just like Diamond said. “I-I can see that. Ahrm… Did you have fun?”

“Heck yeah! The guy didn’t even have time to squeal! Just...SLICE! And he was done! Oh man… Look, Diamond, Dad… I know Spike is a bro and all, and that he has the staff of wisdom and bla bla… But come on! We should be the ones to take down Ganon ourselves, like a family! Maybe it’s all this pent up energy, but c’moooooonnnnnn… Imagine how Aunt Fluttershy would react knowing we all did it together!” You were still overtaken by your berserk rage, which had now become a delicious euphoria. Your eyes looked a little dazed, but you were also super focused on what you wanted, and what you wanted? Why, an awesome finishing victory of course. You had your glory, you killed something in a single goddamn hit, and so your frustration subsided. You were having fun, so goddamn, let's end it on a high note.

“Anon, wouldn’t your Aunt hate all the violence we’re doing?” Moonlight asked “She likes pigs and lizards, doesn’t she? We kinda been slicing em up.”

“Actually… Fluttershy is fine with Ogres and Oubliettes and its details. She’d never play, of course, but she knows everything is actually just paper, dice, and numbers. I often talk of our more riveting adventures during tea. So, I concur with Anon, I’m sure she’d be very happy to hear about this.” Wuz said, holding back tears of joy from your sudden willingness to do things together with him, and with Diamond too, of course.

“Yeah! Then let’s do it! I think that guy’s armor was the final generator too, so Ganon is probably just a teleport and a room away! Oh yeah, this will be soooo great!” Oh baby, you were ready to grill that bacon!

“Yeah! But er… What about Applejack? She sounded like she really hates Ganon, what if she gets him before we do?” Diamond asked, concerned that Applejack would go into a rage similar to your own and get the finishing blow.

“Pfft, she doesn’t even have any legendary weapons to hurt Ganon, she can’t do anything at this point.” Wuz said with a chuckle. "All her attacks will bounce off of him as if he were made of rubber... Explosive rubber."

Diamond then gasped, apparently horrified by this revelation. “You mean she’s just useless?! Does that mean she’s only good as a pony shield?”

Uhhhhh… “That’s oddly specific. Why do you think that’s all she’s good for?”

“Because I think we should totally let her be our shield. She’s been mean to Daddy Discord since we found her, she didn’t even thank any of us for rescuing her! I know she’s Applebloom’s sister, and an element, but she’s also super rude… She needs to be punished.” Moonlight said, looking over to Jackapple and Garbuncle, who were investigating the fallen Moblin’s folded corpse. She quickly stuck her tongue out at her, just not liking her current attitude at all.

“...Yeah, we’re totally onboard with that.” You tell her, trying to keep yourself from letting out any sort of evil grin. Because goddamn, was Applejack worst horse.

“Totally. haha! Well then, it seems we have a plan. Now, it can’t be helped if Spike does manage to land a blow or two, we just need to make sure we all get the finishing blow together. Sound good?" Wuz however, felt no such hesitation as he began to grin at the prospect of Jackapple getting slapped around by Ganon.

Both you and Moonlight nod in agreeance.

And with that, the party returns to the main room. The crystals generating the main barrier were now unprotected. Of course, you knew how to destroy them, as it was pretty obvious. You walk over to the red crystal and strike it with your axe, causing it to shatter into pieces. “Welp, that was simple. Ok Garbuncle, Moonlight, just strike the crystals that coordinate with your weapon and it’ll break the barrier.”

“Yeah, I know, this kind of thing happens in O&O all the time. Alright, let's give it a smack.” Garbuncle says as he smashes the blue orb with his staff.

“And when we do this, it’ll open the way up to Ganon?” Moonlight asks as she hovers over and slashes the green crystal with her dagger. Upon the crystal shattering, the barrier surrounding the teleport pad vanishes.

“It should, considering we have defeated the challenges within this tower. All that should be left is to step onto that pad, probably walk up some ominous staircase, and then open some doors that lead right into Ganon’s throne room.” Wuz said as he snickered to himself “I doubt he expected all five of us to make it to him in one piece. Shame… At this point, I was really hoping for a challenging fight.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can we just go kick his keister already? It’s getting mighty late and I’m already gettin’ tired.” Jackapple complained, wanting to press on already. Yes, she was secretly having fun, but she was still a responsible and very boring horse.

“Hold on, Jackapple. We should probably come up with a pro- Or you could just step on the teleport pad and leave without us. Ugh… So, any ideas on what we should do when we face this guy?” Garbuncle turned to you, Wuz, and Moonlight for ideas.

“I mean, do we really need a strategy at this point? He casts dark magic, so just hit us with a dark barrier and wail on the guy. It’s a beginner’s campaign, he shouldn’t be that tough.” You suggest, having Garbuncle use a turn to cast a barrier should give you, Moonlight, and Wuz ample time to finish off Ganon together with a mighty set of blows.

“I mean, ok? You two ok with just doing it that way? You don’t got a plan of your own, Captain?” Garbuncle turned to Wuz, asking for his opinion.

“I like Conan’s plan. Besides, Jackapple seems to really want to wrap things up. Given that Conan is right about the campaign, a little recklessness shouldn’t hurt us.” Wuz said to him.

“I dunno, our rolls have been really wacky this time around. But fine, if that’s how everypony wants to do it, I’ll cast a dark barrier then totally go all out on the guy… Which we should probably go see before Jackapple fights him one on one.” And with that, the rest of the party enters the teleport pad, sending you all deeper into Ganon’s Tower.

The final battle was at hand.

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