• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 125 - Let's Review

“...And so class, with chaos, anything is possible, but requires a vast understanding of it to use properly. The spar between Anon and I was but a taste of not only proper use of chaos magic, but how different it can work depending on its user. Indeed, when used properly, one can say chaos takes on the forms of the mind of its caster, which is why Anon’s magic is mostly ‘pop referency’ while mine takes on a more sophisticated manifestation. Either way, as you saw, both versions can make for an interesting battle of wits. Ahrm.” Discord cleared his throat a little nervously as he said his next line of words. “However, given it was just a demonstration, it ending in a tie was only due to the fact that it was, as I said, a demonstration. Is that not correct, son?” Discord looked to you, hoping for you to play along.

You were sitting on your seat, as everything had been set to normal at this point. You nod, smile, and wave to the class. “Yeah, Dad is really good when he’s allowed to do whatever he wants. But, y’know, don’t count me out either. I did manage to keep things even most of the fight.”

“You did, that I will admit. Again, we all know if anypony actually tried to square off against me, they’d end up walking backwards while mooing like a dog, this includes Princess Twilight as well. But when it comes to my son and his own skills in the art of chaos, I’d say you all might have had a chance to live a normal life if him and I actually fought on that fateful day, many moons ago. A very tiny chance, but a chance. A verrryyy slim chance indeed.” Discord said as the room grew dark, his grin becoming darker and darker until suddenly everything became normal again as Discord calmly adjusted his tie. “But that has nothing to do with the lesson. In fact, with the lesson over, it is time for questions! You there, cowering under your table, what did you learn from chaos?”

Discord was, of course, pointing at Silver Spoon, who had become frightened the moment the room became dark and Discord’s glare filled with malevolence. Even with that moment over, she dare not poke her head out. Not until Diamond looked back at her and poked her side, then began to whisper to her. “Psst, Silver Spoon, c’mon, how can you still be scared of Daddy Discord?”

“D-Diamond.” Silver Spoon said as she raised her head slightly, opening one eye to look at her as she cowered under her desk. “Did you even notice that, like, the entire room got dark while he looked at us like he wanted to eat us?”

“Yeah? And? He does that, like, every time. Now come on, don’t keep him waiting! He went through all that trouble to show us something totally awesome, so there had to be something you liked about the lesson.” Diamond, while being a little chastising, did want to see what her best friend had to say about the subject. Considering Silver herself had never been too accepting of Discord and his chaotic shenanigans, surely now, after such a cool demonstration, she’d have something positive to say.

“W-well…” Silver Spoon slowly popped her head above her desk, took a breath, and looked to Discord to give him an answer. “I did think it was pretty cool that it looked like you could basically do anything you wanted. I-I think if I could do chaos magic like that, that I would have tried blowing you away with like, the most fabulous dress you’ve ever seen.”

Discord only narrowed his eyes as he looked to Silver in disgust. “I hope you realized that you gave me a heart attack just by saying that. And a stroke, see?” Discord said as he pointed to a kayak literally traveling through one ear and out the other as little Discord clones were stroking within it. “A fabulous dress is NOT chaotic in the slightest, and now you will suffer the consequences!” Discord said as his arms began to turn all firey and red.

Silver eeped and hid under her desk again, pointing at Discord as she shrieked. “See! See! I told you! He’s a monster!”

Discord suddenly stopped as he pointed to himself, feeling insulted. “Me?! A monster?! How can I be the monster when you’re the one who insulted the very basis of chaos itself! That big an example and all you can think of was making a dress? That’s, like, Rarity’s thing. And even then, I don’t even think she’d have given me that as an answer. I am right about that, aren’t I?” Discord said as he actually looked at Sweetie Belle for an answer.

Sweetie Belle looked confused for a moment as she looked left and right. She then realized Discord was, in fact, asking for her acknowledgement on the subject. “Er, she probably would. But if it had to be chaotically themed, erm, then I think she’d at least force it on a bunch of stallions instead.”

“Oh, now that’s just classic. Stallions always seem to lose their minds when they are in the clothes of the opposite gender. Sweetie Belle, you can have an ‘A’ for improving on her idea. Puh, just a dress, how creatively bankrupt. Anyway, you there, with the camera, I assume you learned quite a bit about chaos considering how many times you snapped that camera of yours.” Discord, was of course, talking to Featherweight.

“Oh yeah, I learned a lot actually! It seems like, to me anyway, that chaos is themed to the personality of the user, for sure! Like, if I could master it, I think I’d be able to capture every second of anypony’s life on camera, no matter where they are or what they are doing. When it comes to the school paper, I’d be able to make it the greatest source of news in Equestria, as nothing would be be able to escape the flash of my awesome camera, nopony would be able to hide an- Er…” Featherweight realized he was starting to sound a little dark there, getting a bit into what he already likes to do as a hobby. “A-ahrm, erm, and I did actually get some cool photos of you and Anon. See? Here’s one of Anon playing that sweet gui-” But he is interrupted as Diamond quickly swipes the photo from him.

“This is mine now!” Diamond said as she became fixated on the photo “He looks so totally dreamy here…” She says with a whisper, just fawning over you as if you were some sort of rock star.

“Oh, erm, well… I also got this cool snapshot of Anon getting super smashed by your-Eep!” Featherweight is taken aback as Discord literally snaps his paw over like an elastic band to snatch the picture of him beating you up from Featherweight’s hoof.

“I’ll be keeping this… For reasons. This is real good too, you can literally see the fear in Anon’s eyes right before my next fist smashes into his face. Such a perfect snapshot, you get an ‘A’ as well!” Discord said as he admired himself in the photo.

“Oh, erm, uh? Ok!” Featherweight said, seeming pleased with his grading. But then he had to ask something. “Can I still use some of these other shots for tomorrow’s paper? I want everypony to know about how awesome this lesson was!”

“It was, wasn’t it? Yes, that’ll probably be fine as long as you remember to post your best shots and make sure anything written about me highlights my finer skills in magic and technique. And try to make the end sound more dramatic than what actually happened. If your readers are going to be amazed by the story then you have to make sure the end simply floors them.” Discord explained as he made an elegant pose, looking to Featherweight with a gentle yet extravagant smile. “And take a picture of me right now to use on your front page. I think it’ll help your readers understand how snazzy I actually am.”

“Yes sir, Mr. Discord, sir.” Featherweight said with a salute. Quickly snapping a photo of him to use for later.

“Oh, Mr. Discord, I learned something too. May I say it?” Pip said as he eagerly raised his hoof, trying to gain Discord’s attention.

“But of course, I noticed you do seem to have a curious eye for chaos. Tell me, what amazing thing did you learn?” Discord said as he looked to Pip with a hopeful grin, awaiting even more praise for his handiwork.

“Well, actually, it’s more that I wanted to ask if the princesses dislike your magic. Princess Twilight doesn’t seem to like it very much, and that doesn’t seem too right to me. I’d like to think that your powers make everypony ever so happy. At least, erm, that’s what I think you try to do, since Anon does such a tip top job being a hero!” Pip looked back at Discord, near adorably, just wanting to hear a positive and uplifting answer from him.

“Ah, a good question with a simple answer. Aside from Princess Twilight, the other princesses seem to vary from instance to instance on the amount they enjoy or dislike my magic. Princess Twilight? Well, she’s rather prudish. Actually, she’s always prudish. Let me tell you all something, and Anon can attest to this, Princess Twilight is a decent princess and such, good at what she does for the most part, but she always has a habit of blowing everything out of proportion. In fact, you should have seen how she reacted when I first adopted Anon.” Discord put a paw to his chest, and began to sniffle and wipe his eyes. “She was so sure that I only adopted him for some grand scheme. In fact, at one point, she didn’t even believe Anon actually existed. Yes, I suppose some could say she had her reasons, but to act in such a manner simply because it involves me is… Well… Ngh…” Discord took out a handkerchief and blew his nose. “I’m sorry, students, it simply is too saddening a memory to recall here and now.”

While most of the class instantly felt sorry for Discord, it was of course the CMC, namely Applebloom, who had something to say about that. “Ain’t the reason Princess Twilight don’t like your magic too much is because you’re mean to her when you use it?”

“What?! How preposterous! Yes, you can say that perhaps it was in the few times I was evil that I wanted to be 'mean' to her. But as a reformed spirit of chaos, well, that’s just laughable. Isn’t it laughable, Anon?” Discord looks to you, hoping you’d jump to his side.

“I mean… Erm, yeah.” He wasn’t entirely wrong, Twilight was a prude. Er, well, yeah. No matter what, if she had just kept her shit together, then the whole deal thing with Chrysalis wouldn’t even be a thing. “She is always uptight. Nopony else seems to lose their mind like she does when something goes awry. And by awry, I mean even the tiniest thing bothers her. C’mon, Applebloom, you should know that. From the first time she knew about Zecora to using that ‘want it, need it’ spell to even more recently with the whole, er, well… I’m sure she’s freaked out about something recently in front of you. Point is, Dad isn’t wrong, and neither am I.”

“Ya know about when she… Wait, and the ‘Want it…” Applebloom had to shake her head for a moment to catch her thoughts. She knew you seemed to know an awful lot of random knowledge already about their lives, but it still blew her mind whenever you pulled something she was sure you knew nothing about. It was enough to muddle her mind enough to find it difficult to counter your points. “Er, well… Ah guess Princess Twilight is a little uptight. She sure seems to lose it a lot more these days.”

“Well, she is a princess now. And between that, keeping Equestria safe, and now a school to run? Yeah, I can see her being uptight. But that doesn’t change the fact that Discord still does things without thinking of others. Remember when he went to the Gala? And I heard from Rarity that he made this really crude statue of Twilight and just… Well, ahrm.” Indeed, she was speaking about when he placed that statue for Twilight to find for his ‘movie’. She was, of course, also unwilling to repeat what she had heard about it in full, given its nature. “Anyway, the point is, even if Twilight is uptight, Discord can still be pretty mean.”

“Hogwash, I simply make things more interesting, that’s all. That ‘A’ is now a ‘C’ by the way. I will not accept that kind of sass in my classroom.” Discord said as he crossed his arms, looking away as he scoffed.

“Hey! That’s not fair at… Wait, your classroom? This is Miss Cheerilee’s classroom. And where is she, anyway? Are you sure she’s ok? You didn’t do anything more to her while you were teaching us chaos, were you?” Sweetie Belle accused.

“Hmph, how should I know? I’ve been too busy being the best teacher this class has ever known. Remember, she did have a boring math lesson planned for today. In fact, we do have a little time left, so how would you all like to learn about REAL math, stuck on an island of puzzles and numbers in which only solving the arithmetic type riddles will be the key to your escape? Daunting yes, but those who succeed get a free cake! Now that is tempting, don’t you think?” Discord looked to the rest of the class, hoping for all of them to jump at the chance to try his game.

“Err, that sounds too hard.” Snails said, slowly slinking his head onto his desk. “My head already hurts from thinking about it.”

“Yeah, uh, it doesn’t sound very cool either. It still sounds like math stuff.” Rumble said.

“That’s a no way from me too. I’m not going to risk my life on something like that, math is already hard, I don’t need to worry about watching out for monsters while I’m at it.” Scootaloo added.

“What?! Anon, surely you think that’s a good idea, right? The caaaake is chocooollaaateee” Discord said in a sing song way, trying to entice you.

“Er, I’m kinda with them, Dad. The fight thing was cool, but er, I’d just rather not get stuck at some puzzle while watching out for my life. Just doesn’t sound too good to me. But hey, the rest of the lesson was awesome, real top notch stuff! But Sweetie Belle is probably on to something, maybe you should call it a day and bring Miss Cheerilee back since school is nearly over anyway.” You suggested. His newest lesson sounded terrible, and you’d rather most of the class retain their higher opinion of him before he himself screws that up.

“Oh, alright, alright. Well, class, it was fun. In fact, it was so fun that if any of you, and I do mean ANY of you, feel that you need my services again, please, do not hesitate to ask. I do trust that you all at least had fun with what lesson I did teach today, right?” Discord asked, actually hoping for some validation in his efforts. In a near instant, it was given to him, as you and the rest of the class, with varying amounts of enthusiasm, cheered him on. Discord, for a moment, had a warm smile on his face before turning around to hide his tears. “W-well, then we’ll definitely need another day to do this again. In anycase… Oh wait, one last thing.” Discord turns back around, looking directly at you with a gentle smile. “Anon, when I do come back for another session, would you mind helping me out as my assistant again?”

You nod, hell yeah you would, that was actually pretty fun. “Anytime, Dad.”

“Aha! Good to hear. Well then, adios, students, the ever random direction of chaos calls to me. Please remember what you learned here today, as you never know when you’ll need it.” Discord said before snapping his talons. In an instant, he disappears as Cheerilee reappears. She was cuddling onto Snips, nuzzling without notice of what was going on around her.

“Oh, Seashore Sands, You have been so good to me today. But as much as I’d love to run away with you, my duty is to my class and to my students. You’ve made me feel like a young mare again and there really is no way to repay you. I-I just… I just don’t…” Cheerilee leaned in, and gave Snips a rather passionate kiss on the cheek, making him beet red.

“M-Miss Cheerilee?” Snips said with a nervous gulp.

“Y-yes, Seashore? Wait, why do you suddenly sound like one of my…” Cheerilee opened her eyes, to see that she had just given a lovely kiss to one of her students, and realizing she was in her classroom “Gyah! Snips!? How did you get here?! How did my room get here?! Where, what, when?! I-I was in his room and then…” Cheerilee brought her hooves to her mouth as she looked onto Snips, horrified. “Was I sleepwalking the whole time?! Oh my gosh! Then those belly rubs and nibbles on the ears… Was by a student?! What did I?! When?! What will everypony say?! G-Guh, Ngh, Ahhh-” And with that Cheerilee falls backwards, falling unconscious due to being overwhelmed by her terrible thoughts.

Snips just brought a hoof to his cheek and looked to Snails for counsel. “Snails, my first kiss! Do you think this is true love?”

Snails shook his head. “I don’t think so, wouldn’t that just mean you’d have even more homework to do? Teachers give their coltfriends more homework, right?”

“Oh gosh! You’re right!” Snips said as he quickly tried to wipe off his cheek “Miss Cheerilee already gets on me for not doing my homework, I don’t want her making me sleep on a couch because of it too! I like my bed!”

The whole class couldn’t help but burst into laughter after that. And while you found it funny as well, and even with Diamond right there, you couldn’t help but feel a tad jealous about Snips getting that kiss. Cheerilee was pretty hot, and whatever was even going on during her little vacation sounded pretty sexy already. Some stallions just get all the luck.

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