• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 90 - The Fated Retcon

Author's Note:

And thus, Garble and Smolder are fixed.

Ugh, it was morning, looking at your clock it was nine thirty AM. You thought you’d have woken up earlier, but it seems you still do have a penchant for waking up a little later than you should. What a pain in the ass that dream was, goddamn. You yawn, stretch like a cat, and hop off your bed. You look at your saddlebag for a moment before putting it on, and then look at your window. Hm, you still had a little time, you think, before you really need to see Celestia, why not see if the X-Captain is finally back. You move over to your blinds and shove them aside… But still gone, how odd.

“Weird… Hm.” Maybe Discord knows? Well, you could easily ask him, all you had to do was put your hoof to your ear and… “Discord, yo, Discord. You awake?”

“I am, good morning, Anon. How did your visit with Celestia go?” He asked, sounding like his usual pseudo intellectual self.

“Haven’t gone to see her yet. Just wanted to ask though, have you seen the X-captain at all? He still hasn’t shown back up at my window yet and I just wanted to check if you knew where he was.” You say, tapping at the window to see if the sound would attract him.

“I have not, but that shouldn’t be troubling to you. He can’t escape the chaotic realm, and he most likely finally got bored, I know I would.” Discord says.

“Yeah, I guess.” Still, was it wise to leave him alone? You might have to investigate later before you lose your unlimited power. For now, you had other things to attend to. And… OH shit! Hold on! “Discord! Oh crap! I forgot, I don’t think I ever actually signed up for Twilight’s school officially. Do you think you could take care of that for me?”

“No! I’m not doing any kind of school sign ups ever again. Don’t you remember what happened last time?” He asked

“You puked out ink and scared Cheerilee and Fluttershy?” Like, that’s what actually happened.

“No! I nearly crumbled to dust! But of course you wouldn’t have noticed. No, if you want to join her school THAT badly, then…” You hear a snap, and a flash of light appears before you. Next thing you knew, you saw some sort of permission slip float in front of you. It hovered there, then slipped into your saddlebag on it’s own. “Use this, it should be good enough for Twilight. Anyhoo, don’t fret over our mutant friend, he probably just wandered off. Oh, and something else.” You hear another snap, as a delicious looking rice krispies treat suddenly appeared and hovered in front of you. “This little treat… Does nothing. I merely felt you deserved a delicious something to eat before you depart.”

“Oh, hey, thanks!” That’s nice of him. You sit down, grab the bar between your hooves, and start munching away. Mmmm, tastes exactly as you remember. “It’s pretty good!”

“Of course it is, it's a more flavorful and delicious version concocted by yours truly. In any case, I have a few matters to attend to. Have a wonderfully chaotic day, Anon.” And with that, he closed the feed on the codec.

You continued to adorably munch on your treat until it was all gone. Yum! Gotta hand it to Discord, he can make a good treat or food when he wants to. Welp, might as well go see Twilight and get this settled. You put your horn on and give it a tap with your hoof. Hoo baby, time for a stress free teleport to her office. She had to be at her school by now and was most likely doing some sort of paperwork, so now would be the best time to see her. All you have to do is imagine a head office and…

In a beam of light downward, you appear in the rather immaculate and book filled head office of Twilight Sparkle. You glow a shining blue as you appear within the beam, feathers of white spreading everywhere as magical glowing wings appear behind you, bursting into stardust as you gently land in front of the marvelous desk of the head mare of the school. You look on, like a god… Onto the desk… Goddammit, you were too small to look over it! Whatever, just look cool, you nailed it.

You then hear clapping from the other side of the desk as a familiar baby dragon congratulates you “Woah, Anon, that was pretty rad! Though, if you did that to spook Twilight, you kinda came in at the wrong time.”

AH GODDAMMIT! You walk over to the side of the desk and see Spike on a rather comfy throne-like chair, going through paperwork and sorting things. “Spike? Ah come on, where’s Twilight? Why are you here?”

"Number one assistant, remember?" Spike chuckles as he looks over a thick stack of papers “Anyway, she's teaching Applejack’s class right now since she’s out for the day on account of her back. Gotta tell ya, it’s a good thing she didn’t know that Ganon guy was really Sombra or we’d all be in trouble. Speaking of trouble, why do you want to spook Twilight anyway? It’s her first day running the school and she doesn’t need that kind of stress right now.” Spike stops what he is doing and looks over to you, waggling a claw at you “C’mon, Anon, don’t go being a jerk, ok?”

“Hey, hey! I just wanted to have a little fun, that’s it. I didn’t want to be a problem. In fact…” You use your magic to slip out Discord’s permission slip from your saddlebag and hover it over to Spike. “I wanted to give this to Twilight, basically making it one hundred percent official that I will become a student in her school.”

“Uh huh…” Spike mumbles as he looks over the permission slip, then puts it in one of the drawers of the desk as he pulls out a large scroll from the same drawer. “I guess, but Twilight has already officially enrolled you. In fact, she made a very specific list when it came to enrolling you. Dude, you already said you were gonna be her student, so you should have expected her to get that all ready considering she doubted Discord would actually come to do any kind of signing himself. Look, see?” Spike turns the list over to show you everything on the list has been checked, all but one thing. “Enroll you, check. Have your class schedule set, check. Have your supplies ready for you, check. The only thing that isn’t checked is setting up a dorm room for you. She didn’t know if you’d want one or not so she is mostly holding it off for another set of students since she doubts you’ll agree to stay in one.”

What in the hell? Twilight already had shit set up for you? Why would she have a fucking checklist like that? Why did she- Actually, why are you asking these questions? Of course Twilight cares about you, Twilight cares about anyone she considers her friend. Hell, if she somehow forgot about you years ago and then remembers, she’ll go through hell and high water to see you again and make things right. Still, you were just a little stunned considering you didn’t think she’d go through that much after the whole Chrysalis thing. “I see… Um, well. Thanks, to her I mean, that’s pretty nice of her. Umm, so I’ll be officially here in a few days, so yeah, good to know I can just walk right in without an issue. Erm… So, things going ok? Besides the whole Applejack thing?”

“Yeah, things are going great! Everypony is making sure the classes are interesting, fun, and full of learning. The students seem to be pretty cool with it so far. Oh, and I ran into a dragon who happens to know you. Didn’t know you went to the Dragon Lands, Anon.” Spike hops down from the chair, walks over to you, and gives you a nudge in the shoulder. “She said nothing but cool things about you, Anon. I hope you aren’t trying to trade things up, if you know what I mean.”

Ah, come on. Was he talking about Smolder? Well, she is super cute. Kinda really cute, the kind of cute you wouldn’t mind bringing into your room for some real steamy action. Buuuuut. “Ah, c’mon. Tch, it isn’t like that. I was just there trying out some… Hero stuff. Wanted to broaden my horizons.” You lied. Oof, if it was one thing you couldn’t let anyone know was the fact that you had been helping that creepy Neighsay guy. Seems like he’s been wrong so far about the school if everything is going smoothly. And given your interaction with Smolder, Ember, and of course Spike, not all dragons seemed like huge assholes. “But uhhh, yeah. Hey, did she mention how I helped her out?”

“Yeah. Pretty cool of you to help her smash up that gem boulder. Look!” Spike pulls out a small green gem “She even gave me one of the gem shards to eat later. Says the boulder’s gems that spilled out was enough to keep her satisfied for awhile.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t that tough. I just beat… Wait…” The fuck? THE FUCK?! “Did you say gem… Boulder?”

“Yeah, gem boulder. You helped her bust one up, right?” Spike asked, a little curious as to why you seemed to have not known what you had done.

Nooooooo, you helped her win a prize while busting up a stupid ass dragon. “Sure, yeah, totally.” Why was this pissing you off so much? The fact that she lied to him? The fact that it pretty much means Garble doesn’t get insulted by the world like he should? The fact Spike doesn’t get any true justice? The fact your super awesome win wasn’t acknowledged? How about all of the above.

“Yeah! Totally cool. Better be careful, Anon, you don’t want to become the most popular guy at school, y’know? I kind of know what happens when fame gets into your head, and trust me, you don’t want it. And… Yo, you ok? Something wrong?” Spike asked.

Ohhhh no, you wanted to know what the fuck was up with this. Why would she lie? You worked hard to make that win spectacular! Sure, you only knew her for a day, but she seemed cool and, er, cute enough to not be a bitch. No, you had to figure things out right now. You looked to Spike with a forced grin and an eye twitch. “N-nothing is wrong… Anyway, gotta go see Celestia now, urgent business and all. But er, say I wanted to see Smolder right now, what class would she be in?”

“Well, you have the same schedule as her. Hold on!” Spike goes back through the papers, and pulls out a schedule to look over it. “Yeah, Twilight wanted you to be in the most diverse class set and… Here we go! She’s in Pinkie’s class right now. But, uh, why does it even matte- Anon?” When Spike looked back up, you were gone, without a sound. “Woah, spooky.”

As for you, you turned yourself into a shadow puddle as you began to seek out Pinkie’s classroom. You began to explore the halls of the- woah, geez. This fucking place was nice as hell, like a cleaned up Hogwarts! Pictures hung on walls, and there was a fountain, and multiple floors, and libraries, and holy fucking shit, how did she afford all this? Fucking christ, how?! Whatever, you keep zooming through until finally you hear a familiar giggling sound. Ahhh, that had to be it. You rushed towards the sound and through the door to find yourself in… A bakery of sorts, with all kinds of party stuff ready to use inside. There were multiple baking stations, with pairs of students of various races helping each other make whatever they were making. None of them seemed stressed though, as Pinkie encouraged them every step of the way. And, hmm, even more interesting, Smolder was teamed up with Ocellus. You slide on over to their station, and try to listen in as you plan your next move.

“...So you really don’t mind helping me make this gem cake? Kinda weird, considering we only met today. Then again, isn’t it kind of advanced to be doing this sort of thing on the first day?” Smolder said, as she did her best to read the recipe book and understand what it wanted her to do.

“Well, I’ve read that Professor Pinkie Pie likes to do anything fun and make everycreature happy. So I can understand her not really understanding that making treats based off our kingdoms can be a little tricky. But I guess that’s why she wants us to work together. Also, she did say she wasn’t grading us for this part, she was just grading us on how we interact during the party at the end of class. Er... Which I admit, I am a little more nervous about than I thought. I thought I’d be a little more open to things considering how much I told you about learning from Anon and his bravery in interacting with our old queen.”

“Eh, she sounded kind of scary to begin with, at least for most anycreature else, so you sound like you're doing ok so far. But hey, don’t worry, anycreature that gives you any sort of trouble will have to answer to me.” Smolder said as she pointed to herself, with a confident smile across her face. “Although, evercreature here is a lot nicer than I thought they’d be. Especially that hippogriff, she kinda creeps me out a little.”

“Oh, that’s Silverstream, I met her when I arrived. I couldn’t find any reading material on hippogriffs other than some recent news articles about the defeat of the Storm King. But she’s nice, I like her. I just kind of hope she never ever runs into Anon though.” Ocellus says as she, quite the opposite to Smolder, is able to follow the gem recipe with ease.

“Why? Does he hate hippogriffs?” Smolder asks.

“No, in fact, I think he'd like her a lot, especially with his reputation with them. They kind of see him as this ‘Legendary’ hero, and Silverstream very much wants to meet Anon. The problem with that is Anon has this sort of weakness to certain, uhm, types of girls. It might end reall-” But suddenly Ocellus freezes in place, as if stuck in time. In fact, the entire room freezes in a blue hue, with everyone and everything in the same position in the very moment things changed.

“Ocellus? Ocellus? Hey…” Smolder waved her claws in front of her, but no response. “Are you ok? Why are you… Oh geez, what happened? Did I fall asleep? Why is everything stopped?”

“...Because I put us in a pocket dimension my dad used on me once. It’s literally timeless.” You said from behind Smolder as you rise up from your shadow puddle.

“Anon? W-woah! Uhm…” Smolder turned around, and was nearly spooked by your sudden appearance. She still looked nervous as she looked around, clearly uncomfortable with the understandably unnerving situation she found herself in. “So… What’s up? What’s with the whole time freeze thing then? It’s kinda cool, but…” But as she continued to look at you, she began to realize you didn’t seem too happy about something, or about someone. “Come on!” She suddenly took the offense, getting unnerved and annoyed “What’s up with you?! Do you mind not doing whatever you’re doing already?! What is this all about?!”

“Gem boulders apparently. Mind explaining that?” You ask her, looking at her with your own discontent as you tapped your hoof on the ground.

“Oh… You spoke to that dragon. So… Is that what got you so wound up? Anon, c’mon, it was just a thing. It’s better that this is the story than what actually happened. It works out for everycreature.” Smolder said, rubbing her shoulder as her dishonesty really began to shine through.

“No, it’s not a thing! I worked really hard in getting you that gem hoard! Like geez, why lie? Ok, maybe I shouldn’t be upset because that was our first meeting. But you know what? I thought we had already become good friends, especially after I utterly decimated that stupid freaking Garble an-” But suddenly you are cut off as Smolder suddenly enters a rage of her own, pointing her claw close enough to your face to make you back off.

“Hey! Don’t ever call my brother stupid, alright?! He’s a good guy with a good soul. And yeah, I thought we became good friends too, but I promise I’ll clobber you if you say another thing about Garble! Ok?!” She was fucking shaking her fist at you, her nose releasing some smoke in her sudden r-WAIT! DID SHE SAY GARBLE WAS HER BROTHER?! WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT?!

“W-What?! Garb-WHAT?! Your cute hotness is the brother of THAT GUY?! WHAT?!” WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON?! THERE’S NO WAY THAT CAN BE RIGHT?!

Suddenly, Smolder backed up in confusion to your words. “Cute whatne-” But before she could finish those words, you screeched to not only make sure she didn’t finish those words, but to get to the bottom of this nonsense as quick as possible.

“NOTHING! NOOOTHING! But wha?! What?! Garble is your brother?! Really?!” Like, what in the what now?!

“Yeah. He’s my brother. And uhhh…” Smolder sighs “I know I say he’s a good guy, but I guess your first impression of him may not have been the best representation of how great he can be.”

NO FUCKING SHIT! THE FIRST EPISODE HE’S IN AND HE WANTS TO COMMIT BIRD HOMICIDE! AND WHAT DID SHE MEAN BY GREAT?! WEREN’T THEY ENEMIES?! WUUUT?! Ugh, you were suddenly getting a massive headache. You fall back on your ass and began to rub your head. “Ok… I’m mentally spent. What’s going on? Why does nothing make sense anymore?”

“Uhhh, geez, I didn’t realize it would be that big a deal. I mean, we kind of lie and cheat and beat things up all the time, that's how dragons roll. I thought you knew that… Even though we really shouldn’t be doing that, according to Princess Ember and Headmare Twilight.” Smolder said, as she began to suddenly feel a little sheepish over the whole thing.

“You think? Cripes, why even lie then? No, I mean, geez, why set me up against your brother then? Why were you both fighting? From what I saw, you’d have been happy to see him clobbered anyway. The guy was treating you like garbage!” Ugh, what was even going on anymore.

“Oh… Yeah, I guess I kind of forgot you saw that. Look, just let me explain, alright? Then maybe it’ll make more sense.” She tells you.

“Please do, because I’m not even sure if I’m in the same universe anymore. God, I need an Advil.” Your head felt like bursting. This had to be the biggest bullshit you had ever heard of to date.

“Yeah, uhh… Dunno what that is. Anyway…” And so Smolder began her explanation.

Her and Garble were siblings, really good siblings actually, at least when it came to each other. Smolder explained that Garble was actually a really sensitive guy who really cared about his self image. Apparently, the stories and rumors about you got out of hand within the Dragon Lands and a lot of the dragons started mocking him because his sister was going to a friendship school. Basically, he himself got pegged as some weakling who couldn’t even take on the Hero Colt.

Smolder herself decided to sacrifice any respect she did have with the other dragons to make Garble look better. By starting a false sibling separation, it made Garble look like he was tough enough to take on anything if he was willing to utterly disregard a sister he used to hold so dear. Though, it seemed he took it far enough that it did put Smolder down some. Add to this the fact that a gem pool was started to see who could take you down, added to the fact that Garble had thrown in a considerable amount, and it seemed he really was willing to pay and do anything to have a chance to crush you.

And then you actually showed up. It allowed Smolder to quickly hatch a plan that would work out for everyone. She’d semi-lie to you about the fight, as she actually felt you didn’t truly have a chance against Garble, but still needed you there to get a fight going on. When she went to talk to Garble, apparently the true plan was for him to smack you up some to gain the respect of the other dragons. Then he’d fake an injury or sickness and Smolder would come in for the final blow you’d let her have given the plan you came up with her. In the end, Garble would be respected for bravely facing the Hero Colt while Smolder gets respect for getting the final blow, with both essentially winning the hoard since they are family to begin with.

What actually happened was that you pissed off Garble so badly that he took things seriously, got beat, and Smolder had to come in anyway to make sure they’d still win the hoard without arousing any suspicion that it was rigged. Even Princess Ember couldn’t be told, if she was told, then she might try to pass some sort of judgement that didn't serve in her or Garble's best interest. In the end though, respect among the dragons for her and Garble still ended up being what they wanted in the end, and Smolder did leave Garble a good amount of gems to help him with healing after the asskicking you gave him.

Smolder also didn’t want to really ruin her new friendship with you either, as she did find you rather cool for a colt. “...And that’s it. Does it make sense now?”

Seriously? That sounded like more of an excuse to retcon something, but whatever, it made some sense. Cripes though, dragons can be real assholes. The only thing you really doubted was Garble’s sensitivity though, that could just be chalked up to Smolder just liking him as a brother. “I guess? I mean, I’m not even going to ask if dragons can be that petty and mean, I know they can. So I guess I can understand why you lied to Spike. Ugh, fine, ok. I get it.”

“Yeah, that’s how it really went. Sorry though, about the lie I mean. Headmare Twilight said we really shouldn’t lie at all when she was giving us that lecture on honesty. Erm, anyway, are we still friends?” Smolder asked, a little worried that she may have killed this already premature friendship.

“Yeah, it’s fine. We cool. It’s fine, I guess it’s alright if that's the version of the story we tell everypony else.” You sigh, it’d be fine. God, still, how could ugly ass Garble have such a fine sister? Made you wonder what their mom looked like.

“Cool… So, are you starting school today or not? Kind of want to ask you about this whole bugqueen thing Ocellus has been talking about, seems interesting.” Smolder says as she looks around, still a little irked by the pocket dimension “And can we get out of here? It’s starting to get creepy looking at everycreatures’ frozen faces.”

“Yeah, everything will be back to normal when I leave. As in, nah, I don’t start yet, and I got some important stuff I gotta do right now. But hey, it already sounds like you’re making new friends, and on your first day too. Good work, Smolder.” You say, now showing an encouraging grin.

Smolder blushed just a little as she grabbed her arm sheepishly “Yeah, well. It was kind of easy when we all agreed the Headmare's lecture was a little on the boring side. Ocellus thought it was 'fascinating', but man, the rest of us found it booooooring. It’s kind of funny actually, I was talking to this yak who mentioned she wanted her chance to meet you, pretty weird right? Like, I mean that the friends I’ve been making either know you or want to meet you.”

A yak? Wut? What business did you have with a yak? “Nah, I just have that kind of aura. But, uh, what’s this about a yak? I don’t remember doing anything for any yak.”

“Uhm, it’s more like she just wants to beat you in some challenge. She says the yaks of Yak Yakiwhatever have been pretty peeved to hear that some colt has a super strong head or something like that. She wants to meet you so she can prove that nopony can head smash as good as a yak. I dunno, I know you can take a hit but she looks like she could smash you into pulp.”

Pfffft! A yak thought they could take you on at head smashing?! HAHAHAHAH! Sure whatever! “Yeah, we’ll see about that once I’m officially here. For now, I’m glad that you’re making friends, and I can’t wait to hang out with you and everycreature else when I come in after a few days. But really, I gotta go meet with the Equestrian princess and get things squared away.”

“Gotcha. Looking forward to that fight too… And not just because I got a bet going against you. Sorry about that by the way, but you know, what’s it called? Physics, I think. Yeah, physics.” Smolder shrugged, only now feeling a little bad that she made a bet against you.

Bah, whatever. Sheesh, still, you’d think if she really wanted to be solid friends she’d bet FOR you. Well, at least she was honest about it. “Well, we’ll see about that. Anyway, take care, Smolder, seeya soon.”

And with that, you left, removing the pocket dimension from around Smolder as you vanished in a flash of light.

That was… Interesting.

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