• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 13 - A Moment With Starlight.

Man, with that kind of reaction, you doubted Starlight could get used to any human words that were lewd or insulting. Starlight herself asked you why humans seemed so vile and gross with their wordplay. You explained to her it was just how humans were, and not all human words were like that. You tried explaining a few other words, but it didn’t take. Hell, she thought the word “ass” was insulting to donkeys. But then, there was something else.

“I mean, take the word ‘bitch’. It’s used to insult somepony, but all it means is female dog. It’s like, a quick version of an insult.” You knew it was a little worse than that, but that was the safest explanation you could give without her having a negative reaction. “It’s also commonly used in the phrase ‘Son of a bitch’...And that’s about it. Oh! Wait! It can also mean something is really hard to do.” You explain

“Female dog? And it can mean that too, huh? That doesn’t seem so bad. I mean, definitely better than ‘fuck’...egh. Anyway, that’s definitely the nicest human word out of the ones you told me. I have to say, Anon, humans do seem really extreme. Even their words are pretty intense. Even the meanest ponies wouldn’t go saying words like that if they knew those were the meanings. I don’t even get the word ‘cunt’. I mean…” Starlight blushed in embarrassment just mentioning the word “it’s just a natural part of a mare. I just don’t see how that’s an insult. Humans are weird…” Starlight takes a moment to calm herself from her embarrassment and leans on her side as she looks out the window “...And yet, I admit, kind of fascinating too. Making flying machines out of metal? That move at mach speeds? If you weren’t my friend, I’d call you a liar for sure. Although…” Starlight takes a look at the horn hanging from your neck, she suddenly had this wanting and near hungry look “If you could whip up a blueprint, I wouldn’t mind looking it over myself. That kind of speed, I think, would be beneficial to everypony in Equestria.”

The way she was looking at you, you could tell she just wanted to see it for herself. Despite her reaction to human words, Starlight did seem to have an attraction to human tech. To her, it was the equivalent to high level magic in the form of machinery and technology.The taser was her first ever experience with human tech, and while she was fascinated with it, she didn’t let herself become overwhelmed by the want to see even more of what humans had to offer, but she always kept a secret desire for more of their technological designs, and therefore would ask about something on the here and there.

This was the first time she actually asked for a blueprint though, so it was obvious her curiousness towards human tick was definitely faltering. “Sure, but I kind of used my charges for the day, so you’ll have to wait when I can cast a spell to make one appear. Why are you suddenly so interested, anyway?”

“I admit, from some of the stuff you told me about, like computers,automobiles, and satellites. Airplanes are something that sounds like it requires more of an understanding of magic rather than technological skill. There’s no magic I can think of that can make a construct meant to hold that many ponies and transport them long distances at super speeds.” Starlight explains.

But that did confuse you on something “How are computers not more magical than airplanes?” To you, you always felt that would have been the thing to grab her attention.

“Because, while it sounds impressive, management of files and folders can still be done physically. Long distance communication is also possible through various means. And then you mentioned games, which I think the way you described Discord’s use of magic to create an entire world to play in ‘Ogres And Oubliettes’ already means we outclass that too. So eh...But airplanes? Now that really sounds like something” Starlight explains, and while sounding ignorant to you, did give her a pretty strong point on the most basic of levels.

You just shrug “I guess, but computers are still really cool and makes a lot of what you mentioned pretty convenient. But whatever, you want plane schematics? I can make that happen. But…” You give her a cocky little smirk “You gotta do something for me”

Starlight suddenly feels uncomfortable as she looks back at you “And that is?”

“Oh, not much” You get up from your seat and walk over to her, looking up at her as you wiggle your eyebrows with cool sensual arrogance. “I just want to see if you can handle a word even worse than ‘Fuck’ “

“There’s a word worse than that? I don’t believe it. That word alone is one of the most disgusting words I’ve ever heard, how can it get any worse?” Starlight asks, fearing that may have been a question she shouldn’t have asked at all.

You lean your head up closer to hers “Is that a deal then?” Oh baby, you really wanted to see how this was gonna go.

“...Anon…” Starlight looks left and right, then out the window to make sure Trixie nor any other pony was nearby “...You can really get me those blueprints?”

You nod.

“Ok…” Starlight takes a moment to prepare herself. She takes a few calm breaths and sits down at the ready “I’m ready now, I won’t let myself be surprised this time.”

“We’ll see, because Starlight…” You lean in a little closer “The word is ‘Motherfucker’...And it’s exactly as it implies, mostly used as an insWAHHHH!”

You had little time to actually explain the word, as when it hit Starlight’s ears, her eyes went wide as she looked at you with an intense stare as she screamed. And this scream? Holy shit, the entire house shook, causing pictures on the wall to fall, and glasses to tip over. “WHHHHAAATTT?!”

Well, you got your reaction. While her initial scream spooked you, you started to laugh hard when you saw from her face how utterly bewildered she was. Even her mane came apart and flowed downward from her surprise, as if hearing the word caused her mane to die and go limp.

But Starlight wasn’t laughing. She rose up from her seat and began yelling at you from her surprise. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?! THAT’S A WORD!? ANON, THAT’S THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I EVER HEARD! I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCKING HELL! HOLY SHI-...” Starlight suddenly plopped down on her butt as she looked straight ahead, hoof to cheek, surprised at herself “...Oh my gosh...I’m yelling human words now…That’s not good…”

Holy fuck! Now that’s hilarious! You just kick and sputter in wild laughter, twitching and taking deep breaths when needed.

“Ha ha...Very funny…” Starlight used her magic to toss a pillow at you while she groaned, annoyed with both you and herself “Humans are sick, sick creatures, I swear.”

You do your best to hold in your chuckles as you poke your head out from the pillows. “Hehe, come on, Starlight. It’s just how we are.” You hop out of the pillows and give her a gentle hug “Don’t be uptight, nopony is forcing you to use those words.”

“I know, it’s just surprising to hear them at all...Especially coming from me.” Starlight lowers herself to the ground, placing her chin on the floor as she looks ahead, eyelids halfway down, and with a stoic look. “I couldn’t imagine living there...Or worse, being from there. I could only imagine a human version of me being a crazy loon who would...ergh...Massacre others just to make examples of them.”

“Aww, come on, Starlight. Don’t get depressing now.” You hop up on her back, rest your head on hers, and reach down with your hoof to boop her nose “You’re Starlight FUCKING Glimmer, the most powerful Unicorn I’ve ever seen! Plus you’re fun, understanding, smart, kind... Hell, I’m super glad to be your friend.”

“Heh, so is Trixie...” Starlight lets out a small chuckle “And everypony else in this town.”

There’s a small amount of silence for a moment. You decide to cuddle your head onto hers, making her feel loved enough for her to use her magic to give you the feeling of gentle and loving headscratching on your noggin’.

“Well, it’s getting late. Trixie is gonna be back soon and she’s gonna spend half the night telling me how close she is to being elected mayor.” Starlight says as she slowly stands, letting you hop off without hurting yourself.

“Yeah…” Actually, Fluttershy was going to be going soon. It’d be a good idea to see her before she left. “I gotta go see my Aunt anyway. Gonna be the last time I see her for a little bit.”

“Oh yeah, that Breezies thing. She’s gonna be back for your...Fake...Wedding...thing, right?” Starlight asks.

“She said she’d be back before the end of the wee...Oh man, I didn’t even think of that at all when talking with her! She didn’t mention it at all either. She probably didn’t want me to worry about it since I didn’t seem to be sweating it...Damn...I really do want her to be there, same with Discord.” Fuck, now you felt sad, you didn’t consider the possibility that she might not be back in time.

“I’m sure she’ll do her best to get back. Besides, you and Discord have crazy magic at your side. Why can’t one of you teleport her to where she needs to be, and then teleport her back when she’s done? That already saves a day.” Starlight suggests.

“...Woah…” You hadn’t thought of that “That can work. I’ll actually see if Discord is up for that...Well, he totally will be.” You begin to smile about the idea “He hates it when Fluttershy is away for too long.”

“There you go, problem solved.” Starlight uses her magic to summon forth a water ball made of the surrounding moisture and plops it onto the ground. “Just make sure it’s ok with her too. She’ll probably go for it, but you still need to respect her decision on it.”

“I will…” You say as you take out your map “Thanks Starlight, for the idea and the training.”

“It’s no problem. You take care, alright? And good luck with that exam tomorrow. And don’t forget the blueprints for when you visit again!” Starlight tells you with a genuine smile.

“I got it...So, before I go.” You give Starlight a sultry smirk “Since Trixie does live with you...Do you wanna know how two mares fuck?”

Starlight’s right eye suddenly bugs out and tremors as her horn explodes in magical light. “ANON!”

You let out a nervous chuckle “Ok...Gotta go!” Damn man, she was really sensitive about that word. Still funny though. But not funny enough to stick around for what could possibly be a asswhuppin’ on her behalf.

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