• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 66 - The Wedding Part 4

You take a breath, and slowly walk into the door. Inside, there was a dresser with a mirror, a beautifully wooden tiled ceiling, a pretty potted plant with a tree that had sprouted flowers, a curtain hiding a small changing room, and a rather fresh and fragrant smell. You also noticed a mint green and very pale set of legs just under and behind the curtains. Heh, they were trying to surprise you? Cute. Should you spoil things for them? Yeah, you will, but in a humorous way. “Oh man, this room sure is empty. I think I’ll use this alone time to gather my thoughts and say bad things about my friends Lyra and Bonbon.” You say in a casual way.

“Hey! We’re not bad!” Lyra said in a shout as she opened the curtain “Especially me! Just because I took a sneaky bite of that guy’s big lolipop doesn’t mean beans!”

Bonbon just shook her head as she put a hoof on Lyra’s back to calm her “Lyra, you got duped. He knew we were here the whole time.” She said with a calm sigh “Mrs. Rich must have mentioned us or something.”

“Oh… Is that true, Anon?” Lyra asked, confused as to what just happened.

“Yep” You say with a chuckle “Heh, looks like I wasn’t too far off though when it comes to you, Lyra”

Lyra just scrunched her nose, annoyed “Yeah, well…”

Bonbon let out a little giggle herself as she stepped forward to greet you “It’ll be ok, Lyra, I won’t tell anypony. Anyway; hello Anon, as you may have already guessed, we’re your wedding consultants.”

“Yeah, I heard, how’d you both even manage that?” You ask, curious as to how they even managed to truly get the job.

“Well, it’s because that nice version of your dad wouldn’t let us in! Well, both of us in, there was some kind of stupid friend limit or something. And even as stupid as that was, I couldn’t stay mad about it” Lyra said with a giggle as she fixed up her mane a tad “He did notice how good I looked, how could I stay mad when he complimented me so well?”

Bonbon smirked as she rolled her eyes “It’s almost as if he was pretty much doing that to everypony.”

“Nah, just a few… I think. Anyway, let’s get back to the story! So, we were just walking around, and we actually heard Mrs. Rich wanted to hire some specialists in case something went south. Bonbon, being the genius she is, had a whole bunch of official looking papers with really nice words she could flash around to make it look like she was fit for the job! I mean, we both kind of are, we’ve worked on weddings before. Anyway, she managed to get the job easily with Mrs. Rich barely even reading it, and I got to fill in as an assistant! Cool story, right? Now we get to attend your wedding!”

“Well… It also helped that I agreed to do it for free, that was probably the biggest factor. Which also begs the question.” Bonbon then looks to you with a cool and calm stare “Do you actually need our help, Anon?” She then gives you a rather swarmy smirk “Are you getting cold hooves?”

“Oh, Bonbon, don’t be mean now! It may be a fake wedding, but it’s still a super nice event.” Lyra said with a gentle giggle, finding her friend’s implication funny. but a little jerkish as well. “He has no reason to be getting cold hooves over something so sweet. Oh! Wait!” Lyra chuckled sheepishly “Unless he really doesn’t have any idea how to handle a wedding. Anon, you do know what you’re supposed to do, right?”

“U-ummm, I kind of just stand there and wait for my bride, right? Say my vow, get the trinket I’m gonna give her from my best stallion, and kiss?” That’s how it was, right? Sheesh, it’s easy, you just had to figure out what you were going to tell Diamond. Then you remembered something else "Also say, 'I do'... Pretty sure that's the most important part"

“Wow, he said all that without even saying ‘ew, how gross’, he really is out of this world.” Lyra commented as she gave you a gentle pat on the head

“Yeah, but then… Do you even have a vow, Anon?” Bonbon said, noticing you had some hesitation in your tone when you spoke.

E-ergh! Dammit, did she see right through you? “Y-yeah, I sort of dunno what to tell her. Any ideas?”

“Anon! We’re not supposed to give you ideas! We’re just supposed to help you with your ideas an-” While Lyra did find the idea of giving you a vow preposterous, Bonbon, it seemed, had other ideas as she interrupted her friend.

“Just say that you vow to be her partner through the thin and thick of things, to share your life with her, and that you want to face any problem as a team, no matter how scary it could be. And before anypony asks, she’s been having issues trying to figure out if she’s been annoying to you all this time. Dunno if you knew that, but that's how I figured out what your vow should be.” She said, as Lyra immediately began to protest.

“Bonbon! Why would you say that?! I mean, it’s pretty nice, but Anon is the one who’s supposed to come up with something like that! Where did you even hear a rumor that she was doubting herself?” Lyra asked, shocked.

“I overheard it when I was checking things out. Plus, considering Anon is going to need something to perk her up, I figured that’d probably be good enough without it sounding hammy or forced. She’ll probably say something like ‘really?’ and Anon will nod and say ‘yeah, I really like being with you, Diamond. And I want our love to be real.’ . Then things will work out from there. Pretty good, right?” Bonbon was being pretty serious about this, while having a rather cheerful demeanor. She just wanted to help, afterall.

Lyra just sniffled up, finding her words sweet, and wiped her tear from her eye with her hoof “That was beautiful, Bonbon. Ok, never mind, I’m ok with that suggestion.”

And as far as you were concerned, so were you. You could make up not making your own vow by making sure the trip to Las Pegasus was awesome for her. “Yeah, me too, I have things figured out for after all this, so it should be fine and dandy. Oh, speaking of fine, hehe.” You put your saddlebag on the dresser and pull out your Starlight Hook. “Check this out girls, I got an upgrade on my grapple hook.” You hold it out for them to see.

“Ohhh! Look Bonbon, some of it is kind of shiny now, and has some weird tubey stuff on it.” Lyra pointed out giddily, finding what she was looking at neat. "That's soooo cool!"

“Yeah, huh… an upgrade, eh? Weird, considering the grapple hook itself is pretty high quality, with a long reach, and a powerful enough launcher to let you climb any height. How can you improve on that?” Bonbon asked, feeling skeptical about the whole thing. Seems she had some pride on the make of her tools, and felt they couldn’t be improved upon in anyway, especially a high quality grapple hook like that.

You gave her an arrogant smirk and flicked the taser switch, causing the line within the grapple hook to light up with a crazy electric blue as the hook itself shook rather violently. Christ, ok, don’t turn the thing on when the entire line is retracted, you could feel the damn thing rattle like no tomorrow. You shut it off, and then look to Bonbon again with a slightly less confident smile and a nervous chuckle “Ok, that kind of isn’t supposed to be turned on when the line isn’t out. Either way though, it’s basically a stunner hook now. Not only can I use it to get to where I need to go, but I can also use it to take down beasties with a flick of the switch. Just wrap it around em, and ZAP! They go down just like that! Pretty cool, huh? Really, I gotta thank my friend Starlight, she's the one who upgraded it for me.”

“...huh” Bonbon just slapped her forehead with her hoof, astonished that she somehow never thought of that before “G-gee, I-I… wow, just… Ugh, that would have made my work so much simpler. Ok, ok, you got me, that’s a pretty cool upgrade. Hmm, makes me think, really. If she can upgrade it, then maybe...”

“Ooohh, Bonbon, are you getting ideas in upgrading your old stuff like Anon did?” Lyra asked, giving a gentle nudge to her friend.

“Maaaaybe, maaaybe not. Heh, if I wasn’t such a good friend, I’d just take it back for myself. All in all, that’s pretty cool, Anon. Totally neat!” Bonbon said with a wide cheerful smile, but it was clear she was getting some sort of idea in upgrading whatever gear she was talking about.

“Totally, and… Oh, I didn’t even compliment you on how cute you look, Anon. Isn’t he the cutest, Bonbon? Just look at his mane! I wanna rub my hooves on it forever!” Lyra looked to you, giving you a kissy face and shifty eyebrows.

You just blushed deep and stepped back, dammit, was she teasing? “C’mon L-Lyra, you don’t gotta tease me like that.”

“I know, it’s just always adorably funny that you just get all flustered when I do that an-” Suddenly, there is a knock on the door as the sound of Discord, or a Discord, is heard speaking through it.

“I apologize, girls, but we are nearly ready to go. Can you please go take your seats while Anon takes what little time he has left to prepare?” Said whatever clone was behind the door.

“Already? Huh, that was sooner than I thought. Ah well…” Bonbon shrugged “C’mon, Lyra, let’s go find us some good seats.”

“Right behind you, Bonbon! Good luck, Anon! We’ll be rooting for you!” Lyra said with a giddy giggle as she followed Bonbon out the door.

And you just stood there, as nervousness and doubt began to fill your mind. Hell, you even felt a strange loneliness after the two left. Soon, all eyes would be on you, and you had to make sure to be genuine while not fucking things up. You look to the mirror on the dresser with a frown. “Dammit, Anon, this should be easy. Relax, you have the vow, you have the tickets…” You sigh, put away your grapple hook, and give your saddlebag a gentle pat as you try to compose your thoughts. “Why are you even worried? Nah, don’t be worried! She needs your help, and you gotta make sure this wedding works out for everybody! Plus, you’ll be able to see Fluttershy again really soon, and she always cheers you up! Haha...ha, talking to myself…again… Still, I pretty much have the advantage here. I mean, the tickets were free goddammit, and I have enough in my arsenal to make sure shit doesn't go wrong... Yeah”

You chuckle sheepishly to yourself in the mirror, then smile cooly and confidently as you come to realize that things were truly in your favor. “Yeah… I think I got this and- hm?” Suddenly, the door behind you opens, revealing Number Five. “Oh, hey Number Five.” You say, just to be pleasant to the guy. You don’t really turn around either, you were too focused on your thoughts.

“Ah, hello Anon…” Five says as he slowly closes the door “Don’t mind me, just performing a task…”

“Huh, what kind of a t-” Wait a second… Five didn’t talk. You quickly look back to him, and see a knife fly towards you instead. Near instantly, you manage to dodge the knife by tilting your head as it cuts and sticks into the wall. You then looked upon the Discord clone, who had green glowing eyes full of hatred and disdain... Oh god no. “C-Chrysalis?!”

“Well, damn, seems my ability to disguise myself has gotten rusty. Still…” She raises her talons, their tips glowing green, as she picks you up, telekinetically, by the neck, and brings you to the wall slowly as she cackles. Her talons begin to morph into her hole-ridden horn as the torso slowly morphs into her head, the rest of the false body following suit to reveal her true form. “I can’t forget my manners. Hello, Anon, I’ve missed you.” She said with a vicious low tone, cruel and full of malevolence. "I was beginning to think you may have forgotten about me. But look at you, figured me out so quickly; I guess you'd never forget a pretty face like mine, right?" She said as her hold on your throat began to slowly tighten "Too bad for you, though. It'll be the last stroke of genius you'll ever have."

How could you not fucking see this coming? It was a wedding after all.

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