Dadonequus Discord (Book 2)

by CrazedLaughter

Chapter 162 - Aftermath of the Burning Oven

“...Honeylamb, ah swear, he just went flying through the window and into the oven. He didn’t just wander in like some curious jackrabbit.” Said a familiar voice, Mr. Rich?

“How does anypony just fly into an oven right when you open it to put a cake in? Which, by the way, I’m still angry about. Do you know how humiliating it is to promise a delicious coconut cake and not have it?” Another familiar voice. Had to be Mrs. Rich.

“He just did? And ah know you’re angry about that, but what about Anon? He got burned worse than a chicken egg's yolk in a red hot pan.” Mr. Rich said, sounding rather worried about you. “I really think we should have taken him to the hospital.”

“Oh yes, let’s do that. Never mind the fact that we nearly ended up burning him to a crisp… Again, but let’s cause a lot of negative publicity while we’re at it too.” Mrs. Rich said with an aggravated sigh. “WE already converted the study into a room for him to rest, and we hired the best doctors to look after him. The very best.”

“I dunno, darlin’. Don’t you think it sounds like we’re just trying to cover our own rears here?” Mr. Rich asked, feeling rather uncomfortable.

“That’s exactly what we’re doing. But I hope you aren’t thinking I don’t have a heart. He’s our future son-in-law, any doctor that is less than the best is not worth his or our time. It’s also why I had the study converted, so he’d have plenty of room to breath and have a nice cozy fire to keep him warm, unlike those frigid hospital rooms. And if that changeling is as learned as she says she is, then she and the maids will have a feast waiting for him when he recovers.” Mrs. Rich says

“Did you really have to do that? Makes me feel like we’re taking advantage of her.” Mr. Rich said, still sounding rather subdued

“She was happy to do it for free, and I still decided to pay her. And besides, if she’s anything like that changeling who lives on Sweet Apple Acres, then she understands quality.” Mrs. Rich suddenly lets out a longful sigh. “I really wished he’d pretend to be you. Rubbing a chessmaster’s trophy in those snooty unicorns’ faces sounds wonderful, don’t you think?”

“W-well, that ain’t exactly honest.” Mr. Rich said with a gulp. “Especially since that ain’t me to begin with. Don’t you think it’d feel a little empty just marchin’ around with a trophy you didn’t earn?”

“Probably, but that isn’t the point, now is it? In any case… Do you think he’ll be alright? The doctors say the burns aren’t terrible, and that the marks on his head are even negligible. But he’s been sleeping for hours, they don’t know when he’ll wake up.” Mrs. Rich said, as she suddenly became more empathetic, worried about you.

“Now, Sweetie Pie, you know Anon, he’s probably just restin’. Ain’t no fire gonna take him out. Now, I know that look. You’re itchen to read him a story, just like our little Diamond would get sick, when she was even littler.” Mr. Rich said in a soft tone. Despite all that, he wasn’t even angry at her. Just took his lumps, just like he said he would.

“Mmmmm, yes. The doctors don’t know if he’s in pain or not, so maybe it’ll help soothe him and-” But she is interrupted by a nurse who seemed to also be in the room.

“Ok, first of all, I already asked you both to leave the room three times. And second of all, Anon is awake, he has been for a few minutes now. Y’know, when he is SUPPOSED to be getting rest.” The nurse said, aggravated with the both of them.

God, you could barely see, you couldn’t even tell what the nurse actually looked like. But you could hear the conversation. You wanted to get up to walk around, maybe orient yourself. But you also found it impossible to move, as some of your skin tingled, as if it should hurt more. Perhaps the doctors had hit you with pain medication earlier, as you could tell one thing, you were nearly as wrapped up in bandages like that of a typical mummy. “Y-yeah, she’s right. How long was I out? What happened? I remember fire, and a door opening…” God, you almost remember it like the opening of the gates of hell.

“That isn’t important now, Anon. We need you to get your rest. We still have to have the doctor look you over again to assess any mental trauma you may have gotten. As well as making sure no permanent damage was done to your eyes.” The nurse said.

“I don’t care about that! Geez, if I’m just burned up, I’ll just peel my skin off when midnight hits.” You groan. Geez, if it was just burn wounds, then it wouldn’t be a problem. If you were right, peeling your skin off with chaos magic should make you as good as new.

“What?! You know that’s not how it works, right?!” The nurse yelled out, in shock.

You then hear Mr. Rich let out a hearty laugh. “It’s how it works for him, it’s all thanks to that little horn hanging from his neck. Welcome back to the waking world, Anon. Ya feelin alright, son?”

“Sorta? I feel tingly, and I can’t move. Did I really fly into an oven? What happened to Lance?” You ask.

“Well, I guess that really did happen then. Yes, you flew right into our oven. You were in there, from what I understand, around three minutes. You’re very lucky you weren't hurt any worse, Anon. But then again, I’d expect nothing less from my son-in-law. As for Mr. Scimitar, well, he, your friends, and my Diamond Tiara have been waiting for you to wake up all this time. If you’re ok to see them, of course.” Mrs. Rich says, seemingly pleased with you being awake and mentally ok.

“Well, erm, I can’t really see too well right now, especially with one of these bandages over my eyes. But I think I’m well enough to see them. I mean, I don’t look too bad, do I?” You asked, rather innocently.

“Look, I can’t allow this. The patient is still badly burnt, on pain suppressors, and is obviously delirious.” The nurse says “You can’t just heal burned skin by peeling it off.”

“Listen, lady, I’m the freaking hero colt, and the son of Discord. I can move the sun and moon on a whim, I could change you into a tangerine, I could even make Superman 64 into a good game. So yeah, I can heal myself by peeling my skin. At midnight, but still, I can do it.” Like christ, who the hell did she think she was speaking to?

“W-wait? You’re Anon, THE Anon? Oh, Celestia…” The nurse suddenly began to stammer “I’m going to excuse myself now, and let the doctor know what’s going on. D-don’t worry, we’ll make sure he’s quite comfortable until midnight hits. N-no reason to tell his father, r-right? W-wouldn’t want him to, er, erm… BYE!” The nurse let out before running out of the room, obviously fearful of Discord’s status. Odd, perhaps she had heard about Discord’s shenanigans before from your prior visits to the hospital. Guess she just didn't want to deal with his wrath, not like he'd care over something like this.

“Coward. As if he’s anything to worry about. But that’s fine, it means we can do as we wish. I’ll go fetch the others..” Mrs. Rich said.

“Er, hun, now hold on.” Although you could barely see it, Mr. Rich turned to you to ask a question. “Now, Anon, I believe you can do this whole skin peelin’ thing and all. But are ya sure you’re actually well enough for this? Ah don’t want my little Diamond to continue her sobbin’, but ah want to make sure you have the energy tis all. Should ask the doctor about that, but I have a feelin’ they might just say anything that ain't gonna upset you.” Mr. Rich said.

“Bah, like I said, cowards. You can expect I’ll be getting our money back.” Mrs. Rich comments.

“Yeah, I can do it. But, er, like I asked before, I don’t look too bad, do I? I don’t wanna scare Diamond away and all.” You ask. Man, you hoped you didn’t looked like some melted monster or anything like that.

“Aside from the bandages, missin’ patches of fur, some burnt skin, and an ashy tail, you don’t really look that bad. If anything, the bandages make ya look worse than you probably are. Well, mostly, doctor did say you’re on pain suppressors, so maybe it’s worse?” Mr. Rich seemed a little off there. He was obviously trying to make you sound better off than you looked, or something like that.

“He’s visibly fine, the bandages cover up anything that might seem unsightly. Though, Anon…” Mrs. Rich sighed. “Is there any way this little matter can stay between us? I’m sure you understand the negative connotation if word gets out about this.”

“I mean, I get it. Plus, I guess Diamond would have to deal with it too if this turned into a bigger deal than it needed to be. Besides, I don’t need my Aunt Fluttershy finding out. She’d either get super worried, super angry, or both, and I’d just rather not worry her, especially since this isn’t anything I can’t handle. I’ve dealt with worse.” You explain. If you can deal with shattered bones, you can deal with this.

“Thank you, I knew I didn’t have to explain things to you. Come along, dear, we have some cake business to attend to. Let’s leave Anon to his friends. Oh, but Anon, if you need anything, do feel free to call my husband, alright?” Mrs. Rich says to you.

Man, poor guy. Mrs. Rich really did have him wrapped around her hoof. Hell, should you be mad at her, given her attitude thus far? Nah, sure she seemed to not care too much, but you knew she did, in her own way. “No problem, Mrs. Rich!”

And with that, Mr. and Mrs. Rich vacated the room. The first to enter was Lance, though he was garbed in a weird Arabian hat, blue scarf, and some...man, does this guy have a sheath for his horn and beard? If you could actually get a better look at them, you’d probably be curious to give it a tug and see if his beard makes little metal noises, like when unsheathing a sword. “Little Hero Colt? Oh…” Lance cringed, from his view, you were a wrapped up little colt with minor visible burns and some missing fur and hair wherever the bandages didn't cover. “Are you really sure this is a good time to be seeing you? The Riches say yes, but I’m not so sure.”

You slowly nod at him. “It’s fine. Ummm, I mean…” Man, you barely knew this guy. What do you say? “Erm, so, uh? What’s up?”

“I do believe the ceiling, Anon. Haha!” Lance let’s out a boisterous laugh. “Even with injuries most hot, you persevere! To think, purposely throwing yourself in a way that would land you in an oven, just to defeat me. Indeed, even at my best, I could have never seen it coming. Straight out of ‘The Two Masks’, where Masked Valiant had to use moves most unorthodox to defeat his false doppelganger, Masked Desperado! His last move, dropping a hanging box of weights onto both he and himself, just to stop his equally adversary. Yes, most genius. I can truly see why you are a colt of chaos!”

You shift your eyes left and right. You didn’t mean to land in a fucking oven, but whatever, it was probably a move so genius even you didn’t realize it. Or you just didn’t calculate it at all into your already ‘on the spot’ planning. “Er, yeah. Haha! Um, I mean, you’re really good with a sword, Lance. I had to come up with some way to beat you. Chaos style, there isn’t anything like it in Equestria. But uh, besides that, I mean, I was pretty good with a sword too, right?”

“Well, no” Lance said bluntly “By tournament rules, you’d have been disqualified many a time. And your form is, shall I say, truly abysmal. Any one of my more well trained students could have disarmed you or stabbed you multiple times. But ah, when it comes to free form combat, you are truly great. As I said, nopony who is anypony would have suspected such movements. It was like you just threw them together at the last minute. Yes, it seems I will have to further improve myself, test my reflexes further, be able to react to even the most obtuse of strategies. You have taught me quite a lot, Anon. In return, I promise to make your sweet love as good with a sword as you are in your ‘Chaos Style’.”

WUT?! You weren’t that bad, were you?! Ugh, normally you’d bite back about that, but you were tired, and this guy just really respected you so much that you couldn't be angry. Bah, Anon, get over it, you suck with a sword, you ain’t no Dante. You had to acknowledge that this guy was the real deal, a true swordmaster. It almost made you feel bad, actually. Makes you wish you had better skill with a sword to incorporate with your already chaotic moveset. “I mean, you’re really awesome with a sword. I admit, I don’t think I could beat you if I had to fight any other way. And using my magic doesn’t count towards that either, since uh, I can bend reality with it. You’re the real deal, Lance. You showed me a lot today. About honor and stuff, and uh, I guess about taking your opponent more seriously.”

Lance does a bow as he smiles warmly towards you. “It fills me with much joy to hear you say that. You have done me a great honor this day, and I am truly in your debt.”

“Nah, it’s fine. Though, that kind of makes me wonder, if you were looking for a guy like me to fight like we did. Then have you also been looking for someone worthy of your sword skills?” You ask.

“Ah, quite a deduction, and the answer is yes. Being a champion, not many are able to fight at my level. And from my understanding, Equestrian royalty use magic over weapons.” Lance explains.

“Well, actually, I think Prince Shining Armor does use a sword. Since he was also a royal guard and all that.” You say.

“Yes, I have heard. But given I have never heard of him ever winning a fight on his own against a powerful adversary, or winning a fight with a weapon in general against another skilled swordspony, I feel it would be a wild goose chase to face off against him. In fact, have you ever noticed that whenever a disaster befalls Equestria, the royal guards are NEVER able to fight off the threat? Hrn, very strange.” Lance said as he began to ponder on it.

“Yeah…” Of course you noticed that, they were all damned useless. “Oh, what about the uh? Old six? The pillars? I dunno what they're called. But I think Flash Magnus uses a sword, or was that a shield? I know Rockhoof uses like a shovel or hammer or something, I dunno. Whatever, you’d have to do research on that.”

“Hrn, it would be a great honor to have a duel with the pillars of old, especially given they have returned to Equestria without any sign of wear and tear. Ah, but that would be for another time. For now, Anon, I leave you to your friends and love, for I have already taken up much of your precious time. Thank you, once again, for that glorious battle.” Lance says with a bow.

“Hey, no problem. And thanks for teaching Diamond for free and stuff, I know she really appreciates it too.” You say.

“Not a problem. And now, I AM OFF!” Lance yells out as he turns around and fucking runs out the door, like some hero making an exit. Damn, that guy was eccentric. ‘Masked Valiant’ huh? If he’s as good as Zorro, then you can see why he enjoyed the films so much.

Comments

[Munro]

ok anon now brace yourself to be cruch'd to death by diamond xD

[Kornwallis]

I am willing to ship Tempest and Lance. It may not be a good pairing but having them meet would be interesting.

[Hein des Nisseroi]

I could change you into a tangerine, I could even make Superman 64 into a good game.

Please?
i.ytimg.com/vi/CJTk0eEfNfc/maxresdefault.jpg

Now for a potential error:

The pillars? I dunno what their called.

they're

[Walrusesarecute]

“I do believe the ceiling, Anon. Haha!” Lance let’s out a boisterous laugh. “Even with injuries most hot, you persevere! To think, purposely throwing yourself in a way that would land you in an oven, just to defeat me. Indeed, even at my best, I could have never seen it coming. Straight out of ‘The Two Masks’, where Masked Valiant had to use moves most unorthodox to defeat his false doppelganger, Masked Desperado! His last move, dropping a hanging box of weights onto both he and himself, just to stop his equally adversary. Yes, most genius. I can truly see why you are a colt of chaos!”

THIS GUY IS DELUSIONAL!