• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 18 - The Script

You took the time to absorb the entire course some more. Did you truly have any doubt in your ability to win? Sure, the obstacles Spoiled had put in looked tough at first, but you were the fucking hero colt! You’ve done so much amazing shit already, a goddamn training exam shouldn’t be something you’d have to worry about. No, you aren’t going to worry about it. You got this…

As you gazed, you could see Spitfire coming back with Rainbow Dash. Hmm, differing opinions on this other thing she mentioned. You wondered what that thing was and how they could have different opinions on it.

Spitfire and Rainbow Dash land in front of your group, it appears they were having a small discussion as they flew up here. Because they both looked to Mr.Rich, with Spitfire opening her mouth to say “Right, before we get to this thing.” She points to a long piece of parchment Rainbow Dash was holding. “Just want to say this. Whether your wife wants it or not, Anon and Scootaloo are wearing helmets and knee pads, no ifs, ands, or buts… Are we clear?”

Mr.Rich nods “Crystal, and I’ll make sure, personally, that it’s no issue. Safety first and all that.” He was genuine about this, last thing he needed was for Scootaloo to get a concussion. Not you, of course, you were better than that.

“Good, alright Dash, go ahead.” Spitfire let’s Rainbow Dash speak, and given how annoyed RD looked, she had a lot to say.

“Ok then, so, this is apparently the script your wife wrote for us. And I gotta say, I don’t really like it too much. Like, none of it sounds right at all.” Dash holds up the parchment, looking quite annoyed with it, and points to a particular passage “Check this one out, ahrm… ‘So let us praise Anon, the hero colt who may very well prove to be our savior from many dangers ahead of us. The princesses needn’t worry when he, the future son-in-law of the Rich estate, is around to protect Equestria’. Ok, so what’s up with that, huh? Is she saying that we can’t do it? I mean, come ooooon! if it wasn’t for me, Nightmare Moon would have made everything night time, but...you know, forever.”

Spitfire looks to Rainbow Dash. She looked a tad confused, but only in the sense that she could see she was bullshitting. “You mean you, Princess Twilight, and the rest of the elements, right? Come on, Dash, we don’t need anypony having a big head here.”

Rainbow Dash giggled sheepishly, then have Spitfire a small salute “Sorry about that. I mean, I did mean my friends too, y’know. It was just I found a bridge…” But she could see Spitfire was not amused at all in her trying to play herself up by even a little. Rainbow Dash looks back at the parchment, clears her throat nervously, and continues. “Annnyway, there’s another thing here that kind of implies that he’s better than the elements.”

“...And the Wonderbolts.” Spitfire adds “Not saying the kid isn’t amazing. But the way she worded it, it makes us look incompetent.”

“Well...I guess I can give Twilight and her friends the one with the whole Pony of Shadows thing. But Anon, again, did defeat this Storm King fellow. And he reformed a pony, that I feel I need to remind you took all your cutie marks and locked you in a shed.” Discord said with a shrug. He was right though, you did do a pretty incredible job now that you thought about it. “I see nothing wrong with this so far.”

Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes at him “Sheesh, are you kidding me? This whole script makes us look bad while it makes the Riches and Anon look better than even the princesses! Scootaloo isn’t even mentioned once in this too. She is taking the exam, you know.”

“And? You still haven’t mentioned anything worth changing.” Discord says, staying firm on his words. “Yes, we all know the princesses have done adequately. And when it comes to the elements, it’s really Fluttershy who keeps it all together. But since Anon’s arrival, he has, more often than not, solved many a huge problem by himself. So then, that being said, is the script really a problem when it’s the truth?”

Goddamn Discord. You felt a sense of pride flow through you, it made you stand silently with a smile. No one really noticed it, but you didn’t care. You really were fucking great.

“You’re kidding me, right? We didn’t even get to the-” But Spitfire is stopped when Rainbow Dash puts a hoof to her chest, giving her a smirk and a nod. But of course, Spitfire didn’t get it. “Dash, what are yo-” But again, she is interrupted when Rainbow Dash speaks loudly to cut her off.

“Yeah! Hey! You’re right, Discord! The script is perfect!” Rainbow Dash says, at a near annoyingly loud level. But those words…

Wut? All of you were confused by those words.

“Well, finally! Rainbow Dash, it really is nice to see you come to reason. So then!” Discord looks around, rubbing his talons and paw together as he smiles big “Now that this is all done, I’d like to go. Have to get a big big meal in for tomorrow morning’s festivities!”

“Well, I gotta agree with ya, Discord. There’s no other reason for us to hang around here! I mean...” Rainbow Dash grin curls as she wiggles her eyebrows once at him “There’s nothing wrong with the script at all. Not even this one part where it mentions Anon taming the ‘Big Clown of Chaos” himself. Yep…” Rainbow Dash does a large fake yawn “I’m ready for tomorrow too, so let’s j-” But she is predictably cut off as Discord lets out a short screech and grabs the script, reading and absorbing all of it within a short moment.

“Town fool?! Clown?! Probably couldn’t even drink tea properly?! What is all this?!” Discord was baffled by what he was reading.

Oh ouch. You wanted to laugh, but you could tell Discord was fucking blown away by what he was described as in that script. He probably wouldn’t have minded so much if it wasn’t going to be read out to a crowd.

Rainbow Dash shrugs “I mean, is it a problem? I think it sounds pretty dead on”

Discord immediately rushes over to Mr.Rich and points at the script. “I want this changed, right now! It’s all wrong! Even you can see that, can’t you?! This is a mockery to everything that has to do with me! I mean, at the very least, we can at least make it refer to Twilight!” Oh yeah, he was pissed.

Wew boy, what a mess. You had to turn and look over at the course to hide your smirk. You didn’t really care about the script either way. It was just Mrs.Rich really fucking playing you up for her own benefit. You did kind of wish it gave praise to Scootaloo though. RD was right, she was in this whole exam thing with you.

Mr.Rich, not being ignorant to what was going on and finding his wife’s script appalling, just had himself a bit of a short chuckle as he waves at Discord to indicate he understood what was going on. “That’ll not be a problem, Mr.Discord. In fact, since it would be mostly Captain Spitfire making the opening speech, I feel it’d be right for her to do it her own way, without insult to anypony at all of course. Don’t worry about the wife, I’ll make sure she understands.”

“Good…” Discord crosses his arms as he looks away from everyone “...Because she was clearly wrong...Mostly about me...meh…”

You had to roll your eyes. What a butthurt little dork he can be. “Heh, yeah I guess so. I mean, she was mostly right about me anyway. But to each their own. So, Captain Spitfire, ma’am, are you going to be able to come up with something for tomorrow morning?”

“I’ve come up with speeches in less time than we have now, so it’s not gonna be a problem. But sheesh, I don’t even put that much pressure on my own cadets. I still think you’re really cocky, but in this case, you’re gonna need some of that to ignore all that distraction. For now, I think we should all go and rest up for tomorrow. Everything else is nearly done here, so there’s no reason to lose any sleep. But hey...Anon.” Spitfire gives you a serious look “Don’t get too cocky, ok? This is still a tough course for a foal. I’m gonna give you a word of advice. Even of somepony is the best at what they do, cockiness can still make them mess up. Being blinded with pride makes you blind to what’s in front of you...Ain’t that right, Crash?” Spitfire gives a smarmy little smirk over to Rainbow Dash.

“Ahrm...” Rainbow Dash blushed in embarrassment, but saluted anyway. “Yes, ma’am…”

“Cool, well. Since we pretty much got everything squared away, I’m gonna go. And I suggest everypony else does the same. Seeya tomorrow!” Spitfire salutes, and flies off.

“Y-yeah, I’m gonna go too...But, before I do…” Rainbow Dash looks over to you, and softens up as she comes to her next words “Anon, really, just keep an eye on her tomorrow, ok? Scootaloo is a tough filly, but this might be a little much for her, you know?”

You salute to Rainbow Dash “Trust me, I got this. I won’t let anything happen to her, ok?”

Rainbow Dash let out a reassured sigh and looks to you with such a soft smile, that she was actually alluringly cute. “Thanks, Anon. You’re a good kid, and you’re gonna do great tomorrow.” And after giving you a gentle pet on your head, Rainbow Dash flew off.

“Gonna need to be goin’ myself. The missus is waiting for me, and I want to make sure she understands what changes we’re a makin’. Good evening Mr.Discord, Mr.Anon… And good luck,” And with that, Mr.Rich did a bow, and went on his way.

You wave goodbye to him, then look over to Discord, who hadn’t said a word, not even a goodbye, as he stood there and stewed in his own frustration. “Yo, Discord. Seriously? Come on, you know how she is. You know she doesn’t really like you.”

“Hmph…” Discord says with a gruff “As if I care. I’d just expect a little respect considering who I am and what I’ve done. Not to mention I’m going to be her brother-in-law...or however that works.”

“Come on, big guy…” You walk over to him and give him a tap to his side. “It’s not like she’s Fluttershy...or, y’know...me. I still think you’re cool, and a master of chaos...a king, if I was to give it a title.”

Discord slowly turns his head and looks down at you, he did actually look a little hurt from those words. “A king? You really think so?”

You nod, giving him a sweet little smile ”Yeah! If erm…” You kick your little front hoof forward gently as your smile becomes a little meek “Y’know...I’m the prince of chaos… That works, right?”

“Heh…” Discord lets out a weak chuckle as leans down to give you a pet “I suppose that works. I don’t even know why I feel like this right now. Maybe, perhaps, that I wanted to have a larger part to play in all this. To let everypony know that it’s my son, Anon, who’s proving himself at a physical level. Sounds a little silly, doesn’t it?”

Damn Discord...geez. For him, that was actually pretty heavy. “Nah…” You rub your head gently on his side to show him affection. At this point, you could forgive him for when he smacked you into the side of the fountain. “It just means you care. Maybe a little selfishly, but you just want to be proud of me because I’m your friend, and technically your son, I guess.”

Discord pauses, then picks you up and holds you gently for a hug “I suppose it can be that, and that a moment of weakness for it may be happening at this very moment. And given that moment, I suppose I can say I am indeed proud of you and wish you the best of luck tomorrow, with all my heart. I hope that isn’t too sappy sounding.”

Don’t show any hesitation or doubt, Anon. You can tell, he’s being genuine. “It isn’t…” You give him a gentle hug “Sometimes, Discord. It’s nice just to have these moments, you know? You don’t have to be a douchebag all the time. Really, I say that a lot, but I really mean it when I say it.”

“You do…Don’t you? Hmmnn…” Discord looks around carefully, begins to slowly cradle you when he noticed nobody is around.

“W-what are you doing?” Was he holding you like a baby? What gives? And why was it making you feel so sleepy?

“A final gift for the night. A restful sleep, and to know that you can trust me when you are in my arms.” Discord again looks around as he gently rocks you left and right, then looks back at you “I love you, Anon. As much as a chaotic father can love his interdimensional species-changed son. You are a large piece to the masterpiece that is my life.” Suddenly he gives you a very serious look “And if you tell Anypony I said that, I’ll make sure you are stuck with Applejack for a week. I don’t know how much boredom you’d be able to take, but I’m sure it couldn’t be that much.”

Dammit Discord, he was so damn close! Still… It was close enough. And you felt so tired now that you didn’t have the will to argue. You just started to feel a gentle and blissful sense of rest come over you as you nod off in his arms. The very last thing you hear is “Good night, Anon. My son…”

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