• Published 16th Jun 2018
  • 2,156 Views, 1,145 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter



With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 12 - Starlight Gets Mad

You fucked up, goddammit! You were the one who asked for her to go all out, but you didn’t fucking expect her to fucking toss a million death orbs. You thought it was just gonna be lasers and simple projectiles, but she became a fucking shmup boss!

“Anon…”

But you were intact. How? Even you don’t know. All you knew was that you somehow dodged ALL of her attacks up until you ducked behind this boulder.

“Anon, hey!”

Fucking dammit, how could you hide here anyway? You were the fucking Hero Colt! You shouldn’t have gotten scared at all. You have more resolve than that! Fuck that noise! You were going to step back out there and try challenging Starlight again!

You turn around and take one step forward, only to come face to face with Starlight herself. You squeal, jump on top of the rock, and enter a battle pose “Came to finish me off, huh?! Well, I’m ready for you this time!”

Starlight’s face twisted into aggravated astonishment “Really? Anon, get down here, I’m not going to try to hurt you.”

“...Oh” Well, ok then. You slide down the boulder and look to Starlight with an embarrassed look “Erm, look...I know I hid like a wuss...but erm...come on!” You let out, trying to sound justified in your feelings “You were tossing danmaku at me like it was nopony’s business!”

“Danmaku? Is that another human term?” Starlight asks, confused as to what you mean.

“Yeah, it means ‘bullet hell’. Basically a ton of projectiles being tossed out that are super hard to dodge.” You explain “I mean, it really was super hard...I’m surprised I didn’t get blown up. Sheesh…”

Starlight hesitates to add to that for a moment as she gets a rather underhanded idea to make sure you wouldn’t get the confidence to try her at her best again. “...Oh yeah, it was the most powerful spell I had too. If any of those orbs touched you? Pffssst! Gone, finished, turned to dust! BAM! Just like that.” Starlight stomped her right hoof to emphasize her point.

Wait...WHAT?! SHE WAS SERIOUS ABOUT THAT INCINERATION SHIT?! “What?! You mean if I got touched once, I w-” But she cuts off your words to finalize the point herself.

“...Would have been utterly destroyed into nothingness? Totally. But…” She puts her hoof on your shoulder as she gives you a suddenly sweet smile “You managed to dodge every single orb. Sure you hid, but you were really moving it out there before you did. I was really impressed.”

Wait...so yeah, you were still alive. And you were diving and juking and all that against the orbs until you felt you were overwhelmed. That meant your reflexes were pretty fucking top tier! “YES! I KNEW I WAS THE BEST!” You then looked to Starlight with confidence borderlining arrogance “Alright, Starlight, let’s do it again! This time, I want you to, like, shoot lasers at me! I need something faster!”

Starlight was perplexed. She expected you to back down to safer magic, not to ramp it up. She thought you fearing her spell was the tipping point in getting you to see reason. “Anon, you nearly blew up! And you want to make it worse on yourself?!”

“I mean, now that I know I have godlike reflexes, yeah! I need to make sure I’m really good to go here! Two lives depend on it! So come on already!” You run ahead of Starlight, about twenty yards, and beat your chest with your right hoof “BRING IT ON! YOU AIN’T GOT NOTHIN ON THIS!” You then turn around and smack your butt at her.

All she wanted was for you to understand.

All she wanted was for you to realize there are limits, and that you dodging that one spell was already impressive.

She just needed you to understand there was no reason to risk your life over something that didn’t require such a dire sacrifice.

She just wanted to be of help to her good friend, that’s all. She wanted to make you happy, which would have made everyone you knew happy, which would have made her happy.

But now she was pissed at your arrogance, and your obsessive attitude. She knew you had gotten better since Chrysalis, that you picked your battles more wisely, and that while you still obsessed over your friends, such as Scootaloo, you did manage to have more control. But holy crap, did it go all out the window the moment you became cocky as fuck.

Starlight gave you a dark glare as her horn began to glow “So, you want something fast and hard, right Anon?”

You nod “I do, and I’m not gonna hide this time! Everypony is going to see how truly great I am at a physical level!” This rush, this feeling! Maybe it was because of the audience you were going to have. Because proving your physical prowess? It felt more fulfilling than you initially realized. You thought back to the bowling game… That one last roll. This exam would be the end to that perfect game.

“THEN TAKE THIS!” Starlight suddenly fired a straight laser beam right at you with pure raw anger.

...Shit…

You quickly dive to the right as the laser zips past you along the ground, creating a geyser of raw magical energy that surges through the dirt. Ok...Maybe you should have listened to Starlight. “Uh, Starlight? I think SHIT!” You jump forward when you noticed Starlight had teleported above you and shot her laser directly downwards towards you. You could only look on as it just kept going through the ground, cutting through it like butter...Up until it started to come towards you. Starlight was hovering towards you with the laser closing in like a fucking satellite beam. “STARLIGHT, WAIT!”

But she wasn’t listening. “WHAT’S WRONG, ANON!? TOO HOT TO HANDLE?! HUH!” She shouted in rage as she began to chase you down with her laser. You were running for dear fucking life, but she was unrelenting with her pursuit of you. This was now no longer reflex training, this was an endurance test. One in which failure meant imminent death should you tire out and slow down.

“STARLIGHT! I KNOW YOU’RE MAD! I DON’T KNOW WHY! BUT COME ON! I MEAN, WE CAN GO KITE FLYING! THAT’S CALMING! YOU WANNA FLY A KITE?!” Oh please! Let that work!

“SURE! AFTER I USE YOUR BONES TO FINISH FIXING THAT COFFEE MAKING MACHINE! WHAT WAS THAT QUOTE YOU TOLD ME ONCE?! SWIGGITY SWOOTY! I’M COMING FOR YOUR BOOTY!” She said with dark laughter as she started to close in

You started to cry as your endurance waned “OH GOD! STARLIGHT! YOU DIDN’T EVEN USE IT RIGHT! GOD, I’M GONNA DIE! I’M GONNNAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

And so, you failed to elude the laser and got hit on the backside. But it didn’t hurt, it didn’t even sting. Instead, you found yourself in helpless laughter as it tickled along your backside. ‘HAAHAHWHATSTHEHAHAHA?!STHAHAHAP!”

Starlight landed beside you, and looked over you with victory in her heart as she kept her laser on you. She finally had you, and she wouldn’t stop until you ended your crusade. “Ok, but only after you agree to stop. I think we’ve had enough training today, and you did good enough for tomorrow.”

“OHOHOHOK! HOHOHOK! JUSTHAHAHAHA! STHAHAHAP!” You screamed in ticklish laughter from the ministrations of the merciless laser. You had to get it to stop, it was fucking torture!

“Yooouuu suuuuureee” Starlight said in a sing song way, sweeping the laser side to side along your belly as you rolled about.

“YEYSSAHAHAHAHAHAPLEEEASEHEHAHAHA” You guffawed

Starlight finally ended her magical tickle assault as she nodded to herself with satisfaction. “Good, because it’s getting late anyway and I’m hungry.”

You had to lay there as you slowly stopped giggling. God fucking dammit, she got you good. That laser wasn’t going to kill you at all, it just tickled. Wait, so did that also mean…

You sprung up and pointed an accusing hoof at Starlight “You went easy on me the whole time!”

“What?!” Starlight was actually offended by that. Not so much to your accusation, but rather the fact that you still seemed on this whole 'BEST' sthick. “I did not! That orb attack really was a very powerful spell! How many unicorns do you know that can pelt that many orbs! Hmm?!”

“Yeah, but…” You relented for a moment, pulling your hoof back. But wait, that sounded like there was some implication that it wouldn’t incinerate you! With that in mind, you point your hoof again. “But you lied to me! I wouldn’t have died from those orbs at all!”

“W-well...no” Now Starlight began to back off. But then she had in mind that you were being an idiot, and so she called her courage back to finally set things straight. “But I had to tell you that! The way you wanted to train was suicide!”

“No!” You plopped on your butt as you crossed your forelegs, acting as if you knew it’d be safe “I know how this all works. Like I’ve told you before; In my world, this was a TV show. And it is pretty 'TV Y' around here, that means child friendly by the way. Sure, you’re strong, but I think none of your magic really would have hurt me that much. The worst it would have done is sent me flying some, thats all. And a tickling laser? Now that’s just insulting, I’m not a little kid you know! I mean...sorta? But not really! Ahrm…” You calmed down as you cleared your throat “Case in point, your magic isn’t really lethal, and you had no reason to go easy on me.”

Starlight groaned at you as she put her hoof to her face “Ugggghh! Anon, one! That orb spell worked as intended! It was a high level spell that is, for a fact, ridiculously hard to dodge and hard to cast too. And you dodged it! That should have been enough! And two!...Er….” Starlight suddenly looked sheepish as she tapped her hooves together “...That didn’t start as a tickling laser…”

Wut? “What? So what was it at the start then?”

“Yeeeeaaahhhh, I kinda got really angry, because you were being dumb, so I sort of focused all that anger...And...errr.” Starlight noticed she had chased you around in circles, so the original point of impact for when she first fired and when she fired from directly above was still closeby. “See that ditch? That was from when I first shot the laser, which you probably are right, you would have been blown back.” But then she points to the hole from firing the laser from above “But then there is this hole here. You would have been a doughnut if you got hit….Errr...So yeah, you kind of made me a little angry.” Starlight chuckled nervously “I mean, you did ask for it.”

Oh god…

Your ears droop downwards as you realize just how close to death you really were. “Ahaha...ha” You weakly chuckle “Yeah...Let’s call it a day. U-Ummm...You wanna get some coffee?”

“Y-yeah..” Starlight said, a little scared of her own power. But when she saw how scared you were, she softened up and got worried for your well being “Anon, are you alright? I’m really sorry for losing my cool back there.”

“I-I’m fine…It’s ok” And just the same, you realized you were being an overbearing asshole in not listening to Starlight’s warnings “Starlight...I’m sorry for being an absolute shitbag.”

“I don’t know what means...But I assume you mean a jerk, and yeah, It’s alright. It’s ok…” Starlight sighed as she walked closer to you, and let you lean to her side. That really escalated quickly, and you just wanted some comfort, so you took that as an invitation to nuzzle your head into her.

And so you both returned back to the house as the sun began to set. There was still coffee in the pot from when the machine was first turned on. You both took a cup of coffee, sat at two different chairs facing in front of each other, and just sat there, drinking. The air was tense, the room was silent, it was really eerie.

Then, you finally said something. “Starlight.”

Starlight looks back at you with an expressionless stare “Yeah?”

“I don’t really wanna say this, because I know it’s insulting, but…” You hold your cup of coffee up towards her “This coffee is really bad.”

Starlight nods as she puts her cup down “I know, Trixie really didn’t do a good job at all.”

“Yeah…” You almost instinctively wipe your tongue with your hoof “It tastes like ass…”

Starlight sits there, ever silent without a response for a moment. Then suddenly, she points at you with a smile “I KNOW THAT ONE! IT MEANS BUTT!”

HOLY FUCK! SHE REMEMBERED! “FUCK YEAH! THAT’S AWESOME, STARLIGHT!”

“Yeah!...I still keep forgetting what 'fuck' is. I don’t even think you’ve explained it to me. The last time you mentioned it, you asked me if I had fucked Trixie yet. I mean, maybe? You would know, it’s your word.” Starlight was so damn confused now.

It made you laugh, it made you laugh that she said fucking 'maybe'. All that dread and distance you felt towards her just washed away as you went up and hugged her in a giggly yet sad haze. Sad because...Well, that was pretty fucking scary.

Starlight was stunned that you came to hug her at first. But then she felt relieved. She knew, that thanks to this hug, that everything between you and her was ok now. And it happened over something so silly. The word “Fuck”, whatever that meant.

She then realized, at least to herself, what “Fuck” meant. “Anon! I figured it out!” She said in giddy excitement.

Hmm? You look up at her, curious. To you, you thought she meant about the current situation, which you felt needed no figuring out. It was just natural friendship after all.

But then she said it. “You and me, we fucked! We fucked hard! Sure it was rocky with what happened, but then we fucked it out! We just needed a moment to fuck to get it all sorted. It’s a good thing too, I was scared we lost our friendship for a moment. But thanks to a good fucking, we worked it out!”

Oh god, that wasn’t even funny to you. You were just looking at her like you were horrified.

“What? What’s wrong? I got it right, didn’t I? Fuck means to understand each other, or something close to that, right?” She really was confused, because that was dead wrong.

“Er, Starlight. You’re one of my best friends and one of the few who know the secret to my true age. So, I’m just gonna say what it is, and hope it doesn’t break your head.” Oh boy, here we go.

“What is it? It can’t be that bad.” Starlight was curious, she couldn’t understand how she could have gotten it so wrong.

“Ahrm, while the word itself could be used to put an EMPHASIS on something. It also means, and this was context you technically used it for, as was when I mentioned Trixie...Yeah, erm..How to put this...It means, since I’m a guy, putting my peepee into your, you being a girl, pee pee hole....Multiple times” You look to Starlight with an extremely meek smile.

Starlight just freezes in place as her right eye twitches, then finally, with an exclamation that you swear could be heard by god himself, she lets out a mighty “WHAT?!”

She knew what THAT was, she just didn't know that's what the word "fuck" meant. And she was mortified on how you could say a word so freely.

Lordy...

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