• Published 16th Jun 2018
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) - CrazedLaughter

With the exodus of Chrysalis, Anon's life finally starts to go back to normal. Or rather, as normal as it can be when being the adopted son of the spirit of chaos. But new problems await him. What they are? Who knows...

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Chapter 54 - Smolder, The Cute Dragon

Author's Note:

Special Note as to finding out Garble and Smolder are siblings. There will be a special retcon in the future that, while not the best explanation, will make these chapters work... about as well as a chinese NES bootleg, but hey, it'll work.

You followed Smolder up the higher end of a volcanic mountain, flying low to stay unnoticed as she growled and grumbled her entire flight. There was a long cliff she had flown up to let her frustrations out, pacing and grumbling about how much of a moron Garble was. You yourself was not spotted through any of this, probably because she was so fixated on her anger. You found a smaller cliff above her, and watched stealthily as she paced and complained. “... He thinks he’s so great! He’s gotten shown up before, so what is he even talking about?! It’s not like I wanted to go to that school either! Ugh, why was I even picked?! Just being nominated ruined my cred with everycreature else! Ughhh…mnnn” Smolder began to calm down, and became melancholic as she sat at the edge of the cliff. She rested her head on her hand, and kicked her legs to and fro “I bet if I clobbered that hero colt before Garble could, they’d see me as the coolest dragon ever. I mean, it’s not like I care or anything, but there is that huge pot going on, wouldn’t mind having all those gems.” She then sighs “But what are the chances of even having a shot at the guy?”

Well now, that is interesting. You’d think you’d feel worried, but you actually felt rather honored that there seemed to be some bet going on involving you. You don’t really know why though, and what the stakes really are. As for Smolder herself, the situation made you wonder something. Spike, as a whole, was a pacified dragon already, so it was easy to befriend him. You wondered if you’d be able to make friends with Smolder, a dragon who has yet to meet any pony. Considering how Garble treated her, and Neighsay’s own bias, you wouldn’t mind seeing how things would go. You slowly pop your head out, and wave “Hey! Hey! Up here!”

“And then I, wha?” Smolder looked up, and spotted you. She seemed startled for a moment before angrily pointing up at you “Hey you! What are you doing up there, huh!?”

You open your wings and hop off the cliff, slowly hovering down towards Smolder so you could calmly and coolly introduce yourself “I was following you actually. I saw the way Garble was treating you and thought it was wrong, your splash really was the best.”

Before anything else, Smolder seemed caught offguard by your overall appearance “Oh geez, you’re tiny. But uh, thanks? It was the best but… uh” Smolder really seemed uncomfortable with your presence “Hold on, are you saying you followed me all the way up here for no real good reason? Just to say how good my splash was?”

You nod “Mhmm”

“Creepy…” Smolder said, weirded out by both your casual nature and the fact you followed her

“What’s so creepy about that? I just wanted to let you know that I thought you were right, and that your splash was great!” You said, with a cheery smile.

“So you’re telling me you don’t see what’s so creepy about following anycreature sneakily like that? Or even complimenting them? You do know you’re a dragon, right? Since when did any dragon care about how another one feels?I mean besides Princess Ember” Smolder asked, both intrigued and a tad mortified by your state of mind.

You were about to answer, until your eyes popped open and your body stiffened at the thought that you had no answer for the former question. Given how pedo pony dracula seemed to follow you, you had no right to say sneaking around wasn’t creepy. As for the latter question. “Ok, I’ll give you that first one. But for the second? Come on, are you really gonna ask that after what you just went through? I feel your plight, and I want to help you out in anyway I can. Garble is jerk, but you’re not, right?”

Smolder just looked at you like you were the oddest and craziest dragon on the planet. “You’re right, he is a jerk. And, ergh, how am I even supposed to answer that? I can be a jerk, I’m a great jerk and...ngh! Why do you want to help anyway?! I didn’t ask for it, so the only reason is that you want something from me. What is it? Gems? Because I’m not giving any.” She crossed her arms at you, standing her ground as she looked down on you like you were nothing. But that hesitation in her speech, you knew what trope this was, she wasn’t fully serious about her stance.

“Don’t want any, I just wanna help…” Yes, yes, you do start to develop quite an idea on how to make this all work. An idea that works in befriending Smolder and teaching Garble a lesson. “But if I did have to get something from you, then how about your friendship? You don’t seem like a bad dragon, and I think any badness you got might just be a front.”

“Friendship? Ugh, there’s that word. Maybe you should be the one to go to that school instead of me. Why do you want to be friends with me anyway? I’m the sissy dragon, remember? Considering how puny you already are, if any of the dragons see you with me, they might beat you up.” Smolder sighs, and waves her hand at you to shoo you away “Just leave me alone, alright? It’s not that I care about your safety or anything, I just want to er… Plan how I’m gonna crush that Hero Colt guy.”

Time to find out why that is. “The Hero Colt? Huh, why do you wanna beat him up so bad?”

“Because, after he beat up Incen, it made the rest of us look like weaklings. So a bunch of us decided to pool our gems together as a big bet to see who could take him down! Only problem is that the guy lives really far from here, and then there’s the fact that a lot of the dragons kind of realized how stupid the bet was in the first place. Really, the only reason I threw my gems in was because Garble couldn’t keep his stupid mouth shut, saying how great he is and stuff. Considering how he’s been treating me, I just wanna bring him down, the gems are just a bonus. Realistically though, I doubt the hero colt is gonna show up any time soon. I know he lives in Ponyville, but I gotta play nice when I get over there. Really, the whole situation just stinks.” Smolder said with a sigh as she sat down, huffing about the situation.

So that’s really what it was, hmmm. She just wants to stick it to Garble, now that is something you can work with. She doesn’t seem too bad, she hasn’t really treated you like shit over your size, though she isn’t aware of your ‘dragon’ name yet. You wonder how’d that would go. “I see, I see. Well, Smolder, I mean what I say. If you’d be my friend, then I’d be happy to not only be yours, but also get you all them gems. How does that sound?”

Smolder just burst out laughing, nearly falling on her back from how hilarious that was “Hahaha! Oh man! Are you serious?! That’s the best joke I’ve ever heard! There is no…” But when she saw that you weren’t laughing, and really standing there with an eager face, she realized right then and there that you were serious, and it irked her to no end. “Oh wow, you really meant it. Look, errr, whoever you are, you’re shooting too high here. You can’t just say you can make something happen when you really can’t. Well, you could, I would if I got something out of it. But all you’re asking me for is some stupid friendship between the both of us. Look, I…” Smolder sighs again when she notices that you wouldn’t relent with your adorably toothy grin smile. “I appreciate it, ok? Nice dragons are usually dumb to even think about, but… It does feel kind of good to know one dragon out there cares. What’s your name anyway?”

You stand tall and proud “Trogdor! The Burninator!”

Smolder nearly chokes when she hears that, and has to look away as she felt a huge amount of embarrassment for you “Ow, wow, that’s… Y’know, Princess Ember might be able to change that name for you if you want. Because it’s pretty bad, your parents must really not like you.”

Her too?! “What is wrong with the name?! It’s totally cool!”

But she didn’t agree “You want me to be honest? It sounds like a name some loser came up with. The kind of loser even a moron could run circles around. Heck, he’d probably make some dumb theme song to go along with it just because he would think it sounds cool, when really, it’s just annoying.”

You raise a claw to try to make a counterpoint. But then you realize the truth of the situation, and remembered that’s exactly what it was. Ogh, Anon, why do you forget such things? “O-ok, b-but that’s just an opinion. Look, I can help you, I swear, but let’s just drop the whole name thing, ok? I get it, my name is bad.” And then you mutter to yourself, making sure she can’t hear “But the song is awesome... don’t knock the song”

“Alright, I guess.” Smolder shrugs “You already know who I am, so that gets the lame introductions out of the way. But I really gotta ask again, are you even sure about wanting to be friends with me? Even though it’ll look bad on you?” Smolder asks you again, this time sounding more genuinely worried for you.

And you could sense it, the fact that she seemed to be worried about your well being, it made you feel rather shmuckish to have come at all if it really turned out she wasn’t all too bad. Neighsay wasn't gonna be too happy with your report, but whatever. “I’m absolutely sure, that’s why I’m willing to help you get that Hero Colt guy.”

Smolder let out a doubtful chuckle as she put her hands to her hips, looking at you with humored disbelief “Really? Now this I gotta hear since you seem so sure. How do you plan to help me get him? We don’t got a lot of time, and it’s not like he’s just gonna show up. Plus, what’s in it for you?”

“Nothing, I really don’t want anything other than being your friend, that's it. In fact, I want to ask that no matter what, from now on, if I can bring you the hero colt, you’ll be friends with me. That fair?” You started to feel smug, oh man, she won’t see this coming.

“Trogdor, if you could somehow get him here right now, I’ll uh… I dunno, marry you or something.” Smolder was obviously joking about that, she was just that sure you wouldn’t be able to do it.

You chuckle at her “You may wanna take that baaaaack” You say in a cocky sing-song way.

“Ok, don’t get obnoxious on me. We both know you can’t actually do it. Sheesh, what’s with you anyway? I thought you were just being stupid optimistic, now it feels like you’re just messing with me.” Now Smolder was starting to find you annoying, not wanting to feel any worse than she already was due to Garble’s asinine ways.

“You can kind of say it’s both.” You say as you begin to glow, magic shooting out of your body the moment you turn into a bright light.

“Woah! HEY! What the?! Trogdor?! What’s going on! Why are you glowing like that?!” Smolder had to take a step back, the bright light becoming overwhelming.

“Behold, Smolder. For I am not actually Trogdor, or even a dragon!” You bellow in a deep voice as the light begins to dim. “BUT I AM THE ONE YOU ACTUALLY SEEK! I AM THE GREAT! THE POWERFUL! THE AMAZING!” And there you stood, standing heroically with a strong leaderly look “HERO COLT, ANON! Hold the applause.”

“What?! No way! NO WAY!” Smolder was utterly bewildered, she hadn’t even been able to process what exactly happened yet “You’re not even a dragon?! You’re THE Hero Colt?! That… That’s impossible!” It looked like she refused to believe it, she didn’t even seem hurt that you were fooling her all this time.

“How is it impossible? I would have thought my ridiculous magic powers would have been well known at this point.” You tell her, still standing as majestically as possible.

“Because, you’re puny. You look like a doll or something. I’m afraid that even touching you might pop you like a- What a second! You’re a pony!” Smolder points at you in surprise.

“...Uhhh, yeah. And I’m not that small! Ok, I am sorta small! But I am the hero colt! Yes, the same hero colt who sent that dragon guy packing. If I wasn’t the hero colt, how else would I get here?” Like damn, now she noticed?

“I don’t know! But what I do know is that… That…” At first, Smolder looked like she was now ready to fight you. But then suddenly she just stopped herself, and began to rub her head in confusion. “Nope, can’t do it, even if you are the hero colt. I mean, look at you, how am I supposed to hit you without breaking you into a million pieces? I mean, yeah, if you’re him I wanna crush you and all, but this is kind of ridiculous.”

WAS SHE SERIOUS?! You began to hop around like a toy poodle as you barked at her “I’m not that weak! Or small! Or easily broken!” Actually, it kind of surprised you that she wasn’t following a certain trope “And aren’t you surprised I wasn’t who I said I was?! I had this whole thing going and you don’t even acknowledge it!”

“You do know where you are, right? Dragons mess and lie to each other all the time, the fact that you did it doesn’t surprise me. Though, now that you mention it. What was your plan, anyway? To fight me? To fight all of us? A vacation? Finish off Incen? I really can’t guess, because I already kind of knew in the back of my head that you really didn’t want to be friends with me. I mean…” Smolder, as confident in her words as she was seeming, suddenly stopped when the prospect of being lied to about friendship suddenly hit her, she didn’t even have any words to finish that sentence with.

So you decide to finish the thought for her, to let her know the truth about how you feel. “But I do want to be friends with you, Smolder. Yeah, I’m a pony. And, ugh, I guess I am a THAT small. But I did beat that Incen guy, and I do mean it when I say I want to beat up Garble and help you win all those gems. Please, believe me, you seem cool enough to be friends with.” Well, you didn’t know if she was actually cool to be friends with, given how she has insulted you thus far. But she seems tough, quick witted, and nice to be around. Again, kind of the opposite of what you expected.

Smolder just stood there, silent for a moment as she contemplated the information in front of her. Finally, she calmed down and tried to assess the situation verbally “So let me get this straight. You really are the hero colt, you want to be my friend for some reason, and you wanna… Wait.” She then realized something extra “Are we just going to do the dishonest thing and do a fake fight that I’m gonna win? I’m right, right?”

“I mean, yeah. Then again, I think dragons have some honor code, right? Sorry if it sounds insulting.” Really, you didn’t mean to offend.

“Woah, hold on, you’re confusing things. I’m totally down for being underhanded and sneaky to win those gems. But two things, one, I really wanna see you beat the snot out of Garble. And two, Well… Are you really the hero colt? I mean, you’re not pulling my leg or anything?” Smolder, again, started to sound worried.

“Yeah, I really am. I promise. Also, beating Garble is no problem. In fact, he’ll make a good test dummy for all my newfound skills.” You say, feeling confident in your abilities.

“Yeah, yeah, sure. It’s just, you’re kind of going really out of the way for a dragon who wants to beat you up. I mean, you were attacked by a dragon not too long ago, so it really doesn’t make any sense to me at all why you care.” Smolder says, with some doubt still hanging around herself.

“Like I said, you seem pretty cool, and I want to help. Beating up Garble is just a bonus. I’m not usually an advocate for silly friendship stuff. But if you are willing to be my friend, then I’m willing to be yours. That alright with you?” You say as you give your legs a few stretches to get them ready for a fight.

“Yeah…” Smolder starts to feel unsure, rubbing the back of her head as she looks up “I mean, friendship is kind of different for a dragon, just to let you know. So, the second thing I wanted to mention is, well, if you do wanna be friends and do this for me, then just know I won’t owe you anything and…” She looks at you, still feeling some doubt that you were able to topple the dragon known as Incen. “I just have this annoying feeling in my chest. I kinda don’t want to risk you getting hurt. Because, well, you seem pretty cool too. I’ve never heard of any pony ever wanting to help a dragon win by cheating, and I never met a pony so small who was willing to do something dangerous just to help me out. Look…” She sighs, annoyed with the entire situation “Just promise me you actually have this handled. Because you’ll owe me big time if I have to save your butt, you understand?”

You nod to her, and give her a cheerful smile “I understand. So uh, can I have a hug from my beautiful wife?”

“What?! H- oh… I wasn’t being serious, you know” Smolder blushed there for a moment, feeling utterly embarrassed about her deal from earlier. Even then, you didn’t stop giving her that sunny smile “How was I supposed to know you were him?! A dragon’s word is not binding! Stop looking at me like that! Ugh, do you really want a hug? Will you stop if I do?”

Well, she was cute. You totally wanted to feel how it would be to hug a cute dragon, so you just silently nod your head up and down.

“Great… Really gotta watch your words, Smolder.” She says as she knocks on her own head with her fist. She then looks over the cliff, and in the sky, for any dragons that might be about. “Ok, here we go.” She says when she sees that the coast is clear. You get eager as she picks you up and gives you a surprisingly gentle hug, her belly being quite warm. But then she whispers “If anycreature finds out about this, I’ll break every bone in your body. You got me?”

You let out a half worried and half satisfied chuckle “G-got it.”

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